Helloooo everybody! This is my very first Frasier fic and I'm very excited to be writing it! This is a multi-chapter fic there will probably be 3 or 4 chapters; I also tend to write in "novel" format instead of "screenplay" format. There will be some Cheers references and Cheers characters in the story, however, so hopefully you all are pretty familiar with it as well. This story is set 20 years after "Goodnight Seattle" so everyone is considerably older. I don't think in my heart of hearts that everything really worked out with Charlotte; I do and will always feel that Frasier and Lilith are soulmates.
Frasier looked down below him to see Sam standing with the megaphone and Norm and Cliff standing around him, looking worried. Even from a few stories up he could feel the worry and fear emanating from them. The wind blew in his face but all he could feel was a deep, penetrating fear that was sweeping through his body and oh so very close to overtaking him. But this fear had nothing to do with standing on a ledge five stories above Cheers. No. This was a fear much deeper than that. One that threatened his very core. He took a deep breath and tried to calm his heart. It didn't work. Of course.
"Frasier I refuse to indulge in this little game of emotional blackmail any longer. You and I both know you have no intention of jumping. I know you better than that."
Her voice cut his heart. Because it was true. So true. But admitting that would mean defeat. And he would not admit defeat to HER. "No you don't Lilith. I'm going to jump because I can't go on living…knowing that you love someone else." He stared at her imploringly for a few seconds before turning away. He couldn't look at her any longer. It hurt too much. There was a pause but her response didn't come. Oh no. No, no, no. Not again. She was supposed to talk him off that ledge! To get him back inside! He swiveled back around, but he turned too quickly. Why did he ALWAYS turn so quickly? He lost his footing and began to fall.
He grabbed onto the edge of the window. "Lilith! Lilith! Help me! I'm going to fall!"
She stood over him and stared down. "You don't really want me to save you, Frasier. You want to die."
"No I don't. Please!"
Lilith shook her head. "You know how easy this will be now? With you dead? I can take Frederick with me and Louis and I can raise him in the ecopod. Like a happy little family. Without you." She started prying his fingers off of the ledge.
"No. No. Lilith! Please!" But she succeeded and he started to fall. Except it wasn't a fast fall it was as if he was floating through water. The scene changed before him. Sam, Norm, and Cliff dissolved from the pavement and were replaced by him and Lilith in their old house.
"I just can't take this anymore!" Lilith threw a shirt in a suitcase. "I tried ok? I TRIED. And I'm sorry! I'm sorry I'm not good enough for you!"
"Good enough for me? Good enough….YOU were the one that left me for that…that…pussy!"
"He's not, Frasier! He's just…claustrophic." She shot back.
"Ohhh yeah surrreeeee, right. That's much better."
"You are such an insufferable snob and how I've tolerated you these seven years is beyond my realm of understanding!" She zipped up the suitcase and plopped it, loudly, on the ground. "I'm going to a hotel."
"Fine! Fine. LEAVE your son again." Frasier spat coldly and turned around. But he would never forget that devastated face for the rest of his life. It haunted him.
"You're a bastard!" She attempted to stifle her sobs but it was useless as she stormed out of the door of the bedroom. Their bedroom. The door slammed shut loudly and it broke the illusion. He was falling again and this time at normal speed towards the pavement. "No….NO!"
Frasier shot up in bed in a cold sweat. Immediately his knee began pounding and he groaned. He put a hand on his back and slowly moved his legs to the edge of the bed and leaned over it, putting his head in his hands. This whole getting old business….he was not a fan.
He slowly stood up and grabbed his cane, leaning on it for support. Well…there was no point in trying to go back to sleep now. Sleep wasn't going to happen. He got up slowly and limped down the hallway into the kitchen. He opened the fridge and looked inside. Just fruit and vegetables. He rolled his eyes. Who eats carrot sticks when they have trouble sleeping?
He grabbed the milk and closed the fridge door. He got out a glass and poured it in before sticking it in the microwave. He sat down gingerly on the island stool and put his head in his hands. Lilith. Why was she suddenly popping up in his dreams?
"Dad?" Frasier looked up to see his son tying his bathrobe as he walked into the kitchen. "Is everything ok? Did you hurt your knee?"
"No. No, Frederick. I just…am having trouble sleeping." The microwave beeped. Frederick walked over and got the warm milk out for his Dad and set it in front of him. "Would you like some company?"
"No, no you go back to sleep son. You need all the sleep you can get."
"I'll tell you what…Betsy is due to wake up soon; I'll stay up and take Elizabeth's turn. I'll probably get extra sex for that." He winked. Frasier just smiled to himself. Frederick was becoming more and more like Martin as he got older.
"So, Dad. I don't think it is just your knee that has been keeping you up. What's wrong? This is the third night in a row I've heard you up in the middle of the night."
"Since when did you adopt such apt hearing?" Frasier raised his eyebrows.
"Since I had kids" he gave his father a look. "You of all people should realize that."
Frasier nodded slightly. "Well, honestly, Frederick I'm highly uncomfortable with discussing the reason for my insomnia."
Frederick frowned. "Uncomfortable? Well let's see that means that it either involves your sex life, women, getting old, mom…"
Frasier shifted in his seat again and Frederick stopped, pointing a finger at his father. "A ha! It's about mom. Dad….what is going on?" He stared intently at his father.
Frasier took a deep breath and looked down at his hands. "It's…it's my subconscious, son. It's been speaking to me and I don't think I like what it's saying."
Frederick folded his hands and cleared his throat. "Dr. Crane, M.D, at your service." He saluted.
Frasier smiled at his son again and tried to remain serious. He took a deep breath. "I keep re-living that time I nearly jumped off the ledge above Cheers. Except this time your mother didn't talk me into the building. I fell."
"Ahhh the classic case of falling. When you feel an aspect of your life is out of control…"
"Yes I am well aware of what a "falling" dream means!" Frasier spluttered.
"You're getting defensive. This is a classic sign of guilt…"
"I am not feeling guilty! I'm….well I feel…!" He threw his hands up in the air in defeat.
"Dad….your divorce was thirty years ago. Even I barely remember it. I forgave you and Mom a long time ago. It's time you forgave yourself."
"No, No Frederick I'm not feeling guilty! I…I'm….lonely." He looked down at his hands.
Frederick, overcome with love for his father, walked around the table and put his hands on his father's hands. "Dad, why didn't you come out and say so?"
"It's embarrassing to admit! I'm sixty five years old, unmarried, had knee replacement surgery, am living with my son…I guess…I guess I crave the past. But not Seattle. Boston." He gave his son a little weak smile.
"But you ARE in Boston." Frederick reiterated.
"Which is why I think I've been having dreams with Sam and Carla! And Cliff! Norm…and…Lilith…" He trailed off into his thoughts and Frederick just stared at his father, a worried expression on his face. "Dad, I think it's time that you got back to bed. Uncle Niles and Aunt Daphne are arriving tomorrow. You don't want to be dead on your feet!"
"Aaah. I'm already dead on my feet." He got up slowly, painfully, and grabbed his cane, allowing his son to walk him back up to his room.
C/F
"Do you really think that we should be worried?" Elizabeth asked her husband. She chopped up some more banana and placed it on her son's plate.
"I…I don't know. I haven't seen him this depressed in a long time, Elizabeth. I've had patients like him before but this is different…he's my own father!"
"Well I think he's just becoming aware of his age, Frederick. He hasn't seen upset enough to take any sort of drastic action."
"No I don't think he will. I just…you know he's been dreaming about my mother lately?"
"Lilith?" Elizabeth looked up at him, shocked. "No way."
Frederick nodded. "He wants to re-live his past. Re-live the days when he was young and felt loved, included. And those days naturally involve my mother."
"You don't think he still loves her do you? Now Lionel, stop it. We do not play with our food!" She snatched his hand away from his nose where he was about to stick a cheerio. He laughed. "Why not, Mommy?"
Elizabeth sighed and turned back to Frederick who seemed to be deep in thought. "Now Frederick you can't think…"
"I don't know anymore!" He threw up his hands. "I just don't know! Lately he's been so…moody. Emotional! Where did the snobby, arrogant Dad that I know and love go?"
"Now darling I think you are overreacting. He's probably just going through a phase," she dodged a flying piece of cheese from her toddler who proceeded to burst into laughter.
"He jumped off a ledge in his dream! I…."
"I did not jump off that ledge!" Frasier reiterated as he walked into the room. He opened a cabinet drawer and got out a bowl. Elizabeth and Frederick exchanged a look. Frasier was dressed in a full suit, complete with a pocket watch and balmorals. "Good morning! How is my beautiful family?"
"Ummm…..Dad? What are you doing?"
"Why, I'm getting myself a hearty bowl of Cheerios! I can't have my cholesterol creeping up again now can I?" He smiled and plopped the Cheerio bowl down on the island. He bent over to fix his pant leg and narrowly avoided a flying piece of banana that kersplatted on the counter behind him.
"Lionel! They're not going to let you into preschool!" Elizabeth scolded.
"Dad, you're scaring me."
"What, I cut myself shaving?" Frasier placed an abnormally large spoonful of Cheerios into his mouth and chewed loudly. He stopped and grinned, giving them a thumbs up sign. Some dribbles of milk went down his chin and Elizabeth made a face. He swallowed. "Aren't Niles and Daphne going to be here soon?"
"They should be here anytime now!" Elizabeth got Lionel out of his booster and set him down on the ground. He ran into the other room and the sounds from his toy trucks began going off. "I better go wake Betsy. She needs to be fed." She walked out of the room, not before giving her husband a pointed look.
"I heard everything you said, you know." Frasier said in between bites of Cheerios.
"Yes, I know." Frederick sighed. "Look, I'm sorry. I…"
"You're right. I've been feeling sorry for myself. I should be embracing old age! It's an important part in the circle of life! I am now the wise one! The patriarch! The…"
The doorbell rang and, thankfully, interrupted Frasier's speech. "Uncle Niles is here! Uncle Niles is here!" Lionel went running through the kitchen and to the front door. He stopped and opened the door himself.
"Lionel!" Niles said, excitedly.
"Hi everybody!" The little boy opened the door and invited them in. "Uncle Niles! Aunt Daphne! How are you?" Frederick smiled and gave them a kiss on the cheek.
"Quite well, dear. Thank you." Daphne smiled. "Where's Frasier? We brought him a little something!"
Frasier walked into the foyer and smiled. "Hello!" He opened his arms and Niles and Daphne gave him a big hug. "Now where are my wonderful nieces and nephews?"
"Oh Maggie and David are still at college" Daphne smiled. "They had finals coming up, they couldn't leave. But they send their love." She reached her head out the door. "Jessica! Martin! LET'S GO!"
Niles winced and stuck a finger in his ear. "Now THAT actually got old a long time ago."
"Well if they listened, I'd stop doing it" Daphne said. She stuck her head back out the door. "LET'S GO! WE'RE VISITING FAMILY! NOT THE BLOODY FUNERAL PARLOUR!"
This time Frasier winced along with Niles. A few seconds later, a teenage Jessica and Martin sheepishly walked in.
"Take out the headphones!" Daphne snatched the out of Martin's ears who glared at her. They trudged over and gave their uncle hugs. Martin snatched his headphones back from his mother and the two followed Lionel into the other room.
"They're so bright and cheery aren't they?" Daphne made a face and handed Frederick her coat. "I'm going to go check up on the baby and then we'll give you your present, Frasier." She kissed him on the cheek again and walked up the steps.
Niles led Frasier into the kitchen and Frederick, realizing everyone was distracted, snuck into the dining room.
C/F
Lilith leaned over on her knees and tried to catch her breath. This running stuff was getting hard. She wasn't getting any younger. She opened her front door and shut it behind her, leaning against it. She walked slowly into the kitchen and got a glass out of the cabinet. She turned on the faucet and poured water into the glass. She looked up and out the window, noticing a bird that was eating out of the feeder. It was a beautiful bird, but it was hurt. It was hopping along on one leg, favoring the other one as he leaned in to get some of the feed out. Lilith smiled a little to herself as she watched it; it was quite efficient. Another bird flew up next to it, this one was blue. He pushed the other bird out of the way who lost its footing and had to float around the feeder in an attempt to get food. Every time it attempted, the other bird pushed it away. Lilith's objective observance of it faded away and she suddenly wanted to go out there and tear the bluebird limb from limb for excluding that poor hurt one…
Suddenly, Lilith noticed that the water was running down her arm. "Aaahhh. Damn." She turned the water off quickly. She sighed and dumped some of the overflowing water from the glass back into the sink. She walked her glass back over to the table and sat down. She looked down at the glass in her hands and then back out the window.
Lilith wanted to cry. She wanted to open the pores of her skin and just let her entire body cry for her. She wanted to cry so badly, it made her head ache. She picked up her to do list on the table and realized that, yet again, there was nothing on her list today. She sighed and reached into her pocket and pulled out Frasier's comb, running her fingers up and down its bristles.
The other day, she had been cleaning out the bathroom and stumbled across one of his old combs tucked in the back of her make-up kit. A few Christmas's ago, she had family dinner and he had to stay the night because he was too drunk. After all this time, she was STILL finding his old stuff with her things. She had tried to throw it away when she found but she…couldn't. Lilith couldn't throw away some stupid old comb. Instead she carried it around with her everywhere and didn't make her feel so…alone. She tried to smile to herself as she stared down at it, but it came out feeling like a grimace.
She popped up out of her chair. Maybe she could call Roberta! Roberta might be free today! She walked over to the phone and dialed the number. She crossed her arms and waited as the phone rang. "Hello, Roberta? It's Lilith."
"Oh hello, Lilith! How are you today, darling?"
"Good morning, Roberta. I was enquiring after…"
"Now John I told you to wait a second! Hello, Lilith!"
"Yes, Roberta! I was going to ask…"
"Now stop it John I told you tell them that I will be back…Hello Lilith! Hi, darling, I'm sorry. John and I have some friends over this morning and we are planning a trip with some friends to the Bahamas. We decided we needed a little vacation. I'll be terribly sad not to see the grandchildren for a few weeks though."
"Oh that sounds quite delightful! Look I was going to…"
"Listen, Lilith, I'm terribly sorry to cut you off but I have loads to do this morning. Were you calling to make an appointment?"
"Well…I….yes" Lilith's shoulders slumped. "What times are Dr. Bayless free next week?"
"He could see you anytime in the afternoon. If you'd like, stop by any day and we can probably fit you right in!"
"You're very welcome, Dr. Sternin! Have a good day!"
Lilith hung the phone up on the wall and leaned against the counter. So that was it. Her only friend in the world was a receptionist at her doctor's office. Lilith suddenly felt terribly alone, like the world was trying to squeeze her out.
The phone rang again and Lilith jumped up and grabbed it. "Hello! Roberta!"
"Uhhhh…..Mom?"
"Frederick!" Lilith startled. She could hear voices in the background. "What's going on?
"Mom, I was wondering if you could do me a favor."
"Sure, Frederick, anything for you."
"Elizabeth…I….no!" Lilith heard her son arguing with his wife on the other end of the line. There was some brief static and then his voice came back on. "Mom are you busy today?"
"Well, let's see…." Lilith bit her lip. "I am very busy this afternoon, but this evening I think I might have some time." She stared down at her empty to do list and closed her eyes, miserably, for a few moments before opening them again.
"Well, Dad's in town and I was wondering if you would stop by and see him. He just had surgery and I think he's feeling…well…a little lonely."
"Surgery?"
"He hasn't…? Mom, when was the last time you talked to Dad?
"Oh I can't recall off the top of my head…" But Lilith knew. It had been five years, almost to the day.
"Do you think you could try and visit him him, Mom? Please?"
"Well I don't know Frederick…."
"He could really use some company right now. He was actually asking about you last night."
"Really?" Lilith felt her heart leap at the thought. He was thinking about HER?
"Well, yeah. I think he misses you. Please, tell me you can stop by and see him."
"Well I…I… think I could probably find the time to. Will the children be there?"
"Yes! And once I tell them you're coming there will be no turning back" he chuckled.
Lilith smiled a little bit. "Well son I will be sure to be prompt."
"Thank you mom. Love you."
"I love you too, Frederick." Lilith hung up the phone and wrote down "Visit family" on her to do list. Suddenly, today didn't seem so dreary after all.
There is the first chapter! Let me know what you all think and I will hopefully have chapter 2 up in the next few days!