It was HILLARIOUS. Laughter reverberated around the room. They couldn't believe what they'd just heard. Was this guy some kind of an alien or something? How could anyone be that stupid? This was the best excuse they'd heard in years.
The guy in question stood alone, ashamed. His cheeks burned brightly with embarrassment. They were laughing at him; he could not help but hear it. Jonas stared at the floor of the Colorado Police Department. He could not bring himself to raise his head.
Some time earlier…
Jack stomped down the hallway, fists clenched tightly at his sides. He had had enough. His frustration was written all over his face. His teeth were grinding together and his knuckles were turning white from the strength of his grip. He hoped no-one would try to stop him, or even try to say hello, because he didn't want to be responsible for his actions. Jack didn't mean to be so angry, but a certain 'smart-aleck, stuck-up pretty boy' had brought him to his foul mood and, later, he was likely to regret something, unless he came across that 'pretty boy'. Jack shook his head violently; he wanted to erase all the memories of that selfish, good for nothing… But he couldn't forget. How could he? He needed to get away from those malicious thoughts about the unsociable Jonas.
Jonas Quinn. He had plagued Jack for the past hour and now Jack was storming down the corridor towards his friends' lab as he'd guessed that that was where his three best friends would be. Probably contemplating revenge on the smarmy Jonas too.
"Let me guess, Jack," a female voice asked as he began to walk into the room where his friends were seated around a laboratory desk. "Jonas 'I'm-so-fantastic' Quinn showed you his achievement for the millionth time?" It was a sarcastic question, but he was completely right.
"Got it in one, Sam," he replied, still in an angry tone, but he did try (and failed) to turn it down a notch; he could never be angry with his favourite scientist. He pulled a stool out from under the desk next to her and sat down on the hard plastic. His voice became unintentionally sarcastic. "Let me guess, he showed you too?" Jack asked, making a hand movement to emphasise the word 'showed'. His three friends nodded simultaneously in agreement.
Of course Jonas had.
"Indeed," Teal'c's voice was thunderously deep, as usual, and he spoke with true meaning. At this, Jack threw his head on the desk with a loud 'bang' that echoed throughout Daniel's quaint if cluttered lab.
"That's really going to help our situation," Daniel sarcastically answered, nodding at his friend who, at the moment, was seemingly content to injure himself. Once again, Teal'c answered with his amazingly wide vocabulary and raised his infamous right eyebrow in the process.
"Indeed."
A muffled reply: "It helps."
It was Jack's annoyed tone echoing from the tabletop. Daniel shook his head, disbelieving his totally insane friend's childish attitude. He noticed Sam copying his reaction to 'baby' Jack. But they all knew why the Colonel's attitude was right. Jonas was getting to be intolerable. He was the sole reason why tempers had run so high amongst SG-1 over these past few weeks. Once Jonas was introduced, SG-1 welcomed him with genuine smiles. Even Jack forced a smile, even though his interaction with and understanding of scientists like Jonas wasn't that good (with the possible exception of Sam Carter.)
At first, they all seemed delighted with their new team member. However, it was only a matter of days before they realised that he was an absolute twat. Self-assertive, smart, smarmy annoying and a massive attention seeker, Jonas just loved to boast. He adored showing off. This was the reason why SG-1 had become so glum and demoralised. Recently, Jonas had won an award for his 'outstanding contribution to the work of the SGC.' (Jack claimed that the award should have been 'Suck-up of the year for doing fuck all.')
And who was going to disagree with Jonas? Everyone: Jack, Daniel, Sam and Teal'c. They were all in agreement: Jonas had a head the size of a small planet. He had been boasting about this award to each and every unlucky, innocent being that he met, but especially to SG-1. One hour of dreaded torment, with the look of his dreary greys eyes in which you could see that he didn't realise how crap he really was, was enough to bore each member of SG-1 beyond death.
How Daniel wished he could just… 'Hang on,' he thought. Daniel was hit by a sudden brainwave (though there was nothing unusual about that.) He bolted upright in a flash.
"That's it," cried out the usually introverted archaeologist in excitement, like a five-year-old child. Jack's head raised itself from its resting place questioningly; his eyebrow knitted together in confusion. Daniel noticed this and grinned, albeit evilly. Sam looked a bit worried. The last time Daniel had had that grin, they were nearly arrested for smashing that window. Sam remembered Teal'c's expression and statement on that day, and laughed inwardly.
FLASHBACK
"It would be most unwise of you to arrest my colleagues and me. I will kill you where you…" Jack tried to silence Teal'c before they got arrested for sure.
The officer gulped visibly at Teal'c massive frame. "Ok, here's what I'll do. As this is a first offence, you'll all get a caution, but don't let me catch you pulling a stunt like this again, y'hear?" Sam nodded fervently and swore to herself then that, if ever Daniel had that expression once more, she was going to find out exactly what Daniel wanted before she agreed to it.
END FLASHBACK
It was as she remembered her vow that Sam became afraid. Very afraid. There could only be trouble behind that look.
"What are you contemplating, Daniel Jackson?" Teal'c asked, his voice remaining neutral, barely affected by Daniel's evil side showing its true colours. Daniel's expression only got more evil, if that was at all possible. Sam wriggled on her stool nervously; she was most definitely afraid now.
"No, Daniel," she began uneasily, "The last time you had an evil idea, we nearly ended up in jail for smashing that window and Teal'c could've been busted for abuse to a police officer." Teal'c nodded.
"Although he was what you Tau'ri would call a 'jerk'. Under Jaffa law, I was well within my rights to disembowel him," he said in a deep, monotonous voice. Daniel's smile enlarged more.
"I know, I know," he answered smoothly, brushing the past aside, "But I've got a great plan on how to get revenge on our 'problem'." With that, Daniel began outlining his plot and wide smiles began to appear on SG-1's faces as the plan unfurled.
"It's just by here." Jack stopped in front of the house. Daniel, Sam, Teal'c and Jonas stood alongside him. For this plan to work, they had had to permit Jonas to join them. It pained one of them to tell him that he was welcome to accompany them, so they drew straws. Jack lost. He was sure that they'd cheated somehow, but he couldn't prove it. 'But on the flip side,' he thought, 'If Daniel's plan is pulled off, this'll be worth all the boasting.' So, after almost an hour of driving and enduring the butt-snorkeler's conversation, they had arrived at their destination.
The house was still standing, but the large front window had been replaced after SG-1's last visit.
"This, Jonas, is how we say 'hello' in America," Jack continued. "This is George Hammond's house. He loves people who visit him and the best way of saying 'hello' is this."
Jack handed Jonas a good-sized pebble and he clenched it tightly in his hand. The old Colonel carried on with a slight grin, trying not to reveal anything and give the game away, "You throw this stone at his house, to let him know that you're here. If you throw it at the large window there, it will show good old George that you like him and you've come to visit, and then he'll come out and welcome you."
Jack's face was strained to remain neutral. Teal'c remained impassive, but the other two had to dip their heads so Jonas wouldn't see their silent laughter. Jack smiled, just a little, at the sight of them.
"Now, wait until we've gone to get the ice-cream before you throw; one, we've forgotten it and we know it's you're favourite food and two, the fantastic welcome will come from you and you alone. You can take all the credit, see? Don't forget to stay here until George arrives, though. It'll seem rude, otherwise. Well catch you later," and with that, Jack and his team left, forcing themselves to walk at a normal pace so as to not alert Jonas to something untoward. Once they got around the corner however, they peeked out to watch the fun, catching it all on a digital camcorder for evidence later on.
Jonas looked at the stone in his hand. He gave a happy sigh, and then he took aim…
"But…" he stuttered as the police officer snapped the handcuffs around his trembling wrists. "But it was a gesture of warmth and friendliness! I was saying 'hello'!"
"Yeah, sure, and I'm Santa Claus," the policeman sneered, leading the pale, frightened and now silent Jonas. But as he was being led away to the CPD car, he could've sworn he heard laughter.
As the police car drove away, the four friends jumped out from behind the corner concealed by the bush, laughing hysterically.
"Now he's got a trip to a prison cell to boast about," giggled Sam.
"Well Daniel, this calls for a celebration. C'mon, O'Malley's, on me."
"Indeed!"