Talk
It was a week after Don chose the job in Chicago over Robin that Lily starting noticing the changes in Barney. She noticed that he wasn't trying as hard with women and that he would give up at the first sign of hesitation and wasn't as excited when a woman was interested. She also noticed that his smile would falter if he saw a guy flirt with Robin and she kept catching him staring at her. Every time Lily caught Barney staring he would stop and act like he hadn't been doing anything. Lily found herself studying Barney's behavior every time they were all together as a group and in doing this she soon realized that he generally seemed a little down most of the time. She wondered how long he had been feeling like this, she felt bad she hadn't paid enough attention to her friends feelings that she could pick up any changes straight away like she could with Marshall, Ted and Robin. She hoped that now she was aware she could help. He did hide it well though, so well that no one else in their group had noticed the change in him. Although Lily had to admit that Barney was never one to show his true emotions so his friends could easily not see the change in him. Now that Lily had noticed she decided that she had to talk to him, she thought he might open up to her because he had called her when he fell for Robin and asked her for advice. She just had to find a good time when Barney and her were alone.
It was a week after Lily noticed the changes that the opportunity arose. They were all hanging out at Ted's talking and drinking, and Robin was going on and on about the guy she had gone out with the previous night. After 15 minutes of Robin describing the guy and the date, Lily noticed Barney got up and went to go out the fire escape, she guessed to the roof.
"Barney, where are you going?" she asked
"To the roof for a smoke." he replied and left.
Lily decided this was a good time to talk to him, so she went over climbed out the window and up the fire escape. When she got up there she saw Barney, facing away from her, leaning on the wall of the edge of the roof looking out at the city, she noticed he wasn't smoking; she went over.
"Thought you came up her for a smoke." she said as he turned to look at her.
"Changed my mind, decided just to get some air." he said then looked away, back out at the city
"Do you want to talk?" she asked
"About what?"
"About whatever it is that's on your mind, what's been getting you down lately?"
"What are you talking about? I'm fine."
"No you're not, you've been differently lately, you're not yourself, you seem unhappy." She paused as she noticed he lowered his head confirming her concerns.
"Look, I'm not going to make you talk to me, I just want you to know that I'm here, I care about you Barney, I'm worried about you, just know I'm here and I'm willing to listen if you want to talk."
At this point Ted, Marshall and Robin were on the fire escape just below the roof. They had decided to join Barney and Lily for a smoke but hearing the conversation they were having they stopped and started listening knowing this might be the only time they were ever going to hear Barney talk about his feelings.
"Thanks Lily, I would talk to you but you openly admit you can't keep secrets." he said with a smile
"I promise that whatever you tell me I will never repeat to anyone, not even Marshall, I know you find it really hard to talk about your feelings and I was really touched you told me about your feelings for Robin and I know that you very rarely confide in people, so now that you know you can confide in me I'm not going to screw that up."
"You would keep a secret from Marshall for me?" he asked
"Yes I would." she replied and he smiled at her, touched.
"Ok, let's talk." he said and they both sat down and leaned their backs against the wall.
"So, how does this work?" he asked and she smiled
"Well, usually the person who needs to talk starts telling the other person what's bothering them but since you're new to this whole sharing thing I'll start, Barney what's been bothering you lately?" she said and they both smiled
"I made a huge mistake and I can't stop thinking about it."
"What did you do?" she asked
"I blew it, I blew it with the most incredible woman I have ever met, I had it Lily, for four wonderful months I had it, I was with the most amazing woman in the world, I was the happiest I have ever been in my life and I screwed it up." he explained and hung his head.
"You're in love with Robin again?" she asked
"Again? No, Lily I never stopped, when that bus hit me I realized that I was in love with Robin and I've been in love with her ever since."
Hearing this Robin couldn't help but let a tear fall
"Oh wow, I had no idea how hard you two not working out has been for you, I'm sorry."
"That's just it, we didn't 'not work out', I pushed her away."
"What do you mean you 'pushed her away'? How?"
"By being a jerk, something I'm really good at."
"A jerk how?"
"I picked at everything, turned every little thing in to an argument and turned most of those arguments into fights until we just couldn't do it anymore."
"Oh I see, why?" she asked
"Why what?"
"Why did you push Robin away?"
"Because I loved her and it terrified me." Lily nodded understandingly and he continued.
"You know I remember the exact moment I realized I loved her, it was one morning, we'd been together three months, and I had woken up before her and I was watching her sleep, she was so beautiful, peaceful you know and I was lying there wondering how I got so lucky, I remember thinking this is it, this is what I want, this is what I want 40 years from now, I want to be old and gray and watching her sleep, that was when I knew I loved her and that was also the moment I freaked out, I was terrified."
"What were you terrified of?"
"What I was feeling, that I could feel that strongly about somebody else after Shannon, that I was feeling this strongly after only three months, but mostly I think I was afraid she would never feel the same way, I was terrified she wouldn't let herself love a guy like me, a guy who, up until being with her, had been a eternal bachelor."
"So you started pushing her away."
"Yeah and as we all know I'm excellent at getting rid of women."
"Why haven't you told her all this?"
"I can't."
"Why? What's stopping you?"
"The thing that cost me her in the first place, fear."
"I know it's scary telling someone you love them, because there's a chance they won't reciprocate the feelings and your heart will get broken but I still think you should, you never know, she might say what you're longing to hear."
"That's the thing; it's not just my heart I'd be risking."
"What do mean?" she asked
"I'd be risking the group too, what do think would happen to our group if I told her how I felt and she said she'd moved on, that she didn't feel that way anymore, there is no way we could all hang together with me being in love with her, her knowing that but not feeling the same way, we couldn't be a group anymore."
"I can't ask them but I'm pretty sure if I did, Marshall and Ted would be willing for you to risk the group if it meant you had a chance with the woman you love."
"You think?" he asked
"Yeah I do and I'm willing too." she said and gave him a smile
"Thanks, but even if I could work up the nerve, which I can't, I wouldn't know what to say."
"Let me help, pretend I'm Robin, ok, now what would you say to get me back?" she asked
"Well, I guess I would tell you that it was my fault we broke up and I'm sorry that I hurt you."
"Good, good, what else?"
"I would tell you that I realized I loved you when I was hit by the bus and that I have never stopped loving you since that day," Lily nodded encouragingly so he continued "I think about you all the time and miss you when you're not around, I love everything about you and there is not one thing I would change." he paused
"It's perfect, keep going."
"I know I don't deserve it and I know you can do so much better that a guy like me but I would give anything to have another chance to be with you and if you take me back I will spend everyday trying to make you as happy as you make me."
"Barney that was beautiful, ok, now how would you finish?"
"I would ask, can I please have another chance."
"Yes." said Robin as she climbed on to the roof followed by Ted and Marshall
"Robin, Ted, Marshall!" Said Barney in surprise
"I heard everything and I can't believe that you feel that way." Robin continued
"Robin, I…" Barney started but she interrupted
"I forgive you, I understand, I was scared too, I was scared that any minute you would realize that you'd made a mistake and you'd go back to you bachelor ways, so I never fully let you in or let myself fall for you, can you forgive me?" she asked
"Yes, of course, I love you." He replied
"I love you too." she said and they kissed. They stood there kissing until Ted cleared his throat
"So you guys are back together then?" he said and they nodded
"Congratulations!" he said smiling and giving the pair a hug which turned into a group hug when Lily and Marshall joined in. After a few seconds Marshall spoke
"Wait a minute; you were going to keep a secret from me?"