Chapter 1: Confusion

Hikaru...

It was all that ran through my head. Hikaru, Hikaru, Hikaru...

Why couldn't I get him out of my head! Why so suddenly? Why was Hikaru suddenly the only thing on my mind?

I sighed. I guess it all happened last Host club meeting.

"Haruhi? Are you okay?" Hikaru had asked as I sat lonely on one of the beautiful couches of music room #3.

"I'm fine Hikaru," I sighed, not really wanting to say what was on my mind. It was the anniversary of my mother's death. I wasn't exactly all happy-go-lucky that day.

"Haruhi? Tell me the truth. What's wrong?" he insisted, sitting beside me. He was so persistent. It wasn't like him.

I faced him, recognising the care and sincerity on his face. I had seen it only once before, when he had taken me on that date...

Unwillingly, tears began welling in my eyes. Suddenly I felt like I could tell Hikaru anything, and he wouldn't tell a soul.

"It's the anniversary of my mother's death!" I blurted out, my face falling into his chest. Everyone in the room went silent. All the guests had left, so it was just the guys quietly chatting amongst themselves, and they'd all heard me.

"Haruhi, why didn't you tell us?" Hunny said in his saddest little boy voice.

"Yeah. We're a family, and we're here for you," Kyoya said unexpectedly. I looked up, the tears still streaming down my cheeks.

They all crowded around me, attempting to comfort me, but nobody seemed to comfort me more than Hikaru...

I rolled over on my bed. Oh mum, help me! Why can't I get Hikaru out of my head?

It was like my eyes had opened for the first time, and Hikaru was clouding my vision. My dad began snoring uneasily in the room next to me, so I decided to get up and pay respect to my mother.

The next day at school, I felt my heart skip a beat when I walked into the classroom. My face went scarlet, and both Hikaru and Kaoru seemed to notice. They smiled, gesturing for me to sit between them.

"Are you okay after yesterday?" they both said in unison as I sat at my desk, pulling up chairs to sit on either side of my desk. I blushed even more. I can't believe I let them see me like that!

"I'm fine guys, I promise," I said, smiling the best I could. I was unconvincing though, even to me. Inside, I was embarrassed. I was angry, and above all, I was confused.

"You're not fooling anyone Haruhi," both of them replied.

People turned around in their seats or from where they were standing to stare now. I just looked away.

Hikaru and Kaoru sighed, looking at me with identical worry...identical like them...

No, that wasn't true. They were only physically identical. Hikaru was more mischievous and closed than Kaoru, and somehow that drew me to him.

The day dragged on, my clients all drooled over me, and finally there was time to just chill with the guys.

I guessed that the twins had already spoken to everyone about this morning, because they all seemed to carry on as usual.

Yet, somehow I felt distant. Like there was something missing from the picture. My eyes kept dragging themselves over to the twins, and I wondered briefly if they seemed to notice.

"Haruhi, would you like some cake?" Hunny said suddenly, being the first one to actually talk to me.

I smiled. Cake sounded great at that moment.

"Sure! What type are you serving?" I smiled. I felt all eyes cautiously fall on me as Hunny snatched my hand and dragged me over to a table, where he had already prepared cake for three.

Hang on a second, cake for three?

I watched, gobsmacked, as Hunny danced off with his little stuffed rabbit, and the twins sat down in front of me.

"Oh, Kaoru and Hikaru? That is a surprise seeing as Hunny was the one that offered me the cake!" I laughed, rubbing my neck as the two most childish people in the world sat seriously in front of me.

"Haruhi, have we..." Kaoru started.

"Done something wrong?" Hikaru finished. My eyes went wide. Is that what they thought? That they did something wrong?

"Of course not you guys," I smiled, more calmly now.

"Did the others?" Hikaru stared.

"Do something?" Kaoru finished. I laughed.

"Defiantly not!" I laughed.

"Then tell us..."

"Why you looked so down?"

My smile faded instantly. I looked at them both, careful not to keep my gaze on either of them too much.

"Honestly," I sighed. "I can't answer that."

It's like they had entered my mind. They knew it was more than my mother, and that's what scared me the most. Did they know what was going inside of me more than I did?

The twins looked at me for a minute, taking a few bites from their cake. I hadn't touched mine yet.

"Is it a crush?" they said together after a moment of silence. Suddenly I felt my heart pounding, like a big secret had just been let out. Beads of sweat trickled down my forehead, and I felt my hands go wet.

"N-no!" I stammered out. I couldn't understand why I was acting like this. Of course I wasn't crushing on anybody! The idea was laughable. Everyone (despite me obviously dancing around in a dress at the school fair) still thought I was a guy. Everyone... except the Host Club...

My eyes went wide. The twins were smirking.

"So?" They asked. "Who is it?"

I looked at them both, my heart hammering inside my chest. I did not like Hikaru! I could not like Hikaru!

"I-I dunno," I stammered out. Everyone in the club seemed to be smiling to themselves.

The twins raised their eyebrows.

"It's one of us, isn't it?" they said slyly, and I felt myself about to die when they continued. "It's someone in the Host Club."

I suddenly felt at ease. They didn't know it was one of them at least... that's if... I did like Hikaru... which I didn't!

"Oh wow!" Kyoya said from behind us. "This is interesting."

"Oh! Daddy's little girl is growing up!" Tamaki smiled, dancing around the room like he couldn't be happier. I rolled my eyes. I knew what was next.

"Say Kaoru," Hikaru said. "How about we all play a little game?"

"Sure," Kaoru said, already knowing his plan. "What do you suggest?"

"It's simple really," Hikaru grinned. "We're all going to play a game of 'Who Does Haruhi Like?'"

My face fell into my hands. It was possibly Hikaru that I liked (although I really didn't want to), and HE was the one rubbing it in my face. I let out a long sigh.

"Whatever. Even if I did like someone, I'd never let it slip to you guys," I said. They all grinned at me.

Please mum, I thought. Help me!