You know, there are just some things that don't need to be said on a public stage. Hell, I never get embarrassed, I have too much pride in myself for that, but this...oh this...it was something else. How do I even start? Well, let's introduce the real problem in this little tale, his name was Winston Churchill. Don't get me wrong, I respect that man to no ends, but he has a way of phrasing things that should really be reformed. Not only that, but he also...oh I'll get to that after. The day was March 5, 1946 in Fulton, Missouri. We were actually watching the speech from the comfort of my house, that is Arthur, Matthew and I. It was completely optional that we attend the gathering at the university, which considering the past few years, we had rather just chilled at my house with a pizza and some beverages.
"Ah see, this is what watching a speech should feel like! Reclining in a giant plush couch eatin' pizza with my bros"
"Why do you insist on talking like that Alfred. You butcher my language every time you open your mouth"
"Y-you guys...he's about to start"
"The United States stands at this time at the pinnacle of world power. It is a solemn moment for the American Democracy. For with primacy in power is also joined an awe-inspiring accountability to the future. If you look around you, you must feel not only the sense of duty done but also you must feel anxiety lest you fall below the level of achievement. Opportunity is here now, clear and shining for both our countries. To reject it or ignore it or fritter it away will bring upon us all the long reproaches of the after-time. It is necessary that constancy of mind, persistency of purpose, and the grand simplicity of decision shall guide and rule the conduct of the English-speaking peoples in peace as they did in war. We must, and I believe we shall, prove ourselves equal to this severe requirement..."
"Man this guy really likes to talk, ya know"
"Alfred, you git, he happens to be a very elegant and loquacious man"
"But we must never cease to proclaim in fearless tones the great principles of freedom and the rights of man which are the joint inheritance of the English-speaking world and which through Magna Carta, the Bill of Rights, the Habeas Corpus, trial by jury, and the English common law find their most famous expression in the American Declaration of Independence..."
The two countries exchanged a glance, only slightly acknowledging the still very touchy subject.
"Neither the sure prevention of war, nor the continuous rise of world organization will be gained without what I have called the fraternal association of the English-speaking peoples. This means a special relationship between the British Commonwealth and Empire and the United States. This is no time for generalities, and I will venture to be precise. Fraternal association requires not only the growing friendship and mutual understanding between our two vast but kindred systems of society, but the continuance of the intimate relationship..."
"What did you say a minute ago? Elegant and loquacious...he just used the word 'intimate' in a formal speech!"
"You think I control what he says!"
"Alfred...Arthur...what is this 'special relationship' he's talking about? Is there something I don't know?"
"Yes Iggy...What is this 'special relationship' crap he keeps spouting on about!"
"Well...he did say it's a fraternal association..."
"He also said we need to keep an 'intimate relationship'! Why didn't you read over his speech before?"
"How would I know that he would spout off such nonsense?"
"Arthur...THIS IS A TELEVISED SPEECH"
"You think I'm happy about that, you wanker! France is going to have a ball with this!"
"Oh sh*t! Everyone is probably watching this! God, why did I let him do his speech here..."
"You two should calm down...It's not all that bad. I think it's cute how he thinks you two are so close as brothers, eh?"
"Not really, I just know that this is going to erupt into something bad dude..."
"I just don't know why he's projecting his love-affair thing he has with you onto me...I mean, bloody hell man..."
"Twice in our own lifetime we have seen the United States, against their wishes and their traditions, against arguments, the force of which it is impossible not to comprehend, drawn by irresistible forces, into these wars in time to secure the victory of the good cause, but only after frightful slaughter and devastation had occurred. Twice the United States has had to send several millions of its young men across the Atlantic to find the war..."
"And why the hell doesn't he talk about anyone other than me! I thought this speech was supposed to be about Russia and Germany!"
"Why would he want to talk about anything but you? You know how much he 'deeply cares' about you Alfred"
"If the Western Democracies stand together in strict adherence to the principles of the United Nations Charter, their influence for furthering those principles will be immense and no one is likely to molest them..."
"Ok that's it! I've had enough of this stupid speech!", he moved to the remote, turning off the television,"Stupid Churchill and his stupid phrases..."
"'Special Relationship', I don't see that one going away any time soon, dear chap, we just have to deal with it for now...You know I'm not happy about this either"
"Why do I try to be friendly with your prime ministers...why..."
"Probably because, outside of the other nations, you make friends fairly easily with the people"
"Hell yes I do, I'm loveable!"
"And that's your problem apparently..."
"Arthur...you know you're in my house right...I can kick you out"
"Look, we'll just wait for this to blow over"
Wait for it to blow over? Ha! I turned on the news the next day and it was everywhere, even on the international news station I get with my kick-ass cable. I couldn't show my face outside for weeks...my boss was even getting a little worried that I wasn't out and about like usual. My birthday was even coming up in a few months, that would be fun...Maybe I just shouldn't invite Iggy...just stop the whole process before it starts. And what's even worse? Churchill was coming over today...I needed a plan...So I called Iggy. In retrospect, I should have probably stopped doing that then...
"Iggy! I need your help! Churchill's coming today and he's gunna be all weird and creepy an-", he cut me off right there
"Just calm down lad, what are you on about?"
"You know exactly what I'm talking about! He's weird and crazy and he's coming for a meeting today!"
"Oh please, he may have a bit of a crush on your country, and he just projects that on you. I wouldn't worry about it much. Have fun though lad", Arthur said, immediately hanging up the phone, leaving me to figure this whole thing out myself. Fine, that's exactly what I would do...hide. I got in my car and took off to the nearest cafe, getting myself a coffee and sitting down at one of the tables. Maybe it was all in my head and everything would be just fine.
"Alfred? Is that you? Fancy seeing you here"
It was him. It was that creepy guy again, Churchill. I had to be nice and pleasant to him, he was the prime minister of the United Kingdom and well, he helped me a ton with all of the things from World War II.
"Hey Winston, I didn't know you would be some place like here...", I said, wondering if maybe he had followed me.
"I do enjoy these coffees and such that you American's serve at such cafes. They also have a nice selection of tea", he said, sitting down at my table with his teacup. "Now how is my favourite foreign country doing?"
"Good...I'm doing great. Just working on all of my projects and stuff to help you guys out after the war. Just stuff like that. Didn't you have a meeting or something to go to?"
"Why yes I do, though I can spend a little bit of time here with you, I'm sure. You're looking quite well compared to the last time I saw you. Splendid and wondrous. You look stronger than ever, I can tell in your face. You're the most powerful country in the world now, isn't that just quite something?"
"Yeah, definitely. Heh, though I think I'm up for it. I haven't been doing a bad job of running the place since it's been my job"
We chatted and drank our perspective beverages most of the morning, until he had to go and actually attend the meeting, supposedly the real reason he was there, though I still think it was just to see me...Though...Am I just paranoid about this whole thing? Maybe he's just a nice guy who says weird things. All I can hope is that I'm right about that, and he's not just sorta creeping on me. Especially with this whole 'special relationship' stuff...I guess I'll find out over the next few years...
All sections in italics are taken from Churchill's Sinews Of Peace Address. I don't know really where this came from, but here it is, I hope you enjoy it~