Ever Hopeful
...will she ever be his?
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I felt rather like a knight stealing away in the dark cloaks of the night, mounting the armoured cavalry in search for the princess against the will of his ruler. Yet, I was hardly a suitable knight, docked in the primly suit of mine with merely an ounce of courage to outweigh the unfaltering resolve that seemed to weigh my heart as if wrought of steel. My steed was ungainly, but I knew that the rather clumsy-looking creature had abilities that were far more than those of horses born of fairy tales.
I was here for a purpose.
To see her for the last time.
I mounted the chocobo with an air of a well-trained jockey, peeling off into the moonlit plains. It had rained earlier. The air was tinged with the pungent scent of misted dew and frosty greens. I knew that she would be lying beneath the dripping canopies, dark lashes lowered in slumber. This brought a smile to my face, poignant and sorrowful at the same time.
Her first words that were said of me were "You know what they say, you can't be too careful these days."
I recall that vividly, as I was there when I heard that uttered statement. Ironically, the sentence was also directed directly to me with those unwavering eyes of hers, brimming with confidence. It was our first meeting, at a rather considerably fancy ball. Even for such a notoriously acclaimed young man, I inevitably found a hard time keeping my gaze off her. The rather simple but exquisite design of sapphire silk enhanced her dancing eyes in no way I could speak of, only to say that it left me breathless, heart lusting and straining against the chains that bound it so tight.
Approach her, they seemed to say.
And so I did.
I felt rather self-conscious. Who wouldn't, if all eyes -female eyes, I might add- were trained on him. Sidling up, I held my hand out graciously, as I was taught all those years.
"A dance?"
"A dance," she echoed, accepting my hand with a haughty smile, thought then I did not know why. She had the stance of a graceful professional, long tapering legs moving in perfect rhythm as I guided her down the polished marble floor. I could merely describe that moment as truly magical.
The dance ended all too soon.
And she left, leaving me wondering whoever was that ray of morning light that entered and left my life so abruptly.
Research was terribly hard with only a look of a face to go by. By chance, I managed a glimpse of her on television one lonely night, introduced as one of the wanted members of a highly operative resistance faction. An enemy of my father's company. I was dreadfully stunned, resorting to a night of restless slumber. For my troubles, I rose with a heart and mind sore of thinking.
Even then, I wanted to be with her. Love knows no boundaries, and certainly no parents. For that foolish young mind of mine, I could swear this was love.
I need not wait long.
Our second meeting was rather in the midst of crisis. Atop the wind-swept floor of the Shinra headquarters, flanked by her comrades, her eyes still glinted of the beauty that kindled the ember beneath that sought it flames for so long. I approached her, my breath seemingly stopping in my body the moment I neared her. But with the piercing glances and hateful words, all I could do was whisper a solitary word.
"Wait."
She did wait. I was hopeful, but her downcast glance doused the rising desires.
It was a moment before I spoke.
"Come with me," the sentence was simple, but one I had rehearsed for the plentiful days that passed with unbecoming solitude.
"No, I can't."
I wanted to ask her why, but I knew the numerous possible answers. I stood in silence for a moment, I did not know for how long, cursing the ways of men and the obstacles of life; and she reached out and held her hand in mine. I could not speak, merely focusing on the throbbing of my heart and the warmth of her hand against mine.
"Take care," she said at last.
And that was all she said before departing with agility, only the touch of her hands received in memory.
I was taught to be wary of women, those seductive creatures. I knew what they thought of me. A rather harsh yet charming young man with a tendency of unawaringly drawing a woman into a web of desire and promise and leaving nothing behind but a shattered heart and a sweet taste in the lady's mouth.
As if I would follow in my father's footsteps.
I suppose that was what left me in reins of my heart. Hoping to feel nothing, to secure myself with the bland truth that I believed so much in. And this was where I was left.
The golden chocobo reared to a halt abruptly, pausing at the bank of the oceans as if questioning my destination. I led it towards the Junon forests, for it was where I hoped she would be. My heart felt strangely heavy as I gazed at the shimmering oceans, the golden dome of a sun peeping out from beneath the ocean's depths in welcoming of daybreak. The Junon sunrise.
The execution was hard on everyone, including me who made the risky decision that would have cost her precious life. Pride had won over once, but I was determined not to make the same mistake. If it were not for the bribe I had shamefully given to a Shinra soldier to purposely drop the key in the chamber, I doubt that she would not have died. Died in my hands.
I guided my steed through the verdant hall of living trees, the twittering of rather annoyed birds gracing my soul as they fluffed the beads of raindrops off their prized plumes. Yet all the beauties of nature that were laid before my eyes were not mine to see. Heart beating in my ears, I scoured the endless splash of emerald in search of a mere sign of her existence.
Then in both immense dread and gladness, I saw her.
"Tifa!" I cried without myself meaning to. She turned, her figure luminous against the morning rays that penetrated the lush dome above. I dismounted, taking my first step towards her when I met the friendly barrel of a gun thrust into my face.
"Watcha think you're doin', Shinra boy?"
"I'm not here for a fight. I just want to see... her," I sighed, my answer brutally honest.
"And what makes ya think-"
"Barret, leave him alone."
I turned a grateful eye to her as she led me over to a gnarled tree root that towered above me as a fortress, seating herself on a flattened bed of moss.
"You'll have to excuse him, he's rather... overprotective," she began after a moment's silence.
"It's okay. I mean, with a lady like you, anyone's liable to be... overprotective."
She merely smiled. Our conversation would have seemed banal to any bystander. She lowered her head, as if pondering before prompting, "You came because?"
"I wanted to see you for the last time, and tell you... something."
"Something?"
"I - I'm getting married."
She did not react as I expected her to. No, not even a surprised raise of an eyebrow. Instead, she laughed. A merry laugh, I might add.
"I thought I would be the one who had to say that first," she said, standing up and glancing at my engagement ring with an inquisitive expression. Instinct prodded me to make a rather hasty and desperate attempt to conceal the ring behind my back, but I finally decided against that. The ring was wrought of the best mythril that shone a brilliant aura of colours under the weak rays of the morning sun, and even I who had grown to develop a slight abhorrence for the ring was momentarily entranced.
"Believe me, when we made this promise in Junon, I never thought of that either. Especially with Strife around."
"So, who's the lucky girl?"
"This is rather hard to explain. You see, my mother wished me to marry this girl... and since her death, I've wanted to fulfill her wishes as an apology," I held her hands in mine, tone fading into but a whisper. She glanced at me, hazel eyes fading into seeming emptiness.
"I'll see you around?"
The abruptness of the statement jolted me. For a moment, I could not speak. Sensing my hesitance, she explained in a whispered tone.
"Maybe this isn't what it supposed to be. Maybe... just maybe we'll be together. In the future."
I gazed into her glazed eyes, guilt and sorrow rising in my chest.
"I'll be hoping."
-Tricia-
16th September 2002