Chapter One- That pain in my chest

I stood there and watched in pain. As my beloved twin brother Hikaru walked away with Haruhi. Under my mask of pain I was smiling. I was happy he was expanding a bit.

Selfishly I was worried for myself. Scared he'd want her and I'd lose my Hikaru.

"My Hikaru.."

My only real love. I was frozen were I stood he was laughing, he only ever laughed that way with me. Hikaru? No he can't love her its…it's just too soon.
why?

I wanted to run, to move, something. I didn't... Why am I still watching?

I must be selfish. my brother; he's happy. And I'm sickened because he's happy.

and now she's happy , with my Hikaru! Am I a bad person?

They walked into the building and finally…"Hika...r..." I froze and could not move, not even an age.

I turned to walk to my room. I walked out the gate instead. How could I go to class?

How could I walk the hall with them? I look at someone as sweet as Haruhi with disgust and hate.

Am I a bad person? How could I do that in front of Hikaru?

He is happy. isn't he?

I ran down the path, into the darkness of the nearby woods.

It's kind of funny... Hikaru stood here once looking confused like me. Did his heart hurt like mine? I hope not. I hope my brother never felt like this.

A horrible aching feeling welled up inside. My heart feels heaver every second.

Every second he's away from me. Every second he's with her.

Every second I rested against that tree.

I waited and watched as the sun set in the sky.

I felt my cheeks burn hot...The honey color in the sun as it set…..was the same as my beloved's eyes.

"Hikaru..."

I looked at my feet. I Could stay here all night..

No. I'm such a baby I'd probably have a nightmare. Maybe, just maybe.

Hikaru would be better off with someone brave like Haruhi.

I'm not brave….I'm not strong….I'm not fit to be his other half….am I? I could see It coming from the moment I watched them walking together.

I tried... no had to conceal it. But Now I felt it bubbling up in my eyes.

The warm tears spilled over my cheeks.

I wonder what my brother would say if he saw me like this.

He would laugh.

Or would he walk away?

Maybe he would hold me and say it'll be okay.

I buried my face into my hands and fell to my knees.

It's sick to love who I do. I dont question my feelings, but he'll never love me.