It was currently 3.42pm, on what appeared to be a blustery and frankly disgusting day in Washington. The temperature read at a mere 12 degrees, the gale outside the airport window blowing the umbrellas of many unsuspecting folk up into the air, and carried away. The rain was pouring down against the windows, flooding the pavements and dribbling continually down, and down, and down. I twisted in my seat to gain a different view, possibly a more appealing site of the area, one that might actually convince me that it was a worthy place to live. How unlikely that was. I'd forgotten how dreary and depressing this place was, that shows what a couple of months does to your memory. The sight of a couple hopelessly fighting their way through the automatic doors of the building, caught my attention and held it, as I saw them slip and slide, clinging hopelessly to each other and giggling in spite of their predicament. A sharp stab of envy shot through me. That was unexpected. I couldn't help feeling it, in spite of my relatively good mood, any sign of romance - May it be large or small - was guaranteed to make me hurt. Jealously? Possibly. Hurt? Definitely. I was sick to death of romance. Of love. Dragging my eyes away from the sore sight in the corner, I was forced to face that this next month, was going to be excruciatingly painful, despite the pleas from my family that it would be good for me. The wounds inside me flared, not as painful before, more a dull ache than the sharp stabbing pains they'd caused before, not enough to reduce me to tears, but enough to make me wince, enough for me to cover my pain up. As usual. My eyes clouded over, I was no longer in the overcrowded airport, I was in my hometown. I was in Phoenix.
As usual it was sweltering. My eyes were burning from the glare of the sun, my feet trod along the sand, burning my toes, before the sea washed over them, soothing them from the heat. The rays twinkled at me, and I lifted one, very tanned, arm up to shield the sun from my eyes. The wind, tugged at my long brown curls, and at the bottom of my dress, I sighed with contentment. I loved Phoenix. So suddenly that it startled me, a strong, muscular, arm reached around my waist, as a nose was rubbed into my hair, the breath tickling my neck. 'Good evening to you too.' The sound of that voice was welcoming, the hands were strong and beautiful as they gripped my hips, strong enough to keep me close to him, cautious enough to fear whether the grip was ok. I twisted in his arms, stretching up onto my toes, to place my wrists at the back of his neck, to look into those beautiful blue eyes. As our eyes met, I felt my insides warm, felt myself physically relax, though I hadn't realised I'd been tensed, I felt my mouth stretch into a natural smile, pulling up to the full of my cheeks, making me blush. His eyes gazed into mine, perfect pools of blue, not just one blue, many blues, turquoises and teals, all mixed together in some unremarkable colour that no one could define. Not even I, who had stared into them so many times. His skin pulled up into a smile that matched mine, a gorgeous caramel colour, something that we all maintained through living in the sun. The setting sun behind us, threw him into proper perspective, the sun glistening off his teeth, a perfect row of white, hiding behind plump lips that sat waiting, waiting for mine. I couldn't get over him. His eyes searched mine questioningly, and before I knew it, his lips were on mine, his breath flowing into me, my eyes closed as the sun warmed my back. I pulled myself closer to him, wrapping my hands around him, entwining my hands in his hair, my legs continually stretching until I was as close to him as possible. He, in return was closing in, one hand at the small of my back, the other entangled in my hair, supporting the back of my neck. Our kissing was intense, like we couldn't get enough of one and other. Like it always was. That moment was pure perfection. The waves washing over our feet, the breeze blowing silently through our hair, the sun setting behind us, the beach emptying, leaving us alone. As I pulled away, I simply stared. I couldn't help it, he was just everything I had ever needed, ever wanted, that's how I felt, at that time anyway. He could see that in my eyes, he could see how much I adored him; he knew how much I adored him.
That last thought pulled me back to the present. Resentment filled my eyes, flooded my body, and caused my heart beat harder. No, I thought. I am meant to be getting away from this. I shook my head, looking down at my feet, encased in their low top converse trainers, and I pulled my bag closer to me, and nudged my suitcase so that it was moved out of the way of passing passengers. I rolled my eyes at the weather, and the harassed families that surrounded me, thankful that I wasn't here with my own mad family, the only family member I would see in the next month, was the one I wanted to see the most, my cousin Bella. Cousin was a fairly loose word for mine and Bella's connection or relationship. Growing up only roads apart, I'd spent my entire childhood in and out of Bella's life, being one of the only people her age, to which Bella had ever connected too. Having both grown up in only single parent units, with her father remaining in forks, and my mother having passed very soon after the birth of my youngest brother, we were so close, closer than cousins, more like sisters, more like best friends. Interrupting that last thought, was the very sound I wanted to hear, which made the corners of my mouth stretch into the biggest grin I had made in months. 'I'm so sorry, I honestly didn't see you there – no don't worry its nothing.' She hasn't changed a bit, I thought to myself as I got up from my chair, slinging my bag over my shoulder and hurrying over to the trolley in which Bella was tangled up in. 'Bella,' I sighed as I came over, and tugged the back of the girl with brown hair, and pale skin so that she came free of all the metal surrounding her. After she was free of all the metal, standing there, clumsy as ever, brushing the long hair out of her eyes, I began to laugh uncontrollably. Just Bella standing there, her forehead pulled forward in confusion, her eyes looking me over, just like my mother used to, checking I was all in one piece. All too quickly we bundled each other up, so that I was crushed against her and her against me. I could smell her soft smell, and could breathe in her long hair as she gripped me back with as much force as she could muster. I was unaware of how long we stood there, I was only aware of how wet her raincoat was, and how wet my own jacket was becoming. Eventually we pulled away, and again laughed. I'd forgotten how in tune with Bella I was, she was comfortable, familiar. Her big brown eyes were always worried, and that in itself was comforting, I needed that worry, but at the same time I wanted to take it all away, like I had always wanted to do with Bella. 'You're so different' she exclaimed, tugging at my long hair, resting her hand on my warm cheek, a worried line twisting onto her face. 'How am I?'I gasped, teasingly. 'A bit browner I suppose, the suns warming up, and my hair a little longer. I'm still me' I paused, 'Promise.' At that last word, her face brightened up, the smile reaching up into her eyes and twinkling at me, as she pulled on my arm and we walked toward the exit. The hoards of people around us disappeared; suddenly it was just Bella and I, in our own little world, just like when we were kids. We talked animatedly for the next few minutes as we escaped the crowds and ducked out into the downpour, huddled under Bella's umbrella and stumbled into her truck, the big beautiful truck that she'd been so proud of when she first moved to this desolate town. Immediately, I again felt totally at ease, sitting back against the seats, my feet propped up against my case, and we fell back into our old routine, talking friendship, life and love. It was inevitable really that Edward would come up at some point. Edward was Bella's life and soul, even miles away I could feel the love in her voice when we talked on the phone or via e-mail, could sense the amount of respect and admiration she had for him, and he for her, which made it almost unbearable to hear about from Phoenix, let alone only metres apart. Bella kept her references short and sweet, only mentioning him when it was absolutely necessary, casting me anxious looks the whole time she did, I stared nonchalantly out of the window, trying to not let on how much it hurt, and trying to act like it was nothing. I had never been much of an actress. 'Have you heard from...?' Bella began, her voice wavering over the words. 'No.' I said, I immediately felt bad, as Bella began to blush. Bella was the only person on this earth who understood me, it was unfair of me to cut her off, she was just anxious I reassured myself. 'He's tried to get in contact,' I murmured. "Dad's told the boys not to answer the call. I won't meet him. I can't possibly have anything else to say, neither can he." Bella's worried gaze returned, when I looked back at her, she immediately tried to straighten it out, to act like she hadn't done it, something which again, made me smile. So typical Bella I thought. "I'm sure...I'm sure that no matter what people say will help at all," Bella stuttered. "Just know that I love you, and I'm here for you, whatever ok?" Her voice became constricted then, choked up, like she was holding back tears. Strange, I thought, Bella usually only succumbed to tears through anger or severe depression. I only nodded in reply, too scared of what my own voice would sound like, and we both gazed out of the windows, into the rain, too emotional to talk for a few minutes.
The rest of the journey flew by; I watched the countryside swim by as the rain increased, getting harder, to the point where the truck was restricted in speed. "Remind me again, why you moved to the wettest part of America" I groaned as we slowed, yet again to avoid slipping in the rain. Bella grimaced at me, "Its' really not that bad she said," laughing at my expression as she put her foot down, as we approached her hometown. The rain began to lift as we turned the corner of her street and pulled up outside the same house that had been Charlie Swann's house for as long as I could remember. Bella pulled into her designated spot outside, and together we tugged and pulled at my heavy suitcase and dragged it up onto the porch and into the house. It was exactly the same as the last time I had been, the only difference was the welcome I had received this time. Last time, Bella had been in no fit state for being a host. I'd arrived to find her curled up in bed, motionless, empty. Her eyes were open but no life was visible. Her face sit expressionless, her arms gripped around her torso, as if it would shatter. I remember how haunting that visit had been, to see someone I loved so much, to be in so much pain, and be able to do nothing. Charlie had called me out of desperation. Bella had gone beyond anything he had ever imagined, falling into a dark abyss of which he could not lift her out, she was no longer Bella, she was an empty shell of the girl she used to be, for which he blamed Edward, and his choice to leaver her. I had come to help her. Charlie was out of options. Renee had come to take her away but she had refused, going into a vicious rage, and promising to change. That promise hadn't been kept, I was a last ditch attempt. That visit was short; I could only come for a few days, but the little help I gave, helped in the long term, from what I gathered. Bella confided in me, she explained the pain, she had howled, cried and choked herself into hysteria, nothing I did could help, except hold her and reassure her with empty words that she and I both knew meant nothing. By the end of the trip, she was marginally better, with me there it was easier for her to concentrate, block out the pain rather than numb it, but I feared what would become of her after I left, feared that she would return to the shell again. Thankfully, Charlie became stronger, and thanks to a boy Bella knew, a certain Jacob Black, Bella's best friend, Bella was lifted out of that dark phase. However, it was a lot different now, Bella was back to the girl I knew and loved, even better she was the best version of herself. A version that I completely and utterly adored. I stood watching her from the safety of her highly decrepit couch, watching how she fluttered around and fussed over the state of the living room. Balanced on the mantelpiece above the fire was an array of photographs. Various school photos of Bella, one of Charlie and Renee on their wedding day, and finally a medium sized photo of two seven year old girls, laying on their bellies and looking up into the camera, ice cream smeared around their mouths as the grinned cheekily at the shot. 'Wow,' I muttered, 'I can't even remember this being taken, look at us!' I exclaimed, calling over my shoulder to Bella in the kitchen. She appeared round the door, and grimaced at me when she saw what I was looking at. 'You have no idea how much I've begged Charlie to take down that photo' she replied, blushing to the very roots, 'he has no idea how embarrassing it is, he just adores the picture. Almost as much as he adores you' she added, before disappearing back into the kitchen. I smiled to myself. I'd always loved Charlie, despite his and Renee's split, he'd always treated me like his niece, his second favourite girl after his daughter. 'I dearly hope I'm not replacing Alice' I smirked to myself. Bella had told me how much Charlie adored Bella's best friend down in Forks, the girl who has come to his aid and helped him tremendously since Bella's move her. 'Oh I don't think that's possible,' she giggled, 'you're still his number one niece though!' I picked the photograph up and looked at it carefully, the differences between Bella and I weren't that great. We had the same thick, brown hair, though whilst hers hung straight, mine twisted up into curls. Whilst her skin remained pale white all year round, I lived with an all round tan that complimented my eyes and hair. Other than those, we had the same big brown eyes, wide and staring, the same short nose and our smiles would have been mirrors of each other if it wasn't for Bella's anxiety being put into her grin, whilst mine screamed carefree and innocence. I wished I had a copy of this photo, pictures of Bella and I this young were hard to come by. I put the picture back, turned around and walked into the kitchen, where my best friend and family stood making dinner, and went straight over to help her, as the day came to a close.
'Bells?' the gruff voice of the Chief called through to the kitchen, where Bella and I stood opposite each other as dinner warmed itself in the oven. Bella grinned at me and held her forefinger to her lips, telling me to shush. 'In here dad,' she called 'there's a surprise waiting for you.' I smiled back at her, obviously Bella had decided to surprise her father and tell him I was coming tomorrow as opposed to tonight. I waited anxiously, worried about his reaction, Charlie usually seemed ecstatic to see me, but you never know what a few months with no contact can do to someone. 'What do you mean a surprise?' Charlie grumbled. I knew he didn't like surprises. He was so much like Bella it was unbelievable. As he came through the door, I tensed, a smile spread across my face, my body leant against his kitchen counter, slumped waiting. 'Freya?' He gasped. His gasp turned to joy as he burst out laughing and strode across the kitchen, clutching me to his chest. My breath came out in short bursts as Charlie's hold on me got tighter and he laughed loudly. "Dad," Bella frowned at Charlie, "Dad, your killing her." I giggled. Charlie's cheeks flushed red and he put me down and walked to Bella, ruffling her hair, grabbing himself a glass from the cupboard before pouring himself a drink. "How have you been girl?" He queried, and Bella and I burst out laughing. The enthusiasm on Charlie's face was so easy to read, it concerned me a little bit, and I always got the impression that Charlie saw me as Bella's carer, her reality check. Bella had a habit of drifting along in her own world, so focused on caring for those around her; she barely forgot to care for herself. In Charlie's eyes, I was that person, who Bella leaned on. I suppose he didn't trust Edward with her yet, that again surprised me. Edward, judging from the stories from Bella, was so over protective, so worried about Bella that he put Bella's entire existence before his own, that made me assume that he had assumed the role of carer, obviously not in Charlie's eyes. "I'm as good as always," I grinned at him. "The same bouncing baby girl you picked up 18 years ago, except I'm slightly louder and more in your face." Charlie's lips stretched into an all out grin, and the smile went up to his eyes. "I can see that already. You've just got bigger and more beautiful with age, just like our Bells. Again, if it wasn't for the skin colour, you guys could pass for twins." Charlie mumbled, as he turned toward the smell from the oven and gazed inside. I'd forgotten how badly Charlie dealt with expressing emotion, it made me giggle, and Bella blushed, as usual. "So what you girls got cooking?" He asked, turning to face us. "Oh the usual," Bella answered, "steak and potatoes, I was gonna do something fancy for Freya's homecoming, but I didn't have time" she mumbled, the red on her cheeks glowing brighter, mortified for not preparing for me. "Err, excuse me? Reality check missy, I'm no one fancy. Pure family. Treat me as if I were a permanent house guest, after all, I'm here for the next month, I mean I can't miss the wedding can I?" I exclaimed, looking over at them both. Instantly, my stomach fell through the floor. Bella had hidden her face, and her beautiful engagement ring, whilst Charlie appeared to glower out the window. Obviously, Bella's upcoming nuptials were not something he entirely approved of. In fact, as I recall, Charlie had been expecting Renee to go all out in a murder spree on Bella for getting married at 18, only to be shocked (like the rest of the family) when she threw herself in with all the planning and preparation. "Now Charlie" I grinned impishly at him, "You're not throwing a wobbly over this are you?" I put on my best smirk, and grinned at Bella who I could see felt incredibly uncomfortable, aha, I thought, Bella still isn't keen on the wedding either. It made me desire to meet Edward double, triple in size. I had to meet the man behind Bella's extraordinary life change, and Charlie's obvious aggravation. Charlie grimaced over at me, and stormed out of the tiny kitchen, mumbling words such as "traitor" and "too young, too fast." I turned to face Bella and laughter bubbled up inside of me when I saw her still cowering away from her father. "Aww come on Bella honey! It can't honestly be that bad, you were excited when you told me!" I sighed as she continued to blush further and hide her ring behind her back. "I was excited. I am excited. It's just still kind of embarrassing is all..." she broke off, and looked up into my eyes for the first time. No hiding now babe, I thought. Bella had always been bad at lying, but I could work her out in one look, and I knew that yes, she was still struggling consciously with the idea of marriage, but deep down I could see she was completely happy, and completely ready to be married off to the love of her life. Her eyes, so big, so wide, so open, gave that away completely. Bella couldn't be more in love I thought. A sharp pain shot through my chest, ouch, I thought. No. Get a grip, I gasped, I had a whole month of this to get through, I needed to gain control now, and desperately try not to break down when I met Edward. "So when am I meeting the leading man?" I teased, as Bella bent into the oven to retrieve the potatoes', "I mean, you can't expect me too not torture you by telling him baby Bella stories, can you?" I grinned again. Grinning was good, grinning hid the pain in my face well enough, maybe not in my eyes, but that was a learned art. I was still learning. "Tomorrow" she panted, pulling the plates out. "Charlie expressed deeply that upon your arrival I did not thrust Edward upon you, he said I actually had to spend time with my cousin, rather than run off with my fiancé." Her nose wrinkled at the end of the sentence and her voice stuttered as she said it, another sign that she was slowly hanging. Our conversation was put on hold as the dinner was dished up, and Bella, Charlie and I fell into relaxed dinner conversation, laughing freely, listening intently, and for the first time in weeks I was distracted from that aching pain. Dad was right, I thought, this was the perfect distraction. Later that night, after the dishes were done, and Bella and I had caught up on everything that had happened to us after the last few months of our lives, I lay out on the couch, the duvet tucked around me, and I was alone with my thoughts. These thoughts varied from the happy, to the painful, from the funny to the serious, from Bella's wedding, to my own tortured love life. I kept trying to focus on Bella, the real reason I was here, the only sun in my much darkened and bleak solar system. Yet every time I thought of her, and Edward, I gasped audibly, it caused me physical pain to think of how rare and precious their relationship was, and I was rolled over on my pillow that night, it was another night, that I cried myself to sleep over a boy who had given me meaning, before taking it away again.