Chapter 1; Crime, Slime, and Scum:
Warning; Rated M for swearing, violence, eventual lemony things, and lots of icky germs. You have been warned…
Disclaimer: I do not own 'Osmosis Jones' or any of its characters, I am only using them to fulfill my own disillusioned dreams and fan-girl wishes. : P
~o0o~
Rachel knew she must have been dreaming, or insane. She could hear the faint sound of bells as she continued to dance with the circus bear at the movie theater. Soft, chiming bells. They seemed to get louder and louder and the bear seemed to get angrier and angrier as she kept stepping on his paws. Now the bells were ringing, loud and obnoxious. Ringing, ringing, ringing, ringing…
Rachel snapped awake, the dream dropping her harshly back into reality. The white blood cell rubbed her eyes tiredly, tiring to wipe away the sleep from them, when it came to her attention that the ringing from her dream hadn't stopped. The phone. Rolling over to the other side of her bed, Rachel reached with a weary arm for the device that saved her from such a weird dream.
"Dr. Rachel Leucocytus, city of Frank's best medical examiner, speak now or forever hold your peace" She answered, her voice thick with drowsiness.
"Well good morning to you too Ray" A familiar voice called out from the other end of the line.
"Jones…" Rachel sighed exasperatedly as she messaged the bridge of her nose with her thumb and forefinger, already getting a headache form listening to the other white blood cell's exasperatingly cheery voice "What time is it, what do you want?" She asked him as she squinted her eyes towards the blaring red numbers of her clock on her bed stand, but they only remained a blurring mess. Where the hell were her glasses?
"It's 3:26 in the glorious morning Ray! Time to get up!" Ozzy replied, again with the upbeat voice. Having finally found her rectangular eye glasses, Rachel put them on and saw that her clock confirmed what the white blood cell said.
"Jones, if I killed you, would it be considered a crime, or a public service?"
"Ouch girl! You're breakin' my heart, and here I thought we were friends"
"I tolerate you for our job and Leah's sake; that is not the same as being friends" She replied dryly as she swung herself out of bed. Jones may be one of the more irritating cells she knew, but Ray had gotten to know him well enough through her recent work with him since he was reinstated to know that when he called at three in the morning, it wasn't for a social reason.
"What do we got Jones?" She asked him as she shuffled her way over to a crumpled pile of discarded clothes.
"Two stiffs down by the car garage in the left big toe. Bring a couple bags, its nasty" He answered. By now, Rachel had managed to zip up into her blue work jumpsuit over the wife beater tee she was sleeping in and was looking around for her black police boots.
"Alright Jones, I'll be right there. Is Drix with ya?" Finally spotting the boots after she turned on the bedroom light of her cheap, downbowel apartment, the white blood cell sat down on the grey carpet floor to work the sturdy shoes on.
"Here Miss Rachel!" Answered said pill from the noisy background.
"Good, make sure Jones doesn't do anything stupid Drix. I'll be right there" Before Ozzy could protest to the stupid comment, Rachel had already hung up on him.
Shoes now laced on, she stood up and walked herself over to the full length mirror hanging on her closed bedroom door. Her deep sapphire tinted body shimmered darkly in the bright light of the room, making her long plasmas hair look almost silver by comparison. Taking a black hair tie off her wrist, Rachel quickly gathered the thick hair into a messy bun. Pushing up her black rimmed glassed up to the bridge of her nose; the white blood cell checked herself out quickly with her obsidian blue eyes. Non-figure flattering jumpsuit, clunky shoes, hair a tangled mess, geeky glasses, complete with a I-couldn't-give-a-flying-fuck-what-you-think expression. All that was missing was a cup of coffee in her hands.
"Well, let's get this over with" She said to herself as she opened up the bedroom door, her voice beginning to take on its usual cynical tone.
It only took Rachel about twenty minutes to drive the black medical examiner van stationed at her small apartment building down to the big toe thanks to a good lack of traffic in down town Frank.
It wasn't hard to spot the mechanic garage Jones was talking about; the tell tail signs of cops, sirens, and yellow tape lead her right to it. After parking near a couple of patrol cars, Rachel made her way closer to the lively crime scene, a fat blue duffle bag slung across her shoulder.
The building was rather small for a mechanic garage, having only two doors for cars to enter, and was crowded by odd bits and ends of cars, both new and old that littered the ground around it. The bright light of the crime scene beams and sirens did not flatter the worn brown paint of the old, almost decaying building, making it strongly resemble the kind of place that not only children would avoid, but adults as well. Speaking of what people would want to avoid…
"Well, the Queen of the Dead has finally arrived! You gonna do your voodoo that you do so well now?" Jones called out teasingly as he ducked under the final barricade of yellow tape to greet her.
"If I wanted a joke Jones, I would follow you into the john and watch you take a leak" She replied nonchalantly to him as the two of them met up.
"Ouch, Doc, why you so cold?!" He shouted out offended as he followed Rachel over to the back side of the large mechanic garage building, where most of the commotion centered.
The two hardened employs of FPD often greeted each other this way since coming to know one another, more out of jest than true dislike. Before his suspension was lifted, Rachel, who had only came to work for the forensics department after his disgraceful demotion, had only ever heard of the cop that caused the famous 'Vomit Incident' from both the papers and from Leah, and the two mostly agreed in Jones being a public nuisance.
But now it seems that both the public and Leah, had changed their minds about Jones, one hailing him a hero for defeating that virus, the other dating him. Rachel, never one to let others, even friends, change her mind until she had gathered all the evidence she possible could on the subject, decided to wait to meet this so called 'savoir of Frank' before she joined the throng of gratefuls. Boy was she ever disappointed.
First time the two of them crossed paths was over four months ago at a crime scene when he was welcomed back into the force with open arms. He tried to get her to fetch some coffee for him and Drix. To say the least, it rubbed her the wrong way. However, once she beat it into his head, literally, that she was a fully licensed medical examiner, not a gofer, the two of them got along. In their own dysfunctional way.
"So, what's the situation Jones?" Rachel asked as Jones caught up with her to guide her in the exact direction of the bodies.
"Two G-gang members by the looks of it. Sliced open by what looks like a huge knife or something, most here figure it was another scuffle between the Gs' and the BTs gangs" He answered, a slight frown coming across his normally cheery face. Though the city was finally starting put some effort towards cleaning up the streets, both thanks to the new mayor, Tom Colonic, and the police force, some things had yet to change. Jones knew from the beginning of this project 'Clean-up Frank' it was going to be difficult.
But the last four months of non-stop dedication, resolution, and heart every one of his fellow officers put in, had barley taken the crime rates down by five percent. It seemed that no matter how hard everyone tried, there were some things about Frank that would take a lot more than good intentions and dedicated cops to change. And truthfully, even Jones himself was becoming a little pessimistic about the future of his hometown. Sure, the big guy tried, and on the outside the human was looking better than he had in decades, but the inside was still just as rotten, just as disgusting as it had always been.
As for right now, Jones was starting to believe that if they ever were able to reach the state of health and care that this city dreamed of, it would only be by some sort of miracle.
"Another turf war? Didn't the Germs and Bacteria have one last week?" A puzzled Rachel asked him as the two of them turned down the far back wall of the garage, pulling him out of his uncharacteristically dark thoughts.
"Yeah. And that's not the only weirdness about this. Wait till you see the bodies…" He answered. Turning one final corner, the two had at long last made it to the main crime scene. The backside of the garage was much like the front, old, decaying, and littered with spare car parts. The only difference was that here there was a fenced off area for the cars that were kept here over night and a couple of bodies lying next to it roped off by the customary yellow tape.
Very, very messy bodies. As Rachel walked closer with Jones beside her, she could see what he meant by weirdness. In all her years of cleaning up crime scenes, preforming autopsies, testing icky slimy goo that she really wished she did not know the origins of, this was by far one of the most oddest things she had ever seen. Lying on the ground, not far apart from one another, were two germs, their mucus colored green skin betraying their infectious abilities, well, what little skin there was. Every part, from head to toe, clothes to skin, was shredded.
Not cut or sliced, shredded, making the bodies look like they were only barley holding themselves together by invisible strings. Laying down her duffle bag outside the pool of long dried, deep green blood that encircled the two ex-germs, Rachel stepped her way closer beside the bodies, her face alight with disturbed fascination.
"Jones, no knife could have ever done this. Or any gang member. This was most defiantly the work of…something else…" She trailed off as she bent down to look at the face of the germ to her left, a calculating gaze in her eyes as she began her investigation. Jones, knowing that Rachel didn't like to have someone hover over her shoulder while she worked, stuck his hands into his coat pockets and paced as he thought out loud.
"Yeah, that's what I thought. Cause one, the Gs' and BTs just had a fight, which the BTs won, so why would they start another when their men are still recoverin'? Two, the BTs don't fight with knives, both sides use guns" He monologue stopped there for a moment as he watched Ray step away from the bodies and make towards her bag. Unzipping one of the multitudes of side pockets open, the medical examiner pulled out a pair of latex gloves and a couple of measuring instruments.
"So, for once, you admit that I am right? You're not going to question my diagnosis this time?" She asked as she leaned down beside the same body from before, this time opening the eye lid of the germ, trying to determine the proper time of death.
Ozzy's constant cocky and cheery attitude were not the only traits that rubbed Ray the wrong way, he also was prone to annoy her more so by always questioning her decisions and diagnosis. Not that she was the kind of person unable to take criticism, hell, for most of her life all she ever heard from others was critiques and insults. But it was the fact that he would ask questions without really thinking, just like how he'd talk, that pushed her buttons.
"Well, because I finally come to trust you, Doc. Just cause a person has got a college degree don't mean they know jack shit about anything better than I do. Bu you got a great brain, and I trust it's skills" He replied in a shockingly humbles tone, taking Ray quite by surprise. She quickly righted herself, and just kept on working, muttering a quiet thank you just in case he was being serious in his compliment.
"Miss Rachel, a word?" Shouted a voice from the other end of the well-lit back yard. A huge form of the red and yellow patterned pill could be seen making his way closer over to the pair of white blood cells, an excited look in his eyes.
"Yeah Drix?" Ray answered him as he came to a stop near Jones. While Ray and Ozzy had locked horns the first time they ever met, Drix and Ray seemed to get along just fine. Maybe it was because the two of them found solace in each other's aptitude in the presence of Jones' dimly lit intellect.
"The responding officer testified that the unidentified caller who reported the crime, did say that he saw a figure hanging about the bodies, so the time of death is probably very close to 2:50 in the morning when the call was made" Drix replied in his self-assured voice.
"Thank you Drix" Ray said in a near sweet voice, causing the pill to smile. The time given to her was almost precisely the hour she had just determined in her short investigation, so at least one aspect of this bizarre case was true-
"Yo!" Jones objected beside his partner, causing his rare smile to disappear "I was the one who found that out! What about my thank you?" Ray sighed inwardly as she said goodbye to the fleetingly smart and humble Jones, his annoying true-self coming around to spoil the short lived moment.
"Thank you Defective Detective" Rachel answered him, the sweetness in her voiced now replaced with annoyance and even slight disdain for the light blue blood cell. Drix could not help but chuckle lightly at the disgruntled look on Jones' face as Ray went right back to work.
"Teacher's pet" He mumbled in the general direction of his medicinal companion.
Within a few more moments, Ray finally had completed her initial investigation of the bodies. Usually she would now hand the task of preparing to move the bodies and inspect the crime scene for further investigation of trace evidence to one of her assistants while she would brief the responding officers with her findings. But recently all of her employees, assistants, and even interns had disappeared on her.
Not quit, disappeared. No two-week warning, no resignation form, only a voice message from each of them giving her some half assed explanation for their leave of absence. To say the least she was rather curious as to why they would all abandon their jobs, as well as annoyed that she would have to do their jobs until she could find replacements, which was proving to be much more difficult than she imagined.
"Alright, this is what we got" She finally said out loud, deciding to get the briefing over with. Jones and Drix, who had started talking amongst themselves, instantly brought their attentions back on the sapphire blue blood cell before them as she tip toed her way around the bodies closer them.
"As you two already seem to know, these two Gs' here were most likely not taken down by a Bacteria gang member. One, these guys were jumped. You can tell by the way the bodies are laid out, these guys never even saw their attacker coming"
"Makes sense" Drix mussed aloud "The BTs and Gs' do have a certain amount of honor in that they face each other when fighting, here, these men didn't even seem to have time to even see their murderer"
"Exactly" Ray continued "Whoever did this was sneaky, quick, but not uncontrolled. Don't let the sloppy mess fool you; this killer knew exactly what she or he was doing. By the cuts, you can tell that the vital areas, the throat, writs, and inner thighs were sliced first, after which these poor suckers quickly bled to death. As for the rest of the cuts, they were done postmortem"
"What?! You mean the guy who cut these G's down waited for them to die, and then chopped them up some more? Well, it don't take much detective work to figure out that what we got here, is one really sick psycho" Jones concluded, his face twisted up in disgust.
"Brilliant minds often are twisted Jones. This thing, whatever it was, was really good. I estimate that it didn't take longer than two minutes for these two to die, and then maybe another additional two for their bodies to be reduced to this state" Ray continued to speak as she pulled out measuring tape from her duffle bag, pulling the incremented tape out till it reached the length of six inches and three-fourths, and held it up for the two cops to see.
"And the weapon used, well I should say weapons, were claws" Jones and Drix's faces became serious, and a knowing glance was shared. Claws, only high level germs, bacteria, and fungal infections had those, and the longer they were, the worse the illness they caused. By these measurements, this fellow would not be the worst the two hardened cops had ever come across, but still neither of them would ever fancy being alone with this disease. Especially after seeing how skilled it was with those claws…
"Doc, you certain about the claws part, most only have one on their left hand…" Jones dared to question. Ray glared at him, allowing the measuring tape to snap back into its case; so much for 'you got a great mind, and I trust its skills' speech. But really, she couldn't imagine ever bringing herself to one day hope for Jones to never question anything, for, though she would never admit it, it was an almost endearing, though still annoying, trait of his. Jones, who was familiar with the 'dare you question me' glare from Ray, was surprised to see it pass and be replaced with a near sweet smirk.
"Defiantly Jones. The cuts are in sequenced of four, and are layered on top each other so" She placed her spread fingers on top of each other to demonstrate "It's how the unsub was able to make so much damage in so little time" Not certain if he was more shocked to see Ray smiling at him and not threatening him, or more concerned that the unsub was becoming more menacing by the minute, Jones shook his head solemnly.
"Right. This guy sounds too bad-ass illin' for our regular boys in blue. I'll go talk to the chief, see if I can get us assigned the case Drix"
"You already have been" Announced a voice from beside Drix. All eyes turned upon a dim grey brain cell that had snuck up beside them.
"Andrew Aspleen. What the hell do you think you're doing here?" Ray hissed out venomously.
"Hello Rachel, still as resentful as ever I see. I am the mayor's new assistant in case you haven't heard, since Miss Leah has…gone on to bigger and better things in politics" Andrew replied smoothly. Ray's lips curled up into a disgusted sneer.
She had dealt with a lot of slime and scum in her line of work, but Andrew was the only one who could walk, talk, and personally piss her off. Drix and Ozzy's eyes darted uncomfortably between the sleeked haired, tweed suited brain cell and the messy bun studded bracelet wearing white cell, becoming very uncomfortable about the rising levels of contempt and hidden grudges.
"I'll ask one more time before I kick your ass out of this crime scene, what the hell do you think you're doing here?" Ray repeated.
"I am here to deliver an invitation from the Mayor, who not only wants to see all of you," Andrew's yellowed grey eyes made contact with Jones, Drix, and Ray's to emphasize "but also has personally assigned you all to this case"
"That is very helpful of the Mayor, and kind" Drix voiced out as he moved away from Ozzy to stand beside Ray, who looked ready to rip out the brain cell's throat "But why would he do either for us?" Andrew's lips curled into a knowing sneer.
"All will be revealed when you go to meet the Mayor. Today, eight a.m., his office" Andrew then turned around and walked away, but before he turned the corner of the mechanic garage where his car was parked, he threw one last glance back at the strange trio.
"Don't be late, Viscel" He said, his eyes firmly on Ray as he did.
Rachel finally let out the breath she had been holding. By Frank how she hated that man. Bottling up the fiery emotion away for the moment, she proceeded to get the bodies ready for transportation and bent down beside her duffle bag.
"Alright, I know you're not exactly the most mild tempered girl around, but I have never, ever, seen you look so pissed off. Excluding the time I told you to grab me coffee" Jones voiced as he watched Ray.
"And what did he mean by calling you 'Viscel'? Is that some sort of insult?" Asked Drix, who, like Jones, had hardly missed the transaction of unfathomable hate and loathing that passed between the grey and sapphire cell. Ray stopped her work to look up at the two boys standing above her, concerned. It annoyed her greatly.
"Don't worry about it. Just an old high school rival. And no Drix, it's not an insult, just some stupid nickname I had when I was younger" Drix simply smiled, satisfied with her answer, and left to go find the responding officer to finish up his questioning now that they were officially on the case. Jones stayed behind though, his eyes never leaving Ray as she ignored him and moved one of the stiffs into a body bag.
After a moment of pondering and watching Ray continue on in her work as if he was not there, Jones himself decided to take leave, but not without one last comment.
"See you at the Mayor's office Ray, and uh, you might want to take a shower and slip into something nicer Doc, cause, eew" Ray rolled her eyes as she wiped the bodily fluids that was coating her gloved hands off on her overalls, an amused smile on her face.
Boys are so squeamish.
o0o
After taking up Jones's suggestion of a shower and change of clothes, Ray made her way up to the Brain Stem around seven forty-five to find him and Drix waiting for her, along with Leah, who was to escort them.
"Lee!" Ray shouted happily as she came over to her closest friend. The beautiful brain cell welcomed the ecstatic woman in her arms, the both of them exclaiming estactically.
"Sugar, it's been too long!" Leah replied, her voice just as excited.
"Damn, honey, where did you get that dress? You look sexy"
"You've seen this dress before you faker. However, I love that leather jacket, and those earrings, they really-"
"Oh, for the love of Frank and his testosterone levels, please stop with the girly-talk! It's because of this kind of thing that Shane was able to talk Frank into going to the spa with her!" Jones pleaded. Two feminine icy glares where thrown at him, and the cell felt a chill go through his body.
By Frank, those girls were scary. As he watched them ignore his and Drix's presence and continue with their chat, Jones thought back to the when he first heard that Leah knew Rachel, and vice versa. At first, he could not believe it, especially when he heard that they had been best friends since high school. He actually thought it was a cruel joke of some kind.
They were both just too different, and you didn't even have to know them to see that, just look at them. Leah was always classy in skirts and suits while Rachel was threatening on near punk with leather and jeans. There was more besides their clothes that separated the two women, physically they were night and day. Leah had the body of a curved goddess to Jones, while Ray, well…Ray was short, slim, and didn't really have much to show off.
But Jones wasn't the kind of man to separate woman from each other based on what they wore or how looked, no, what did it for Jones was the two girls' personalities. Sweet, mildly-sassy, always smiling, that was his girl. Snarky, curt, and almost always scowling, that was Ray. But, like some wise guy once said, opposites attract, and no one, more than Jones, should know that to be true of him and his own best friend.
"I know that you two have not seen each other for some time" Spoke out Drix, who not only interpreted the two girl's catching up, but Ozzy's thoughts about the first time he had met the cold pill "But I believe we must really be going or we shall be late for our meeting with the Mayor"
The two women pursed their lips into a scowling pout for a moment at the thought of delaying their chat, but knew the pill was right. Linking arms, the girls walked towards the brainstem elevator together, the boys following.
o0o
Five minutes later the strange gang of friends was in the office of the newly elected Mayor Tom Colonic. Ray, dead tired from her early day, plopped herself unceremoniously in one of five chairs placed in front of the desk where the main man himself was seated. Colonic looked somewhat of a peacock to her, the huge window wall behind him his pea feathers and the politician grin his cockiness.
"Good to see you again, Jones, Drix. Miss Leah. And Miss Leucocytus, I believe this is the first time we have met. I must admit, you are…different than what I was expecting for Frank's most brilliant medical examiner" Said the murky grey colored brain cell. Ray merely half-smiled and nodded, not bothering with the formalities that Leah and Drix were going through with their polite howdy-dos, and how's-your-wife.
Looking over to see Jones helping himself to a chair and ignoring the mayor, Ray smiled. If there was one thing that she and Jones had in common that she wasn't ashamed to admit, it was their problem with dealing with authoritative figures. It wasn't like she exactly hated the mayor, or even disliked him for that matter. It was just that all her life she had something against the 'top dog' that had been ingrained into her from day one. Personally she blamed, and thanked, her parents for that.
"Sir, a Mr. Andrew Aspleen said that you were to explain something to us? Would you mind clarifying?" Drix politely replied as he sat down in a chair as well, it's unusual shape clearly meant for him. Leah, who was also instructed to stay for this strange meeting, sat herself to the left of Drix, Jones being already seated in the chair right to hers.
"Gladly" Said Tom as he straightened his tie, a more serious expression falling onto his already no-nonsense face "Gentlemen and ladies, as you all can tell, Frank, is not getting better like we had once hoped he would with my election"
"Sir, we just need a little bit more time, it has only been four months…" Leah interjected. The mayor merely shook his head.
"I admire your hopefulness Miss Leah, but I am afraid that it will take more than hope to fix this body. Isn't that right Jones?" Ozzy looked up from the thumbs he was tiddling, a wide-eyed expression on his face.
"Huh? Oh, well, in all honesty, nothing has really changed, despite the sweat and blood everyone has been putting in to it" He admitted, his face falling. Head nodding in agreement, the mayor then looked over to Ray, who was taping her feet in time to a tune that refused to leave her head.
"And you Miss Leucocytus, has the body count decreased in the slightest since my election?"
"No" She simply replied as she just continued gazing out the window behind the mayor's desk and tapping her foot. Another nod from Colonic. Standing up, the mayor made his way to the front of his desk, and sat on the corner.
"There you have it Miss Leah. And that is why I am creating a program, one directed towards cleaning up Frank's streets, spreading justice, and creating a decent and proud place to live"
Ray let a slight smirk grace her lips. While she may not think the world of any politician, Leah being the exception, she was starting to take a liking to this one. He was at least admitting to the little to no results they were all hoping for, and now was doing something to rectify it. But what that something was, she had no idea.
"What kind of program?" Leah asked. Everyone else's eyebrows lifted up in surprise. So the agenda for this meeting was hidden from even Leah, the mayor's right hand woman?
"Well, not exactly a program. More like a team. A team of Frank's finest. Frank's finest politician and newly elected district attorney," The mayor explained as he nodded in Leah's direction. The beautiful brain cell smiled shyly back.
She still felt uneasy about her hasty promotion, one which she had only just heard about three days ago, but she was determined to do her best. Out of the corner of her eye, Leah could see her man, his best friend and hers, grinning approvingly and proudly at this piece of news.
"Frank's finest duo of police officers" A nod towards Jones and Drix. Two sheepish smiles in return.
"Frank's finest medical examiner and forensic expert" A nod towards Ray. A forced grin in return. Colonic's face fell for a moment as he braced himself for the last bit of his speech. Pushing a button behind him on his desk, the mayor opened a pair of doors to everyone's left that had gone unnoticed till now. Three huge bodies shuffled through the doors.
"And Frank's finest criminal"
Jones, Leah, and Drix shot up from their seats, mouths hanging open in utter shock.
Curious, Ray looked away from the window and towards the three men who had just entered. They were all in a line, two burly looking cops bordering a prisoner clad in the tell-tale orange jumpsuit. As if that wasn't enough to raise some questions, the prisoner's looks certainly was.
He had deep, scorching red skin, dark purple dreads brushing against broad shoulders, and the brightest, sickest, gold-yellow eyes Ray had ever seen. As the three men walked closer, Ray could not look away from the prisoner, the way his shoulders moved from side to side screamed of his predatory nature. And his smile, his smile flashed like a bolt of hot electricity, sending an involuntary shiver down Ray's spine, who was suddenly very glad that she had chosen the seat farthest from the hidden door.
Jones couldn't breathe, it was just his imagination, it had to be. But no, for even in his wildest nightmares this wouldn't be possible. So then, how?
"…Thrax?" He asked aloud.
~o0o~
Finally! You guys have no idea how long it took me to write this first chapter! Gah, nearly three months, three months, and five rewrites, FIVE! I started as Thrax being an alien that accidently abducted a human girl, and somehow ended up him still being a virus in a CSI, Closer, Criminal Minds kind of episodic story! Yeah, that much of a change! I really hope it was worth it, I have great plans for this story that I believe you fans will enjoy.
So, until I post the next chapter (hope it doesn't take me another three months, grr)…
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Let's turn up the heat in here.
(Btw, this is my first fanfiction; please tell me how I did! Please!)