20,000 Leagues Under SPACE
Gordon Freeman was floating in the vastness of space one day when he landed on the front window of the enterprise
"turning window wipers on, captain" said spock"
"hold it, I think that man is still living!" Captain kirk arranged to have a crew bring gordon in, freezing but still alive. His glasses had frosted over
"How on earth did you survive out there that long?" asked a curious red shirt member. Gordon, silent as ever, just stared at him.
"Wherever he's been, he smells awful" spoke the black girl who I don't remember the name of. "Somebody take our guest to the showers"
the red shirt then proceeded to escort gordon freeman to the ships space bathrooms, which regulated it's own water supply using VARIOUS SCIENTIFIC PROCEDURES. However, gordon was unable to shower as his skin had bound to his Hazmat suit.
The red suit knocked on the door impatiently. "I hope you're done in there, I kinda have to go myself soon! Do you nned help with the shower?"
Gordon was getting nervous. If things started getting too shakey, he may even have to talk at some point. His anti-social anxiety caused him to panic; whipping his crow bar out he banged at the shower head until water started flushing out. It was out of control!
The sound of water would satisfy the red shirt for a while, but Gordon had to act fast. After choking the door with some towels, he spotted his oldest of friends: an air duct. Smashing his way in he started to climb through the enterprise. After being in the vastness of space for so long, it felt good to finally be cramped up in his favorite of enviornments
However, in a half hour, the red shirt started to get suspicious again. "Ugh! What kind of person hogs the bathroom like that? I'm coming in!" As he barged the door open, the red shirt was hit by a FLOOD of water. He drowned instantly. The water immediately set up the enterprises' alarm system.
gordon found his way out of the air ducts. He wept a little, not knowing when he would be reunited with them again. He gripped his crowbar closer again; it was his only friend now. Captain Kirk was rightly tired of this kind of bullshit and the enterprise would be in no condition for soliciting sexual advances from green space women, so he sent out some more red shirts and spock to take out their saboteur. He was probably some android built by those jerk klingons!
Gordon ran his way through the ship corridors, wading through knee-deep regurgitated space water. He crowbar'd a few computers for good measure, the resulting explosions causing the ship's sprinklers to go off adding more to the floodwater. Gordon was really up space creek without a paddle! But he would prefer a crowbar instead anyway
Gordon inevitably met up with the crew of red shirts, who had all somehow drowned in the water by this point. IT was just gordon and spock. Mano e mano. Phaser to crowbar.
"Phaser's set to 'fuck shit up'" Spock fired at gordon, who had jumped into an air duct above. The shot then traveled and hit the water, electrocuting spock immediately.
gordon then traveled through the enterprise, making his way to the big boss: captain kirk himself. Kirk was ready and waiting: The captain always goes down with the ship. And he was going out with a bang.
Gordon dropped down to the ship deck. Kirk caught him off guard with his LEET kung fu abilities and was able to knock out gordon's weapon. The loss set gordon into a pirmal nerd rage, giving him enhanced nerd-strength at the cost of having his glasses fall off. He proceed to swipe at a brightly colored yellow light, mistaking it for captain kirk
"you fought admirably, robot man. But now it's time for you to boldly go to hell" Kirk rushed forward to apply the vulcan grip of death that he picked up from the late spock during a truth or dare game. However at this point gordon remember he actually had a gun and shot him. The bullet caused the ship windows to break open like that one time in Snakes on a plane where samuel jackson sucked all the snakes out, and just like snakes on a plane gordon and kirk and the rising water all flung out into space
And there gordon was again, floating. In space. Thankfully he floated right back into G-man. "There. You. Are, mr FREEman. I thought I misplaced you somewhere… . ."
Gordon was heartbroken, but then g-man started to open his briefcase. "I. Think. YOU may have… lost something too?" Gordon's eye's beamed open. Inside g-man's briefcase was his beloved crowbar.
the end