C: We HAVE NOT watched the OVAs.
S: So if things don't make sense, that's
alright, because... they're not supposed to.
C: Now let's continue to the
good stuff.
Fushigi Yuugi episode 40 something: (recaps with C & S)
S: ...And then, they were huddled around Hotohori, trying to look sad.
C:
Tasuki had a hard time suppressing his snickers and Chichiri was trying to hide
his smile but his mask seemed to be frozen in that silly little grin.
S:
Suddenly Hotohori glares at them.
"Shut up you fools, get me a mirror and let
me have one last look at myself before my beauty leaves this world..."
ACT 1
S: 1000 years later...
C: Taiitsukun, who looked even uglier now (can you
imagine that? I don't want to) was busy chi-blasting the four beast Gods and the
seishi out of her palace.
S: She was busy blasting the four beast Gods?
C:
Yeah you remember how she always punches the Nyan-Nyans out through her roof!
Anyway, she blasted only the guys because the girls knew better than to piss her
off with comments to her repulsive appearance.
C: [pause] ...Hello? Are you
listening?
C: Ok anyways, Taiisukun's ugly face peeked out of the door and
yelled, "...And don't you ever come back again!!!" Shattering everybody's
eardrums.
S: Where did those poor hotties go?
C: Up into the
clouds!!!
S: Um, noooooo... they fell from the clouds... like angels... into
our arms.
C: The readers wouldn't want that. It'd be called a 'Mary
Sue'!
S: Who's Mary Sue?
C: MIAKA!!! Grrrrr...
S: Why do you hate her
so much? It's such a waste of energy.
C: Well, why do you like her? OH NO!!!
Shelley's been possessed by the midget who takes over people's bodies!!!
AHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!
S: ...umm, anyway...
S: So mysteriously overnight, they appear scattered
around our city. While we were in our beds dreaming of porking Tamahome and
Tasuki...
C: And HOTohori! Tee hee. Anyways, by the way, Nakago fell
into a gay bar.
S: NAKED! HE FELL IN NAKED!!!
C: And got raped...
actually, no that's too sad. And danced around singing 'I'm Too Sexy'.
S: In
your dreams!!! = p
C: How'd YOU know?! I never told anyone!!!
S: (no
comment) [pause]
S: The next morning, we wake up and I go to—
C: The john
to take a piss and dream of Tasuki in the shower, and brush your teeth with your
little Chichiri toothbrush and put on make-up from your Hotohori make-up kit.
Yeah, yeah, we already know.
S: Hotohori has his own line of make-up?
WTF...
S: I wake Cecilia up, no...wait, it's usually the other way around. Ok,
Cecilia's already up eating breakfast and I come in announcing "I HAD THE
BESTEST DREAM LAST NIGHT!"
C: And I shriek equally loud, "I DID TOO!!!"
S:
"No you didn't, mine is better!"
C: "Yeah right, what could be better than
Tamahome, Tasuki, Hotohori and Nakago having a foursome and licking whipped
cream off each other—"
S: "TAMAHOME, TASUKI, HOTOHORI, NAKAGO AND ME!
C:
"Eww, who wants to dream of YOU?"
S: "Oh shut up and eat your shit so we can
go get ready. I'm tutoring at your school today, don't even test me—I will
soooooooo, embarrass you in front of Alex and what's his face!"
C: @__@
S:
*whips out her car keys* "Let's go."
ACT 2
S: We arrive at school very very very early to see that the janitor is
buffering the floors—but wait!—
S: From afar, this "janitor" actually looks
very very hot... for a janitor! His dark blue hair catches the dim ceiling
lights and for a second he turns his face around—
C: YOU MEAN AROUND AS IN
JUST TURNING YOUR HEAD AND NOT SHOULDERS LIKE TATSUHA FROM GRAVITATION DID IN
THE OVAS???
C: *thinks for a second* YOU BITCH! TAMAHOME'S A
JANITOR?!?!?!?
S: Ahem. Then I run up and strip his janitor suit off...
mmm... *porno music plays in the background*
C: @_@
C: NO!!!
Tamakins and Nakkie-poo make the BEST COUPLE, not YOU and Tamakins!!!
S:
Geez, you say "Tamakins" like he belongs to you or something. *Mutters*
Selfish bitch.
S: Ok, that doesn't happen but... we must have been standing
there for a while because the next second the bell goes and a bunch of little
kiddies are running all over me hurrying to their first class. "Cecilia, get to
class so I can go rape this hottie janitor!"
C: "OMG TAMAHOME!!! Run for your
life like I'm going to do just now! This old lady is SCARY!!! Run!!!"
S:
"Ugh, whatever... Look, you scared him off. Where is he? Damn, he got away from
us. Don't worry, I'LL find him while you go to class."
C: "Like hell I will!
I'm coming too!!!"
S: "Look the principal's coming!" *Points*
C:
"Oh yeah right haha like I believe that." *Sees Ms. Nelco* "SHIT!"
*Runs*
S: "Ahhh, that got rid of her..." *Scrambles away in search
of Hot Janitor Guy*
C: Meanwhile in my class...
C: I see...CHIRIKO! "OMG, must sit next to him
so I can copy his answers and not fail this class!!!"
C: "Ahem. Hey there..."
*Waits for reply*
C: "Okay... we'll get along just fine..."
*sweatdrop*
S: Hmm... my spider senses are tingling. I think Tamahome went...
THIS-A-WAY!
"Oh... Hello Ms. Nelco, I was just about to the library to go
torture—err tutor my first student for the day… I'll be heading there now..."
*puts on big toothy grin* *solutes with two fingers* ...[pause] *turns
and backs away slowly into the library*
S: Damned stupid principal, now
my spider senses are no longer tingling...
S: Ugh... "Uh, hi Mr.Bankley...
Oh, he's right over there? Alright thanks."
S: Shelley walks up to the...
wait a second, I'm Shelley—why do I always refer to myself in the third
person?
C: "Because you're gay and empty-headed?"
S: "Oh shut up Tomo the
Homo, you're supposed to be in class!"
C: *Wails* "I'm NOT TOMO!!!"
*Floats back into the class*
S: As I was saying before Tomo the Homo interrupted... A few desks away sat a
15-year-old boy. (Don't ask how I knew. I just have a spider sense.)
C: "More
like you memorized everything from the 100,000 F.Y. sites you've visited."
*Quickly shuts up and floats back to class for real this time*
S:
Ugh, I hate when she falls asleep in class and her spirit comes and haunts me
with insults.
S: *Walking, walking, walking up to the table* "Hi
there, I'm Shelley. I'll be your tutor for this period. And you are..."
*looks up at student* "OMG, YOU ARE, SUBOSHI!"
Suboshi: "Eh?"
S:
Darn! He can't speak English! *thinks back to previous animes she's
watched*
S: "Ai shiteru!!! KAWAII!!! AHHHHHHH!!!" *Squeals like a
Gravitation Fangirl*
Suboshi: "What?! I'm Suboshi and I'm not taking
Japanese as a course..."
S: "AAAAAHHHHHH!!! YOU SPEAK ENGLISH!"
*Faints*
Suboshi: "Doesn't EVERYONE speak English around here?" @_@
[pause]
S: *5 seconds later, gets up, dusts herself off, pulls out a chair
and sits down* "So today's lesson is—" *looks at his balls*
S:
"That's VERY inappropriate young man! Put those away immediately!"
Suboshi:
"No, my Ryuuseisui stay with me."
S: "You named your balls?"
Suboshi: "NO!
THEY'RE NOT MY BALLS, THEY ARE MY RYUUSEISUI!"
S: "Ok, whatever."
S:
"Today's lesson is..."
Suboshi: *snores*
S: "Shit! Lost him
already..." *looks at sleeping beauty* "Oh well, time to find
Tamahome." *Spider senses re-activated*
C: OK, MY TURN!!! In my class we are learning about structures and forces,
yay...
Ms. Freizen: "Alright, get into groups of two!"
C: "Oh, oh, oh,
CHIRIKO IS MINE!!!" [pause]
Everyone: *stares*
Boy in blue: "Haha,
Cecilia likes Chiriko!"
C: "Nuh uh, I just wanna get good grades—I mean... I
want to get good-looking legs, heh heh..." *sweatdrop*
Chiriko:
*doesn't want to work with Cecilia at all, but no one wants to work with a
funny looking short kid* "Okay..." *sighs*
C: "Yay! All right, you
do the assignment and later show me the answers, k? K. Bye!" *Saunters away
to find Tamahome*
C: OK, gotta find Tamakins... Gotta find Tamakins...
C: As I follow my
crotch to Tamahome, I hear banging in one of the lockers! I wonder
why?
Locker: "HELP! LET ME OUT!"
C: O_o "I wonder why the locker's talking
to me?"
C: *Kicks locker*
Locker: "Oi!"
C: "Um... lockers can
talk???"
Locker: "PLEASE, LET ME OUT! 34-56-12, Please help me!"
C: "Um,
okay." *Turns the combination, but stops mid-turn* "HEY! What do I get
for breaking and entering into somebody's locker? I could get
suspended!!!"
Locker: *Shuts up, for once*
C: Oh well, I'll bet
there's magic lamp in there! EEEEEEE! "Okay, first I wish that Tamakins and
Nakago get together. Then I wish that—"
Locker: "LET ME OUT ALREADY!!!"
C:
O_o "...Alright, I suppose, if you insist." *Turns combination* I hope
there's a hot guy in there...
*A geek stumbles out*
C: "A
GEEK!"
Geek: "I AM NOT A GEEK!"
C: Oooh, but with a little work... he can
become a Hot UNGeek!
Geek: *sigh* "Thanks for helping me... I was just
getting some books from my locker when a bunch of big football guys came and
pushed me into my own locker and locked the door. Next thing I knew... I was in
my own locker with the door locked!"
C: "BLAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!"
Geek:
*bawls and cries on Cecilia's shoulder* "I was so alone and afraid… HOLD
ME!"
C: "Awww... there there, Geek—I mean... What did you say your name was?"
*Thinks* He looks familiar... sorta like...
Geek: "Amiboshi."
C:
*pushes away to look directly into Gee—err Amiboshi's face*
"AAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!"
Amiboshi: *surprised* *steps back*
C:
"AMMMIIIIIIIBOSHIIIII!" *Runs forwards, arms spread wide in bear hug
position* (If you can't picture this, think of Shuichi x Yuki).
Amiboshi:
*backs up quickly, and runs towards the library*
C: *Stumbles,
trips, and falls face first* *looks up* "NOOOOOO! COME BACK! I didn't get my
reward for saving you!" *Puckers lips*
S: *Hears a scream and runs to the source* "Omg, Cecilia, are you
hurt, are you ok?"
C: "AAAAAHHHHH!" *WAILS and throws a tantrum on the
floor* "COME BACK..." =*(
S: "Ok... you need mental help, we're taking
you to the school nurse RIGHT NOW!"
S: *Knocks on door of infirmary*
*singing voice comes from
inside*
Voice: "Cooooming..." *Door opens*
S: "Nurse, nurse!"
*Looks up* "Wow, you're tall..."
C: "MITSUKAKE! OH GOD, NOW I'VE SEEN
IT ALL..."
S: "WHAAAAAAAAAAAT!" *Pauses* "I can't believe you're
wearing that shade of lipstick with those shoes!"
S: "C'mon Cecilia, we're
leaving." *Mutters* "Geez, the nurse is crazier than the
patient."
Nurse Mitsukake: "Alright, have a nice day." *smiles
stupidly*
S: "Ok Cecilia, you're sure you're okay now? 'Cuz I am not taking you to a
nurse that wears purple lipstick with red high heels. She just looks like a
freak, and I don't want a freak messing your fragile little mind up more than it
already is."
C: *long pause* "...I'm not messed up." *Sighs*
"All of this is the geek's fault..."
S: "Geek?! Stop blaming your problems on
geeks! Geeks have feelings too you know!"
C: "Spaaaazzzzzzz! It was his fault
though, 'cuz he was hot."
S: "How is that a reasonable blame?"
C: "If he
was ugly, I wouldn't have been screaming after him."
S: "Um... ok, what I
don't get is how you can fall in love with a geek that is supposedly 'hot'."
*snickers*
C: "Shut up! It was AMIBOSHI!!!"
S: "Ok, now I'm
convinced you're a lunatic. Bye mental Cecilia... hope those little naked, green
leprechauns don't get you when the talking dog takes out your brain and feeds it
to his pet human." *walks away casually*
C: O_O Scary... I think I'm not the only one going crazy. "Hmm, well, I'd
better get back to class." Heehee, not that I'm actually planning to.
*waltzes off to find Tamahome*
C: Alright, I think I'm out of sight,
so I don't have to go to science. And if I find another geek in a locker, I'll
be sure to hold on tight so he doesn't escape! *hears banging in a
locker*
C: My, my, aren't I lucky today! *knocks on the locker
door*
Locker: "_ Ow."
C: "Hey there cutie wutie pa tutie! Tell
me your combination and I'll get you out in no time!
Locker: "I'm not
supposed to tell people my locker combination!"
C: O_o "What the hell? What
kind of person prefers being locked up in a locker than giving out your
combination?"
Locker: "Good students!"
C: ...Why do I feel like this geek
isn't the same geek I ran into just a minute ago...?
Locker: "Get my teacher,
Mr. Mal to open the locker! He knows the combination!"
C: But it wouldn't be
the same if he rescued the geek and not me! Oh well. I'll just get a baseball
bat or something! *grabs a bat out of nowhere* "Alright geek, stand as
far away from the door as you can! Cecilia to the rescue!!!"
C: *Hacks
away at the locker door*
C: I had really bad luck that day, because just
when I was almost done breaking down the door, and possibly killing the geek, a
police officer had to walk by!
Police Officer: "What do you think you're
doing?"
C: "Er, heh heh?" *looks up* "EEEEEEEEEE! You're
NAKAGO!!!"
Nakago: *raises an eyebrow* "That's true, I'm
Nakago..."
C: "AAAAHHH!! AAAHHH!! AAAHHH!!" *calms down* "Since you're
Nakago—"
Nakago: "Nakago-sama."
C: "Yeah, what you said. You know
where Tamahome the Janitor is, right?"
Nakago: *Laughs like a lunatic*
"Tamahome's a JANITOR?! LAHAHAHAHA!!!"
C: He didn't know? Hmm, well, now he
does. Aha! NAKAGO can lead me to Tamakins! Yay! "Well, let's find your sweetie,
k? And then we can go buy a camera-You're paying, of course—And we can go to
some place and I can tape you guys going at it! I'll make a copy for you and
Tamakins FOR FREE and I'll keep the original! Deal?"
Nakago: *Thinks for a
sec* "That sounds nice. But before that, about the locker..."
C:
*Mutters* Aw shit. I was hoping he'd forget.
Nakago: "...I'll let you
off the hook if you help me find Tamahome."
C: ^_^ "Hai!"
Next Episode:
At a rather strange place we meet 2 other F.Y. characters and face quite a predicament when one pulls out a gun and threatens to kill us all!!!
WHY IS NAKAGO RATHER UNEASY???
WHY IS TAMAHOME SO VIOLENT???
WHY IS MITSUKAKE STILL WEARING UGLY PURPLE LIPSTICK???
Find out in chapter 2 of this crazy, twisted, violent, and hilariously stupid F.Y. continuation!