Heart of a Warrior
Tenshi no Hoshi

A/N: Yes, I'm alive!! My first TotA fic, and I know its not the best, but its just some drabbling anyway. Drabbles are almost entirely what I write, so its ok if this one is alittle short ok ok I promise to make my next story a chappie story so that I won't bore you all to death. Ok then so here it is!

Life is a series of choices; making the wrong choice is far greater than not making one at all.

The stench of bittersweet regret clogs the once fragrant air as it floats by the evidence of death. Vivid crimson paint stains the living soil as its corpses are left to rot. The calamity that took place never has two winners.Both sides should not be found alive Obliterate the opposing force for reassurance of your own life. This is what one would go through upon taking on the duty of a warrior.

This is the road I chose to take.

The tasks set for me, were mere orders given by the commandant. From afar, those missions looked nothing as they really were. As I approached that scene, the disaster would strike me as something I would never wish to remember. I would begin to grow apprehensive of the battle that lay ahead.

Even after all those years, that scene of the first battle remained engraved in my memories. That memory of the person who first indulged the pain upon the swinging of my sword still has her cry ringing in my ears.

They say that after awhile, you get used to killing. Taking away the lives of those who may have deserved a second chance brought me shame. Knowing that seizing someone's future left behind regret.

And so from then on, I slowly started losing my feelings. I started losing my ability to empathize with one another. My emotions slipped away during the line of duty. Even now, I forget to use them to emphasize my logic. But then again, mixing together the logic from the brain and the emotions from the heart may create a disaster on it's own, wouldn't it?

I miss that era of innocence. I miss the days where I could roam freely like a horse without a saddle. With the wind in my hair, my troubles will soon fade away. Where has my heart gone? It has turned into an uneven trade for reality.

That type innocence reminds me of Luke. He has the power of the world at his fingertips, but he has a fragile heart. I can't blame him. He was raised in such a protective field. Upon seizing the soul of a soldier, it didn't occur to me that Luke had not ever stained his hands with blood of another. Remembering his terrified expression and his quivering sword in his trembling hands reminded me of myself as a training soldier. I thought he had to harden his heart in order to achieve his goal. I assumed that he would remain stationary until the end of time with that ego of his.

Perhaps it was wrong of me to say that one could not change for the better. I wanted to believe that he could possibly do it. At that time, what caused me to finally place that trust in him? Perhaps the broken memories and tragic crisis he had faced would have changed the way he had viewed the world. The outcome of his foolish actions took a turn for the better. He was able to realize his mistakes, and from there, atoned for his sins.

I wish to do the same. I don't want to have to give up my emotions to achieve what I must. Just like how Anise would never give up Ion, like how Natalia would never give up Asch, like how Luke would never give up his memories. Why can't I understand such a simple concept?

I…wish to see the world from your eyes, Luke. I want to see what it feels like to shiver under the lonely moonlight, knowing that your hands still carry on the stench of cold blood. I want to know how it feels like to have to atone for one's sin. I wish to find out the meaning of my life.

Open my eyes. Open my heart. I really am tired of all of this. I want to stop holding back the tears. Let them overflow like how ink runs off a piece of paper.

I'm tired of this. You've seen the endless field of soulless bodies left behind through our journey. The warm sunlight won't shine through the thick haze of heartache. The gentle wind won't caress my skin any longer. The translucent water refuses to show my reflection in its presence. Even the sky has ended its endless pathway to the heavens, leaving me but one choice.

I have to keep going. This journey is for the sake of Auldrant: my last assignment as a soldier.

…I'm scared. But…I can't admit that. Not to Luke. Not to anyone. I'll just leave it here, in my heart. Safely locked away from the world, buried under false reasons. I don't know how long I'd have to stay like this, but I'm fine. There is no pain in hiding my emotions.

This is my destiny, and this is the road I chose to take. My choice will shape the future and forever change my view of the world that lies ahead of me.

Will I be able to endure it? The cry in my heart will ease soon enough. After all…

I carry on the heart of a warrior.