Disclaimer: Gravitation is an awesome shounen-ai series made by Maki Murakami-sama and all rights go to her and all other publications related to this series.
"It's okay, Ni-chan," the kid said to me, "Nakanaide."
He smiled at me and I couldn't help but smile back...
Nakanaide... (Don't cry...)
by Yui Miyamoto
As the alarm went off, I got up from my bed slowly and fell back on the pillow again. "Maa...Don't wanna get up."
Through the quiet room, I heard my complaint echo without any protest. Well, there's no one here anyway.
But, I attempted again. And this time, I jumped out of bed and immediately opened the curtains. The sun was shining brightly and then, I took Kumaguro up from the leather chair and hugged him tightly. "Good morning, Kumaguro!"
The shuffling of my feet on the carpet could be heard, but I ignored it and took a hot shower. After I changed, I stretched my arms and smiled. "Time to go, Kumaguro!"
Locking the door behind me, I placed my bunny on the top of my head.
Yes, I knew it was strange. Why would I keep a pink bunny with me all the time?
I was so used to having that bunny with me everywhere. It was like a silent companion. Hey, if other people can have blankets, why can't mine be a security bunny?
On the street as I walked to the studio, I knew Kumaguro attracted attention. But I didn't care anymore. It held so much sentimental value that if you tore it from me for a minute besides when I sang, I think I would cry. Yeah, it seemed pathetic, but that's how much I loved Kumaguro.
When I entered the building, there was a person talking to Shuichi-kun. As I looked at this person, I remembered something from a long time ago. But I couldn't really understand why.
For a moment there, he looked like...
I stopped suddenly. Not really, my feet wouldn't move as if they were shocked.
But, again, I ignored this feeling deep inside of me.
"Shuichi-kun~!" I greeted from far away and waved my hands like crazy.
Being genki was my trademark...it was part of who I was. I'm glad it is...
"Sakuma-san!!" He came over and we both hi-fived each other.
Smiling like fools, we started to talk quickly to one another with our hi's and hello's. As we did so, his friend, who was dressed in black, came over slowly. He looked scary, but he stopped in front of me and grabbed my hand. "Sakuma Ryuichi!!!"
I laughed and shook back. "That's me! Hi!!!"
"Don't you remember me? I'm Tatsuha! Yuki's brother!"
"Ah!" I nodded. "Tatsuha-kun!"
I hugged him.
"Tatsuha-kun? Yo..." I waved my hands in his face as he laid on the floor daydreaming mumbling, "Sakuma Ryuichi hugged me..."
Shuichi sighed and shook his head at Tatsuha-kun. But then, he smiled.
"Okay, yosh!" Shuichi put his hands in fists and was very pumped up for the recording that we were going to go to.
Shuichi and I talked all the way to the room, but his friend was quiet. He looked either like he was dying from shock or too many things were running through his head.
I gave him a side glance, tipped my head, and smiled at Tatsuha-kun.
"Eh tou...Tatsuha-kun..." I said as he tripped going out of the elevator.
After the recording, I went out to the vending machines. But, I grabbed Tatsuha-kun by the arm and made him go with me. "I don't want to go alone!"
"Me too!" Kumaguro said to him. And Kumaguro kissed him on the nose.
Tatsuha-kun blushed. "S-sakuma-san..."
"Come on!" I tugged on his sleeve as he obidiently came after me.
We sat on a bench and I began drinking my can of coke. Looking at him, I asked, "Want something to drink?"
"Sure, why not?"
Looking at my can, which wasn't even done, I handed it over to him.
He raised his eyebrows. "You...want me...to drink this?"
(Maybe he thinks it's an indirect kiss...? Oh, maybe I made a mistake.) I smiled and nodded. "Do you mind? Or I'll buy you-"
But I stopped as he grabbed the can and drank it in one gulp. When he finished, he smiled brightly. "Thanks!"
I patted his head with Kumaguro's paw. "Are you a fan of Ryuichi's?"
Tatsuha-kun nodded immediately. "Ever since I was 9!!!"
"And what do you think of Ryuichi-kun?" Kumaguro's arms waved and was now in a thinking position looking up at Tatsuha.
"I think he's really awesome."
I smiled and then, it was me who patted him on the head. "You seem pretty cool yourself."
So, he was a fan of mine...
I gave Tatsuha a side glance while he wasn't looking.
Once in a while, I would wave at Tatsuha-kun up in the recording booth. He'd look flustered, but waved back.
When we finished recording, I again invited Tatsuha-kun to go to the vending machines.
I stopped in front of him and asked, "Mind? Am I bothering you?"
"No!" he immediately replied.
We both got something to drink and again sat on the bench. But as we were sipping our drinks, I tilted my head and leaned my head on my palm to get a good look at him.
Tatsuha-kun got conscientious and looked around. "Did I do something, Sakuma-san? You're looking at me funny."
I laughed. "Oh sorry! Didn't mean to!"
What is this? Why is he reminding me of that time?
This familiar feeling comes back to me whenever he's around...
Again, I laughed and patted his shoulder. "When I look at you, I'm reminded of this certain memory."
Tatsuha-kun looked at me and curiously looked at me with a concerned face. "Like what?"
"When I was 18-years-old..."
[flashback]
As soon as a vacation from school was let out, I ran away from home.
Why? I was having lots of family problems. And we'll just leave it at that.
Usually, I would just go out and vent it out. Maybe just go karaoke and sing it out. I think that's why I change when I sing...I remember things...and the way things used to be for myself...
At that time, I didn't know why, but I had chosen to go to Kyoto. It's probably one of those things in society that have told you to go to Tokyo or wherever. I was already in Tokyo, and I wanted to get away from it.
So I found myself in Kyoto.
When I got there, I wandered around trying to find a place to stay, but I found myself in a park.
Hugging my knees together, I finally let out all the tears I could not hold anymore. I was used to this feeling, but I always put it in the back of my mind so that I would ignore everything that would remind me of it.
But then, I couldn't anymore. What would happen from here? I knew by the time that I had stood on the platform of Kyoto's train station, Touma would have already found my goodbye letter.
And knowing him, like always, he would find me.
Ever since I knew him and can even remember knowing him, he had always found me. Though I was really getting away from him, avoiding him, or not even thinking of that at all, he'd always pop out of nowhere to find me. And then, he would take me back to where I should be.
It wasn't like it was a bad thing, but I sometimes felt bad that he did that. Anyway...
I shouldn't think of him right now.
Still, I sobbed to myself and continued to do so.
Poke, poke.
Poke, poke, poke, poke.
"Ni-chan? Ni-chan?"
I stopped crying to find a little kid in front of me with a small stuffed bunny that I thought looked pretty weird at first.
"Yes?" I smiled though I was crying.
Patting me, he said, "It's okay, Ni-chan. Nakanaide."
"Why are you crying?" He pulled on my sleeve. "Don't cry. My daddy always says I shouldn't cry because I'm not weak."
I nodded my head and ruffled his hair as he sat next to me. "For a kid, you're pretty smart. How old are you?"
Holding up three fingers, and confirmed with his reply, "Three."
"But Ni-chan? Why are you crying? Are you sad?"
He was such a cute kid. And so I answered to those wide eyes, "I ran away from home."
He tugged on my shirt and shook his head. "Go back home or your mommy and daddy will be mad. They'll be sad too."
I shook my head even though I knew I was just talking to a three-year-old.
At that moment, the little boy gave me a hug and gave me his bunny. "Keep him so that you won't be sad anymore."
He gave his bunny one last hug and said while kissing its face, "Take care of Ni-chan. Take him home."
Aww...
I hugged the little kid. "Naw, you keep the bunny."
"I like you Ni-chan." He grinned at me.
"He likes you." The three-year-old was stubborn and pushed the bunny into my arms. "You keep it, Ni-chan."
"Thanks. I'll take good care of it." I got up and wiped the grass from my clothing.
"By the way, what's your-" I began to say, but he ran away while waving his hand shouting, "My onee-chan is calling me! Bye-bye!"
[end of flashback]
"So you got this from a little kid?" Tatsuha was hugging Kumaguro and I felt calm as he held it.
"Yes." I replied while bowing my head and closing my eyes for a second.
"So, why did you call it Kumaguro?"
"Sorry about this. I'm just kind of tired." I then leaned my head on Tatsuha-kun's shoulder.
He didn't say anything, nor does he protest.
"I named it Kuma for bear because little kid's always have at least one bear that acts as their companion. And he's my companion! (^_^) And 'kuro' is for suffering and hardship. When you put it together, it's Kumaguro." I sighed and closed my eyes. "After that day, I said that I would take things as they come and after a long time, I learned to smile again. Because of that kid, I became happier."
"And you remind me of that little kid..." Then, I looked up and smiled at Tatsuha. "...only grown up."
"I do?" He smiled and placed his head on my own. "Come to think of it, you look like someone I knew a long time ago too. Don't know who, but you do."
Tatsuha-kun looked at me again. He whispered to himself, "Naw, couldn't be. I just dreamt that."
As we silently sat there, I thought about when I came back home to Tokyo that night...
[flashback]
Touma leaned on a column of the train station with his arms crossed while waiting for me. "Welcome home, Ryuichi."
When he saw my bunny, he asked, "Where did you get that?"
"An angel friend gave it to me," I replied laughing.
Touma commented with a knowingly, sly smile, "Funny, my friend's little brother had a bunny just like that, and he said he had lost..."
But I was so happy at looking at the bunny and hugging it that I didn't pay attention to his last comment.
[end of flashback]
"Come on, let's go, Tatsuha-kun~!" I energetically said as I popped out of the bench with a smile.
"Okay!" He got up and we walked out.
As we walked, I looked back at him and smiled thinking, "Maybe...it's him?"
Shaking my head, I smiled to myself even more not knowing what to think.
Then, I suddenly caught Tatsuha-kun's hand while laughing with Kumaguro tucked in my other arm. "Walk faster! Let's go karaoke!"
Though I was blushing, I wasn't at all embarrassed...
I then blurted out, "Wouldn't it be funny if it was really Tatsuha-kun who gave me Kumaguro?"
While still holding onto my hand and running out of the building, Tatsuha stared with much concentration at me and at the bunny while mumbling, "And he hugs that thing everyday and brings it wherever he goes...I wish I were the bunny!"
"Yeah...what if it was really Tatsuha-kun?" I thought again and grinned even wider at this peculiar thing.
"Doesn't matter anymore..." I whispered to Kumaguro. "I love both of you very much anyway."
Again, I stole a glance of Tatsuha's blushing face. Running faster and faster, I squeezed his hand harder.
--
Author's note: This was more of a concept story. I wanted to see if they had met earlier and that Tatsuha was more related to Ryuichi than they both thought.
I like this fic, but I still think it needs more work. But I think it's okay anyway...
Hope it was enjoyable!
- Yui
7:31 PM 8/7/2001
"It's okay, Ni-chan," the kid said to me, "Nakanaide."
He smiled at me and I couldn't help but smile back...
Nakanaide... (Don't cry...)
by Yui Miyamoto
As the alarm went off, I got up from my bed slowly and fell back on the pillow again. "Maa...Don't wanna get up."
Through the quiet room, I heard my complaint echo without any protest. Well, there's no one here anyway.
But, I attempted again. And this time, I jumped out of bed and immediately opened the curtains. The sun was shining brightly and then, I took Kumaguro up from the leather chair and hugged him tightly. "Good morning, Kumaguro!"
The shuffling of my feet on the carpet could be heard, but I ignored it and took a hot shower. After I changed, I stretched my arms and smiled. "Time to go, Kumaguro!"
Locking the door behind me, I placed my bunny on the top of my head.
Yes, I knew it was strange. Why would I keep a pink bunny with me all the time?
I was so used to having that bunny with me everywhere. It was like a silent companion. Hey, if other people can have blankets, why can't mine be a security bunny?
On the street as I walked to the studio, I knew Kumaguro attracted attention. But I didn't care anymore. It held so much sentimental value that if you tore it from me for a minute besides when I sang, I think I would cry. Yeah, it seemed pathetic, but that's how much I loved Kumaguro.
When I entered the building, there was a person talking to Shuichi-kun. As I looked at this person, I remembered something from a long time ago. But I couldn't really understand why.
For a moment there, he looked like...
I stopped suddenly. Not really, my feet wouldn't move as if they were shocked.
But, again, I ignored this feeling deep inside of me.
"Shuichi-kun~!" I greeted from far away and waved my hands like crazy.
Being genki was my trademark...it was part of who I was. I'm glad it is...
"Sakuma-san!!" He came over and we both hi-fived each other.
Smiling like fools, we started to talk quickly to one another with our hi's and hello's. As we did so, his friend, who was dressed in black, came over slowly. He looked scary, but he stopped in front of me and grabbed my hand. "Sakuma Ryuichi!!!"
I laughed and shook back. "That's me! Hi!!!"
"Don't you remember me? I'm Tatsuha! Yuki's brother!"
"Ah!" I nodded. "Tatsuha-kun!"
I hugged him.
"Tatsuha-kun? Yo..." I waved my hands in his face as he laid on the floor daydreaming mumbling, "Sakuma Ryuichi hugged me..."
Shuichi sighed and shook his head at Tatsuha-kun. But then, he smiled.
"Okay, yosh!" Shuichi put his hands in fists and was very pumped up for the recording that we were going to go to.
Shuichi and I talked all the way to the room, but his friend was quiet. He looked either like he was dying from shock or too many things were running through his head.
I gave him a side glance, tipped my head, and smiled at Tatsuha-kun.
"Eh tou...Tatsuha-kun..." I said as he tripped going out of the elevator.
After the recording, I went out to the vending machines. But, I grabbed Tatsuha-kun by the arm and made him go with me. "I don't want to go alone!"
"Me too!" Kumaguro said to him. And Kumaguro kissed him on the nose.
Tatsuha-kun blushed. "S-sakuma-san..."
"Come on!" I tugged on his sleeve as he obidiently came after me.
We sat on a bench and I began drinking my can of coke. Looking at him, I asked, "Want something to drink?"
"Sure, why not?"
Looking at my can, which wasn't even done, I handed it over to him.
He raised his eyebrows. "You...want me...to drink this?"
(Maybe he thinks it's an indirect kiss...? Oh, maybe I made a mistake.) I smiled and nodded. "Do you mind? Or I'll buy you-"
But I stopped as he grabbed the can and drank it in one gulp. When he finished, he smiled brightly. "Thanks!"
I patted his head with Kumaguro's paw. "Are you a fan of Ryuichi's?"
Tatsuha-kun nodded immediately. "Ever since I was 9!!!"
"And what do you think of Ryuichi-kun?" Kumaguro's arms waved and was now in a thinking position looking up at Tatsuha.
"I think he's really awesome."
I smiled and then, it was me who patted him on the head. "You seem pretty cool yourself."
So, he was a fan of mine...
I gave Tatsuha a side glance while he wasn't looking.
Once in a while, I would wave at Tatsuha-kun up in the recording booth. He'd look flustered, but waved back.
When we finished recording, I again invited Tatsuha-kun to go to the vending machines.
I stopped in front of him and asked, "Mind? Am I bothering you?"
"No!" he immediately replied.
We both got something to drink and again sat on the bench. But as we were sipping our drinks, I tilted my head and leaned my head on my palm to get a good look at him.
Tatsuha-kun got conscientious and looked around. "Did I do something, Sakuma-san? You're looking at me funny."
I laughed. "Oh sorry! Didn't mean to!"
What is this? Why is he reminding me of that time?
This familiar feeling comes back to me whenever he's around...
Again, I laughed and patted his shoulder. "When I look at you, I'm reminded of this certain memory."
Tatsuha-kun looked at me and curiously looked at me with a concerned face. "Like what?"
"When I was 18-years-old..."
[flashback]
As soon as a vacation from school was let out, I ran away from home.
Why? I was having lots of family problems. And we'll just leave it at that.
Usually, I would just go out and vent it out. Maybe just go karaoke and sing it out. I think that's why I change when I sing...I remember things...and the way things used to be for myself...
At that time, I didn't know why, but I had chosen to go to Kyoto. It's probably one of those things in society that have told you to go to Tokyo or wherever. I was already in Tokyo, and I wanted to get away from it.
So I found myself in Kyoto.
When I got there, I wandered around trying to find a place to stay, but I found myself in a park.
Hugging my knees together, I finally let out all the tears I could not hold anymore. I was used to this feeling, but I always put it in the back of my mind so that I would ignore everything that would remind me of it.
But then, I couldn't anymore. What would happen from here? I knew by the time that I had stood on the platform of Kyoto's train station, Touma would have already found my goodbye letter.
And knowing him, like always, he would find me.
Ever since I knew him and can even remember knowing him, he had always found me. Though I was really getting away from him, avoiding him, or not even thinking of that at all, he'd always pop out of nowhere to find me. And then, he would take me back to where I should be.
It wasn't like it was a bad thing, but I sometimes felt bad that he did that. Anyway...
I shouldn't think of him right now.
Still, I sobbed to myself and continued to do so.
Poke, poke.
Poke, poke, poke, poke.
"Ni-chan? Ni-chan?"
I stopped crying to find a little kid in front of me with a small stuffed bunny that I thought looked pretty weird at first.
"Yes?" I smiled though I was crying.
Patting me, he said, "It's okay, Ni-chan. Nakanaide."
"Why are you crying?" He pulled on my sleeve. "Don't cry. My daddy always says I shouldn't cry because I'm not weak."
I nodded my head and ruffled his hair as he sat next to me. "For a kid, you're pretty smart. How old are you?"
Holding up three fingers, and confirmed with his reply, "Three."
"But Ni-chan? Why are you crying? Are you sad?"
He was such a cute kid. And so I answered to those wide eyes, "I ran away from home."
He tugged on my shirt and shook his head. "Go back home or your mommy and daddy will be mad. They'll be sad too."
I shook my head even though I knew I was just talking to a three-year-old.
At that moment, the little boy gave me a hug and gave me his bunny. "Keep him so that you won't be sad anymore."
He gave his bunny one last hug and said while kissing its face, "Take care of Ni-chan. Take him home."
Aww...
I hugged the little kid. "Naw, you keep the bunny."
"I like you Ni-chan." He grinned at me.
"He likes you." The three-year-old was stubborn and pushed the bunny into my arms. "You keep it, Ni-chan."
"Thanks. I'll take good care of it." I got up and wiped the grass from my clothing.
"By the way, what's your-" I began to say, but he ran away while waving his hand shouting, "My onee-chan is calling me! Bye-bye!"
[end of flashback]
"So you got this from a little kid?" Tatsuha was hugging Kumaguro and I felt calm as he held it.
"Yes." I replied while bowing my head and closing my eyes for a second.
"So, why did you call it Kumaguro?"
"Sorry about this. I'm just kind of tired." I then leaned my head on Tatsuha-kun's shoulder.
He didn't say anything, nor does he protest.
"I named it Kuma for bear because little kid's always have at least one bear that acts as their companion. And he's my companion! (^_^) And 'kuro' is for suffering and hardship. When you put it together, it's Kumaguro." I sighed and closed my eyes. "After that day, I said that I would take things as they come and after a long time, I learned to smile again. Because of that kid, I became happier."
"And you remind me of that little kid..." Then, I looked up and smiled at Tatsuha. "...only grown up."
"I do?" He smiled and placed his head on my own. "Come to think of it, you look like someone I knew a long time ago too. Don't know who, but you do."
Tatsuha-kun looked at me again. He whispered to himself, "Naw, couldn't be. I just dreamt that."
As we silently sat there, I thought about when I came back home to Tokyo that night...
[flashback]
Touma leaned on a column of the train station with his arms crossed while waiting for me. "Welcome home, Ryuichi."
When he saw my bunny, he asked, "Where did you get that?"
"An angel friend gave it to me," I replied laughing.
Touma commented with a knowingly, sly smile, "Funny, my friend's little brother had a bunny just like that, and he said he had lost..."
But I was so happy at looking at the bunny and hugging it that I didn't pay attention to his last comment.
[end of flashback]
"Come on, let's go, Tatsuha-kun~!" I energetically said as I popped out of the bench with a smile.
"Okay!" He got up and we walked out.
As we walked, I looked back at him and smiled thinking, "Maybe...it's him?"
Shaking my head, I smiled to myself even more not knowing what to think.
Then, I suddenly caught Tatsuha-kun's hand while laughing with Kumaguro tucked in my other arm. "Walk faster! Let's go karaoke!"
Though I was blushing, I wasn't at all embarrassed...
I then blurted out, "Wouldn't it be funny if it was really Tatsuha-kun who gave me Kumaguro?"
While still holding onto my hand and running out of the building, Tatsuha stared with much concentration at me and at the bunny while mumbling, "And he hugs that thing everyday and brings it wherever he goes...I wish I were the bunny!"
"Yeah...what if it was really Tatsuha-kun?" I thought again and grinned even wider at this peculiar thing.
"Doesn't matter anymore..." I whispered to Kumaguro. "I love both of you very much anyway."
Again, I stole a glance of Tatsuha's blushing face. Running faster and faster, I squeezed his hand harder.
--
Author's note: This was more of a concept story. I wanted to see if they had met earlier and that Tatsuha was more related to Ryuichi than they both thought.
I like this fic, but I still think it needs more work. But I think it's okay anyway...
Hope it was enjoyable!
- Yui
7:31 PM 8/7/2001