I flicker my eyes up, feeling numb. I blink a couple of times and look at Darren. This is all happening too fast.

Run.

Is this to be our fate?

I can barely track anything of what Tiny is saying. He said he's my father. I know I didn't make that up. I'm still trying to understand that. Does this mean that... all this time... I was Darren's brother?

Hide.

Freedom is ours as long as we escape.

I don't know what I'm feeling. I don't know if what I'm experimenting is any kind of feeling. I look at Darren, I gasp for air. I don't notice the knife in my chest, that's the least of my problems. I see him and I see how bad he is too. I know he's in pain, I can see it. My sight gets blurry as I try to focus on what's going on, but I can't.

We walk in the shadows...

We do.

Darren is crying. Why is he crying? I can't understand their words. Is as if I now speak a different language, or I'm too stupid to understand... Yeah... maybe I'm too stupid. Tiny is pointing at us so I guess he's still talking about how is he our father.

I don't understand.

Find out what we all know.

I can't understand.

Our time is near.

And suddenly, I close my eyes and feel my body lighten up a little. I feel Darren's hand over mine and his weight pressed over my body. I hear his sobs... I know that if I open my eyes he'll still be there. I know that.

But I open them and I see something different.

This is the way it ends.
Don't tell me it's meaningless.

He's not covered in blood, nor he is crying or looks like a teenager. He's laughing while he holds me down. He's a kid again.

I don't need to see me to know that I am a kid as well.

There'll be no compromise.
We fall and we too shall rise.

I struggle to get him off me, and he laughs more. This is ridiculous, I am stronger than him...

I try to roll around and press him under my body instead, but I can't. He has advantage. He always had it over me.

You held me and taught me how.

I scream something and he shoves a piece of paper down my throat. I grown angrily and push him off me with all the strenght I have. He rolls over me and falls beside me, still laughing. I don't understand how this is funny, but I smile involuntarily to the sound of his laugh. I look at him and he looks at me. He smiles and gets up, offering me one hand. I take it, but when I'm about to get up I feel like I have no ribs, and that suddenly takes me to that night. When we went to the Cirque. In less than a second, I build back my life, I remember who I am and what I decided to do after the events of that night. I see everything again. It strikes me like cold water and all the warmth I felt when I touched Darren's hand vanishes.

I know what I have to do. I have to kill him, not love him.

I think I am ready now.

I open my eyes and see Darren watching me. I don't need to speak the same language to know what he's thinking. He's looking at me, and I feel how my soul is leaving my body, but I manage to keep it here. I can't die. I can't.

He stabbed me. He did. I was right all along. He didn't care for me. He never cared for me.

If this is the way it ends...

I close my eyes again and I battle with myself. I can't open my eyes because he'll be there. I can keep them closed because I'll die. I don't want to die. Not yet.

I want to cry. Why? I don't... I don't understand. He never cared for me. Nobody ever did. I thought he did but I was wrong... No, I was right. I was always the one who protected him, I was the one willing to give my life for him. I was right there for anything he needed, because I needed him... I need him.

No.

I don't need him.

This is the way it's meant to be.

But Tiny said he's our father. He must care. If he created us he must care, right? He has to... He has to.

I'm his son.

I always needed a father. I thought he left me because I wasn't good enough, and it turned out he needed me. For what, I don't know, I didn't understand that part. I suddenly want to laugh. He has to care! I must be someone to him, he created me after all. And I know about it, he can't just despise me. You can't despise a creation of your own. I really didn't understand that until I met Darius.

Darius... my son. He's my son. I have things to live for! People who has things to live for don't die!

Darren had everything I ever wanted. Why can't he die and I live? Why must I die? This isn't fair. It's not fair. It's not fair!

My... my father can understand that, right? He can help me... he has to.

I try to fix my thoughts, I try to be coherent enough to impress him. I choke out some words and he looks at me, but I can't see his face. My sight is too blurry. Still, I try to tell him, try to let him know that I'm as good as Darren, but he rejects me. He tells me what I always knew-I am scum, I am nothing. I worth nothing to him. I close my eyes tightly, trying to escape, but escape from where? I don't want Darren to see me cry. I am crying. I am screaming. Stop, Steve, stop! I have to stop.

I can't stop.

I can hear my heart beating in my ear. I know I'm dying. But I never thought it would be too painful. I feel like my heart is breaking, crumbling down to little pieces that vanish in the air. I can actually feel like someone is pulling it out of my chest. I can't think. I am howling. This hurts too much. I think of Darren and how much I always wanted to be important for him. I remember how much I needed to be loved. I feel my blood running down my chest, I feel it leaving my body. I'm suddenly aware of everything that happens inside of me.

We will be spilled in blood.

I am dying.

This is unfair. The only thing I did wrong was love him enough to see him betray me. He stabbed me, for God's sake! Steve, stop it! He never cared for you! Nobody... nobody cares for you.

I am nothing.

I'm about to die, and it won't matter because I'm nothing.

And this is the way that they'll remember us.

And what's the stupid point? What am I taking with me? Crepsley's death? I'll never see him again. I won't be going where he is. What was the point? Why did I let myself drown?

He...

He did this. He's poison... he poisoned me. I only wanted to be happy. He took my happiness that night. He left me alone. He abandoned me, like everybody else. And he doesn't care! Why do you care, Steve? Why...?

Emerge from the shadows... we will.

I see his stupid little face again. He's smiling, like he always did. I always felt better when he smiled, but I used to hide it. I needed him. I needed him a fucking lot. How could he left me?

I only wanted to be happy.

My heart is beating slower than before.

Emerge from the shadows.

I remember us playing. I remember us joking. I remember us laughing. I remember... I remember being happy with him. I was... No, I wasn't happy. I always wanted more. But more what?

I gain conscious of what is happening now. I feel his body over mine, again. I loved fighting with him when we were kids because I could feel his body close to mine... I could sense his breath and it would be fine, because we were fighting. I guess I'll never know why I needed him to be close to me.

This is the way it ends.
Don't tell me it's meaningless.

There'll be no compromise.
We fall and we too shall rise.

He is poison. He poisoned my veins, infected my life. He's the cause of all of this. Him, and only him.

I found myself crying for him now. I don't cry because my father rejected me, but because Darren did. I am howling because it finally hit me the fact that he never cared for me. Then why was he with me all of that time? Was it pity? Was he being nice? Why? Why did he did this to me? Why?

I scream louder. Maybe it was my fault. He did took me back with open arms when we saw eachother again.

Maybe I screwed it up.

No, not maybe-I did.

You held me and taught me how.
I think I am ready now.

But what in Earth did I screw up? We had nothing. He was just playing with me.

Was he?

What if... what if he never really did all those things I acussed him of? What if... what if it's true and he sacrified himself for me?

What if it was true all along?

What if he loved me too?

If this is the way it ends...
This is the way it's meant to be.

No.

No, what am I thinking... I choke a little while I'm screaming and I feel like this is all my fault. I was the one who made it all happen. Oh God, I was. I made it happen.

It's my fault.

Darren must be right. Maybe he did save me... It would've been better if he just had let that spider kill me. We wouldn't be here. I feel a little shake on my hand and I think that I'm dying for real. Until now I see my chest and the knife he placed inside of me. I see it going up and down, very quickly. I can't breathe. I can't breathe and Darren's still over me. I look at him and plead for his forgiveness. I need him to forgive me, for being an idiot, for existing. If he hadn't met me none of this would've happen and he could've lived the life he always wanted. I'm the problem. I'm the mistake. I can't leave, I can't without knowing that he forgives me. He can forgive me, right? He... he has a heart... He... he... I close my eyes. I open them quickly, looking at him again, pleading with my eyes, and I know he gets me. I know he understands me, of course he does, we're soulmates. We're brothers... God, we're brothers...

Under my skin they fade again...
Here's to life with no regrets.

I should've listened to him in the beggining, but I was too blinded by my pain and my anger that I couldn't. Oh, Darren... This is all my fault. I am so sorry. It's better if I die, now that I see it. But... please... please... forgive... forgive me.

See you again all one day.

I see his lips part slowly, as if he's in slow motion. And I'm in slow motion. I wait for him to say the words I need to hear before I die... I wait... and... and... I see his face, I remember his face from we were kids, when I screwed it up and he would laugh it off... He's going to laugh, I'm sure. He's going to forgive me.

He's so good... I... I... I don't deserve it... but he's going to... he's going to forgive me... he is...

But he doesn't forgive me. Instead, he says... he says that I was right. He says that he betrayed me. What... what... I frown, confused, and then he smiles, but is not one of his sweet smiles, it's wicked and he's mocking... he's mocking me. I try to focus, maybe... maybe I don't understand what he's saying... But then he mentions Mr. Crepsley and I know he's saying what I hear. I'm not hallucinating. He hates me. He hates me.

I try to understand... He... he betrayed me... he betrayed me!

I was right! I was... I was right...

Give me love or give me death.

I don't... I can't... I feel my hand free. He did this. I know he did this. I don't understand anymore. I can't understand. I can't think anymore. I'm dying, goddammit! Why would you tell me this when I'm dying! When I forgive you, when I've always loved you! How can you do this to me? How?

Before I know what I'm doing, I sink my knife in his stomach. I see his face and look for his gaze. He closed his eyes. That idiot.

I stab him several times, hurt and confused. In each stab I am giving everything I have, I'm giving him everything I am, like I always did. How could he... how can he do this to me... how can he kill me so easily...

How am I so stupid!

Can anyone ever really say...

This is the way it ends.

He's destroying me more as I sink my knife again and again. I feel hatred again. I feel lonely again. I feel my body heavy and stupid. I am stupid. How could I even think...? He never cared! He never did!

I am becoming the leopard again... I am losing track of me... I am killing him.

This is my life begins.
If this is the way it ends...
nothing is meaningless.

I hear him chuckle and say something I no longer am able to register. I have no strenght anymore. I'm still crying, I can barely feel my moisty tears mixed up with my blood. I feel him closer to my body. He's embracing me.

There'll be no compromise.

I feel his breath in my face, and as mixed up as I am, I close my eyes and pretend we're kids. We're rolling down together, we must be probably fighting and I'm letting him win.

We fall and we too shall rise, again.

We fall in water. I grab him, I don't want to let him go, but my fingers can't reach him. My hand slips from his and I sink away from him.

This is the way it ends.

I can still see his shape somewhere close to me. I can't move anything. My eyes close slowly and I'm back home, listening to his laugh.

Then this is the way it's meant to be.

This is the way it's meant to be.

A/N: So haaaai I made this at 2 AM so I was basically sleeping while typing lololol akfjdbfks and MAN I wanted to write a lot about this but my dad was all like TURN THAT THING OFF YOU CRAZY TEENAGER so I had to upload it with no notes and ADFKJFD but here I am, editing and ~stuff~ and since I was in a trance last night I don't really remember all of the things I wanted to say (sigh) but OH WELL. This fic came to my mind while I was writing the lyrics of this song in a notebook of mine. I was actually listening to it as I was doing it and I just couldn't help but have this million images rushing through my head ajkkjsdf they all were of Darren and Steve as kids and my heart was in pain as you can imagine ajksdfk because it was so unfaaair ajkbkj and well, Steve is hallucinating while dying, which is a totally normal thing (sadly, I haven't died in this life [because I do believe in past lives and such] so I don't really know the ~process~ of dying and what happens while you're at it) and I don't know... I'm going to get a little stupid in here but I am a huge fan of My Chemical Romance, and Gerard Way (the vocalist) once said that for him, death presented itself like the happiest moment of your life (refering to The Black Parade, my favorite album of them lalala), and I didn't make this with that in mind, but it just burst out of me after I read it for the first time. For me, Steve is such a broken character (I will never end...) and the only things that worth something for him were with Darren. And that pretty much was when they were kids. So death presented itself like two little boys playing akjbdkjbjdf (I just love them a lot sorry akkfj). I DON'T KNOW. I am insane and kajbkbfkds I hope you liked it and all of that badkfbkjsf revieeeews?