A/N: Just go with the flow, 'mkay? Italics are lyrics to Razorblade by Blue October. Bold is a flashback to Kingdom Hearts 2.
"I watched closely as the you I knew forgot me…"
"Look at what it's come to: I've been given these icky orders to destroy you if you refuse to come back with me."
"We're … best friends, right?"
"Sure, but I'm not getting turned into a dusk for … Wait a sec, you remember now?"
"Y-yeah."
"Great! But, y'know, gotta make sure and all … so … um … What's our boss's name?"
"…"
"Uhg, I can't believe this."
-pause-
"Roxas! To the mansion! The time has come…"
"Hayner! Pence! Olette!"
-play-
"…The Roxas that I know is long gone. Fine, I see how it is."
"Yeah, it is you that I remember in that glowing;
It is you that took my first away from me.
It is you I set my standards to... to every walk of life;
I haven't met another you since you were with me."
It took me a long time to accept that I couldn't get Roxas back. After kidnapping Kairi to lure Sora to me to get him, after fighting right alongside Sora to reach him… It was near death that I understood that he was lost, just as lost as a few days before when he acted not at all like the Roxas I knew. When I fought him and he won, I knew he had come back, if only for a little while. But then I lost him again. And to what? Just Somebody.
It would be a lie to say that I don't regret a lot of things. In fact, that's a lie. The truth is that I regret everything, and I want to take it all back and build it anew. But how am I supposed to do that? I can't; I'm just Nobody. I told Roxas: "Maybe we'll meet in the next life." But how am I so sure that there will be a next life, a new chance, a fresh beginning? Maybe Nobodies don't deserve second chances. Maybe we really are nothing at all.
I'd like to think otherwise, though. Demyx could. He thought we had hearts. Maybe he was right, and they were just too small for us to see. I'd like to hope for that, if anything else, because any heart at all ensures our existence. In the next life, it ensures that we'll be Somebody.
I just wish I could have Roxas here with me. He always was something extra, something I didn't know if I deserved, but something I knew I needed. That blonde kid was the only good part of the Organization, actually. And if I could, I'd replay all our moments together and relive them over and over, since those were the only times I felt alive; the only times I felt like I had a heart.
And just before I died, I felt him. Roxas. He was through Sora, and I don't know if he understood what I meant when I said "You make me feel, too". When I said it I meant that he being there before I died let me feel Roxas near me again. Because I knew he was. Roxas was always there in Sora… But I was stupid if I thought I could take him out of Sora. It's not possible unless he loses his heart again. I couldn't do that to him … what if Roxas didn't come back a second time?
But it was all worth nothing in the end; I failed happily and returned to the darkness I was spawn from. But sometimes I wonder who my other is … or was. Is he still out there now that I'm gone? Or had he been turned into a Heartless the second I was created? I'm not sure. Too bad I'll never know.
Roxas, where ever you are, I want to say that I'm sorry. I was selfish to try and bring you back to me, and I paid the price. I'm sorry that you lost a friend, but maybe you never wanted me as one to begin with.
Roxas, where ever you are, know that your decisions were not in vain, even though mine were.
Please don't think about me. I was never really there.
"In letting go, I am so proud of what I've done…"
In the end, I think I did the right thing. I don't regret those last few moments, even though I said I regretted everything. Really, I just needed to be forgotten, dissolved into the darkness. It's what I deserve. But you deserve much better, so I'm glad you're with your other.
Really I am.
I'll be waiting, Roxas. I'll wait for you in the next life. Don't take too long, okay?
"In the day by day collision
Called 'The art of growing up'
There's an innocence we look for in the stars
To be taken back to younger days
When there was no giving up
On the people we held closest to our hearts…"