Disclaimer: I do not own Batman: the Animated Series
I'm so Excited! My First Story! Don't Shoot!
Okay so, this is a story about Barbara Gordon and Harley Quinn, and...yeah I'm not really good at this yet. Constructive Criticism is appreciated...no flames please.
"Crazy, Stupid Love"
Chapter 1: Legally Love-toxicated
Batgirl changed out of her costume, she and Batman had just finished a seemingly routine night of patrolling, but not everything was all that it appeared to be. For deep down, Barbara Gordon was not her usual perky self.
"It'll take time for Joker to resurface. But from what I know, Harley walked out on him again, so that gives us a good two weeks of slow activity." Batman explained
"Ooh, again?" Batgirl asked with no enthusiasm
"You know what I mean, he needs someone like her to assist in building whatever scheme he's come up with in his sick little mind." Batman continued
"Yeah sure, I guess." Batgirl sighed.
"What's eating you?" Batman asked, uncowling
"Um...nothing, d-don't worry about it Bruce." Barbara stammered
"If it's about you and Dick-"
"I'll get over it. I said don't worry about it." Batgirl insisted getting more and more agitated
"I know I'm not one for romantics, but maybe there's something I can do." Bruce insisted
Batgirl walked behind the small changing area to turn into her street clothes, still equally agitated
"Ha! What do you know about love and relationships?" Barbara asked. She walked from behind the curtain. "I swear you'd marry your work if you could. And besides, were over, it's done I'll deal with it!"
"I happen to know more than you ever will about love." Bruce insisted
"I'll believe that when I see it. If you need me I'll be anywhere but here."
The redhead stormed up the stairs into Wayne Manor, while Bruce remained, shaking his head at the temper tantrum he was forced to witness. Upstairs, Barbara stomped over towards the front door, only to be stopped by Alfred.
"Done so soon?" the butler asked
"Slow evening." Barbara hissed, still walking
"You know Miss Gordon if this is about you and Master Dick-"
"Oh my God! The sooner people stop bringing him up the sooner I can be normal and happy again!" Barbara sneered
"I was just going to say, it's his loss, now while you stew over that, I'll serve Master Timothy his dinner, in hopes his cold might improve, good evening Miss Gordon." Alfred nodded, heading for the stairs.
"Um...thanks." she said in a whisper.
Barbara exited the large and Gothic manor, greeted by the torrential downpour of rain, and lots of it. Perfect ending to an awful day. Barbara screamed loudly, then dashed to her car, and made her way down the hill.
It is true, Barbara Gordon and Dick Grayson aka Nightwing had broken up, and the end result was not pretty. The couple always seemed like something out of a fairytale or The Notebook, and then one little insignificant fight turned everything upside down. This left Barbara both sad and lonely, mostly because she pushed all the help and solace she needed away.
The crime-fighting redhead did all she could to fight back the tears as she headed to her apartment building. She wept through the parking garage remembering the bar at the basement level, the one place where Barbara could find all the solace she needed...
Through binge drinking.
It was around one in the morning, on an early Tuesday morning so the bar activity was at a relatively controlled and otherwise quiet pace. The skirt wearing redhead took her place at the bar and slammed her ID on the counter, where the bartender, a nice bald man in his later 50's drying a glass took her order.
"What'll it be miss?" he asked
"Long Island Iced Tea, spare nothing." Barbara said dismally, leaning against the table.
"Coming right up."
Coincidentally, another woman entered the bar through the street level looking equally sad, but even more soaked than the redheaded crime-fighter, she took a seat on the opposite side of the bar, her and Barbara the only ones at the whole row. The bartender walked over to the other woman
"What can I getcha?"
"Whatever it is better have enough alcohol to turn my throat into a flame-thrower." she sighed sadly in a very noticeable Queens accent.
"Not a problem." the bartender nodded.
Well, one o'clock quickly turned into one thirty. In those thirty minutes Barbara's Long Island Iced Tea turned into two Long Island Iced Teas...then three, then four, and five...and six. The other girl had similar results, her Amaretto Sour turned into three additional shots of gin, then a shot or two...or four of tequila, then a chaser of Bacardi 151...which after all that it might as well have been.
By then, it was safe to say both women were fairly drunk, when they finally noticed each other across the bar, Barbara was the first to slur. While also trying not to fall off of her bar stool, spilling her seventh drink.
"Nice pigtails! Hey barkeep! Check her identrifrication! She's not 21! Not with tails like that!"
"Piss off! I'll...have you know I am twenty...uh-t-t-twenty...uh." she counted on her fingers "Oh who cares it's more than that!"
"I'm sorry I didn't-didn't mean what I just said back there to you, I'm-I'm just, one of those days." Barbara sighed, finishing her drink.
"Aw, me too." The woman moved over to Barbara.
That woman was none other than the clown princess of crime herself. Harley Quinn. Dressed in street clothes, and filled with enough liquor to satisfy a frat party for a good hour or so. The two woman started to make drunk talk.
"W-what happened-you can truss-m-me, I'm a doctor-but not that kinda doctor-the other one...for your brain, I'm whatcha call a peesychiatrisht." Harley slurred
"Me stupid-stupid boyfriend broke up wit me, and I don't even know why." Barbara began to sob.
"Oh well-it can't be worse than my-stupid boyfriend!" Harley yelled "Barkeep!"
"Yeah?" the bartender asked raising an eyebrow
"Martini-hey you wants a martini?" Harley asked Barbara
"Oh so much."
"Two martinis shaken not stirred-SO HELP ME IF IT'S STIRRED!" Harley yelled
"Coming right up." the bartender begrudgingly made their drinks.
"So what-did...uh-d-d-did-"
"My boyfriend do?" Harley asked finishing the sentence
"That's the word."
"You first." Harley insisted
"No, you first." Barbara playfully insisted back
"No you."
"You."
"You."
"You-"
"ALRIGHT!" the bartender finally intervened, he served them their drinks, then flipped a coin. "Pig tails goes first."
"Yesssssssss!" Harley cheered "Okay so, he's so mean to me, I work, and I clean, and I'm nice, I do every-e-everything right-but he doesn't care-nothings ever good enough for him, and then, he kicks me out!"
"What a bastard!" Barbara said angrily
"And that's not all folks!" Harley continued "He beats me...and-and-and-and-doesn't like it when I hang out wit my fwiend-and-annnnnd-he's pasty faced jerk!" she finished
"Wow, my boyfriend is just controlling and stuff, and broody and miserable...kinda like my uh...boss-but yours sounds like a total jerk!" Barbara clanged her glass to the counter
"Oh but thass so sad, you and your boyfriend breaking up." Harley nodded
"I know, men suck!" Barbara hissed
"And how!"
"I-I, me-I, need more girlfriends." Barbara slurred
"GASP-I can be your friend, I'm a girl-I get the periods and everything!" Harley cheered
"Oh that would be sooooooo nice." Barbara joined in cheering "Hey we...we shouldn't go, driving, too much rain-less go to my apartment place."
"And have a sleepover?" Harley asked
"Of course!"
"Yay-oh yeah, we should...pay first or something." Harley remembered
"Oh you've been so sweet, I'll pay." Barbara insisted
"No I'll pay." Harley countered
"No I'll pay."
"I'll pay-"
"No me."
"No me-"
"GO DUTCH!" the now livid bartender shouted
"Dutch is cool." Barbara nervously agreed digging money from her purse
"Love their strudel." Harley added doing the same.
The two drunks threw their money on the table. The bartender looked it over and in fact they had paid just enough for their drinks, with no tip.
"What, no tip?" he asked
"You wanna tip? Here's a tip for ya bub-phhhhhhhhhhhhhbt!" Harley blew a raspberry at him. The two drunks held each other up as they tried to make it to the elevator.
"Ya-ya-ya-ya know, ya never did tell me your name?" Barbara asked
"Oh well, I-I shouldn't be telling ya this, but since were friends now-and stuff...I'm Harley Quinn-but call me Harley, everyone does...I hate it, it's a stupid name!" Harley slurred, the two got in the elevator.
"Well I KNOW I shouldn't be telling you this...but, I'm Batgirl." Barbara whispered, getting very close to the blonde who isn't really a blonde.
Harley then did something a tad unexpected, she clasped Barbara's waist., and the two were now very close against one of the walls of the small elevator that definitely was not getting any bigger. They both started to sweat, and get tipsy.
"Well now, that's...t-t-t-t-t-thass quite a ball dropper-ya did there, with the words, you said...there."
"I know...I'm feeling...sssssssso frisky-right now, you-you've been so nice." Barbara explained
"Really?" Harley raised an eyebrow
"Yeah, I was having the shitiest evening not...some time ago-but you...you've made it so much better."
Harley then paused for a moment.
"You uh...wanna make even better?" she asked
"Yeah."
"Like a night you'll never for...uh-"
"Forget?" Barbara asked
"Thass a word!"
"Totally." Barbara nodded
"Good."
With no other warning, Harley's intoxicated lips smashed right into Barbara's equally intoxicated lips. At first the redhead was a tad reluctant to welcome the tongue arousal that just assaulted her, but in a moment or two the alcoholic bliss took over and the heroine kissed her back, this time with tongue.
They started to swap spit for the rest of the elevator ride, when it opened, they kept at it, not breaking the kiss as Barbara gave it the old college try in getting the couple to her apartment. Once they finally reached the door, Barbara's hands took turns caressing Harley's ass and searching for her own keys.
Eventually they made it inside, running into walls, the kitchen, smashing into anything and everything possible still not breaking their embrace, whilst Barbara tried to navigate their way into her bedroom. Which took some doing but they succeeded.
They plopped down with a lugubrious thud. Harley was on top of Barbara, straddling her tight and toned body. Their kiss finally subsided, and the blonde villain looked down at her new potential lover with an evil grin.
"Wow...that was great." Barbara smiled
"Baby were juss getting started...here...lemme show you what girls actually do at slumber parties." Harley took her shirt off and the two went back at it.
Well, and there be the first chapter toonsters! Do you like it? Hate it? Should I continue? I must know!
And on that note:
Happy belated Hanukah!
Merry Actual Christmas!
And happy pre-lated? Is that the word? Whatever, Happy-that Kwanza!
(I'm not all that politically correct!) Until next time PEACE!