Pairing(s): Lanjit/Lana
Rating: PG-13
Additional info:
Written for the Secret Santa Exchange on for Kangarue. This has been edited a little since then and some small things have been added. I wasn't quite happy with how it turned out for the SS (since I wrote it in a rush), so here we go.

And this is a one-shot. In other words, I won't write another chapter on this.

Scars from a Healer

For a person that was supposed to be a healer, Lana could sure make deep scars. Not scars like physical scars, but mental scars, emotional scars. The kind of scars that couldn't be removed with magical powers, that couldn't be removed with anything because they were etched inside of him so deeply.

Sanjit knew very well that Lana had never been into him like he was into her, he knew it so damn well but he still gave himself to her, heart and soul. She took it all because she was lonely, because she was scared and because she needed someone to hold her. But when she got what she wanted she left him out in the cold, every single time, with no regrets.

And still he came back to her when she needed him, because he was so lost in her. She could physically kick him out of her room and he would be grinning because she had touched him as she did it.

He constantly teased her about being hard to get and he put on a smile that he hoped would charm her because once upon a time back when the world was normal, he had learned that girls like guys that were funny. In this world however, they didn't. Or maybe that was just Lana, Sanjit couldn't be completely sure. He still kept on trying though, because being funny surely couldn't be a negative thing. Sometimes Lana acted like it was a negative thing though. As if smiling would actually kill her.

Their personalities clashed horrendously. They had nothing in common. He was bright and joyous, cracking jokes left and right, and she was cold and solemn, with a permanent scowl on her face that Sanjit so desperately wanted to take away. Every time he made her smile it was like a personal reward and it made him fall even more in love with her. It was starting to become an obsession.

But love could only do so much, he thought with a sigh. Even while they were wrapped tightly around each other, like they were now, and their bodies created a wonderful heat, the room felt so cold. Lana felt so cold. He could feel her, drawing away, even if her naked back was pressed against his chest.

"Can I stay tonight?" he asked her, already anticipating a harsh 'no', which was why he was shocked when she actually nodded. "What, really?" he asked, a grin working its way onto his lips and his arm automatically tightened around her narrow waist.

"Don't get too cocky or I might change my mind," she said and he quickly closed his mouth.

This was further than they had ever gotten, he thought with a smile as he buried his nose in her dark hair. He was allowed to stay the night. Stay here, in bed with her. It felt like he was flying, he was so thrilled. "Admit it, you're kind of into me," he said smugly before he could stop himself and he immediately cursed inwardly. He was an idiot.

"You're warm," Lana mumbled into her pillow and Sanjit was once again shocked at the fact that she hadn't thrown him out flat on his ass for a comment like that.

"So basically you're using me for my fabulous heat," he joked with a slight pout.

"That and a couple other things," she said and Sanjit might have laughed hadn't it been for that it was most likely the truth. She was using him. Even if there was a small part of her that actually liked him, she would never admit it and she would never open up to him.

It stung, because that meant that they were going in circles and that the heartache wouldn't ever stop. Even though they were as close as a couple could get physically, they were so far apart emotionally that they could be on two different planets. Maybe even different galaxies. Sometimes Sanjit caught himself wondering if all this suffering would be worth it, if all this coldness would ever lead to something warmer.

"Can I get a goodnight kiss?" he asked, poking her lightly in the shoulder and she sighed audibly but she did turn around. She pulled the blanket up to cover her chest and she raised her eyebrow expectantly. Sanjit grinned and leaned forward, brushing their noses together before he captured her bottom lip between his in a chaste little kiss.

He was going to pull away after that, but Lana claimed his lips again and deepened the kiss. She wrapped an arm around his shoulders and Sanjit certainly didn't complain when her tongue lightly traced his bottom lip. She tasted like cigarette smoke, not the best taste in the world but it was Lana.

She pulled away with a wet smack of lips, grinned at him rather cheekily because she must be able to feel the effect she had on him, and turned back around.

"Good night, honey," he said, just like he always did, even when she threw him out, but an ounce softer than he usually did.

"Night, stupid."

Those two words alone were enough to make a grin form on Sanjit's face, because those two words, even if it was an insult, was one of the most affectionate things she had ever said to him. It might be twisted, but that was how they worked.

They feel asleep like that, curled up around each other, with Lana's dog sleeping soundly in a ball next to their feet.

He knew that the next morning would begin with yet another heartbreak when Lana would regret letting him stay the night, but right now they felt like the couple Sanjit so desperately wanted to be and it made the scars sting just a little bit less.

And that made it all worth it.

End notes: Reviews are very much appreciated!