I've been thinking of writing this for a while just never got around to it so special thanks to Dailz for giving me the push I needed to write this. I'll try to update ever 2 weeks but with my work schedule I can't make any promises if I get 20 reviews I'll make time to write. Enjoy.

parseltongue
"Normal Speech"
'Thought'

Chapter 1

Just about anywhere in the world you can find average children living average lives, with average parents in an average house on an average street. Harry James Potter wasn't one of these children. At age 1 his parents were murdered by an insane madman named Voldemort, a man hell bent on killing anyone who didn't follow him, or had muggle blood in their veins. That same night, that same 1 year old boy destroyed Voldemort by surviving the one lethal spell for which there is no defense. And for most of the wizarding world this is why Harry Potter is far from average, in truth they don't know the half of it. Though he is famous among wizards to his aunt and uncle he was just the "freak" that was left on their door step and asked to raise as their own. And yet even though he was a hero he was beaten by his relatives he was their servant, whipping boy, punching bag and cook. In short he was a malnourished, abused, and seemingly unloved little boy.

And this is where we find young Mr. Potter hiding from his uncle and cousin at the nearby playground near a small wooded area when a voice yelled "Hay big D isn't that your freak cousin?" Harry looked up and saw his wale of a cousin and his gang. Harry knew he couldn't fight his way out so he ran for the tree line hoping he could find a place to hide. He was just a few feet from the tree line when he felt something hit his head making him stumble a few steps. Harry could here Dudley and his gang getting close when he saw a pipe about 4 feet in diameter and ran for it hoping he could hide in the dark of the underground pipes. He ran about ten feet and came to a fork in the pipe he turned and looked to see if he was being followed.

"D man I aint goin in there man fuck that. Let's wait here the little freak has to come out sooner or later." One of the boys said Dudley nodded and yelled "You hear that freak? You can hide in your hole as long as you want, but you come out and we kick your ass."

Harry sat there hoping they'd get bored and leave when he heard something sliding or maybe being dragged down the pipe and a voice comig from the other fork "Ssstupide flesh bagsss making enough noiesss to wake the dead. I'll show them…" "Hello isss sssomeone there?" Harry asked hoping whoever it was would help him "What the hell did you hear that?" that confused harry why were they acting like they didn't understand him.

That's when the dragging sound stopped, right in front of him he looked down and saw a 7 foot long snake in the light from the opening reflecting off its yellow eyes. The snakes skin looks to be some shade of acid green, it was hard to tell with the small amount of light that made it this far down the pipe, and it had strange ridges on the back of the head that almost looked like they were the start of a set of horns. The weirdest part was the snake started talking

"You sspeak the tongue of the snakesss" "What do you mean?" the snake looked at harry for several seconds as thou he was a strange new creature that the 7 foot long snake couldn't decide whether or not to eat. Which in a since he was. "It isss a rare gift to wizardsss. One only a handful in all history have had."

"Ok man that is really starting to freak me out." One of Dudley's gang said "That sounds like my brothers snake when it's pissed only… bigger." Another said. "Let the freak deal with it." Harry looked back at the snake before him to find it looking at his cousin and his friends "Freak they say. Those pathetic meat sacks dare call one who speaks a freak oh how I wish my eyes were developed I could kill them from here." That sparked Harry's curiosity "What do you mean? How can eyes kill someone? And why do you keep talking about wizards?"

"I am a basilisk little one, a creature of legend. We can live for hundreds or even thousands of years, our venom has only one cure, the tears of a phoenix, and any that meets our eye dies. And you are a wizard little one. Only a wizard can ssspeak the tongue, and I can feel it in you, there isss magic in your blood." "But magic is just something from fairy tales. My uncle even gets angry whenever someone says the word magic."

The basilisk looked at harry for a few moments before it asked "When your uncle hears the word magic does he get angry at you?" at Harry's nod it continued "Unacceptable I refuse to leave one such assss you alone with sssuch cruel ignorant humans. Will you accept me as your familiar?" Harry looked confused "Whats a familiar?" "A creature who is magically bound to a witch or wizard to follow, obey and protect for the rest of their lives" "I don't have a problem with it but I don't think my relatives will like me bringing a 7 foot snake home." "Leave the meat bags to me little one if they hurt you they'll answer to me." Harry smiled at his new friend "Deal."

After a moment Harry asked "Do you have a name?" the snake said "Call me Rena" and then she started wrapping herself around Harry's arm. When she did this Harry noticed that as her body wrapped around his arm it was sinking into his skin until there was just a moving tattoo. When she was settled Harry made his way out of the pipe.

On the other side of the country a bell on a fireplace mantle chimed catching the attention of a middle aged man who looked at the bell as thou it had just sung Banjovi's latest hit. Slowly as thou he only half believed what he bell meant he opened the bottom drawer in his desk and pulled out a file and opened it to the first page and saw written in a space that had been blank for 10 years "Contract active"

"Mip!" a moment latter there was a soft pop as the small house elf popped into the man's office "Yes master?" the elf asked "Tell my wife and daughter I need to see them immediately" the elf bowed and popped out a few moments later a woman, about 5 foot 5 with strait blond hair and bright blue eyes the woman looked at her husband and said "Was it really necessary to send the house elf to fetch me?"

In response the man raised the file and replied "It's active" "What's active father" asked a smaller version of the beautiful blond. Her father replied "Your marriage contract Daphne." Both blonds looked confused "But dear I thought young Harry had died and that senile old man was just telling the world what they wanted to hear so he could keep his reputation" the older of the 2 blonds said. "So did I. An understandable mistake considering he wouldn't even tell us where he was especially since if his godfather is unable to raise him we are next in line for custody."

Daphne spoke up next "Do you know where he is father?" her father shook his head no "No but now that the contract is active the ministry and Gringots can force it out of the old man, we will have harry soon Daphne" the girl nodded her head and left the office. The two adults looked at each other with concern "Should we be worried about her lack of a reaction?" the woman asked her husband he shook his head "I don't know. Perhaps it just hasn't hit her what this means yet. Hopefully she will have a better reaction when she actually meets him."

Across the Atlantic a man, his daughters and his wife were being escorted down a hallway by a middle aged woman in a military uniform the woman looked to the French family and said "I understand the limitations because of your wife and daughters' heritage but I assure you that the best I have and someone immune to a vela's allure are one in the same." The man replied "I 'op you are sure commander I vill not employ a company that is unsure of it's people. My daughter is too important to me." "I assure mister Delacour I wouldn't recommend him if I had any doubt to his ability to resist allure." The man's wife spoke up next as they walked into a large hanger

"'Ow can you be so sure zat he will be immune?" "Because he," the commander gestured to a 14 year old boy siting on the hood of a Humvee, cleaning a rifle that was almost as long as he was tall "is not only is the most dangerous soldier you'll ever meet, but half the females in his family are succubi. And do to who his mother is he is naturally immune to all forms of allure." That caught the attention of 3 of the 4 Delacours "'is mother is a succubus?" the oldest of the 3 girls asked as they approached the young man who looked up from his cleaning "No she's a demon. Now what's the job?"

Now that they were closer to the young man they noticed that on his left arm was what appeared to be a black tribal tattoo that started somewhere above the sleeve of his tan under shirt and went down almost to his elbow and on both arms there were perfectly strait scars that ran from the back of the elbow to his wrists. The pail scar tissue contrasting with his tan skin. The man looked to the woman who escorted the French family and asked "Commander?"

The woman replied "Allow me to introduce you Mr. and Mrs. Delacour this is Lieutenant Mark Sakora, Lieutenant this is Jean and Apolline Delacour and their daughters, 14 year old fleur and 8 year old Gabriel. The Delacour family has requested to make a contract with you to protect their daughters. I assume you have already read their files?" "Yes ma'am" "You cannot be serious." Apolline shouted "He is but a little boy no older than Fleur. 'Ow can 'e protect them?" Mark looked to Apolline and replied with an even tone.

"At age 10 I earned early admittance to North-point Magic academy and made the decision to go thru Basic Training, and 12 weeks later graduated and was selected to go to officer candidate school, a year later graduated OCS and since then have served in a dozen missions in the worst hell holes this world has to offer and killed more people than I can count. I can use any muggle weapon and have permission to use any type of magic I deem necessary to complete my mission including the unforgivables. I have also figured out the trick to combing magic and muggle weapons."

To demonstrate his point Mark pulled out his 1911 from his hip holster flipped a selector switch and aimed at a squirrel and pulled the trigger but instead of hearing the bang of a gunshot there was nothing but a jet of green light that hit the squirrel causing it to fall dead "What the hell have you done?" the 4 Delacours were shocked and more than a little stunned by how casually the young man used the killing curse, and even more so that his commanding officer did nothing to either stop him or reprimand him. "So now that we got all of that out of the way what kind of contract would you like to make."

(AN)

Me. So originally the plan was for my muse to write these rants about various shows, anime and books that would be at the end of each chapter… but for whatever reason he fell down on the job.

Muse. Well I find this more humorous and easy.

Me. Ya but you asked me if you could write them, and then I had to basically become your muse, and you've had 3 months just for the rant for chapter 1, what the hell happened?

Muse. I got distracted.

Me. Do I even want to know by what?

Muse. I got lost on the road of life

Me. You're not Kakashi

Muse. No shit but most of it was school and mostly because I kept forgetting to write it

Me. Ok at least that's realistic, still I was really looking forward to your attempt to rip Harry apart in your first rant.

Muse. I wanted to try but I'm not as knowledgeable in that subject so I can't say much and I don't know if your readers watch anime so it's hard to pick.

Me. True. I was thinking of bringing some people back from the dead later on necromancer style… I've been playing too much skyrim.

Muse. Yes, yes you have.

Me. They need to come up with an add on that helps people who want to play as necromancers maybe even add voodoo.

Muse. Witch doctor.

Me. You mean like madam Pomfrey? What does she have to do with necromancy or voodoo.

Muse. … What?

Me. She's a witch who's a doctor.

Muse. ha puns.

Me. More like a play on words, but it wasn't really fair considering you don't know much about harry potter

Muse. Nope

Me. Well we should wrap this up before we start talking about pagans and evil cows or something

Muse. Evil cows are the least of your worries it's the evil chickens that you have to worry about.

Me. Do I even want to know where that came from?

Muse. Do you want to find out? (Sits in the corner in the fetal position mumbling incoherently about evil chickens)

Me. O… k…? well hopefully I'll get him to come back to the world of the living in time for the next chapter (mumbles) and find out what the fuck is up with him and these evil chickens.