Its nights like this when I lay awake in my bed and think about him-them. I toss over and try to forget that I know right where he is, that I know just who he's with. Spock.
The first officer will sleep soundly next to the captain tonight. He'll sleep comfortable next to Jim tonight, tomorrow, and all the days left to come.
"At least somebody is getting some sleep tonight, hell." I sigh and push the covers away; there will be no sleep for me tonight anyway. I sit up and look around the dimly lit room. Everything in here is so completely me but I wish that I had just one piece of him here to remind me.
I'm exhausted, mentally and physically. So I can't fight away my thoughts of him. His brown eyes, pointed ears, incredibly toned body. He's the essence of logic it's self. Perfection at its greatest in my opinion and Jim's too.
I get up and shuffle over to the replicator and punch in the code for relief.
The man who holds the Vulcan's heart; the man who knows every thought and emotion that crosses him, is Jim.
He's my best friend but he's the love I've never had. I never thought I'd say it, but there isn't a damn thing in this universe I wouldn't give to be him for a day. For an hour even, if I could just hear that wonderfully soft voice whisper those three words to me.
I live for those moments when Jim rushes him to sickbay and I'm the one who gets to touch him. Even if I'm in a state of panic I know that just for a moment I'm the only one who can save Spock. I can shove Jim out of the way and he'll allow it…if only for his lover.
And when we bicker and fight, it's a dream come true, even if I'd rather have him in my room muttering sweeter words to him. But at least when we argue I've got his full attention. Jim thinks it's funny…if only he knew what I really thought about at night.
I pull my drink out from the replicator and down the liquid in one go. It burns the back of my throat with a welcoming sensation. Spock is happy. My-Jim's Vulcan his is a happy, healthy, beautiful one and that's all that matters to me. As long as he stays that way I'll be alright.
Spock is the reason I stay on this ship, he's reason why I haven't drank myself to death yet….and I'm sure he'll be the reason I do. It's so damn depressing it's funny. "And they wonder why I drink."
A/N: I do not own. Thank you for reading and reviews are amazing.