You smell like him you know ." Maggie whispered , wrinkling her nose.
In the dark Beth smiled up at her sister. They hadn't laid so close together in years. Not since the farm….since the early days of the change. After that, Maggie had found Glenn, and Beth…well she'd always laid with daddy when she'd been scared.
Beth pulled out her arm and gave it a sniff, smiling in the darkness. "I do ?" she questioned.
"Yes," Maggie wrinkled her nose again, "I feel like I'm laying down with Daryl Dixon's arm pit instead of my baby sister."
"Stop !" Beth shushed her, "go to sleep."
She hadn't thought she would fall so easily into being a baby sister again. Fall so easily into Maggie's arms. Forget so easily the signs that she had seen…the signs calling to Glenn instead of her. She hadn't thought she'd forgive so easily, but it had taken less than an instant. The minute she had seen her sister's crying face outside of Grady, she had flown into her embrace, and she hadn't thought of anything other than her overwhelming joy at having been re-united.
"I saw you, you know…" Maggie started again, a twinkle in her eye. "layin' together."
"Maggie !" Beth hissed in a shusshed whisper, "stop !"
"I did !" Maggie continues, and there's fire and teasing and dancing in her eyes. And despite how much Beth hates the line of questioning she's sure will follow, she's just so happy right now. So happy to be back with her group, to be snuggled on the small cot laying with her sister. The slow hushed breaths and gentle snores of her group…her family all around her. Her head throbs a lot, and she's tired and hungry. The cot isn't to comfortable and heck…the church isn't too comfortable, with smears of blood, and posts skewering the dead right outside the doors. But she's there with Maggie, and the rest of her family…and Daryl. Though they haven't said much to one another, Daryl's there…and that's all that matters.
"Come on Bethy…" Maggie smiled again, "spill …."
"There's nothing to spill." Beth smiles, tucking her head up against her sister's shoulder. They both know she's lying.
Maggie knows the way Daryl was before they had found Beth. The way his head had hung low and he'd refused to meet her eyes. She'd seen the anger and the guilt, and two long years of progress that he'd made on that shinning personality of his had come crumbling down in a flash.
And when he'd carried Bethy out of the hospital, well she'd been sobbing…seeing her little sister like that, not knowing if she was dead or alive. But Daryl, he'd been crying too.
And that first night, coming in from a watch she'd reluctantly been forced to take…she'd peered into the back room of the church and she'd seen Daryl Dixon curled up tight with her baby sister. His forehead pressed against her, his arm draped across her. And Maggie, despite the flood of feelings that had rushed forward, some good and some bad, had slowly slipped out of the room to lay besides her mate.
And now the second night…and there wasn't a person there who could drag her away from Bethy, she'd slid right into that cot besides her, hoping to snuggle up and she'd smelled him, pure and strong and pungent.
"Are you with him ?" Maggie asks softly. They had been on the road alone for weeks. And Bethy, she was just a baby…Daryl was a man, a rough, full grown man. Things could happen but surely….
She sighs with relief , when she feels Beth shake her head no against her. Then she pauses, adds a small almost imperceptible shrug. "No." she whispers. "….I mean…no…."
Maggie pulls her head up and squints in the darkness to find Beth's eyes. "No ?" she asks softly.
Beth cant be sad. Really she can't. She's found her group again. Been found, actually by Daryl, or so it seems… and they're together. She's in her sister's arms, laying warm and cozy, and everyone she loves…well almost everyone, is surrounding her. She cant be sad, not about this moment. Not about now. Not about Daryl.
"Nuh-uh." she whispers , shaking her head, and her eyes close. "We got…close," she starts, "but nothing like that. It's not like that."
Maggie, squeezes her sister tighter and presses a kiss onto her forehead, she knows Bethy… and she'd seen a hint of something before her eyes had closed. "I wouldn't be mad ya know." she whispers. "I'd never be mad at ya Bethy. And Daryl….the way he was when you were gone." she shrugs, "just made me wonder is all."
Beth pulls awy and looks up, her big pale eyes open in the darkness. "How was he ?" she asks timidly.
"He was lost." Maggie admits. She wishes she could tell her sister she'd been lost too. But the fact of the matter is that she wasn't. She'd seen the bus….seen the prison, she'd just known in her heart that Bethy'd been gone. Just like daddy. She hadn't even given pause to the possibility that she might still be alive. Looking, surviving. And that was something they'd have to talk about later. But for now, she could tell her what she was sure Beth wanted to hear . That Daryl Dixon he'd had far more faith than she'd ever had.
"He was lost," she repeated, "Meaner an' more quiet than he's ever been. And…he just…i don't know Bethy, we all missed you…but Daryl…he just missed you so bad".
Maggie feels her sister shaking in her arms, and at first she thinks she's crying and then she can feel the soft huffs of laughter. "I told him so." she laughs softly. And its just the sweetest sound that Maggie's heard in a long time. "I told him when we were at the moonshine shack, when he was being such a grump, I told him… you're gonna miss me so bad when i'm gone Daryl Dixon. I used the exact same words."
She laughs again, and Maggie realizes that there's a whole story behind what Beth and Daryl did in those long weeks that they were together on the road. And it may not be romance and hook ups, which is what she's secretly hoping it isn't, and it may not be all tears and desperation. But its something, something real nonetheless, real wholly different than anything she can imagine.
They all love Daryl Dixon. But he's different. He's gruff and he's rough. And half the time he wont say more than two words for days. And Bethy….she's just a ray of light. Singing and talking, and setting up her prison cell like it was a dorm room. Finding something good even at the end of days. She can't imagine that they had gotten along.
"I wanna stay up all night and talk." Maggie says, in a whisper. "I missed ya so much Beth. I missed just laying with you like this….when you were gone…" she pauses for a moment, and pulls her in to kiss her on the forehead again. "I just missed you so much."
"I missed you too." Beth sighs, "all of you." Then she smiles, her eyes twinkle in the darkness. Though so much of what she shared with Daryl seems private, somehow too precious and raw to share with anyone….this isn't just anyone, and the lure of staying up, talking with Maggie sharing with her the most deep and private thoughts just like she had her entire life was just too strong. Not to mention the hopes of freeing up her heart. Of gaining some insight into the feelings stirring and brewing which she couldn't even begin to understand.
Its not like she had expected her and Daryl to pick right up where they had left off. And she didn't even exactly know where they had left off. But she had expected something from him. considering the fact that she'd thought about him, dreamt about him and prayed for him every single day that she'd been at Grady. She had expected something. And he'd barely said a word to her. Sure they'd been busy…there was her injury, and fortifying the church…some sort of squabble with the new group….and taking care of Carol….she knew they'd all been busy… and she knew Daryl and Carol, well there was something there, she knew that. She just expect something.
And after a day of silence, the last thing she had expected was for him to come into the back room. The room that had been sanctioned off for her recovery and silently slip onto her bed, his big arms folding over her middle and pulling her up against him.
He hadn't said a word and she hadn't dared to budge, unsure if this was a dream, a hope, or maybe both of them combined. Either way she hadn't said a word. She'd closed her eyes , and snuggled in against him. She'd felt his warm breath against the back of her neck, and smelled him all around her. Yes, the smell of Daryl, pungent and strong; BO mixed with dirt and leather… and safety. He smelled like safety. She'd closed her eyes and drifted off until the first rays had come in through the stain glass window and she'd heard the door creek open. She hadn't seen who it was, hadn't dared to turn around and dislodge Daryl, who by this point was sound asleep and spooning her tightly. But she'd remained awake until she'd felt his lips press up against the back of her head, and just as quietly as he'd slipped into the room he had slipped out.
Yes, she needed Maggie. And despite how tired and sore she was. Despite how desperately she knew that they all needed sleep. And how silly it was to treat this as a slumber party, and lay in bed chattering until dawn. Despite all of this she knew that this might be indeed her last slumber party, and she had learned from her time with Daryl, and her time at Grady that precious moments were few and far between. And in these times nothing, nothing should be left unsaid
Beth took a deep breath and repeated, "I missed all of you, so much Maggie. But I missed Daryl something fierce." She felt Maggie's smile against the side of her head. "I dont know…" she continued, "spending so much time with him…I just missed him so much. Just nice to know he missed me too."
"He did Bethy. He really did."
"I mean I know I aggravated him at first," Beth continues in the darkness, thinking back on those first days. "He could barely stand havin' me around…but then after the moonshine shack…" she trails off. How much of that story could she tell ?
"What happened at the Moonshine shack ?" Maggie asks wearily, shifting so she can look at her sister.
"It wasn't what your thinking." Beth lets out all in a breath, though she'd gone back on that night at the shack over and over in her head and imagined a million different scenarios, most of them ending in exactly what her sister was thinking. "I had been being a brat," she starts, "Tormenting Daryl about getting a drink."
Even now, just saying those words she realizes just how ridiculous they were. Realizes just how much they must have annoyed Daryl.
"I know, I know," she huffs out quietly. "It was stupid….anyhow Daryl finally takes me to this old Moonshine shack he and Michonne had found and…." she pauses thinking back on that stupid game. Thinking back on the exact moment she had known that she had hurt him. The exact moment she had seen the pain seep into his eyes before his walls came crashing down, threatening to crash down on her as well.
"We just…we just got into the biggest fight. I mean you know how nasty Daryl can get," she stopped again, "He was saying the worst things to me…and then he just dragged me outside…"
"Beth !" Maggie started, "what the hell…"
"No," Beth shook her head, "It was me too…I was crying and screaming in his face, hitting him on his chest…" she inhales deeply remembering that moment…the lowest of the lowest point in her life. The fear, the anger, the rage. She had hated Daryl Dixon in that moment.
"I was just thinkin'," she continues softly, "that I wanted to hurt him…wanted to make him feel as bad as I was…." she stops for a moment and presses her eyes shut. "So I did." She thinks back on the moment, Daryl Dixon, the strongest man she had ever seen, folded over upon himself crying. Too afraid, too ashamed, to ask for comfort. She thought back on how she had thought she should be terrified to see him break like that. How she should have felt that same awful crushing feeling she had felt as a child when she had seen one of her parents crying. But instead it had emboldened her. It had made her stronger. She had seen that he was human, he was scared, and he was hurting just like she was.
Maggie doesn't say anything. She furrows her brows. She knows she heard Beth, but she cant understand. A Moonshine shack, and drinks, a fight with Daryl dragging Beth around…and then worst of all Beth's final admission I wanted to hurt him, so I did. What in the hell did that mean ?
"I just felt so bad after." Beth shakes her head. "It was awful, you know…doing that to him…I just held him in my arms…."
Held him in her arms ? What the hell had gone on Maggie thought.
"And you know…." Beth yawned quietly and burrowed into her sisters neck. "Things were good after that…."