TITLE: Loneliness and Changes
A/N: Title is totally random! Ugh. Another story. I was depressed so I wrote this. :( I think I'm gonna fail my Chemisty exam eventhough I put a lot of effort on it... Reviews are appreciated and given back.
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Ever since I was young, I wondered how it was to be alone. I was never alone, that WAS a fact. I never knew how it felt to be left on my own, to be detached from the world, to be totally coated with grief. I couldn't imagine what my life would become if it comes to that point. But now I understood. I wouldn't just imagine it anymore because I was already living it. My friends never knew what became of me. I wasn't the same but change, unfortunately, was and is the only thing that's constant.
"Hotaru! Can't we spend the time together this weekend? If you and Ruka-pyon wouldn't do anything..." she didn't have the chance to go on as Hotaru casted her a sad look. Lucky for the purple-eyed inventor, he had Ruka always on her side. While the brunette, she wasn't just ready to commit. She forced a knowing smile and turned to her heels before her bestfriend says anything. "M'kay. Enjoy!"
At first, I denied the impending loneliness and the darkness closing on my fragile heart because I thought I could resist, I could still be optimistic despite everything that happened after we stepped on the high school grounds. But the pain and sadness was so much that the facade came rumbling down. The wall protecting my heart's vitality and innocence crash as the truth found it's way in. Being in the Academy for eight long years was tough yet was filled with memories worth cherishing. Alice Academy. How this institution changed us; Hotaru became softer, more wiser than ever and was deeply in love with the kuro neko's bff Ruka. He, was sort of the same but he didn't blush often unlike before. Nonoko and Anna, the so-called twins, had been transferred to another section, much to our loss and we seldom hang out anymore. They found new friends, that's why. Sumire and Koko were also a couple and the 'she' wasn't that obsessed with Natsume and acted maturely while the 'he' was able to stop goofing around. Mochu was shockingly and unimaginably transformed into a geek, a nerd or simply a studious student. I was completely stunned when he little by little changed his ways. Natsume... was the only one who could understand the situation I was stuck with. Eventhough he opened up a bit at us years ago, his training was harsher and the devil, Persona kept on straining him. I wanted to help him but what could I do know that I wasn't that 'light' they described as before.
I finally opened my eyes from the veil of lies and the realities of the world I was in.
When she entered the library, she saw mochiage at the left corner, looking deeply outside the window. When he turned to her and caught her gaze, he just shrugged and scribbled something on his notebook. It pained her. As she was about to go out, she bumped into Nonoko and Anna.
"Uh sorry guys I wasn't looking." she bowed down and they gave her a soft smile.
"It's okay." they both replied and turned their back from her. With them was two other girls; an emerald haired one and a dark blonde.
She stood there, staring at their backs. Knives plunged her scarred heart. She could hear them laugh and God, how she missed her friends. She looked up the ceiling and supressed the pushing tears.
'Why does everyone need to change? Can't we be friends? Can't we go back to the times where we still laugh out carelessly?'
I wanted to cry but it's as if I wasn't permitted to, for tears stood suspended on my eyes. They never fall but that was a relief because I didn't want to show that I was hurt. I knew I should be happy for them because we're friends but... why was I slowly tormented inside by this longing. Longing to find my place amidst those crowd. Longing to find a certain someone who wouldn't throw me away.
Who wouldn't make me feel alone.
Loneliness. What an awful word but that word echoed my very existence. I used to believe that I could continue living in bliss, without much uncertainty in everything but as I grow, reality hit me hard as I saw them disappear.
All except for one.
"Natsume? Are you there Natsume?" she called out. Her auburn locks reached her waist now because the raven wanted it long. She didn't know why she complied but she just felt like it. Even if he didn't admit it, he became closer to her. Maybe even closer than the infamous inventor.
A small rock fell on the grassy ground and she smiled. She knew he was there and sat down, hugging her knees.
"You know Natsume, I encountered Mochu, Anna and Nonoko today. And... I was glad?" Oblivious to her own tears, the raven jumped down from the branches and his Crimson eyes looked at her as if she was some kind of a little mopping child. He crouched and wiped the tears that stained her pale cheeks with his thumb and planted a kiss on her forehead.
"Crybaby." he huskily said and she couldn't help but reach out for him and hugged his waist, burying her head on his chest.
"Hush... Don't be like me Mikan. Don't let the darkness consume you completely. Live your life to the fullest... Live without regrets."
His words at that time seemed to seep in me like needles. It hurt but at the same time soothing. Natsume. Natsume Hyuuga. My former archenemy now my closest friend. He was there when I felt like my world fell into pieces. I thought the bond I had with the others was firm but I was mistaken. I didn't know what went wrong but only he stayed. And that matters. It seemed that our situation was turned upside down. At my early years in the Academy, they told me that I was the one who gave him light. Light of courage. But now, he returned the exact words I said almost 4 years ago. 'Live your life to the fullest... Live without regrets'
"Mikan?"
My thoughts automatically halted as I heard that voice. I slapped my forehead knowing that I was being 'angsty', 'melodramatic' and whatsover you call that. I didn't bother looking back as continue combing my hair in front of the mirror. I was promoted to a triple-star years ago so I enjoyed the luxuries a little bit. A little bit. I saw a familiar crimson orbs staring at me and I grinned. I wondered what it was with him that I like so much. He strode towards me and snaked his arms around my waist and placed his chin on my shoulders. We looked at our reflection. I was wearing a dress wth laces and a black ribbon situated under my breasts while he had a white long-sleeves on and black slacks. My hair was tied in a side-ponytail and his was as messy as before.
"Congratulations Natsume Hyuuga. You're officially out of this concrete hell on earth." I said as I faced him, our hands still entwined. We started walking out from my room.
"A hell with an angel on it." he sincerely smiled as we made our way to the stadium. As we stepped inside, we weren't surprised to hear cries, laughters, whisperings and the top of it all was a certain voice. The voice of my favorite teacher; Narumi-sensei. We took our seats at the back and had a glimpse of Hotaru who smiled at me. Sumire and koko were in the front together with Nonoko, Anna, their two classmates and Mochu. They were animatedly talking with each other, maybe reminiscing the old times and I smiled to myself knowing that they're still 'okay'.
"Good afternoon students and to my fellow teachers." Narumi started. He was standing confidently on the middle of the stage and all eyes were set on him. The passed years were clearly seen on his features. "We're here today to be witnesses to the graduation of the 4th year high school students. I don't want to make this long to bore you to death so I just prepared a few reminders for you. First, Give friendship and 'bond' a great importance..."
I winced at what he said.
"...I know that almost everyone in this gathering knows each other because they're batch mates since elementary and you guys created a bond. An invisible bond of friendship which can help you in the future. Don't forget that true friendship lasts and that relationship sways but does not bend and break."
He temporarily paused and gave us a rueful smile. I could feel tears welling up and held Natsume's hand firmer. "Second, Trust in yourself. Some of you may graduate with a low self-esteem, confidence and faith in his or her own ability but always remember; you have gone this far and you are here because of your own doing. Trust. Don't forget to trust but also be careful on whom you're giving that trust. Third, don't be affected by such alterations. Physically, emotionally and mentally. It is undeniable that you have changed yet you shouldn't be afraid. Change is part of life and the inevitable. Be open-minded and accept the possibilities. Don't let loneliness eat you up when you think that everyone had changed. Be strong and brave. Lastly, put in mind that this is not the end but a beginning of another journey. For years you've spent your life here inside, isolated in the confines of the Academy but starting tomorrow, you're gonna face harder challenges outside because the world beyond these bars are filled with treachery, evil intents and factors that could break you BUT you shouldn't loose hope. For hope can still be in your reach. Once again, congratulations graduates! Kami-sama will bless you all."
After saying those words, I felt something hot streaming down my cheeks and as soon as I perceived it, out of reflex, I wiped it with the back of my trembling hand. I soon found myself in the arms of Natsume and I was shaking as if a wave of sheer electricity washed over my whole being. What he said was true, excruciatingly true yet I was relieved and thankful that I heard his speech. I glanced up on my friends' direction and when our eyes met, I could still feel the warmth and as if the gap that had slowly emerged, sank down.
I felt his hands on mine as I calmed myself and ponder on Narumi-sensei's words.
...