Rule 2a) Jokes about pyjama parties are not funny
Rule 2b) 'Dilbert' cartoons are not to be left in Main Engineering. Or in the Captain's chair. Don't blame it on 'Marketing'.
I popped up in the middle of some kind of control room. My comfy padded mud-encrusted walking boots had been replaced somehow with a pair of Nike trainers, complete with bright white sports socks where my mismatched pair of one red sock and one blue stripy sock had once been. Otherwise, my outfit was the same; grey tracksuit bottoms, sky blue M&S t-shirt and black zip-up hoodie. I looked around, taking in my surroundings, ensuring that Insane-Arrow-Shooting-Guy (A.K.A. Legolas) was not in my immediate proximity – it had been an extremely narrow escape. The first thing that caught my eye was the hee-auge screen directly in front of me showing points of white light zooming past. The second thing I noticed was the dress code.
"Cool!" I exclaimed, "A pyjama party." A smile stretched its way across my face. Oh, the fun I had had in the past at sleepovers and pyjama parties.
"Q," said the bald guy sitting in a luxurious cream leather chair at the centre of the partially oval room, "Is that you?"
"I'm sorry, but what are you on about? This isn't James Bond. Or Men in Black." By now I had been on the receiving end of many strange looks.
"Why are you here in this form and chattering on about pyjama parties?!"
A figure in the red-topped PJs appeared in a flash and addressed Baldy.
"Oh, mon capitain, do you not understand? This is a girl that has been taken from your past and is being moved around to create a guide for the unaware traveller. She has just been holidaying in Lord of the Rings and is now here to brighten up your lives." Finishing off with a grin, he flashed out.
Great. The last few days were part of a sadistic plot thought up by some guy with an oversized ego but, judging from the looks given to him by the Pyjama Partiers, his appearances were not uncommon.
LATER THAT WEEK…
The ship was in uproar. In the bar, people were passing around strips of paper furtively. In Main Engineering, laughter could be heard from halfway across the ship. Somehow, somebody managed to get Dilbert cartoons to appear randomly into Main Engineering. Upon hearing of my little prank, the captain, Picard he informed me after the sadistic guy had left, banned the cartoon strip.
It was the middle of the graveyard shift. I had reached into my bag that afternoon and found another sheaf of paper strips, a diversion of some sort, a silvery cloak looking very much like it had been nicked off the Harry Potter set and a set of very clear instructions, signed only 'Q'.
Shaking in my attempt to supress the giggles threatening to bubble out from between my lips and warn the various people around of my presence, I slipped the small bundle onto the captain's chair and mentally counted down for the small diversion to go off.
Three.
Two.
One.
The captain strode onto the bridge, casting about for someone who had some kind of knowledge of what had just happened. He approached his chair, stopping as his eye was caught by the paper dropped onto his leather throne. He picked them up, moving his lips as he read the pointy haired boss's lines out to the entire ship (I had hacked into the system following the handy instructions found in my magic bag).
It was too much. The cloak slipped off of my shoulders as I laughed and laughed and laughed until tears gushed out of my eyes.
"You," he practically snarled. "I should have known that this would all boil down to you."
"Yeah, well," I replied, "I was only following orders. Consider *snort* it *snigger* a random *giggle* act-of-management!" I could only just say those last three words before I completely fell down onto the floor, consumed with glee and power-washing the carpet beneath my face with my tears of laughter.
As the next bolt of white light burst out, I just managed to get a glimpse of Picard strangling Q with a look of sheer fury on his face.