Second story. again, named after a random word I saw in my brother's room.

READ THIS - flashbacks in my stories will not be announced, it destroys the entire flow of a story and I hate it. you wouldn't write Hatemail to Smeyer coz she didn't write flashback in fuck off huge writing in the middle of her novels.

I'm English, british, so I will get things wrong concerning American places and traditions and holidays etc. don't judge.

I only write if you like it. There's no point writing things people don't enjoy. so review. let me know if it's worth it.

Chapter 1 – Travelling

Bella Swan

Can I handle this? I think so.

Yeah, I can definitely handle this.

Christ. I don't think I can handle this.

I looked out the window at the clouds we were completely immersed in and felt my eyelids begin to grow in weight as I leant my head back on the 'rest. I wasn't so much worried about going to New York, more nervous about seeing him again.

I'd seen him just weeks ago when he attended the funeral and, if i'm honest, my own inappropriate thoughts made me want to cry, especially as I was thinking them at what was essentially the funeral of my last known family member.

I heard some useless little woman trot down the aisle towards me and offer me an alcoholic beverage. Yeah I'm 16 you washed up old trout. I looked up at her and smiled, replying with a polite "No thank you."

The rest of the flight was spent pep-talking myself into complete oblivion. There were so many reasons why I was attracted to him now, in all honesty I'd always been atrracted to him, everyone was. The man could turn nazis to flaming queens. He'd thrust himself into my life at age 9 just having to be cute enough to draw in my mother's attention when he was 13.

I won't disagree the boy is beautiful.

He was from the beginning...

"Honey, we need to speak with you quickly in the Lounge."

I was confused, they never spoke to me in such high pitched sugar-sweet tones. At age 9 I was intelligent beyond my years and people often commented on it.

"What's wrong? Are you getting divorced?" I asked, in a calm and quiet tone. I'd realised that 9 year olds are at the awkward age where being cute doesn't work as well as it used to but you can't pull off 'Whateva!' yet, so instead of temper tantrums I chose reservedness. Quiet maturity and intelligence got me everything I needed so far, not that I needed much.

"We've talked for a very long time about something we'd like to do, and we've decided we'd like your opinion before we go ahead and change our lives." After I nodded slowly at her she proceeded to tell me "honey, we've decided we'd like to adopt. If you think you'd be able to share your life with another young person we're going to start with the paperwork. What do you think?"

I'd just turned nine. Just last week. I looked up into her brown eyes, not as deep as mine or dad's but still a contribution. "If that's what you two want to do then I think it's a good idea. Give someone a nice place to be."

"When we do the interviews darling, would you like to come and meet them?"

"Mommy, we're not buying a puppy. It's a human." I said, genuinely perplexed by the idea of window shopping for a sibling. My dad laughed and tousled my hair as he got up from the couch opposite me and went into the kitchen.

"Yes sweetheart we know it's not a puppy. We just thought you'd want to know who we were helping rather than coming home to find a random person here one day."

"Yeah I guess that makes sense. Let me know mommmy, I think I want to come."

Weeks and weeks went by, I was beginning to think adoption had been one of Renee's phases, that Charlie had talked her out of it and she'd given up on the notion of saving some poor child from a family-less environment.

However, just days after this occurred to me I was reading when Renee burst through my door.

"Honey, we got someone! We're going to change someone's life! Isn't this just so great? IT'S AWESOME." Renee has a more juvenile vocabulary than I do.

"When mom?" I had to ask questions to keep her on topic, she was already planning the conversion of the attic to fit this new child in.

"Next week darling! It's taken us weeks but we got an interview last week and next week we are asked to attend a tour at the orphanage, foster home... I don't know what they're called nowadays!"

So we did. We arrived at the orphanage foster home exactly one week later to be given our tour and begin our window shopping.

We were shown into a room filled with screeching toddlers, literally filled with these squealing little runtish beings flying around. There was a ball pit and play pen. I left quickly, wandering down the hall to another room. This one filled with girls; each one wearing their hair differently, also squealing. I left quickly. I couldn't help thinking to myself how cliché the place was, there was a different group of children in every room, teenagers, boys, little girls, a room full of people dressed in dark, ripped clothes, whispering and glaring at me as I entered. Every time, I left... quickly!

The next room I entered was small, and appeared to have nothing in it at all except three bean bags, a recliner and a book case. I turned to leave and noticed a couch behind the door with a boy sitting at one end with his legs crossed indian style and his nose buried deep in a book. I smiled, it was a new release, I had my own copy in my bag. I pulled it out and placed my bag on the floor and, folding my legs under me on the couch, opened the book to a dog eared page and began to read.

He seemed to notice me about three minutes later, he looked up at me like I'd startled him, staring at my book, after an age he brought his gaze slowly to my face. I grinned and the smile on his face spread quickly.

"Hello. I'm Bella. I'm window shopping." He grinned and held out his hand.

"I'm Edward. I'm supposed to impress you." I giggled and he laughed, I can't remember ever giggling. People weren't funny to me except my dad, and he was just a standard dad, he made me laugh when he tickled me and he made me pancakes on Sundays.

"I just turned nine. I live in Forks and my daddy is a police officer. We're here to get me a sibling."

"I just turned thirteen, I live here. It's really loud and crowded, I like books. I spend too much time by myself to be normal and the other kids call me the vampire coz I'm pale."

I felt this was going downhill so I joined in the insulting oneself to make him feel better.

"My mum made me wear frilly socks til I turned 9 and now everyone at school calls me Bo-Peep. I don't have any friends coz my parents say i'm too smart."

"My favourite colour changes all the time. I think it's brown today. I love tuna casserole. I like to cook." This made me grin in his face, we were turned to each other now, our books in our laps, leaning towards each other, he looked fascinated by what I might say.

"I want to learn to cook. I love ravioli. My favourite colour today is green."

"I can make ravioli."

"Would you like to come to my house?" I asked.

"Yeah maybe! Do you have books? I love books." I laughed and said; "we get new books ALL the time, and you can get a library card." His eyes just about burst out of his head as I heard my mom's voice in the hallway.

"Bella, Bella?!" She burst through the door and turned to leave again, noting the empty room, when her gaze fell on us; the quiet twosome. She glanced between us, taking in my grin and Edward's now shy face, looking to the floor.

She approached us and held out her hand. "Hello. I'm Renee. What's your name?"

Edward wiped his hand on his white button down before holding his palm out, he mumbled the words; "Edward ma'am."

"No, you're mistaken, I'm Renee. I don't know any... Ma'am?" he smiled sheepishly and looked up at her.

"Bella. Are you ready to go?"

"Did you find a puppy mom?" I smiled, she looked at me with astonishment, I very rarely made jokes, or smiled come to think of it.

"Yes honey. I think so."

Edward came to live with us just weeks after that. He was four years older than me but we became inseparable.

And now here I am, on a 'plane to New York, to move in with my... brother and start a new life.

I can handle this.

Edward Masen

We knew this was coming, he'd told me months ago. He'd fought it with dignity and maintained his strong courageous image.

Charlie Swan was dieing.

Renee died last year when she was in an accident, Bella was with her, honestly I don't know how she coped with it.

Ahh Bella. Beautiful, sweet, reserved, strong Bella.

They'd been driving back home to Charlie when a black pickup ran a red light and hit Renee's side as her and Bella sung the chorus to we Will Rock You by Queen.

When Charlie found out he had cancer earlier this year he fought it. Naturally. But not as much as was possible, he had resigned himself to this, this fate. There was nothing left when Renee died, he did everything for Bella and I. Adored and doted on us. But he let himself deteriorate when the cancer was announced.

And that is how I found myself in an airport in New York, awaiting a useless little woman to take my name and ticket and tell me information I already knew.

"Who's next please?" I walked forward and she looked under her lashes at me. She's blonde. Not my type. "What can I do for you?" she asked, fingering her necklace and batting her over made up eyelashes.

"Edward Masen." I said in a flat tone. She giggled, and proceeded to tap her long, plastic nails over the keyboard in front of her. I handed her my ticket and deadpanned.

She cleared her throat, Bella always said my serious face made people nervous, she of course, just found it hilarious.

Charlie and Renee had never asked me to change my name. Just as Carlisle and Esme hadn't. They asked me not to be offended if someone refferred to me as Edward Swan, because some people are just ignorant, and no matter how many times you tell them your name, they will always assume they know best.

"Uhm, gate 59. you're all set."

"Thanks."

The ride there was filled with more useless little women, blondes, redheads, a spunky pinkheaded teenager all wandering down my aisle with overly swaying hips or discreet arm brushes.

Not my types.

But now I'm in Forks, in a cab. I knew where she'd be, she will not be at the church.

I walked through the door and left my duffel bag at the bottom of the stairs, I proceeded to the lounge and just stared at her, she was so beautiful. Her hair was flowing down her back, the dress itself being backless. I allowed my gaze to wander over her milky skin and count the waves in her mahogany locks.

She was sat, indian style on the couch, stilettos on the coffee table in front of her. The room was packed up, except for the furniture. I approached her, she was staring through the french doors opposite the couch and twiddling her thumbs.

I removed my coat, ran a hand through my hair, and put my arm behind her shoulders, my other arm looped through her knees and I pulled her up, I sat back down with her sideways across my lap.

"Bella." I whispered. She seemed to learn of my presence then, she wound her arms around my neck and clung to me, winding her fingers into the hair on the back of my head and giving me goosebumps. I buried my face into her hair and inhaled the scent that is pure Bella. It took a few moments, but they came, the wracking sobs that left her body and shook her tiny fragile frame.

"Everyone! Everything, it's all gone! What am I going to do? I'm sixteen, I'm so lost Edward, I'm so lost!"

"You're going to come and stay with me, we'll be fine Bella. We'll be fine. We have us. I love you Bella." I breathed through my own tears.

"I love you Edward."

We'd always said this to each other, in a family way, I said it to Renee and Charlie too, so I had never thought anything of it.

She cried for a while longer, I'd planned for this, I knew she wouldn't be able to sleep. I knew she'd be up and ready hours and hours before we needed to leave. And I knew she'd sit around and wait for the time to come. I knew Bella.

I waited for her to still and the soft snores to come and then I carried her upstairs, she's as light as a feather, she always has been. I laid her in her bed, and slid off her dress, she'd be upset if she couldn't wear it, she'd made an effort, she was wearing a black bodice beneath it and black stockings with garters and everything. God, she's going to kill me. I am not going to have these thoughts and feelings, -and erections.- For my younger sister.

She's not your sister though.

You're getting on my nerves.

Just pointing out the details.

I slid in behind her and buried my face in the nape of her neck. I wrapped my arms around her waist and felt her hands slide down and her fingers entwine themselves with mine, I sighed and inhaled her once more before falling into a blissful sleep.

Leave a review. Coz we love Bellward(: