Star Ocean III: (Crazy) Till the End of Time
KTAH: Ah, I feel so hyper tonight!
Jack: Whoa! Where'd you come from?
KTAH: Oh, I actually got onto the Net tonight! WOOHOO!
Jack: The… Net?
KTAH: I'm a gonna celebrate by downloadin' music all night and making a one-shot story! Bwhahahahahaha!
Jack: What is wrong with you? And what is "downloadin'" and "the Net?"
KTAH: Not now, Jack! The disclaimer! NOW!
Jack: Oh, right… um… KTAH doesn't own anyone from… wait!
KTAH: What now?
Jack: This isn't a Radiata Story!
KTAH: No crap! Now, finish it!
Jack: … he doesn't own anyone from Star Ocean or Pond or something…
KTAH: … and?
Jack: … oh, I forgot, III.
KTAH: THAT IS SO MUCH BETTER! NOW, LET US BEGIN THIS MESS!
NOTICE: This story contains large amounts of Sophia and Roger bashing. I don't like Peppita either, but she's a key instrument to annoy someone, so she won't get much bashing… oh and for all of Albel's fans… the major change that has occurred to him may shock you. Also, if you don't like creepy old goons, read with caution. Yes, Gossam is in this story. Why, you ask? Because I don't like Sophia either. Well, BEGIN! Begin!
(Fayt, Maria, Cliff, Mirage, and sadly, Sophia, are traveling to Elicoor II in the Diplo.)
Fayt: I wonder how the others are doing?
Cliff: Yeah. I betcha 10,000 Fol that Albel's gonna be the same cruel bastard he always is!
Fayt: You're on!
Maria: Wow, men are so weird.
Mirage: Yes, they are.
Sophia: But I looove them!
Maria: Sh-t, when did you get here?
Mirage: She must've stowed away in the storage room.
Sophia: Oh, come on, girls! Don't be like tha—
Maria: No one invited you!
Mirage: Go back in the storage room!
Sophia: No!
(Evil glare from Maria and Mirage before beating up ensues)
Fayt: Oh, look! We're in Elicoor's orbit!
Cliff: A'right! Let's land!
(Meanwhile, on the planet itself)
Nel: Oh, no! It's one of those celestial ships again! Get the Thunder Arrow ready!
Crosell: Oh, my back! (has a Icy-Hot Pad on)
(Back on the Diplo)
Marietta: Captain! There's a large beam heading our way! What do we do?
(Maria doesn't hear because of Sophia's cries of pain)
Marietta: CAPTAIN!
(Beam hits the Diplo) BOOM!
Maria: WTF was that!
Marietta: Oh, great! We've been hit! We're goin' down!
(The Diplo crashes in Peterny's central area)
Random Civilian #1: OMFG what the hell is that!
Random Civilian #2: I dunno!
Roger: That's a thing that I call a doo-hickey!
Random Civilian #1: Watch your—
(Diplo door slams down on Roger's head, knocking the little nerd out)
Cliff: Damn it! Where the hell are we?
Fayt: We're in Peterny! I… think…
Maria: Yes, we have landed in the trading town of Peterny. And it looks like we've caused major damage…
Mirage: The whole central area is destroyed. Please leave your message after the beep.
Maria: WTF Mirage you ok?
Mirage: SYSTEMMALFUNCTIONNOWPLAYING… Get it girl!
Maria: Huh?
Mirage: Get it, get it, get it, get it girl… SYSTEMREBOOTING… W-what just happened?
Fayt: You just went all retarded on us? You ok?
Mirage: Um… I think so…
Maria: You weirdo. Well, let's head… uh… which way is Aquios again?
Fayt: I think its… West?
Cliff: Then let's get started!
(The group starts West to Aquios… which is actually the way to Sanmite Steppe…)
Sophia: H-hey guys! Where'd you go?
Roger: Ow, my hea—ooh, oh, whoa…
(Roger looks up and sees Sophia standing right above him, which then leads to…)
Sophia: Hmm?
Roger: Heh, heh, pink, eh?
Sophia: Huh? (she looks down and starts blushing before kicking him in the face, sending him sliding down the hard cement) YOU LITTLE PERV!
(She then remembers about the group)
Sophia: Oh, yeah! Wait up, guys!
(Sophia heads north to Aquios, and this time she's right. So much for catching up with the group)
(Meanwhile, in the town of Arias…)
Clair: Ah, what a wondrous day to go swimming!
(Clair goes in the nude and gets in under a waterfall, obscuring her face. Then, her father, Adray, appears and spots her, but since he has no idea that it is Clair, he starts peeping on her.)
Adray: Well, well, well, what do we have here now?
(Clair begins dancing in the waterfall, and Adray begins to sing his favorite song, which is…)
Adray: … making it hard to concentrate! Ooh, bring that back, what was that? Oh my lord, she got back! So precise, so "nuh-nuh" (he doesn't know the right word), oh my gawd, who is tha—
(Suddenly Clair comes out of the waterfall and notices Adray, who realizes who she is and then…)
Adray: OMG I KNOW WHO THAT IS! OH, NOOOOOO! BAD ADRAY, BAD, BAD!
Clair: F-FATHER! WHAT ARE YOU DOING!
Adray: I-I'M SO SOWWY! GOOD BYE, CLAIR!
(Adray runs away, puking at the thought that he just peeped on his own daughter… ew)
Clair: I knew he was weird, but this takes the cake! I'm gonna kill him next time I see him!
(Clair gets dressed furiously and then disappears into the trees, chasing down her nasty father)
(Back in Peterny…)
Fayt: Well, that wasn't the right way…
Cliff: Yeah, you ass head!
Maria: Y'know what? I think the right way was north!
Mirage: You have selected north… location beyond that point: Aquios. Good job! You get to pick a Lingo ball!
Maria: Uh, oh, she's doing it again…
Mirage: SYSTEMREBOOTING… Ugh! What just happened?
Maria: You went all dumbass on us again!
Mirage: My wires must be getting rusty.
Fayt: Wait, Mirage is a robot?
Cliff: Of course! Why else would she talk like a 1960s A.D. robot?
Fayt: Oh, I see, you're right!
Maria: No time for fartin' around! It's time to split! (Maria does her best impersonation of that guy from Time Splitters)
Fayt: You're a nerd.
Maria: Shut the flip up.
(Meanwhile, way ahead in Aquios…)
Sophia: Hey, I remember this place! Now, if only I could find Fayt and the rest of the group…
Gossam: Now that's what I'm talkin' about! Eheheheheh!
(the old man appears out of nowhere and observes Sophia)
Sophia: What the hell are you doing? Get away from me, you creepy old man!
Gossam: Now, now, cutie, don't play hard to get! Want a drink? (Gossam takes out his famous "love potion.")
Sophia: No! I'm not thirsty! Now leave me alone, I've got to find my—
Gossam: Down the hatch! (Gossam forces the potion down Sophia's throat.)
Sophia: Ew, what is this—this… this feeling I'm getting?
Gossam: Yes… YES!
Sophia: W-what did… you do… to me… you old… senile… piece of hot man?
Gossam: It worked! I AM A GENIUS!
Sophia: Oh, right you are, master Gossam!
Gossam: Now, if I sell these to the other young and beautiful women, my grand master plan will be complete!
(Wow, what a weird, creepy old goon… well, back with Fayt and the others…)
Fayt: Are we there yet?
Cliff: Oh, shut up and keep on walking!
Maria: Yeah, stop being a little bitch and let's go.
Mirage: SAVINGPROGRESSDONOTTOUCHMEMORYCARDINSLOTAORTURNTHEGAMESYSTEMOFF!
Maria: Oh, WTF!
Mirage: SYSTEMREBOOTING… We're almost to Aquios…
Cliff: What, is she broken?
Maria: Probably…
Fayt: Are we there yet?
Maria & Cliff: Oh, shut the funk up!
(Well, they were going the right way… until they made a left and began heading towards The Aquatic Garden of Surferio. Anyway, back with Nel and Crosell…)
Crosell: This thing is… so… HEAVY!
Nel: Oh, shut up, ya big baby, it's not that bad…
Crosell: Oh, yeah? You try carrying it then!
Nel: Fine!
(Nel walks to the gigantic hunk of metal and copper and she lifts it up with no problem.)
Crosell: …!
Nel: … so?
Crosell: … you can't be real…
Nel: I'm as real as they come.
Crosell: Whatever. I'm gonna go take a nap.
Nel: Goodnight, lil' baby! Sleep tight! Don't let the dragons bite!
Crosell: You're so corny… YAWN!
Nel: Oh shut up.
(Meanwhile with Roger in Peterny…)
Roger: Ow… my face…
Peppita: HI ROGER!
Roger: WHOA! (Roger jumps up in fear, then looks up and sees the lil' girl staring at him)
Peppita: HOW ARE YA DOIN'!
Roger: Geez, do you ever shut up? Even a little bit?
Peppita: WHERE'S FAYT AND SOPHIA!
Roger: I don't really care where either of them are! Fayt slammed a door on me and Sophia kicked me in the face and gave me major road rash on my—
Peppita: WAAAAAHHHHHH! (starts crying)
Roger: OW, MY FRIGGIN' EARS! (The loud screeches are extremely loud to Roger because of his Menodix ears… haha…)
Peppita: I DON'T KNOW WHERE I AM!
Roger: Fine, fine! I'll help you find those idiots!
Peppita: YAY I LOVE YOU! (she hugs him with a deathgrip)
Roger: Y-you… chokin'… m-me!
(Back with Adray… and mebbe even Clair if she caught up…)
Adray: My soul has been tainted, O great Apris! Please help me cleanse myself!
(Adray is in the chapel of Aquios castle, praying to the Sun God. Then, he has a vision…)
Adray: W-what is this?
Apris: My child…
Adray: A-apris?
Apris: Yes, my son…
Adray: Wait, you're… a flying squirrel?
Apris: Yes… and you can go cleanse yo self, bitch! Take a bath if ya wanna be clean, playa!
Adray: What is going on here!
Runologist #1: Sir Adray! Wake up!
Adray: W-what!
Runologist #1: You were mumbling in your sleep! Are you ok?
Adray: W-where am I?
Runologist #1: You're in Aquios Castle! You're in your room.
Adray: So… it was all just a dream?
Runologist #1: E-excuse me, sir?
Adray's Mind: So… I didn't peep on my own daughter…?
Runologist #1: Sir, are you sure your ok?
Adray's Mind: Yeah, thanks anyway.
Runologist #1: Will you answer me!
Adray's Mind: Oh, right…
Adray: Yeah, I'm fine, thanks anyway. Well, I'm off to see my daughter now…
Runologist #1: Oh, yeah! Sir, by the way, have you seen Lady Clair? She disappeared a couple of hours ago…
Adray: W-where would she be?
Runologist #1: That's just what I asked you!
Adray: Well, then! Gather the troops and search everywhere for her!
(Meanwhile, in Peterny…)
Clair: Damn it… where are you, Father? I want to "talk" to you… eheheheheh… he'll pay for this!
Random Civilian #2: Hey, where did that little midget go?
Random Civilian #1: I dunno… mebbe he got shoved into the ground by the door?
Random Civilian #2: Hey, who's the perty lady up in that tree?
Clair: Damn, someone saw me! Gotta act quickly… (Clair quickly draws a throwing knife and chucks it into Random Civilian #2's forehead, which turns him into a piece of bacon.)
Random Civilian #1: What? Where'd you go, #2? Wait… ooh, bacon!
Random Civilian #2's Mind: No… NOOOOOO!
(Random Civilian #1 eats #2.)
Clair: Whew, that was close… now, back to my Father… where could he be hiding?
(Back with Fayt, Maria, Cliff, and Mirage…)
Fayt: Uh… is this Aquios?
(In reality they are lost in the Aquatic Garden… dumbasses…)
Maria: I'm… not sure…
Cliff: Well… I have a hunch that if we continue through this place, we'll find where we wanna be…
Fayt: Another hunch? This is like the 96th hunch you've had.
Mirage: …
Maria: Actually, it's the 97th.
Mirage: …
Cliff: No it's not! This is my 80th! I dunno where you got those numbers from!
Mirage: …
Maria: I swear it's the 97th! Remember there's that one when we were on the Diplo and you said you had a hunch about going to that Underdeveloped Planet Konohagakure or something…
KTAH: Sorry to interrupt, but yes, that is a reference to Naruto. I watch it too much --… continue!
Fayt: And then there's that one when we first met!
Mirage: …
Maria: Wait, there's another? That makes it the 98th then!
Mirage: … THEFORECASTTODAYIS:PARTLYCLOUDYWITHASLIGHTCHANCEOFTHUNDERSTORMS…
Cliff: Nah, I didn't have that many hunches!
Maria: Yes you have!
Fayt: It was a little less than—
Mirage: Cliff Fittir has had a total of 103.7 hunches throughout his life.
Maria, Fayt, and Cliff: WOW!
Cliff: That is a lot…
Maria: Ok, enough of this! Come on, guys, we gotta hurry to Aquios!
Fayt: Right!
(The group starts to walk down the path…)
(20 minutes later… now 21 minutes later…)
Fayt: All right, this place sucks!
Maria: How many of those damn box puzzles were there!
Cliff: And those wall-things! They didn't put up much of a fight, but there sure were a helluva lot of them!
Mirage: CALCULATING DISTANCEFROMAQUIOS… … … WEARE45MILESAWAYFROMAQUIOS… … … DIRECTIONTOAQUIOS… … … NORTHWEST…
Fayt: …
Maria: …
Cliff: …
Maria: Did you just say… the direction… to Aquios?
Cliff: And you said… Northwest…?
Fayt: And… 45 miles away?
Mirage: AFFIRMATIVE.
Fayt: WE HAVE TO WALK EVEN LONGER NOW!
Maria: WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL US THE DIRECTION SOONER!
Cliff: AND WE JUST CAME FROM THAT DIRECTION!
Mirage: ITISNOTMYFAULTTHATHUMANSAREINFERIOR…
Cliff: What was that?
Mirage: SYSTEMREBOOTING… W-where are we now?
Maria: OMFG this is hopeless!
Fayt: Well, now we have to walk all the way back…
Cliff: It's all your fault, Mirage!
Mirage: Actually, Cliff, you were the one that had a "hunch."
Fayt: Oh, yeah, you're right, Mirage…
Maria: You and your stupid hunches…
Fayt and Maria: CLIFFFFFFFFFFFFF!
Cliff: … oh crap.
(Beating up ensues again.)
(Back with "Hypnotized" Sophia and Gossam…)
Gossam: LADIES, EVERYWHERE! Come, gather round!
Sophia: That's right girlfriends!
Gossam: I, Gossam the Great, have created a special remedy for all of your love problems! (Holds up his "love" potion.)
Sophia: It helped me forget about my last boyfriend who broke up with me because I wasn't a good cook! I was so sad, but now, look at MEEEEEEEEE! (dances around the stage)
Random Lady #1: What is this?
Gossam: It's a medicine that—
Random Lady #2: Oh, great! It's that pervy old guy. Come on, ladies. Let's get outta here.
Gossam: Wait! No! NO!
(All of the women walk away.)
Sophia: I'm sorry, master… I didn't do a good job…
Gossam: … oh, well… At least I have one lady who'll pamper me!
Sophia: Coming right up, Master!
Gossam: Let's go to the inn first…
Sophia: Yes, sir!
(They walk to the inn…)
KTAH: … and if you think they gonna do "that," then you are a sicko and are entirely wrong…(… and get a room and then Gossam sits on the bed.)
Sophia: So, master, what should I do for you?
Gossam: Hmm… so many choices… let's see…
(A message box appears)
Choice A – Make some toast.
Choice B – Order some pizza.
Choice C – Sing some Ciara.
Choice D – Miscellaneous
Gossam: I want you to… do something miscellaneous!
Sophia: What is miscellaneous?
Gossam: Um…
(Message box appears again.)
Choice A – Strip
Gossam: OOH! THAT'S IT!
Sophia: As you wish, Master Gossam!
(Sophia begins taking her clothes off, and Gossam begins drooling… ew… 5 minutes later and 10 layers of clothing after she's in her underoos.)
Gossam: A-a-a-a-a-a-ah…
Sophia: So, how do you like it?
Gossam: Oh, I loooove it!
Sophia: Ready for the fina—oh! Let's see… final—oof!
Gossam: …?
Sophia: Ready for the—the… the… where the flab am I?
Gossam: It… can't be…
Sophia: Hmm? What the? Why are you still around me?
Gossam: The potion wore off!
Sophia: What are you talking about? And why is it so cold in… (Sophia closes her arms to keep warm, and then she realizes…) OMG WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES!
Gossam: No! It's fine! I'll turn the heat up!
Sophia: T-THAT'S NOT THE POINT! STOP LOOKING AT ME! (Sophia kicks Gossam in the nose, sending him flying out of the window and down onto the sidewalk.)
Gossam: O-oh… well… a-at least… I got to… see… a young… ugh… (Gossam passes out, but with a grin… and a broken back)
Sophia: Geez! Now, where are my clothes? (Sophia looks around the room, but just finds her wand) This isn't good! What will I do now?
(5 minutes later…)
Sophia: That's better!
(Sophia beat up the innkeeper and stole her clothes, which was a maid's uniform. Oh, boy.)
Sophia: Now, back to finding Fayt!
(Sophia walks out and heads for the castle, being stared at by almost every guy in the city. She arrives at the entrance, and the guards stop her.)
Guard #1: Hey, you!
Sophia: Oh, hi, Mr. Guard man! I'm looking for—
Guard #2: What are you doing outside of the castle! We need cleanup in Hallway D! (Guard #2 grabs her like abracadabrer (hehe listening to Chamillionaire too much…) and drags her into the castle.)
Sophia: What are you—
Guard #2: Get back to work, missy! (Guard #2 hands her a bucket full of soapy water and a mop.)
Sophia: …
Guard #2: NOW!
Sophia: Y-yes sir!
(Sophia begins cleaning, cursing the maid uniform and that guard under her breath.)
Sophia's Mind: Geez, this day sucks!
(Roger and Peppita in Irisa Fields…)
Peppita: LOOK OUT ROGER A MONSTER!
Roger: Shut up! It's just a log!
Peppita: WHAT THAT THING ON YOUR BACK IS A LOG?
Roger: What thi—AGH! (Roger looks behind him and spots a gigantic leech-like monster sucking on him.) GET IT OFFA ME! GET IT OFF! GETITOFF!
Peppita: STAND STILL! (Peppita attempts to hit it with her ribbon, but just hits Roger in the face. This repeats for about 4 minutes until she finally gets it off and she stomps on it.)
Roger: Geez, first my head, then my face, then my butt, and now my face again!
Peppita: I GOT IT ROGER!
Roger: And now my friggin' ears!
Peppita: WAIT IS THAT…? (Peppita spots Fayt and the rest of the group heading for Aquios.) AHHHHH!
Fayt: What the hell was that?
Peppita: OMG IT'S THEM! FAYYYYYYTTTTT!
Roger: Wha—(Peppita steps on Roger's… ya know… ow…) OMFG MY—(… then a comet flies at his face.) OW MY FACE AGAIN!
Fayt: Oh, great.
Peppita: FAYYYYYYTTTTT I MISSED YOUUUUUUU! (Peppita tackles Fayt and gives him a deathgrip.)
Fayt: I'm losing… feeling… in… my… arms…!
Maria: Where the hell did she come from?
Cliff: Great! More midgets?
Roger: I'm not a midget you stupid sonuva—OW MY FACE!
Maria: So, Peppy, do you know which way Aquios is?
Peppita: OF COURSE YOU'RE RIGHT IN FRONT OF IT!
(The group looks at the gate and spots the castle.)
Fayt: … damn are we that stupid?
Maria: Either that, or we're totally blind.
Cliff: I knew that it was there all along!
Maria: Shut up, you artard.
Cliff: … I'm not an artard…
Fayt: Well, since it's right there, we might as well continue along…
(The group, including Peppita and Roger sadly, continues on into their destination… finally.)
Mirage: She got me hypah wanna bite hah right nayayah! Say ay ay ay ay ay!
Cliff: Ugh, shuttup I hate that song!
(Hmm, wonder why Mirage keeps on singing Ying Yang Twins… anyway, back with Crosell and Nel…)
Crosell: SNORE!
Nel: Yo wake up ya big nerd.
Crosell: What now? I was having a good dream!
Nel: I dunno, I'm bored and there's no one to talk to.
Crosell: So you have to wake me up?
Nel: A-yup.
Crosell: I hate you so much.
Nel: Yeah, yeah. So, what should we talk about.
Crosell: You can talk to a tree or something I need my beauty sleep! Good night! (Crosell tries to sleep again.)
Nel: All right, that's it! (Nel jumps on his head and begins giving him a noogie.)
Crosell: NOOOO! STOP THAT! IT HURTS!
Nel: TALK!
Crosell: Ok! Ok, just stop with the noogies!
Nel: That's better!
Crosell: So… uh… what's up?
Nel: Oh, guess who I saw in Dima's Breath the other day?
Crosell: … who?
Nel: Danny Glover XXXVIII! Oh, he's sooooooo hot!
Crosell (sarcastically): Oh, totally!
Nel: Do you want another noogie, bitch?
Crosell: NO, no!
Nel: Then shut the film up!
(What a waste of time… well, back with Adray and Clair's whole problem…)
Adray: Clair! Where are you!
Runologist #2: She's not anywhere around the castle!
Adray: Where the hell could she be?
(In a tree outside of the castle…)
Clair: Heheheheheh… I'm coming Father!
(Clair crashes through the window in classic actiony style and shoots someone with a pulse gun for some reason, I guess just to add style or something…)
Adray: Oh, there you are Clair!
Clair: Father! You're time has come!
Adray: W-what do you mean?
Clair: Time for you to pay back for what you did!
Adray: B-but wait! That was a dream!
Clair: Oh, this ain't no dream, Dad! It's more like a realistic nightmare for you!
Adray: No! I didn't mean it! I didn't mean to peep on you in the lake!
Clair: W-what are you talking about?
Adray: T-that is why you're angry at me, right?
Clair: What are you talking about? I'm angry because you ate my Pop Tart this morning!
Adray: S-so… it was all a dream?
Clair: You still have to pay, you know!
Adray: Oh, I feel so clean! I'm so happy! (Adray begins spinning and dancing around…) I'm so happy that I don't mind paying back for tha—(… and then the incredible happens; he grabs Clair's breast on accident.)
Clair!
Adray: …!
Clair: F-father!
Adray: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
(And that's the end of that arc, which leads to Clair beating the crap out of Adray and he is left all bruised and beat up physically and mentally.)
(Now, back with Sophia…)
Sophia: Huh… huh… I'm… finally… done…
Guard #3: Oh, here's a maid! You there!
Sophia: You gotta be kidding me!
Guard #3: We need you to clean up the Runology Library pronto!
Sophia: No!
Guard #3: Do you wanna go to the dungeon?
Sophia: Ugh, fine!
Guard #3: It's to your right! Ta-tah!
(Guard #3 walks away, and Sophia sticks her tongue out at him.)
(Meanwhile, at the entrance to the castle…)
Fayt: Now I remember this place!
Maria: Yes! It's all coming back to me now!
Cliff: Yessir!
Roger: Did they suffer amnesia or something?
Peppita: SEEMS THAT WAY! (Peppita's voice echoes in the halls.)
Fayt: Now, where would Nel be?
Maria: She's probably in the Runology Library!
Cliff: Let's go!
(Those three go towards the Library while Roger, Peppita, and Mirage walk towards the throne room.)
(Back with Sophia…)
Sophia: This is the worst day of my life!
Fayt: Heheheh… this is rich!
Sophia: Oh, Fayt! There you are!
Fayt, Maria, and Cliff: HAHAHAHAHA!
Sophia: W-what?
Cliff: What's with the getup?
Sophia: O-oh! Well, it's a long story…
Maria: Why are you dressed up as a slutty maid?
Sophia: S-shut up! Well, I'll explain…
(6 minutes later…)
Fayt, Maria, and Cliff: HAHAHAHAHAHA!
Sophia: What's so funny! I've been harassed by some pervy old man, gawked at by nerds, and dragged and shoved around by guards all day!
Fayt: That is some funny sh-t!
Maria: True dat boo!
Cliff: Word.
Sophia: What is up with you guys!
Fayt: Hey, Sophia! Get back to work, NOW!
Sophia: F-fayt! That's not nice!
Maria: Shut up before we call the guards!
Sophia: Dammit I hate you guys so much!
Fayt: Come on guys, let's go find Nel and Albel!
Sophia: W-wait up!
Maria: See ya later ya slut!
Sophia: Grr! I hate them so much!
Guard #4: You! Get back to work!
Sophia: Y-yes sir…
(Nel and Crosell…)
Crosell: How long do I have to talk to you?
Nel: Not much longer.
Crosell: Thank god.
Runologist #2: Lady Nel! Someone is here to see you!
Nel: Hm?
Fayt: Nel!
Nel: What the? When did you guys get here? (Runs up to the group.)
Fayt: Just a couple of hours ago…
Cliff: About 12 hours to be exact…
Fayt: And whose fault is that!
Cliff: … mine…
Maria: So, how are you doing, Nel?
Nel: Ah, ya know, same old stuff, spying on people, all that other crap.
Fayt: And Crosell! How are ya, old buddy!
Crosell: Leave me alone…
Fayt: But Croselllllll! We just got here!
Crosell: Ugh, I still wonder how I could lose to you pansies!
Nel: What was that?
Crosell: … nothing.
Nel: That's what I thought.
Cliff: Well, Mirage, say something! (Cliff turns around, and whaddya know, Mirage, Roger, and Peppita are replaced by cardboard drawings!) W-where did they go!
(Meanwhile, with the others in the chapel…)
DJ Mirage (Now equipped with a karaoke microphone!): Boom-ba-boom boom-ba! (this repeats throughout this whole event!)
Roger: Mu-sic makes the world go 'round, so here we go!
Peppita: HERE WE GO!
Roger: Ya just don't know!
Both: OH!
Roger: Jus' like a marchin' band!
Queen Aquaria (AKA Dancing Queen): WOOHOO! I HAVEN'T FELT THIS ALIVE IN AGES!
King Arzy: Yo what's wit' 'dem red eyes?
D. Queen: I DON'T KNOW, AND I DON'T CARE!
King Arzy: You're a weirdo… I wonder where Albel is…
(Uh-oh, Albel fans! Here comes his part in the story!)
(Albel walks up the road in Irisa Field…)
Albel: …
(… silently, all badass and what not…)
Albel: …
(… on his way to Castle Aquaria. Well, while we're waiting for him to arrive, let's see what the maid sl—I mean, Sophia, is doing…)
Sophia: Cause everytime we touch, I get this feeling! (Sophia is singing that… uh… hold on…)
KTAH: Let's see… who sings that again?Jack: Why don't you go through the book?
KTAH: Right! (flips through the book of song titles and artists, and eventually finds the name.)
KTAH: All right!
(Sophia is singing that Cascada song.)
Librarian: Hey, keep it down! This is a library, and that means BE QUIET!
Sophia: Whoa, hold up! You said I'm loud, but then you yell at the top of your lungs!
Librarian: That's because I am the librarian.
Sophia: This is the gayest thing that could ever happen to a girl…
Librarian: This whole event is gay?
Sophia: Oh, shut up, it's not literal.
Guard #5: Hey, maid! Keep it down, it's a library for Apris' sake!
Sophia: I… hate…
Guard #5: Huh?
Sophia: (Oh, sh-t…)… ALL OF YOU!
(Sophia casts a new spell she created herself, Meteor Strike, onto the guard, which obliterates him.)
Librarian: WTF!
Sophia: RRRRRRRRAAAAAAAWWWWWWRRRRRRR! (Casts Lightning Blast on her.)
Librarian: NOOOOOOO! (Blows up.)
Sophia: FEEL MY WRATH! (Stumbles out of the library insanely.)
(Back with Fayt and the rest of the group, except for Mirage, Roger, Peppita, Sophia, and Adray. Wait, that means…)
Nel: Oh, there's Albel! How are ya doing, honey poo!
Fayt: … "Honey…"
Cliff: … "Poo?"
Albel: Oh, I'm just fine, my dear Sweetcake!
Fayt and Cliff: WTF!
Albel: Oh, hello, fellas!
Fayt and Cliff: AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Albel: … what's so funny, guys?
Fayt: YOU ARE SO GAY!
Cliff: OMFG THIS IS HILARIOUS!
Fayt: Hey, what are you cheering for, you owe me 10,000 Fol, bitch!
Cliff: W-wha? Damn, that's no fair!
Fayt: Pay up!
Cliff: Grr…
Fayt: Oh, man! (Cliff hands Fayt the cash ma-ney.)
Albel: Hmph, fools. Did you really think that I would be so polite to you worms?
Fayt (jaw drops): What the—
Cliff (big grin): Heheheh, somebody owes me some big bucks.
Fayt: Albel, you suck!
Albel: Hmph, worm.
Cliff: Oh, man! I'm gonna buy myself somethin' nice when we get back to Klausia!
Maria: Wow I have not talked in a long time—
Crosell: Can I please sleep now?
Sophia: RRRRRRRAAAAAAAWWWWWWRRRRRR!
Fayt: What the hell was that?
Albel: It's your girlfriend, worm.
Fayt: What?
(Fayt spots Sophia rushing for them with angry in her eyes.)
Albel: … and what is she wearing?
Maria: Some slutty maid costume.
Albel: Oh. Why's she so angry.
Fayt: Not sure, lemme ask her. (Walks towards Sophia.) Hey, Sophie, why you so—AHHHHHH!
(Sophia casts Lightning Blast.)
Maria: Hey! How dare you do that to my man?
Sophia: Y-y-your man? H-he's… MY MAN!
(Sophia and Maria get thrown into a duel.)
Cliff: Catfight?
Albel: No, Sophia's not even using physical strength.
Cliff: … oh.
Maria: Triple Kick!
(Maria kicks Sophia three times horizontally, ending the fight quickly.)
Sophia: I… can't… LOSE! AHHHHH! (Sophia faints like the boss battles in the game.)
Fayt: Wow, you're good. But… why did she get so angry.
Maria: Cuz she's a slut… bong. (Heheh, Dogma reference.)
Crosell: SNORE!
Nel: Um… you guys must be retarded or something.
Cliff: Where the hell did that come from?
Nel: Weren't we just about to search for Mirage and those kids?
Cliff: Oh, yeah! I totally forgot!
Nel: It was only about two events ago.
Cliff: Hey, Fayt, Maria! Get yer asses over here! We gotta find Mirage!
Fayt: Oh, yeah!
(Cliff grabs Sophia and he, Fayt, Maria, Nel, and Albel enter into the castle. A couple of minutes later, they find Mirage and the others in the library, joined by Adray, Clair, Tynave, Farleen, Marietta, the Diplo crew, Ameena, Dion, Elena, Queen Aquaria, King Arzy, Niklas, Meena, Norton, the Norton gang, Biwig, Biwig's posse, Blair, Luther, Welch, the old inventor guild guy, Gossam, Meryl, Lenneth, Freya, Gabriel Celesta, some guy named Bob, and a turtle. Oh, and Crosell soon joins the fray.)
Fayt: Wow, how do we all fit in this tiny lil' room?
Blair: Luther extended the room!
Luther: I am a genius, after all.
Fayt: Oh, yeah, I forgot this is a game… wow that is so totally gay.
Maria: True.
Cliff: Well, technically it's a game within a game… for PS2.
Fayt: Wow, that system is sooooo primitive.
Maria: Yeah.
Cliff: You guys and that stupid UP3.
Biwig: I've come for… the drinks!
Ameena: I love you, Dion!
Dion: Um… how in the hell are we alive?
Ameena: Who cares?
Dion: … true.
Gossam: Look at all of these young ladies! (Looks at Meryl.)
Meryl: Yo, I'm like 12, you old pervy fart!
Niklas: Meena, how did we arrive here?
Meena: I don't know, Niklas!
Niklas: Well, no matter what the circumstances, let us eat.
Meena: Why you always talkin' like dat, foo'?
Gabriel Celesta: Um… where are my pants?
Jack: NOOOOOOO!KTAH: Jack, calm down!
Jack: But that was sooooooo gross!
KTAH: Not now, in the middle of the story!
Adray: Clair, you forgive me, right?
Clair: No.
Adray: W-what?
Clair: Die, Father!
Adray: NO!
Clair: I'm just jokin'!
Adray: Oh. Haha!
Bob: Ummmm…
The Turtle: Quack!
Marietta: Captain! We can't fix the ship! We're stuck here!
Crew: YUP!
Maria: Oh, sh-t.
Cliff: B-but what will I spend my money on?
Norton Goon #1: This is lord Norton's turf now!
Norton: Shuttup, you dumbass! They'll find out my plan!
Maria: BOOM!
(Shoots Norton.)
Norton: NOOOOOOOO!
(Norton disintegrates.)
Lenneth: No comment.
Freya:
Elena: What is going on in here?
Roger: We're havin' a party!
Peppita: YEASH!
Tynave: Nel!
Nel: Oh, great, it's the lesbian…
Tynave: We have nothing to report!
Farleen: YEAH!
Nel: Ugh, shut up Farleen! Your voice is so friggin' ear piercing!
Farleen: WAAAAAHHHHH!
Everyone: SHUTTUP!
Cliff: Word!
Fayt: Don't say that, artard.
Cliff: … I'm not an artard.
Crosell: Roar.
Albel: This is so boring. I don't have time for these maggots.
Nel: Even for me?
Albel: I always have time for a maggot like you.
Nel: Is that supposed to be a compliment?
Albel: What can I say? I suck at compliments.
Nel: Oh, right, well, maggot's a fine name for me.
Albel: That's gross.
Nel: True.
Mirage: NOWPLAYING50CENT: Go, go, go, go, go shawdy! It's ya birfday! We gonna party like it's ya birfday!
(And everyone and their moms danced until the night ended.)
Fayt: Hello, everyone. As you all probably know by now, this story may be offensive.
Cliff: Yep.
Maria: But remember; it's all just a bunch of crappy jokes!
Cliff: Yeah. Well, except for Mirage, she really talks like a robot.
Mirage: NOWLOADING…
Maria: So, try not to be offended.
KTAH: Yeah, in no way whatsoever did I intend to offend anybody. Still that Xzhibit song Concentrate did inspire me… wow, that song's lyrics suck.
Cliff: Yep.
Jack: W-who are all of you people?
KTAH: Yep. Well, that's the end… so…
KTAH: That's better.
Jack: Whoa! Where did those other people go?
KTAH: Oh, they disappeared. Like magic.
Jack: Wow, how'd you do it?
KTAH: Thanks to Pirate Etiquette wiff Cap'n Johnny Depp!
Capn' Johnny Depp: When you're a pirate, you gotta listen to ol' Johnny Depp… ya gotta wear pants! Saavy?
KTAH: Yes, I got that from an XPlay review.
Jack: A what?
KTAH: You need to get with the times, man. Well, see you all later. Read and review, if you have gotten this far… and please, no flames. They burn my brain. Ooh, XPlay's on.