A Godfather's Instinct

Disclaimer: Harry Potter, film or book, doesn't belong to me and, frankly, it never will. But hey, that's okay because I can do what I want to the characters for free. Yay me! ^^

Warning: Self-injury and mentions of death. Rated T

Summary: They say that sometimes a parent's instincts are never wrong. Well, Sirius might not be a parent, but dammit he's a Godfather and that's just as good as any parent. Remus/Sirius friendship

A/N: Guess who's back...? That's right, ferret assassin nin, oh yeah! XD

Chapter 1: Are You Okay?

Harry sits in his and Ron's room at Number Twelve Grimauld Place waiting for his trail with the Ministry of Magic. It wasn't his fault that had to use the Patronus Charm to deter two dementors from actually killing him and his cousin in Little Whinging. He had no choice; he didn't quite understand why dementors would be so far from Azkaban but he has a theory. They're not working for the ministry now but for Voldemort instead and Voldemort wants him dead.

Just a week ago he was rescued from Number Four Private Drive; from his Uncle's merciless beatings, his Aunt's constant scrutiny, his cousin's continuous bullying, and the little prison known as his room. Ironically, this small prison was his safe haven. In fact, after he got back from Hogwarts his Uncle didn't waste any time in belittling Harry and beating him. Harry remembers how happy he was when he read the Daily Prophet and learned that Sirius was declared innocent. He also remembers how miserable he was when that night his uncle beat him particularly badly.

Fortunately, his uncle never beats him to the point where Harry would need to go to a hospital. After all, the Dursleys' little servant would be taken into custody once the doctors saw the bruises. Not to mention that surely "the people like him" would find out and have it out with his uncle. Harry wouldn't have minded that, actually. Heck, a couple of times Harry purposely tried to get his uncle pissed off enough that he'd slip up and actually hurt Harry bad enough to go to the hospital. Harry snorts at this; it wouldn't matter if he needed to go to a hospital, his uncle would just lock the door and leave Harry there to die.

As if his uncle's beatings weren't bad enough, he also has nightmares about Cedric Diggory dying and, if he doesn't revisit the graveyard at night, then he would have the same confusing dream of him walking down a dark, stony corridor lit only by torches and he would always wind up in front of the same mysterious door.

Harry is broken from his dark musings by a tentative knock on his door. He sighs tiredly and forces a smile on his face as he tells the person to come in. It's Ron.

"Hey mate, dinner's ready. Mum says that if you don't feel well enough to come down then she'll bring a plate up to you," he explains tentatively. Harry bites back a sigh. It was only a few days ago that he snapped at Ron and Hermione for not telling him anything. Ever since then Ron and Hermione have been walking on egg shells around him.

"Okay, thanks Ron," he returns. "I'll be down in a minute, alright?" Ron nods at this.

"Okay, sure Harry," he says as he retreats back out and starts to walk down the stairs. Harry sighs tiredly. He really wished that everyone would stop treating him like he was a walking time bomb. Then again, how can he really be so unfair to them when he always snapped at them?

As Harry walks down the stairs and into the basement kitchen Sirius greets him and Harry puts on his happy face, literally. He is the master of hiding emotions. When Sirius holds him at arm's length Harry can't help but actually smile. He loves Sirius and he hates to pretend that everything's alright when it really isn't.

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After Molly Weasley gets done with making dinner she sends her youngest son up to retrieve Harry. Sirius didn't like how Harry ate very little, was extremely pale, and always had a haunted look in his eyes. Even as he pulls Harry into a bone crushing hug he can't help but feel deeply concerned for him. Not only because he is so thin, but also because Harry immediately tenses up, however slightly. He knows something is going on with Harry; he can see it in his lifeless eyes. He knows that Harry only pretends to be happy because his smile doesn't reach his eyes and it scares Sirius. It honestly scares him to see Harry so…well, so lethargic.

Once everyone goes back upstairs and Mrs. Weasley cleans up Sirius asks if he can speak to Harry alone for a moment. Molly eyes him suspiciously but leaves nonetheless. After all, Sirius had wanted to tell Harry everything about the Order the other day. Remus gets up and puts a Silencing Charm on the door, so the twins can't eavesdrop with their Extendable Ears, and sits back down. Grudgingly, Harry moves to sit in front of Remus.

"Harry," the teen doesn't look Sirius in the eyes. He can't; he feels too ashamed. Sirius sighs tiredly. "Harry, Remus and I can't help but notice how odd you've been acting recently." In the brief second Harry looks up, Sirius can see so much fear and so much pain in those emerald green eyes that he nearly breaks out into tears. Those kind of knowledgeable eyes don't belong on a fifteen year old teen. Sirius nearly breaks out in tears. When the teen doesn't speak, Remus speaks up.

"Harry, you do understand that you can tell us anything and we won't think differently of you, don't you?" Harry nods but doesn't make eye contact.

"Erm…" Harry trails off and goes back to fiddling with the cuff of his thin jacket. It is sticking to one of his fresher wounds and it is making him itchy.

"Yes, Harry?" Sirius tries gently. Harry opens and closes his mouth several times before he just shakes his head. He still refuses to meet their caring eyes.

"Harry, what's wrong?" The teen stubbornly stays silent. Then, just as Sirius and Remus are about to give up hope, he barely whispers, "Sirius? I'm sorry…I just can't…I just can't."

"What, what is it Harry?" His godfather's gentle voice is filled with hurt and worry. Harry swallows painfully.

"Erm…I'm really tired. Can I…erm, can I just go to bed?" Remus and Sirius are both heartbroken at this because they thought that Harry was about to tell them what's wrong.

"Sure Harry," Sirius says in a strained voice. When the teen all but runs from the room, Sirius drops his head into his hands and groans miserably. Remus just rubs his back soothingly.

"I don't know what I'm going to do, Moony. How can I help Harry when he doesn't even trust me?"

"I think that Harry will have to come to you on his own, Sirius," Remus says gently.

"Maybe I'm not cut out to be a godfather. Maybe James was wrong."

"Sirius," Remus starts reproachfully, "Don't say that. James trusts you with Harry. You were meant to be his godfather. I'm sure that whatever is troubling Harry he will tell you. He loves you, Sirius. He trusts you with his life, he's just scared. Give it time." Sirius just sighs tiredly and leans into Remus' brotherly embrace.

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A couple hours later Harry wakes up from a particularly bad nightmare. This time it didn't deal with that corridor or with Cedric dying; instead, it was his uncle yelling at him and telling him that no one loves him, that no one cares about him, and that he doesn't amount to anything. Harry nearly chokes on his tears and as he quickly gets up he spares a glance to Ron who is snoring loudly. It wouldn't do well for Ron to see what he's about to do.

He digs through his trunk and finds the knife Sirius gave him. He stops and thinks about it briefly but then puts it back in his trunk because he knows that he will feel guilty after using it for what he was about to do. Instead, he pulls out one of the sharp kitchen knives that he managed to knick from the kitchen when he was cooking one evening at his aunt's and uncle's.

Carefully, he slides the sharp blade across the inside of his left arm. Not his wrists and not the top of his arms like most people would do. Those are too hard of places to hide the cuts, especially during the summer. Also, most people assume that self-injurers like him self-harm on their forearms so that is the first place suspicious loved ones check. Plus, it hurts more on that part of arm and Harry isn't hurting that much right now.

Soon, however, he will have to resort to cutting the inside of his biceps and maybe even cutting the insides of his thighs; or, if things really get out of hand, between his fingers. Harry shivers at the thought; if anywhere on the human body was the most sensitive to pain it is the skin between your fingers. He would never resort to cutting between his toes because he got a particularly bad shard of glass in between his big toe and his first toe and it hurt beyond belief.

After he makes a few small cuts he wipes the knife with disinfectant and puts it back in his trunk. After all, it wouldn't do him any good to get an infection. On that note, he decides to go to the bathroom and wash the freshly made cuts; again, he can't risk getting an infection. Ron choses then to stir.

"Harry…?" He sleepily mumbles. "What're you doin' up?"

"Oh, erm, I needed to use the bathroom. It's nothing. Go back to sleep, Ron," Harry calmly says. Apparently, Ron didn't need encouragement because within the next minute he was snoring again.

As Harry makes his way to the bathroom he carefully steps over the floorboards that he knows creak. No one needs to know that he is awake at this hour. Speaking of which, what time is it anyway? When he reaches the bathroom Harry closes the door and makes sure to lock it so no one can accidently walk in. While he's cleaning the cuts he takes the time to look at his older cuts.

Harry can remember every cut he made and the reason behind it. He always had a reason. This recent cut is from his extreme fear of losing someone again. He doesn't like these negative feelings. So, when he makes that controlled slice, the negative feelings bleed out with cut.

When Harry turns off the lights in the bathroom and makes his way back to his room he can't help the foreboding feeling that someone is going to find out about his cutting eventually. He just hopes it's not Sirius, Ron, Hermione, or Remus. Until that day, however, he will enjoy the comfort cutting brings him and have a few hours of peaceful sleep for once.

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Harry wakes up later than he thought; noon. He realizes that the house is entirely silent for once. No one is cleaning, cooking, or moving. It's as if the noble house of Black is completely empty. Not even Kreacher is whining or moaning. Harry gets out of bed and carefully walks down the stairs pass the sitting room. However, Sirius's voice suddenly calls out as he's passing.

"Harry?" He asks curiously and Harry turns around to see utter joy in Sirius's eyes. "Do you mind if you sit down with Remus and me?" Not wanting to hurt his godfather's feelings or to appear as though he's avoiding them he silently agrees. He has a feeling what they're going to talk about. Absentmindedly, he fiddles with the cuff of his jacket. Harry never realized that he slept in his clothes from yesterday. He makes a face.

"Harry," Remus starts happily as Sirius resumes his seat beside Remus and Harry sits down in front of his godfather. "It's come to our attention that you've been having nightmares." His tone is still pleasant which confuses Harry. First, how do they know about his nightmares if he never told Ron or Hermione? Second, why aren't Sirius and Remus angry with him? Surly if he had a nightmare and woken them up they would be angry with him. After all Uncle Vernon never liked being woken up in the middle of the night. So why should anyone else be any different?

"Why didn't you tell us you were having nightmares? Don't you trust us?" Sirius's voice is strained and full of hurt. Of course Harry trusts them! He just didn't want to bother them with something that he can handle on his own.

"I'm sorry, Sirius," Harry finally says through the sudden painful lump in his throat. Sirius pulls Harry into a bone crushing bear hug.

"Oh Harry, you have nothing to be sorry for," he say soothingly while he runs a hand through Harry's untamable hair. Harry doesn't agree but he decides he's not in the mood to argue. After a minute or two Sirius finally releases Harry but Harry refuses to leave his godfather's warm embrace. Sirius doesn't seem to have an issue with this.

"So Harry," Remus starts happily, "Sirius and me think that a Dreamless Sleep potion might be in order." Both men chuckle at the disgusted look on Harry's face.

"Do I really have to? That stuff tastes awful," Harry complains which makes both men smile. He's such a child; then again, Harry is a child.

"Yes," they reply firmly at the same time. Harry sighs in defeat knowing that tone of voice; there's no discussion.

"Fine. Is there anything else?" Harry asks, finally pulling from Sirius's embrace. Sirius pouts playfully.

"Well," Sirius starts slowly, "if you do have a nightmare even with the Dreamless Sleep we think a Calming Draught shall be necessary." The two Marauders smile at Harry's grimace. Harry didn't expect any less from his two future guardians. After all, Harry knew that Sirius was going to file for custody of him once he was cleared. Sirius just needs to get the paperwork done.

"Okay," Harry says not really wanting to argue right now. He's just glad that they don't know about the cutting. He has it under control. There's no need for them to worry even more about him or think that he's too weak to handle his own problems. This whole time Harry hasn't noticed that he is still fiddling with his cuff. Once he realizes this, however, he stops. This small action doesn't go unnoticed by either man but they think nothing of it. When Harry can no longer stand the growing silence he finally asks, "So, where is everybody?"

"Well," Remus starts, "Mrs. Weasley is out getting books and school supplies. Ron, the twins, and Ginny are all playing Quidditch out back, and Hermione is off reading in the library." Harry nods at this information.

"So then, why aren't you two out doing something as well?" Sirius and Remus smile at each other for a second before they turn their attention back on Harry.

"Sirius isn't allowed to go out until after his trial and I decided to stay here and keep him company," Remus answers. Harry can't help the smirk that comes to his face. He can clearly see that Remus and Sirius are more than 'best mates'. Whether the two of them realize this or not Harry doesn't know. However, he does know that they're a thing or they are beginning to become a thing.

"I think I'll join them outside," Harry states happily and then frowns slightly when Sirius places a plate loaded with sandwiches in front of him. Surely they don't expect him to eat all of them.

"Not until you eat at least two sandwiches. You're much too thin, Harry." Sirius starts firmly but he and Remus have smiles on their faces. Harry decides to eat the sandwiches even though just looking at them makes him sick to his stomach.

After a grueling fifteen minutes Harry finishes the two sandwiches and notices how much lighter he feels. 'Odd, normally I feel extremely heavy and tired,' Harry thinks briefly. Harry gets up from the table and goes to wash his dish but Sirius quickly intercepts him.

"No need for that Harry. Here," Sirius banishes the plate and Harry raises his eyebrows.

"Won't Mrs. Weasley be upset that a piece of her china is missing?" It's true that once the Order's headquarters was established in the noble house of Black, and Mrs. Weasley started to cook meals in the kitchen, she no longer viewed it as someone else's kitchen. It was her kitchen and her items. Sirius had no problem with this considering how much he hated his pure-blood crazy parents and cousins. Sirius has his classic Marauders mischievous glint in his eyes and a smile on his face.

"What Molly doesn't know won't hurt her." Harry thanks them both and gives them a hug before he dashes out of the kitchen and to his and Ron's bedroom to grab his Firebolt. Then, he runs down the steps and out the back door where Fred, George, Ron, and Ginny are all playing and mounts his broom. Meanwhile, Sirius and Remus smile in content at Harry's happiness. Everyone has been missing the old Harry.

Oh, what the two don't know…:D

So, this will officially be my third Harry Potter fic on the site. However, this will be my first Harry Potter fic that doesn't involve a single Original Character. So, please feel free to comment on what you like and what you don't like and leave me CONSTRUCTIVE criticism if there is something I need to correct. Seriously folks, reviews are really helpful to writers even if they are just a few words. Flames are discouraging and will not help me update faster. Heck, if I receive flames then I will probably scrap the story and fall into depression. Writing is my passion and I write not only to entertain you, but also to entertain myself (and to give myself a good excuse to not do my college work for my online classes :D). Also, tell me if you think this is interesting enough to continue!

As a side note, tell me if you would rather me have Sirius and Remus as a couple or as best mates, if you drop a review. You intake is valuable to me, after all. ^_^ Alright, that's enough of my rambling.

Until next time folks,

ferret assassin nin (aka ferret nin)

PS: Tell me if there's anything I need to correct or if there's something I can improve on! ;)