A/N: This was written at 2 in the morning after feeling creative and asking for some inspiration from my friend. She gave me the words 'jelly' and 'pineapple', so this is waht I came up with. My first Sherlock fanfiction and it's a bit (very) silly, so let me know if anyone's really OOC, and I hope you enjoy it.
For Amy, for giving me the prompt, and Lucy, because she loves pineapples (nearly as much as Gatsby).
Disclaimer: I do not own Sherlock.
Pineapple Jelly
"Sherlock, have you eaten today?" asked John, looking over to where his flatmate was sprawled on the sofa, violin clutched in his fingers, occasionally plucking a string.
Sherlock didn't answer for a moment, contemplating which note would sound best next in the air he was composing in his mind palace. He picked at a note again (C#, second finger on the A string) before looking up as John repeated himself.
"Sherlock! Did you hear anything I've just said? Or anything that I've been talking about in the last half an hour?"
"No," said Sherlock, sitting up. Well, that answered that question simply enough. John muttered something that sounded like 'might as well have been talking to the skull'.
"Well, he's a good listener," said Sherlock, grinning slightly. When John rolled his eyes, he continued, "Look, John, I was in my mind palace. You know my senses don't take account of anything irrelevant when I'm in my mind palace. And I'm sure I could guess what you've been saying pretty accurately anyway."
John raised an eyebrow at his brilliant flatmate. "Go on then," he said, crossing his arms, "let's hear it."
"Well," Sherlock took a deep breath before launching into his deduction, and John rolled his eyes again; why did he have to be so bloody dramatic all the time? "You've been working at the surgery all day since we don't have a case on, so you've probably been blathering about the particular boring patients and their mundane ailments that you find somehow interesting. Judging by the blood on your sleeve, I'd say that someone had a bad reaction to an injection and started bleeding, although it wasn't actually that bad because there's no sign of anything other than blood on your sleeve, so no ugly reaction, just a heavy blood flow. You'd arranged to meet Sarah tonight, which is obvious from the fact that you've had such a close shave, but your rumpled hair and casual attire suggests that she cancelled it, possibly owing to the fact that the last time she went on a date with you she ended up tied to a chair in the sewers of London, barely escaping being hit by an arrow. You would have moved on from that quickly because you wouldn't want to dwell on it, and probably turned the conversation to me. Asking when I last ate or something similar, I suspect." He finished with a strum of his violin and a satisfied nod, as if that was all John needed to hear from him tonight.
John tried to hide his grin, but could not prevent himself from saying "You're bloody amazing, you know that right?"
As always when someone complimented him, Sherlock looked mildly shocked (John had considered complimenting him at more inappropriate moments just to see that expression, but had decided against it; Sherlock's ego was big enough as it was). He then said "I do know, John. But thank you."
John muttered something that sounded very like 'Typical' before turning to the fridge.
"Are we out of milk again?" Sherlock asked, innocently.
"N-Yes, we are, apparently," John gave Sherlock a 'you've-been-using-the-milk-in-your-experiments-again' look, "but that's not the point. Mrs Hudson brought us jelly."
"Jelly?" sniffed Sherlock, attempting to sound uninterested.
"Yep. No idea what flavour though. Here, see if you can deduce it with your Spidey-senses."
"Been watching sub-par superhero films again, John?" Sherlock asked, giving him a look.
"They're all sub-par according to you," he said. "Anyway, stop changing the subject and come and deduce this jelly.
Sherlock sniffed. "Alright then." He stretched like a cat and got slowly, languidly up from the sofa, depositing his violin on the coffee table on his way to the kitchen. "It's yellow," he said, upon seeing it.
"Genius."
Sherlock ignored the comment and bent down to sniff the wobbly object. "It smells sweet."
"Well of course it does. It's a jelly, it's supposed to be sweet."
"Not true. Garlic and Hot Pepper jelly, Cucumber Dill jelly, Ginger, Lime and Cilantro jelly...any of them sound sweet to you?"
"Alright, alright. Just 'cause I didn't eat in fancy restaurants when I was growing up."
"I think it's...pineapple."
"Pineapple? Pineapple? Can you get pineapple jelly?"
"Well, obviously, John. If pineapple is your idea of an exotic jelly flavour, maybe you need to expand your culinary horizons."
"Says the man who barely eats."
" I've tried everything. Gets boring after that."
John rolled his eyes yet again at his exasperating flatmate. "It's just I can't imagine Mrs Hudson making pineapple jelly. I'd imagine she'd go for something classic, strawberry or raspberry maybe."
Sherlock grinned. "Once again, you underestimate her, Doctor Watson."
"Alright then. Are we gonna try it, or what?"
"Well, you can have it if you want. I'm not remotely interested." He turned away, planning to go back to his mind palace and compose some more.
"Really?" said John, raising an eyebrow.
"Really." Sherlock didn't even turn.
John let out an exasperated groan, causing Sherlock to turn around. "What?" he said?
"Sherlock, when did you last eat?"
"What day is it again?"
"Wednesday."
There was a pause. "I can't remember."
"You c- Sherlock!" John spluttered. "You can't just forget not to eat for so long that you forget when you last did eat. You'll waste away, and then what am I going to do?" He raised his hands in supplication.
Sherlock raised an eyebrow. "I hardly think the nutritional value contained in Mrs Hudson's pineapple jelly will be sufficient to-"
John interrupted. "Just eat it."
"Yes sir!" Sherlock mock-saluted and took the spoon John offered him to (rather clumsily, actually) spoon the wobbly gelatine into his mouth.
John shook his head. The things he did to make his flatmate eat.