The Halloween Adventure: (Why does all of this shit happen on holidays?)

I'm not 100% happy with this. Mostly cause it was 5 am and I was writing it between doing speech work, reading Matchstick Men and being dstracted by 10000 other things. And I was hoping to finsih the damn thing. SO, boys arent mine. Enjoy!

PART I:

"'Harry, get the door.' 'Harry deal with the annoying trick-or-treaters.' 'Harry, hurry up.'… God, is there anything you don't want me to do?" I, one less than amused Harry Lockhart, asked, as I returned from what had to be my seventy-second trip to deal with the above-mentioned trick-or-treaters.

Perry glared at me from the bathroom doorway. "Yes. Complain. I don't recall asking you to do that."

I groaned, rolling my eyes, I really should have seen that coming. "Aren't you ready yet? It's a Halloween party, not Miss America 2008."

"You're costume took, what? Five minutes and walking into a door to adjust to the mask? Actual effort is involved in perfectly applying vampire make-up."

"Remember that time I said this," I gestured appropriately. One index finger on my nose, and the other pointing at Perry's reflection in the mirror. "Was the gayest thing you'd ever done? Yeah, I take that back."

"Fuck off, moron."

Yet another knock at the front door pulled me away from responding to that terribly original retort. I dealt with the gaggle of trick-or-treaters (a princess, Spiderman, a pirate, and a lazy teenager who'd chosen to forego a costume) quickly, returning to find Perry stepping out of the bathroom. Fucking, finally.

"You're not going to make any 'sucking' comments, are you, Dracula?" I teased, as he checked his vampire teeth in the hall mirror one last time.

Perry glowered. "That depends. Are you going to be this annoying all night, Bats?"

I promptly flipped him off as we stepped out the door. I had the sense of mind to leave a large bucket of candy on the steps as we went to appease any trick-or-treaters who tended to favor the tricking aspect when the treat part was not met. Perry didn't quite understand that, but, hey, it's what saves your house from getting egged in New York.

"Why are we doing this, again? I thought you said you hated Halloween?"

The vampire sighed at me as we got in the car. I knew that one. That one meant that he'd gone over this before with me and could not believe me, idiot that I apparently am, was asking again. "I told you. Twice. The couple throwing this huge shin-dig looks pretty good for a cover-up on that missing teenager case we took last week."

I nodded. "Oh, yeah. Right. That."

The case that we're referring to was that of twenty year old, Sara Matthews. She'd gone to a party at her boyfriend, Eric Berry's house. His parents – Stephen and Kate Berry were the ones hosting the party we were going to. It was the last place the girl had been seen and we hadn't been able to find a sneaky way to get in to look for evidence. I thought we'd just dropped the case, but evidently, we were biding our time.

"You think the kid'll be around? It is his parent's party." I asked. I mean, what teenager wants to hang out with a bunch of people his parents invite? Especially on Halloween.

Perry shrugged. "I don't care about what the kid is doing, so long as it's not getting in our way. We're going to look for evidence, maybe interrogate the parents. And when I saw 'we', I, of course, mean 'me'. Your job is to make sure no one gets too interested in what I'm doing." Wow, what a surprise. Me, a lookout? That never happens. Please, tell me you know the walls are bleeding more sarcasm than the blood capsules Perry popped before we left.

I shrugged, glad we were almost there. "Why don't I ever get to be the one doing detective stuff?"

"Hmm. Why? Let's see… You've been shot at, held hostage, beaten up countless times, nearly arrested twice, illegally parked, gotten a ticket, blown cover, stop me any time. You've taken cases for people who have tried to kill me because you don't think to check my well organized 'WARNING: DO NOT TOUCH WITH A TEN FOOT POLE' files…"

"Okay! I get it!" Yeesh, you'd think he'd had the list memorized or something. He pulled the car over – which thoroughly confused me. "Ugh, why are we stopping?"

"Don't want to be seen together." He growled, leaning over me to open my door. "Get out. You know what to do."

For once, I am not the one with an idiotic plan. "No. Everyone knows who you are, and they all know that I'm always around you. It'd be easier if we tried to pass ourselves off together. Pretending to not know each other would just make us look suspicious. Half of L.A. probably thinks we're fucking anyway." We always do these stupid jobs apart. But, two hours later, Perry will head out to some swanky party with me in tow. It's ridiculous.

But, Perry looks completely clueless. And when the fuck did this turn into the fucking twilight zone? "No, they don't. Get out of the car."

"Fine," I huff, climbing out. I wait for ten minutes or so before I walk the last half a block to the party.

Perry's already working the hosts of the party (dressed as Neo and Trinity) when I slip into the crowd. I'm good at that; no one pays much attention to me. Probably because they've all realized that I'm not an actor or an agent or someone who can make them rich, just Gay Perry's shadow. Which, don't get me wrong, is not a bad thing. You wanna know what happened to the last guy who tried to beat me up? Yeah? So would I. Haven't seen him since.

"Aren't you Van Shrike's friend?" Someone I don't recognize asks me, appearing out of nowhere, blocking my view of Perry who has evidently disappeared anyway. "Well?"

"Uh, yeah." No point in lying. He could ask half the people here.

"Come with me. He asked me to come fetch you." At the time, I had no reason to doubt such a thing.

I nod, following along after the man. At least until I realize we're walking in a direction I know Perry hadn't gone in the half a second my eyes weren't on him. "Where are we ---"

A fist connected with my face, sending me backwards with the force. Oh-kay. Time to implement those fighting skills Harmony's been teaching me, I think. He got a blow in to my chest before I could get my shot in, and I pathetically fell to the ground with the wind knocked out of me. Perry's going to kill me for losing another fight. Which reminds me—

"Fucking fuck! What the fuck… is wrong with you?" I gasp out, still trying to suck air back into my lungs.

"Stop digging in this missing girl nonsense." The man says, and then walks away, after adding one more good punch for good measure.

The next thing I know, I'm sitting beside Perry in a room I don't recognize. We're still at the party, I figure. Inside somewhere. He's got me holding an icepack to my eye and he's bandaging a cut on my jaw. Which fucking hurts.

"Ouch."

"Shut up. Never hear Batman complaining in the movies, do you?" He snarks, clearly not in a good mood.

Perry's moods never affect my biting wit, though, so I add, "He didn't have Count Dracula around griping at him, did he?"

"Who'd you manage to piss of this time?" He ignores my comment, instead surveying the variety of costumes we can see through the sliding glass doors of the room. "Jack Sparrow? Or the Tin Man?"

"Neither. He was dressed as Zorro." I swatted his hand away. "He told me you asked him to come get me."

Perry snorted. "I don't tell people to go get you. I whistle and expect you to come."

Amused, though still in considerable pain (I might have been walking around with a bruised rib… or 3), I grinned. "I thought you said there wouldn't be any 'sucking' jokes."

"Fuck off. The parents don't know anything. The son and his friends might, though. We're off to another party."

"Fantastic."

Okay, so, to recap. Missing girl. Girl's boyfriend's parents (not second cousin twice removed, too? Jeez, that's way too long) have been cleared by Perry. Boyfriend has not. Someone beat me up. And we don't even get to go home yet. Ugh. This blows.

"We're not going with the same plan, are we?" I ask, really hoping the answer is no. We're parked outside of some shitty local bar that the tourists don't visit.

"No. You're staying in the car this time. You are a fucking danger magnet." Perry responds. Which sucks even more than being a lookout. "If I'm not back in 15, call for backup."

I nod, like always. "Yeah, I know, Per."

He's walking away when someone catches my eye. It's a guy in a Zorro costume. Granted, there's probably quite a few out tonight, but I pointed him out to Perry.

We watch the guy for a moment, before he turns around, and my suspicions are correct. "That's him." I confirm, but Perry looks… surprised.

"I know him. He's a cop in the department I use. Name's Deputy Jeff Cross."

"A cop?" Wow, that was a twist. "Why would a cop beat me up and tell me to drop a case?"

Perry startled. "Told you to do what?"

Oh, fuck. See, this is why injuries suck: You forget what you tell people. "Yeah, before he walked away, he told me to stop digging in the case."

"Didn't think to mention that before?" I shrug. He's not mad, I can tell. "Cross has a son about our missing girl's age. Maybe it's a cover up."

I motion toward the door. "Should we go in, then?" Reluctantly, Perry agrees.

The club is decked out with jack-o'-lanterns and fake spider webs and orange lights and shit, but it's still not a bad place. A group of four young kids, probably barely legal ones, are sitting around the bar. An older couple is off in a booth, and various other patrons are scattered around the pool table.

Perry hones in on the kids, though. Three boys and a girl. "Keep watch. Make sure nothing gets weird." He tells me, before he slinks up to them. I have no idea what's going on, and I'm definitely more aware of our surroundings this time than last, because I really don't wanna get beat up again right now.

Before I know it, though, another guy steps in. He's wearing the same college hoodie as one of the other guys at the bar, and he's headed that way. From the picture we have of Sara and her boyfriend, I recognize him easily enough. Eric Berry.

Perry confronts him, too, for a few minutes before he sweeps me out the door. "The cop's kid is here." He says. "And the Berry kid. They all started stonewalling once he showed up. Whatever's up here, he's the mastermind."

"What are we doing now? You find out anything?"

He nodded. "They were all hanging out at some abandoned psych hospital before Berry's party. None of them saw her after that."

"So, we're going to go to some abandoned asylum … on Halloween night?" I asked, incredulous. Doesn't he know fucking anything about teenagers? That is fucking exactly where all the cool kids will be tonight.

"Not scared, are you?"

"No. Pardon me for not wanting to deal with a bunch of sugar high, drunk, teenagers while my chest feels like it's on fire." I muttered. This was turning from a not fun night, into a terrible one. "Fine. Let's go."

The asylum was only recently abandoned. It wasn't like the one in 'House On Haunted Hill' or anything. There was no huge patient riot combined with a fire. It just closed down. Less exciting, less haunted wing stories, but, unfortunately, that meant less kids were afraid to go there.

We could hear music thumping as we pulled up. See kids moving about inside. That wouldn't be conductive to our searching.

"We'll come back in the morning." Perry decided, catching sight once again of me cradling my injured chest. "I want your ribs checked out."