Hi my name is Isabella Swan. Some may say i have the perfect life..i have a father who loves me dearly (although he may not always show it.. i know he does), a loving mother, friends who love me for who i am and to top it all of i have the most beautiful perfect fiancee in the world (and his perfectly beautifull family aswell). But have you ever had that feeling that your just not perfect enough? god knows ive had it.. and feel that way on a daily basis. You see my fiancee and his family are vampires. Which means they are insanely beautifull, graceful and elegant in every way posible, and then you have me..Bella Swan the clumsiest girl alive..and just plain.

My fiancee aka Edward cullen says he loves me in every way possible and i dont doubt that for one moment i just wonder if he would still love me if he knew EVERYTHING about me and not just what he knows, not that he will..god no, it is my secret and my own personal thing that cant be changed no matter what.

You see my life has a habit of changing. First their was Renee and Charlies divorce then me moving to Forks to live with my Dad. Then their was learning the whole vampire secret and being hunted by a vampire called James. Then their was my 18th birthday party when Jasper(Edwards brother of sorts) tried to kill me when i got a paper cut and fell into a pile of glass plates which then resulted in Edward leaving me for my own safety. When he left my life was empty i wasn't even sad or depressed. To be those things you have to show feelings..i didn't have any to show. Thats when Jacob came along he helped me live day-to-day of sorts and then guess what he left me as well. I was then nearly killed by another vampire from James's coven but was saved by werewolves which i found out to be Jacob and other boys from La push. Talk about fucked up!! and the list goes on! I then had to go to Italy to save Edward because he went to the Volturi. The Volturi are like the royal family of the Vampire world and Edward had went to them to kill him because he thought i was dead. If only the story stopped their. Everything was going so well (on the outside that is..in my mind i was still pretty fucked up). The third and final member of james's coven Victoria who also happened to be James mate as well created an army of newborns to come and kill me. Talk about anger issues! But yet again we escaped that again with the scraping of our teeth and oh did i tell you that i am under a time limit to become a vampire beacues i know their secret. Yeah so i either become a vampire soon or die, to put it simply.

I guess what im trying to say is that i have my own way of dealing with things. I have my own thing that i can control and will only change if i want it too. I am bulimic/anorexic. And no i don't feel bad about it, their are worse things i could be doing in my eyes and who's business is it anyway? So today i am going to see Edward i couldn't help but be excited and dreadfull at the same time. We were going swimming and i loved swimming it was great excersice and it was fun. Talk about an easy way to burn calories! Even though i was excited it also ment wearing a bikini and i didnt want to show my body in all of its flaws and imperfections especially since i would be swimming with perfection known as vampires. But i had to go, the last time i went with them was nearly a year ago now and it was once a weekly thing (when i wasn't being hunted down by vampires) Iwas about to head down stairs when i heard the door go. Knowing it would be Alice i just shouted her to come up knowing fine well she would hear me.

''Hi Alice!'' I greeted her happily

''Hey Bella, i know your going to have so much fun today and by the way no you can no bail out on us AGAIN'' She said this with those puppy dog eyes that she knew i couldn't resist..god dam pixie!

''Alice i have had good reasons please just lay off today'' I pleaded.

''OK i take it someones a bit hormonal'' I swear if she wasnt a vampire i would be killing her right now for that statement. Little did she know i havent had a period in 7 months. Who needs the pill just quite eating fat and bam! their it goes.

As we headed to the door alice stopped me nforming me i had to get something to eat. Shit how would i getout of this one?

''Ehm alice if i eat just now i wont be abl to swim. You have to wait an our remember? or i'll get a sore stomach'' I stated matter-of-factly.

''Ok Bella but just remeber my special little gift that i have!''She said whilst pointing to her temple. Her and her future seeing. I know she knew about my eating disorders she must have had at least one vision over the past year, but yet she hasn't said anything so who knows?

Before i knew it we were at the private swimming pool that the Cullens had built and it never seems to get less extravigant or beautifull as time goes by. It was a large white building and from the outside it looked like a luxury cottage. It had lovelly plants and flowers surrounding it and then their stood my luxurious greek god of a fiancee. When i set my eyes on him he had a pained look on his face and for a second i was worried that something was wrong so i turned to look a alice who looked as if she was scolding my mind reading fiancee(thank god he can't read my mind..must be another one of my flaws to the list!). When i turned back to look at him his expression was completly different. He was smiling and walking over to my door to open it for me.

''Hi love, about time you arrived here. I must say im rather looking forward to todays events'' He said this with such happiness and sincerity i decided to just brush off his earlier expressions. Maybe it was Emmett's and Rosalies thought again.

''So are we going to go into swimming or not?'' I asked getting a bit impatient. The sooner this was over the better.

''Ok, after you my love''My own personal God said.

When we got in the building i realised not an awful lot had changed since i was last here, sure their were some new plants and some new paintings but that was about it. I was quite suprised.

''Where are Alice and Rosalie?''I asked. wondering why they weren't out here with us anymore.

''They are away getting changed in the changing rooms just now pet, why don't you go in and join them now i am sure they're waiting''Esme said. Always the loving mother was Esme.

So i did as i was told and went into the girls changing rooms to get ready for swimming. This was the bit i was dreading. The bikini. So i scurried into the only cubicle that was their since i was the only one too self concious to get changed in fromt of the others. I quickly got changed in to my bikini and folded my clothes in a neat little pile when i realised i had left my bag outside the cubicle so i quickly ran out to get my bag when i heard Rosalie gasp followed by Alice break down their and then into dry sobs. I was shocked did i look that horrible?

''What wrong you guys?I know i shouldn't have wore this thing!''I stumbled so nervously it was a new record even for me.

''Bbb Bella..you have lost so much weight!''Rosalie gasped. Oh no this was not happening. Not now. It can not and will not be happening just now.

''Oh please Rosalie don't be so silly'' I answered hoping she would just think of it as something else.

But the look on her face told me something else. So i ran back nto the cubicle and tried to keep my calm. I looked myself over and sure i had lost some but not know were near enough. I had to keep going. Sure you could count my ribs and could see my hip bones. But in my purely fucked up mind right now Bones=clean,No Bones=Fat. I was sitting on the floor when Alice tried to talk to me but i was too zoned out in my own little world to answer her or Rosalie so when i snapped out of it i was suprised to find a note lying on the floor.