Warnings: This story is AU. L, Light, Misa and everybody else are all in kindergarten, so obviously they're much younger. There's no Kira, no world's-top-three-detectives L and no I'm-a-god-now-listen-to-my-gopher-on-crack-laugh Light.

Disclaimer: I do not own Death Note or any of its characters.

Third Person POV

"El? Oh, El?" a little girl called. She was searching for her friend, L, but the poor girl thought his name was 'El.'

"Yes, Misa? What is it?" replied L.

"Did you know your name means 'the' in Spanish? I heard Mrs. Dee-dee say it."

Taking a moment to think, L remembered the spelling of that word and his name.

"Misa, I think you are confu-," he started.

"Haha! I'm calling you 'The' from now on! 'The!' How're you doing, 'The?' 'The,' can I borrow some crayons?"

Getting slightly agravated, L cut Misa off. "Misa, my name is spelt L. The Spanish word for 'the' is spelt E-L. My name is not the same and therefore does not mean 'the.'"

After a second, she asked, "What does 'the' mean?"

"Go look it up." As L turned to walk away, he noticed Misa writing in a pink pad.

"... What's that?" L asked, pointing to Misa's notebook.

"That's my journal, silly! But you can't read it. It has secret stuff in there!" Misa said excitedly. When wasn't the poor girl excited?

"Stuff like what?" the boy inquired.

"Stuff like who my husband is! I bet you'll never guess it!" she said in a taunting voice that said, 'Go ahead. Try and guess. ~You'll get it wrong~.'

"Light," L dead-panned.

"How'd you know it was Light?" Misa asked, completely clueless. She was in kindergarten for Pete's sake. Give her a break! When she gets older, then you can make fun of her stupidity.

"Because you seem to have written, 'Mrs. Light Yagami' all over your notebook with hearts around them and... erm, unicorns," L said, then thought, 'Does this girl really believe in unicorns? But... if they do exist, they can join my army to defeat Santa Claus! That's what the fat man gets when stealing my cookies every year.'

"Unicorns are so pretty! I'm going to be riding one during my wedding," Misa said, envisioning her wedding with Light.

"Mm. So, where do you hide that notebook anyway? I never saw it before. It must be a good hiding place."

"It is! It is! I'm smartest of all for thinking it! Now Light will have to love me!" Misa stared of into space thinking about Light. "And I'm not telling you!" she added, sticking out her tongue.

"Please? Please with cherries on top?" L licked his lips thinking about a sundae with cherries but focused on the matter at hand.

"Yummy! And no!"

L tilted his head and gave Misa a puppy dog look.

"Ohh. Ohh," she said, fighting the urge to tell him. She decided she'd lie so he'd stop with the eyes.

'Where should I tell him?' Her mind reeled back to a phrase she heard a wobbly man on the street say once before drinking more apple juice from his glass bottle. "Fine! It's up Light's ass and around the corner!" she said. Then she thought about the actual meaning of the words. "Hey, what's an 'ass'?" the blonde asked.

"I believe it is another word for a donkey."

'A donkey?' she thought. "What's a donkey?"

L paused for a moment, thinking of words Misa would understand. When you limit your vocabulary to that, you don't have much to work with.

"It's like a unicorn without a horn." At the word unicorn her eyes shined.

"Really?"

"Yes, Misa. They can fly and all," L said, thinking it would be fun to trick the girl. The corner of his lips twitched up in amusement

"Where can I find the donkey?"

He pretended to be shocked. "Didn't you just say that Light has some?"

Misa made a noise sounding like 'Oh yeah!' and ran over to Light and his play-dough. L smirked and sat at a nearby chair, preparing to watch the show.

"~Light~!" she yelled.

Light flinched, recognizing the voice. 'Misa. Dang it.' "Uh, yeah, Misa?" 'Maybe if I'm nice, she'll go away.'

"Can I see your donkey? Pu-leaassee?"

"Um, Misa? I don't own a donkey."

"Wha-at?" Misa said. "But L said you had one!" she said, tears rimming her big sad eyes.

"Oh he did, did he?" Light smirked. 'This will teach him.' "Misa, do you want to know a secret?"

"Oh yes, Light! Yes! I'm a good secret keeper!"

Light leaned over and whispered in her ear. "I may not have a donkey but L has a unicorn. A bunch of unicorns!"

Misa gasped.

"Do you know why he has all these unicorns?"

She thought but then shook her head no.

"He's building an army of unicorns so he can take down Santa and eat all his cookies!"

"No! But I love Santa!"

"So do I! But he won't listen to me, Misa. Maybe a pretty girl like you could talk to him."

She beamed at being called pretty by Light. "I'll do it! For Santa!" she exclaimed before running back to L. "L! How dare you! You potty-face!"

"And what, Misa, did I do to be called a 'potty-face'?" he asked.

"You want to kill Santa!" she yelled, loud enough for all the boys and girls to turn to them and then glare at L.

"Santa? No!"

"L's a monster!"

"Kill L not Santa!"

"Yes! Kill L!"

All the little evil monsters- uh, children, started closing in on L.

He walked backwards until he was up against a wall. They kept coming, like zombies wanting his oversized brain.

And L had a thought that was better left for one of the big kids in the upper grades:

'Oh shit.'