Title: Everything I Am
Summary: Just how long can you love someone, before they tear you apart completely? Annabeth Chase is nearing her breaking point. A take on Annabeth's side of the story during SON.
A/N: So. I kind of fell off the face of the earth for a little. But I wanted to post this, so, here it is. Based off of 'Taking Over Me' by Evanescence. The lyrics are not mine. Don't sue. It just seemed so fitting. I apologize if Annabeth is OOC.
You don't remember me, but I remember you
I lie awake and try so hard not to think of you
Annabeth felt helpless.
She sat on her bunk, toes grazing the cold floor of the Athena cabin. Letting gravity take over, she fell to her side and pulled her legs up to her chest. She wasn't used to feeling like this. Wasn't used to feeling helpless. Wasn't used to feeling so…hopeless.
Her chest ached, with an empty hollowness. Eight months.
Eight months he had been gone.
Eight months she begged and begged to search for him.
Eight months of talking to Rachel, hoping, praying.
Eight months leading up to Annabeth becoming completely numb.
"Annie," a voice whispered from the door. Annabeth craned her neck to look over her shoulder. Most of the cabin was out, doing activities, some helping build the Argo II. It was almost done, but this morning, Annabeth hadn't had the will power to drag herself out of bed. Malcolm took command of the cabin and gave her a day to rest. Now, Malcolm was standing just inside the doorway of the dark cabin. He could hear Annabeth's heavy breathing as she stared at him critically.
"What?" she croaked, clearing her throat a few times before trying to speak again, "Why are you here, Malcolm?"
"Everybody's worried about you," He replied, easily navigating his way through stacks of books and stray weapons strewn on the floor. Normally, the cabin would be clean, but with everything going on, the floor just stayed dirty. Malcolm sat on the corner of her bed, and she turned back over and stared at the wall. There was a small picture of Grover, Percy and her, sometime after their first quest, tacked to the wall near her pillow.
"Annabeth, please," Malcolm begged, his voice near the breaking point of hysteria and desperation. She turned over to face him, her stormy gray eyes watery as she curled into an even tighter ball.
"Malcolm," she whispered, her chin almost resting on her knees.
"What Annie?"
"I'm scared." She whimpered at the hollow sound of her own voice, mentally scolding herself for breaking down entirely.
"What of?"
"Him not remembering me. Not remembering anything. I love him with everything I am, and he might not even know my name. That's too much for me to lose."
But who can decide what they dream
And dream I do
Annabeth fell asleep soon after Malcolm left, due to letting her mind roam. Something she'd never normally do, but she was too exhausted to maintain self-control.
In her dream, she was floating. Drifting. And freezing. She looked around, but only saw the same dim blue water in front of her, along with sparkly weapon-looking shapes and even some dark shadows.
Annabeth took a deep breath, surprised she could breathe underwater, and tried to swim up to the surface, where she could see squiggly white shapes above the rippling waves. It didn't work. Annabeth wasn't the greatest swimmer, but she could tell something was wrong when she didn't move at all. With an inward groan, she stopped trying and just began floating. She looked around once more and noticed a dark shape swimming towards. Her heart fluttered slightly, as she involuntarily panicked. But soon, the shape took the form of someone familiar, and the flutters became butterflies in her stomach. Was Annabeth Chase, daughter of a War Goddess, letting a boy make her lose control?
Hades, yeah, she was.
He appeared instantly, right in front of her. His messy black hair was dry and his sea green eyes held that special spark. He swam fast, the fastest she had ever seen him swim. Annabeth felt her stomach do a somersault before suddenly everything became fuzzy. Percy, the water, it all faded, as mumbling outside her dreamland became words with meaning.
"Annabeth, get up!" The voice was slightly deep, with a silky quality that made her think of someone. Who was it?
"Mmh?" Annabeth asked, blindly reaching a hand out to the person, her fingertips meeting soft, warm flesh.
"Um, yeah. That would be my cheek. Now would be a wonderful time for you to get up."
Now Annabeth recognized the voice, the entrancing quality that made her want to get up. Piper.
"Five more minutes?" Annabeth slurred, which was strange for her, since she had hardly ever asked to sleep in. Even then, it was only on the weekends.
"Annabeth, the Argo II is almost finished. Chiron wants to talk to you." Piper smirked as Annabeth sigh and starting moving and turning.
"Fine, I'll get up." Grumbling and groaning, Annabeth did just that, each step going towards the door taking her farther away from on more vision of him. With a small stretch and yawn, Annabeth threw a sweatshirt over her head and slipped her feet into her worn pair of Converse. Her plaid pajama pants stuck to the bottom of her shoes as she walked, and a few stray curls of her hair flew in her mouth every time she yawned. Chiron sat near the table on the porch in wheelchair form, near the top of the stairs.
"Good morning, Annabeth, Piper," he said with a short nod.
"'Morning," Piper said cheerfully. Annabeth mumbled a response and pulled out a chair at the table.
"Tired?" Chiron asked. Annabeth nodded slowly, as if it was something she had to think about. She looked out over the porch railing, watching a few younger campers sprint through the grass. Tired. The thought made her laugh to herself.
It was the perfect excuse.
I believe in you
I'll give up everything just to find you
I have to be with you to live, to breathe
You're taking over me
Annabeth was losing her mind. As every hour passed, one more ounce of her sanity seemed to slip away.
Percy couldn't be gone. He couldn't just disappear.
Annabeth really hated Hera, with a passion.
And Tyson had been so close to bringing him back. So close.
Maybe Annabeth just want aloud to stay happy for long periods of time. Everything had just so perfect. Maybe two, blissful months of dating Percy was all she would get. Two months of smiling and laughing. Two months of holding hands, everywhere, and being able to kiss Percy any time she wanted. Two months of feeling his arms around her shoulders or his hands loosely holding her waist. Two months of him whispering 'I love you' at random moments of the day. Two months of her whispering it back. All gone. Down the drain. Over with.
Annabeth was pulled out of her reverie when Jason stepped up on the porch.
"Ah, Jason, there you are. We need to discuss a 'Plan B' if something were to go wrong at your landing."
Annabeth could hear Chiron and Jason's voices, and pitched in her two cents where it was needed, but both Chiron and Jason knew her heart wasn't in the conversation.
"We'll find him, Annabeth," Jason said softly. Annabeth sighed.
"That's one of the things I'm afraid of."
Have you forgotten all I know
and all we had?
You saw me mourning my love for you
and touched my hand
I knew you loved me then
It had taken Jason awhile to just remember a few names, Annabeth realized as she followed him to the Argo II.
What if Percy still didn't remember her? Was that even possible?
The ship itself looked great. The bronze shields on the sides shone brightly, as did the Dragon's head. Leo sprinted up to them, grinning.
"We are so close to finishing, I can taste it!" he exclaimed, eyes lit up with pride.
"It looks good," Annabeth offered. She tried to sound convincing, she really did, but Leo's smile faltered slightly.
"Thanks," he nodded, placing a hand on her shoulder, "If you want you can go chill out in your cabin. Jason and I got it from here." Jason nodded along, blonde hair gleaming in the sun. Annabeth nodded and slowly stumbled away. She could feel their eyes on her as she retreated but she didn't look back. The need to run bubbled up from her feet to her brain and she took off, flying past her own cabin and pushing in the door to Cabin 3. Percy's.
Here, she at least felt close to him.
After closing the door, and locking it tight, Annabeth walked over to his bunk. She picked up his sweatshirt that was hanging over the footboard, and hugged it tight. It smelled just like him, a salty, ocean-like freshness and a hint of cologne. Annabeth sat down on the bed and looked around the room. The minotaur's horn hanging on the wall next to the shield Tyson made for him, along with a few pictures. Her heart swelled when she noticed that the only photo without her in it was a picture of his mother and Paul. Annabeth sighed and flopped down on the bed.
The slightly ruffled sheets were freezing. With a sigh, Annabeth continued to hug Percy's sweatshirt to her chest, watching the lines running over the mattress on the top bunk.
She missed Percy so much, it hurt. For eight months, Annabeth had suffered through the pain, the confusion, the heartbreak. It was all crashing down on her now. She hadn't given herself the luxury of fully crying, not yet, at least. A few tears had slipped, here and there, but Annabeth knew if she let the tears fall, she wouldn't be able to make. Her resolve would break. Everything she had worked to keep inside would just come running out.
She'd drown.
I believe in you
I'll give up everything just to find you
I have to be with you to live to breathe
you're taking over me
Thalia and the Hunters had come to visit a few times over the eight months. But Annabeth was more focused on the first time. It was right after Jason, Leo, and Piper had returned. Annabeth had been close to losing it.
Thalia walked into the Athena cabin, her eyes adjusting to the darkness. A dark figure sat in the corner, legs sprawled out in front of them.
"Annabeth?" Thalia asked quietly, "Is that you?" The figure whimpered.
"Thals?" Her voice cracked as she slowly spun over to all four and pull herself upright.
"What are you doing on the floor?" Thalia asked. Annabeth rushed forward, catching the Huntress of guard as she tightly hugged the other girl. "Oh, Annie," Thalia sighed, wrapping her own arms tightly around the teary daughter of Athena.
"I'm sorry," Annabeth muttered, after she had pulled away from Thalia.
"For what? Hugs are cool." Thalia shrugged and lightly punched Annabeth's shoulder.
"It's just been hard lately." Annabeth sat down on her bunk and wiped the one tear that left a trail down her ashen face.
"I know Annabeth, we all miss Percy. But you better believe we won't stop looking, and I'll be happy to drag his amnesic ass back here myself!" Thalia said exuberantly, sitting down next to Annabeth on the bunk. Annabeth chuckled softly and bumped Thalia's shoulder with her own.
"Thanks." Annabeth sniffled and wiped at another tear away.
"You know Annabeth, it's alright to cry." Thalia's voice was just above a whisper, but the full effect of her words slammed into Annabeth like a ton of bricks.
"I can't. Not yet, at least. I have to keep it together." Thalia nodded and stood up. As she neared the door of the cabin, she turned slightly.
"You may think that you have to hold it together, but you'd be surprised that falling apart makes something better fall together. And I may or may not have stolen part of that from Marilyn Monroe, but still the woman had a good point." Annabeth turned to look at the distressed lieutenant of Artemis. Thalia sighed, and made another attempt, "Look, Annabeth, all I'm trying to say is that it's okay to fall apart sometimes. We all do."
And with that, Thalia left the cabin, leaving Annabeth in a state of shock as her words reverberated through her head.
"It's okay to fall apart sometimes." That's what Thalia had said. Annabeth turned over on her side. She must've been in the Poseidon cabin for hours. She just didn't want to move.
With a sigh, Annabeth kicked off her shoes and pulled the cold comforter up to her neck. Finally, drowsiness took over, and Annabeth let her eyelids slowly close.
I look in the mirror and see your face
if I look deep enough
So many things inside that are just like you are taking over
Annabeth heard a loud thud. It made her sit right up, eyes wide.
"Annabeth!" Whose voice was that? It was rough, throaty and demanding. Another thud on the door. Annabeth rolled out of the bed, still clutching the sweatshirt. She hurried to the door and opened to expose a slightly annoyed Clarisse. Once she took in Annabeth's shaky form, one of Percy's sweatshirts tangled in her hands, her face softened.
"Alright, c'mon. Let's get you back to your cabin." Clarisse wrapped her arm around Annabeth's shoulders, closed the door to Percy's cabin and began steering the blonde to her cabin.
"Thanks, Clarisse," Annabeth mumbled. Clarisse smiled grimly, a tight-lipped, closed mouth grin and patted Annabeth's shoulder gently, somewhat awkwardly.
"Don't worry, Annabeth. You're not alone."
Clarisse left Annabeth in her bunk, tucked under the covers with Percy's sweatshirt still bundled in her arms. Annabeth looked out the window, nearest to her bed. Watching the sunlight streaming through the dark gray curtains. The room was quiet, which made it easy for Annabeth to her when the cabin door open. Taylor, one of the youngest in the Athena cabin at only ten years old, hesitantly walked in.
"Annabeth?" She asked quietly, taking baby steps towards the bed.
"Yes, Taylor?" Annabeth asked quietly.
"Are you alright?" Taylor stepped up to the side of the bed. Annabeth sighed. She moved against the wall and patted the empty mattress next her. Taylor climbed into the bed and snuggled up against Annabeth's side.
"I'm alright, Taylor. I don't want you to worry about me." Annabeth poked Taylor's nose and smiled softly at the younger blonde. Taylor smiled brightly.
"I love you, Annabeth. You're a good big sister, you know that?" Taylor's eyes fluttered slightly, as she tried to fight off a yawn.
"You're a good sister too, Tay." Annabeth sighed once more and hugged the younger girl tightly. She couldn't help but think back to what Clarisse had said. Taylor yawned quietly and snuggled into the pillow, her eyelids fluttering once more before closing. Never alone.
Annabeth was starting to like the sound of that.
I believe in you
I'll give up everything just to find you
I have to be with you to live to breathe
you're taking over me
When Annabeth woke up a few hours later, the cabin was dark and Taylor was in her own bunk. She must've dozed off after Taylor had fallen asleep. Shaking her head, Annabeth sat up and scooted out of bed. Stepping into a pair of shoes and pulling Percy's sweater over her head, Annabeth snuck out of the Athena cabin and ran to Cabin One.
Jason was asleep, of course, so it took Annabeth a few loud knocks to get him to the door to open.
"Annabeth? Why are you waking me up at two in the morning?" Jason asked, running a hand through his messy blonde hair, eyes half open.
"Is it two already?" Annabeth asked nervously.
"Yes," Jason said with a nod.
"Can I come in?" Annabeth asked shortly, clearing her throat.
"Be my guest," Jason replied, opening the door wider and stepping back. Annabeth hurried inside. The cabin itself was mostly empty, except for a small cot in the back along with Jason's things and a sleeping bag off in a little nook for when Thalia visited.
"Thanks," Annabeth said, standing near the statue of Zeus with her arms crossed.
"May I ask why you're here at two in the morning?" Jason asked.
"I, um. No, not really," Annabeth cringed and sighed.
"We're about an hour away from finishing the Argo II. We should be done in the morning," Jason murmured quietly. Annabeth nodded.
"That's good," Annabeth said, leaning against the base of the statue. A stray tear leaked from her eye. Suddenly, she couldn't control it. The floodgates burst open.
So she cried.
She let the tears fall, dripping to the floor, and soaking the top collar of the sweatshirt. Jason stood there awkwardly, watching as Annabeth broke down.
"I'm sorry for making you watch me like this," Annabeth said quickly, wiping her eyes with the sleeve of the sweatshirt, "I normally don't cry this much."
"It's okay. Don't worry about it," Jason replied, adding a slight shrug to the statement.
"It's just…something Thalia told me the first time she visited Camp, right after you guys got back from the quest," Annabeth explained, wrapping her arms around herself. Not to keep herself together. She was done being that mopey, needy girl. That was not Annabeth. That was not who she was.
"What did she say?" Jason asked, perking up at the mention of his older sister. Annabeth chuckled.
"She said, 'It's okay to fall apart sometimes'. I haven't let myself cry yet," Annabeth said, "I thought it would make me look weak."
"There's this crazy thing about Thalia," Jason said with a grin, "She's right most of the time." Annabeth laughed, actually laughed, and nodded.
"Yeah," She said shortly sniffling as a few more tears escaped.
"Do you feel weak?" Jason asked, peering at her with those blue eyes, so similar to Thalia's.
"No," she said, shaking her head, "I certainly don't feel stronger, like those dumb sayings, but I do feel…better. Relieved, in a way." Annabeth smile and shrugged slightly. Jason smiled back.
"I'm glad."
I believe in you
I'll give up everything just to find you
I have to be with you to live to breathe
you're taking over me
Annabeth sat on her bed, knees tucked up against her chest. She watched as the rest of the cabin, the rest of her siblings, slept peacefully. After her small breakdown in the Zeus cabin, she had left, with few words to say. She really did feel relieved. It was easier to breathe, easier to think. Tomorrow, the Argo II would be finished. And she would find Percy. And whether he remembered her or not, give him a bone-crushing hug and kick his ass.
Annabeth normally wasn't one to cuss. Well, at least not in English. But if she was angry enough, she would probably have a couple choice words for the retched Goddess of Marriage.
Annabeth, she chided calmly to herself, what's done is done. Just find Percy. And stop talking to yourself.
Annabeth shook her head lightly and glanced around the room once more. Everyone was asleep, softly breathing. The silence, with a little bit of snoring, was peaceful for Annabeth.
Knowing that at least she would find Percy was enough to keep Annabeth going. Memories could be replaced. If he didn't get all of them back, he could easily create new ones. Percy was going to be okay.
And if Percy was going to be okay, Annabeth was too.
With a small sigh, Annabeth climbed under the covers and settled into the sheets. The moon was barely visible through the gray shutters over the window, but Annabeth could still see the glow of the tiny sliver. Taking a deep breath, Annabeth imagined sitting on the beach looking up at the moon and the stars. She imagined the waves crashing on the shore, the saltiness of the air. The sand sticking to Annabeth's legs and feet and her just not caring.
Lastly, she imagined being able to return to the peaceful spot, and sit there wrapped in Percy's arms.
And with one final content sigh, Annabeth closed her eyes, and for once in eight months was happy to drift off into a deep, blissful sleep.
Taking over me
Your Taking Over Me
Taking over me
Taking over me
Annabeth woke up to sunlight streaming on her face. We a slight bit of deja-vu from her little episode at two in the morning, she crawled out of bed and pulled on Percy's sweatshirt. Glancing at one of the digital clocks in the Cabin, she swore lightly to herself. She had overslept, a couple hours. She told Jason she'd help finish the Argo II at ten. It was almost one.
Pulling on a pair of shoes, and stumbling out the door, Annabeth took off running. She continued to swear to herself, only tripping a few times.
Jason and Leo were sitting on the porch of the Big House. Chiron was sitting peacefully between them, intently discussing something in a hushed tone. Annabeth burst onto the porch, looking out of breath and a little sweaty.
"I…overslept," she gasped, collapsing into a chair as the three of them looked at her with raised eyebrows. Leo and Jason nodded slowly.
"Don't worry about it Annabeth. The Argo II is done. We were just waiting for you to get up so we could discuss plans for when we get to the Roman Camp," Leo explained, giving her a lopsided grin. Annabeth suppressed a groan and nodded.
"Alright, plans," she said, clearing her throat.
"What are you going to do if Percy doesn't remember anything?" Jason deadpanned. Annabeth felt like she had gotten punched in the stomach, and she slouched against the back of the chair. Then she thought about last night, and the thought just before she fell asleep. Suddenly sitting back up, she looked Chiron straight in the eye and gave him a little smile.
"I'm going to kick his butt, that's what I'm going to do," Annabeth told them, completely serious. After though, she sigh a said, "I do have to point out the fact that he has to at least remember something and even if he doesn't, he'll remember eventually. We have to start this quest started, and there's no possibility of getting anywhere near Greece, without Percy. If he doesn't remember, we'll just have to figure out a way to get him to come with us. It can't be that hard, considering the Argo II is a boat." As she explained this, she glanced around the table, waiting for their reactions. Leo and Jason were nodding along, but it Chiron who was smiling at Annabeth. She met his steady gaze and slowly smiled back.
"It's good to have you back, Annabeth," Leo said after she finished, reaching over the table to give her a high-five. Annabeth smiled and returned it.
"Wait till Percy's back," came Clarisse's voice, as her footsteps got louder. She clapped a hand down on Annabeth's shoulder and smirked. "She's a lot scarier and rolls her eyes every two seconds."
Annabeth had to keep herself from rolling her eyes, not wanting to live up to the legend Clarisse painted her as.
Looking back up at Chiron, Annabeth watched his wise brown eyes twinkle. He nodded to her once. Annabeth sat back in the chair as Leo bantered back and forth with Clarisse as Jason shook his head at the two.
Later, Annabeth stood alone in the grass, gazing directly at the Argo II. Campers were running back and forth bringing supplies and extra weapons to the ship.
Soon, they would be leaving to find the Roman Camp.
And Percy, Annabeth thought to herself, crossing her arms across her chest.
Annabeth turned around and began walking back to her Cabin to pack.
As she passed Cabin Three, the familiar twinge of pain in her heart wasn't so bad. Shaking her head Annabeth continued to walk.
Stupid Seaweed Brain, Annabeth thought. But she smiled as thought it.