Mercuria: Okay, the questions I'm going to ask with this poem are a) do you know what I'm getting at, and b) does it matter? If you know me, don't sugarcoat! I need the truth! (And if you don't know me, I DON'T mean that sort of truth.)

Notes: The rape reference is not meant to target, insult, or degrade anyone. I personally think it's an interesting metaphor. If you don't, you have my humblest apologies.

**********

I was taught never to mutilate my body
that the good lord gave me

I was taught never to lose my faith;
that the choirs of angels
would bear me up
would protect me from my logic

I was taught never, never, neverland

there was to be no carnality, never
and, lacking everyday lust
the call for blood was seductive ...
suddenly
no one could hear my choir but me

(actually, there never was any ritual sacrifice
or sacrifice
or ritual

the blood was in my head, it was all in my head, but that was my secret)

religion was irritating
god was cloying
i was suffocatingsuffocatingsuffocating-

and once I gave in to my disillusions
everything was clear-
but clear like sharp glass

No Jesus, anywhere?
No love, no salvation?

the truth was like being raped by your invisible friend

afterwards
I wanted anything except what I got
and anything for free except what I was given
the taste of charcoal
was always on my tongue-
ashes, ashes, we're all falling ...

the blood in my head
was the blood on the floor;
these arcane mysteries
were unlovely, unsentimental, and so necessary
for we cling to the tactile
when our spirit has fled

and it would have been better to be lost without love
than to have loved
and
lost

**********

Mercuria: So, what do you think? By the way, this is absolutely non-autobiographical. The speaker in this poem IS NOT ME. With that in mind, review!