A/N: Here it is, my pretties... The follow-up to "Likes and Dislikes". I hope you all enjoy it!
SUMMARY: Same as before, only this is Remus's POV.
WARNING: Mild language, I guess?
DISCLAIMER: Not mine. Don't sue.
"Likes & Dislikes 2: Holding Hands"
Remus Lupin likes his friend, Sirius... a lot. In that way.
He likes Sirius in the way that makes him stay awake way into the wee hours of the morning, kept awake by the debate echoing in his mind - a debate between his heart and his common sense. His mind and pulse races. He sweats, although it's really quite cold in the room.
'Should I just go over and get in his bed right now? What would he say?'
In other words, he likes Sirius so much he can't sleep at night.
Remus likes how Sirius makes himself dumber than he is. He finds it charming, although he knows he shouldn't.
'There's nothing charming about stupidity,' he tries to reason with himself. 'And especially not pretend-stupidity.'
But still, he can't help but smile when Sirius acts dumb. After all, he does it in most cases because he wants to give people a laugh, or make others feel smarter. Remus knows this, because he knows Sirius. And he knows Sirius is just accomodative like that.
Remus likes to watch Sirius playing wizard's chess with Peter in the common room. Sirius lets Peter win every time, and furthermore, he lets Peter indulge in the idea that he's an invincible master of the game. Remus likes how Sirius lets go of his seemingly huge ego just to see their mousy little friend at ease with himself, for once.
What he likes most of all, is how Sirius started doing this just after Remus had asked him to lay off bullying Peter about being slow.
And Remus likes how Sirius looks over at him after having let Peter beat him for the umpteenth time, wearing a shy, searching smile that clearly asks "Am I doing good, Moony?"
Remus likes knowing that Sirius is actually making an effort, just because he asked him to.
Another thing that Remus likes about Sirius, is how he never seems to get mad... At least not at him.
Sirius can get mad at the teachers for being too strict with him - or, as he calls it, "prudish and tight-arsed".
Sirius can get mad at Lily Evans for stealing James away from him.
Sirius can get mad at Peter for being so anxious about everything. ("Grow a spine already, Wormtail!")
And you wouldn't believe it, but Sirius can actually get mad at James. He can get mad at him for spending too much time with Lily Evans, or when James - as he is now Head Boy - actually decides against pranking Slytherins in the hallways. And he can really get mad at him if he's doing badly in the Quidditch court. "You're flying like a bloody fairy, Prongs!" he'll yell.
But Sirius never gets mad at Remus. Ever. No matter what Remus does, Sirius just seems to see past it all. Even if Remus hurts Sirius's ego badly - for example implying that he is effeminate in some way or other, or serving him the classic "Pads, you're obviously not the brightest candle in the chandelier," the list goes on - Sirius has nothing more to offer his cheeky friend than a fond smile that says "The only reason I'm not kicking your arse right now is because you're you."
Remus likes how Sirius treats him differently from everybody else.
What Remus doesn't like one bit, is how Sirius, on the odd days when he actually seems quiet and contemplative, can walk up to Remus like nothing at all, his face deadpan, asking him straight out "Do you like me?" - to which Remus always answers the same thing:
"Of course I do, I'm your friend. Why do you ask?"
Remus doesn't like how he's gotten to be so predictable, how his own words seem so rehearsed, and the way his voice cracks in that embarrassingly pubescent way. This only happens when he is faced with Sirius's recurring question - in other situations, there's nothing at all predictable or rehearsed or even pubescent about Remus - and he doesn't like it at all. It's like Sirius throws him off the track every time, even though this very incident has happened quite frequently over the last few years, and Remus should really be getting used to it by now.
He doesn't like how Sirius, when presented with Remus's answer, looks glum and mutters "Right," before shuffling off to somewhere he can be alone with his thoughts.
'What was that about?' Remus thinks, as his mind starts weaving an elaborate web of paranoia-fuelled fantasies. 'Bloody hell... What if he knows?'
Remus doesn't like not being able to read Sirius.
When Remus is through making up worst-case-scenarios in his head, he can relax with stupid, shallow thoughts. For example, how much he likes Sirius's hands. He feels stupid for obsessing over such a silly thing as hands, but as Remus always says: "You'd know why I like 'em if only you'd seen 'em."
'Sirius's hands... Jesus Christ.'
There is nothing in the world Remus likes more than Sirius's hands, except perhaps Sirius in his entirety.
Remus likes Sirius's hands because they're not at all like his own. Remus thinks his own hands are too thin, too white, his fingers too long... He thinks they look kind of womanly, in a way. Not like Sirius's.
Sirius has big hands - rough and strong, like a workman's hands. Remus likes the irony of the fact that Sirius has workman's hands, when he's probably never done a decent day's work in his entire 17 year old life.
Remus just plain loves those hands. And sometimes he can't help himself; he takes Sirius by the hand as they're walking towards Honeydukes, dragging his friend after him for the sake of being inconspicuous about the two of them holding hands - as though the only reason Remus took Sirius's hand in his was because he wanted them both to reach the candy shop as fast as possible. Remus likes how Sirius doesn't make an effort to walk faster, because then he has the time to truly revel in the feeling of having his own thin, cold fingers being engulfed by that big, warm palm. But when they finally reach the shop, Remus lets go.
Remus likes the pained look Sirius gives him then. It's quite brief, but it's enough to make Remus wonder.
Then one day, Sirius beckons him to follow him upstairs to the dormitory. He wants to chat about something or other. Remus is scared and confused, but he listens willingly to whatever his friend has to say.
And after a few awkwardly exchanged words and a fair bit of befuddlement, Remus finds that he won't need an excuse such as a trip to Honeydukes to hold Sirius's hand anymore.
The End