Allison Rafferty was by Shay's side seconds after the blond woman had finally allowed her injury to overtake her, collapsing to the ground. The moment that Rafferty radioed Shay to tell her that Dawson was fine- and got no response- she had begun to jog in the general direction of the girl. Shay was always quick to respond to calls on the radio, whether it was a timely situation about a patient or just when Rafferty would (unprofessionally) make a witty gay joke in hopes of making her friend smile. When Shay didn't respond to the first, then the second radio call, fear hit the pit of Rafferty's stomach like falling debris. She could not have predicted why Shay had been unresponsive, but immediately feared the worst.
When Rafferty had finally made it to the wing where she expected Shay to be, she saw the two policemen (Burgess and Atwater, she thought?) kneeling on the floor, obviously in panic-mode. The fear that had crept into Allison's stomach exploded then, and she hadn't even seen Shay's face yet.
"What happened?!" Rafferty demanded in a panic-stricken voice, somehow leaning over Shay despite not remembering pushing anyone else aside to get there.
"She just collapsed when she was walking by us," Burgess stuttered out, completely overwhelmed by the terror and sadness of the day.
"The doctors are on their way," Atwater assured her, watching as Rafferty began to wordless check on her partner.
Shay's pupils were unresponsive, but she was breathing. Her face had become deathly pale since Rafferty had seen her last, less than an hour ago. Suddenly Rafferty noticed the blood and gasped audibly. She pulled up Shay's uniform shirt to reveal a hastily placed, blood-soaked gauze pad. Rafferty took a deep, preparatory breath before pulling the gauze off to reveal a gaping, unhealthy-looking wound. The doctors arrived and were beginning to pull Rafferty away.
"When did this happen?" the doctor asked Rafferty with an already grave look in his eyes as the girl was placed on a gurney with less grace than Rafferty liked.
"I... I don't know," she stuttered, shaking her head as she tried to recall any time through the hectic day when Shay could have been injured. "I didn't even know she was hurt," Rafferty admitted sadly.
"This wound did not just happen," the doctor said, as though he was speaking to a civilian and not a paramedic.
"I know that!" Rafferty snapped, racing down the hallway at Shay's side. "She had gauze on it but it was already blood-soaked."
"Why wouldn't an EMT know better than to just bandage up a wound of this severity?" the doctor asked, half to Rafferty and half to himself.
"I don't know!" Rafferty yelled this time, having had enough of this doctor's callousness when Shay was the patient in question. "Stop analyzing and just fix her!"
"You need to stay out here," the doctor said, holding up both hands to prevent Rafferty from entering the room with them. "I'll let you know when we know something."
"Maybe I can help?" Rafferty asked, quietly this time, her fear deflating her anger.
"Not in the state you're in," he shook his head, not trying to be rude this time- just honest. "I promise we'll let you know as soon as we she where she's at."
Rafferty nodded somberly, standing at the door even after it was shut, trying to keep herself from shaking.
Xxxxxxxxxxxxx
"The injury punctured Leslie's intestines, but missed all other organs, luckily," the doctor explained to the rabid-crying paramedic who was standing in his face before he even got fully into the waiting room. "We stitched everything up and she should make a full recovery. Between the amount of blood-loss and her mild head injury, she just has to wake up now."
"But she will wake up, right?" Rafferty practically spat, torn between feeling relieved and just as terrified as she ever was.
"That cannot be determined by me. It's up to her and her healing now," he nodded solemnly.
"I need to see her," Rafferty said, wide-eyed. In that moment she realized that she was so overcome with worry that she had yet to alert Dawson, Severide or any other members of the 51 family to Shay's condition. The paramedics had been busy doing their jobs all day and she knew that 51 would simply assume that they still were.
"We don't advise her to have visitors for at least another hour or more. Her body has just been through a trauma and even though she is unconscious, she needs time to heal," the doctor told her, already knowing full-well that he would be faced with an argument about it.
"I won't disturb her at all, I promise. I know she needs to heal. I just need to see her," Rafferty practically pleaded, all harshness suddenly gone from her voice and replaced with a child-like vulnerability. Tears were glazing her eyes despite her best efforts. She just needed to see her. See that she was still there, still real.
The doctor looked down at his feet, second-guessing himself already before saying quietly, "To the right, 34E." Rafferty was already gone.
Xxxxxxxx
When Rafferty rounded the corner into Shay's hospital room, she immediately gasped and froze at the sight in front of her. She knew that her partner was injured, but she was not prepared to see her looking so pale and fragile. Rafferty thought back to when she first started working with Shay, when they went to Daryl's house after Leslie had been given the keys; Allison had never seen the normally bright and strong Shay look so much like she was about to crumble. Thinking back, that day was the start of Rafferty's endearment for her partner. When you can see that much of a person, good and bad, weak and strong, they begin to become real to you. Rafferty would give anything to see Shay like that again, rather than like this.
Rafferty quietly walked to Shay's bedside, looking the girl over more closely while still trying hard not to disturb her. Her breathing was calm and steady; her heart-rate the same. These things should have relieved Allison, if only slightly, but they scared her instead. For a moment Rafferty imagined sleeping next to Shay, to see her this at peace and still but under positive circumstances. She found herself hoping that someday she would get to experience that version of Shay.
Her partner's face, though still, looked content and actually better than it had a little over an hour ago when she had found her on the floor. Though still not filled with the bright colour of life, she looked to at least be improving. Rafferty hoped that she wasn't just seeing what she wanted to see. For the longest moment, Rafferty contemplating touching Shay's hand or her face. She needed to feel near to the girl right now, to solidify the fact that she was still there, still fighting, but she had promised not to disturb her. She couldn't believe that she had managed to not speak a word yet thus far.
Rafferty's need for closeness overtook her, and she gently slipped her hand into Shay's limp one. At least it wasn't cold, Rafferty thought. She stared at Shay's face as she had done so many times in the past. She just wanted the girl to open her eyes. If they made eye contact, she just knew that Shay would be alright. She could tell Shay, with just a simple gaze, everything that she wanted her to know.
"Leslie?" Rafferty whispered softly, the sound of her voice breaking surprising her. "Look, I know you're in there. I don't know if you can hear me or not, and I said I wouldn't disturb you..." she sighed out, choking back a sob. "I hope I'm not disturbing you."
She stayed quiet again for a long moment, contemplating her words in hopes that Leslie actually could hear her.
"I was on suspension, but I guess you know that, and I realized that half of my anxiousness to come back was you. I didn't want to go to a different firehouse and start over. I just wanted to come back to 51 with you. Working with you today only justified my feeling that way. You somehow make any awful, otherwise unbearable situation ok. You keep me strong..." Rafferty was crying audibly now, still trying to keep herself calm but losing the battle. "Why didn't you tell me you were hurt, Leslie? When I said, 'We keep doing our jobs no matter what' this is not what I meant!" Defeated, she rested her head onto Shay's bed, onto Shay's arm, and sobbed, squeezing the girl's hand just a little bit more tightly.
Xxxxxxxxx
"In there," the doctor pointed to 34E when Dawson and Severide had made their way up to the floor. Burgess and Atwater had alerted 51 to the news of Shay's injury, assuming that it wouldn't be the first thing to occur to Rafferty. The doctor had already given Dawson and Severide Shay's prognosis, but Dawson was still ready to bust down the door to the hospital room.
"Wait-" Kelly stopped her, peeking into the window of the door. "Rafferty's in there."
"So what?" Dawson spat. "We need to see her."
"I know we do, but I think Rafferty's asleep and she's probably a god damn mess right now, so can we tread lightly, please?" he said calmly.
"Why would she be a mess, Kelly?" Dawson asked with a twinge in her voice, as though she was being alerted to information she maybe shouldn't have.
"I- I don't know, alright? But there's something. She cares about Shay... a lot," he admitted.
"Are they involved?" Dawson asked, surprised, but not too surprised.
"No. But I think that they will be, if Shay makes it through this..." he said, sadness weaving it's way into his voice.
Dawson nodded in understanding. "Okay. We'll tread lightly. But I'm going in there."
xxxxxxx