― Introduction ―
Disclaimer: I don't own Lord of the Rings, its characters, or its places. But, I do own this story and the ideas.
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Icy tears slid down my cheek,
Frozen as the ice in Arctic.
And yet it burned me,
Heart and Soul
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" No, mother, do not leave me grieving for you!", the she-elf sobbed as her mother lay terribly pale because of the orcs' assault.
" Arwen, do not cry like that for me. I do not want you to cry over me, but I do want to meet you again. When Elanors and Niphredils bloom, I shall find you west of the sea, never again to be separated.", her sick mother said, trying to ease her daughter's heart. But her heart is full of grief which she could not bear, as elves feel more emotions than other living beings.
" I promise, that I will find you again, mother. Even if I have to swim across the sea, I will still go over the sea to meet you again.", her eyes shone with determination as she said this.
" Then promise me that and fulfill it.", the mother smiled weakly as some fair people put her on a palfrey and carried her away from her beloved daughter.
She closed her eyes and feel the breeze blew upon her face, and the odor of the salty water filled her head, and she dreamed of those days to come, when she would be together with her daughter again. If she should wait for millions of years for her daughter to come, then she will…She will…
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Icy tears slid down my cheek,
And I thrived on hiding it.
I deemed people do not know,
Yet inside the hid the same icy tears
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In Lothlorien…
"Estel, where have you been all these years?", Her eyes looked at me with concern as she said those words. I could not help but look at her grey eyes, that look similarly like her father's.
" I cannot tell you just yet.", I answered softly, trying not to make her angry. It is not like she always got angry at me each time I answered the wrong thing. But the fact that I had been away from her for about three years, and I will not tell her where I had been, surely will make any girl angry, but not her. She just closed her eyes, and nodded sympathetically at me.
" The Shadow has come, but my heart rejoices. For you, Estel, shall be among those who will destroy It.", She looked up at me and smiled a bittersweet smile. The fact that she is happy, always makes me happy too, but not this time, because I saw grief inside her eyes. It is the fact that I might die trying to banish the Dark Lord, that made her sorrowful. That I might not see her again after this.
" But Arwen, I cannot see the future, and what will happen I do not know. But as you hope, I will keep a hope to my heart too. And I will not join Sauron, but the Havens are not for me to enjoy, because I am a mortal." I voiced my thoughts. " And, if you shall marry me, then you will have to give up the Havens." I added.
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Icy tears slid down my cheek.
I searched for love, and found it.
Yet soon discovered that it is not mine,
Nor is it yours.
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She closed her eyes, and thought about it. The thought that she would die because she loves me, made me wince. But still, I, too, love her and want to be with her. She gazed longingly to the west where the land of her people lay and where her beloved mother lay.
Drawing a deep breath, she said, " I will cleave to you, Dúnadan, and give up the Havens and my immortality if I can, but…", she stopped as tears filled her eyes, attempting to drop. " I made a promise to my mother, that I couldn't possibly break.", she finally said after a few minutes of holding back.
That answer struck me dumb. I know that the Evenstar of the elves wouldn't possibly want to give up her immortality for only a mere human like me. But, as I love her, I wish she would love me too.
She brushed her tears away harshly, and ran away from me. To the deep forest of Lórien, away from the land which I stood.
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Icy tears slid down my cheek,
And it stained my insipid face.
I threw your heart apart,
And darted away.
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I couldn't believe what I had just said. He looked at me with the look that says, ' What ??? You don't want me?' I felt as if I had just smashed his heart into dust, and stepped on it again and again.
I don't think I could even possibly say that I am sorry for what I just said. Because I mean it. I did make a promise that I couldn't break, even with the strongest love I've ever felt in my whole long life. It would be better that I break my relationship with him, than break the promise. I think.
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Icy tears slid down my cheek,
And it slid down his cheek.
I am leaving now,
I hope you're happy.
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But I could not bear seeing him hate me for not loving him. And I hope he doesn't. I hope he will still love me to the end of days, that way I will be happy until the end of days. But he would not. He would be thinking about me everyday, and never have rest until he meets me again. I don't want that to happen. If someone told me to choose between myself and him, I will choose him. I want him to be happy, let him love someone else, let him be happy. Yes, I hope he will be happy that I left.
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Icy tears slid down my cheek,
But do not let it slide on yours.
Inside I feel guilty,
But I will not show it.
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The next day…
I was looking down from the tree where I was standing on, as he walked away with sorrow in his heart. I know I shouldn't say what I said last night, but what is already said, cannot be taken aback. I regret myself for saying it, but I regret what I wished last night more. That I wished myself to be happy, and he to be restless in sorrow and loss.
I don't know how I should forgive myself for what I did. Though maybe no one will ever notice it, I can see bitterness in his laugh as he said goodbye to Haldir. And as nobody else will notice, He walked with a heavy heart as he strolled across the ethereal forest.
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Icy tears slid down my cheek.
I left you, and you left me.
Is that all love does?
I hope it is not.
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Closing my eyes, I pushed the tears out of my eyes. I didn't know what I gave away that night, I gave away my heart, and my true love. The love that I had been searching for these three thousands years of my life. And I just gave it all away in one night.
Never thought I would feel so much sorrow in my heart, in all these years, I considered myself to be too good for any man or any elf. But now I see that even the strongest of heart can be melted down with a little bit of love. That is how strong love is. But I might never think of love anymore, as the true love that I found, just walked out of my door, and never again to come back.
And as I will never think of love, I shall never be happy anymore…ever
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Icy tears slid down my cheek,
Leaving an image of a miserable girl.
I love you, but I shouldn't
You're not mine, go for someone else.
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Author's Note : Well, there's the intro, should I continue, or did I mess up the first time?You can say anything you want to say to me through your reviews, and all you have to do is click on the cute little button below and type whatever you want. Or, you can e-mail me at orca@smileyface.com. I will read every review I got, and reply it if it includes a question or suggestion, so be sure to leave your e-mail address so I may contact you back. But, if you didn't leave your e-mail address, then read the next chapter, and the answer will be there! You're still reading? Well, thank you for reading my fic and my babbling J
PS: I didn't tell you from whose POV* I'm writing it. Well, most of the chapters will be Arwen's POV, because I think I can understand her feelings better, because I'm a girl. And the POVs for this chapter in chronological order are: Me(Not a POV) – Aragorn – Arwen – Arwen. Well, do you understand what I'm really trying to talk about? Anyway, I will always put the chronological order of the POV on every author's note, so you can understand the story better.
PPS: The poem that I slipped between the scenes is called "Icy Tears", that is my poem. It will be in my directory if you want it.
PPPS: The next chapter will be released two weeks after the last one.
PPPPS: I will always put the date which this story started at, that corresponds with LoTR's timeline here, on the author's note. This one is; year 2980, if you got the LoTR book, published by Harper Collins, it's on page 1127 (Appendix B) I don't know about the other publishers.
PPPPPS: My reason for putting so many PSes and PPSes, is because I have so many things to say, but I couldn't put it all on the author's note, so I put so many of those. You don't really have to read it, but if you need some more information about the fic, I'm not going to tell you not to.
* POV = Point of View
Trailer for the next chapter…
" Ada, I have this…dream."
" Will you then tell me about it?"
" There were eyes…staring at me."
" I suppose it has a meaning."
" Yes, I think it does…"
Next Chapter: "The Dream"