PROLOGUE

Some people say I am my father's daughter simply because they always felt his presence when I walked in a room. But………

I still ponder to this day whether I was a product of love or just a flame of unbridled passion at the right moment. My mother always said the first…even as she watched my father pack his bags and leave the house, even as he split our family apart, she still held on to it and never spoke ill about him. Well at least never to my face but I knew, deep down I always knew. You know that song that goes, 'papa was a rolling stone, wherever he lay his hat was his home.'

You could say that was my dad and it's ironic that I am the spitting image of him yet he never saw me. All my friends throughout elementary and high school had loving families with Sunday barbeques and trips to the sea but every holiday,they would get into kiddish fights and resolve them by the end of the day but not me, I sat with my pad and pencil staring out the window writing what I felt, writing what I wanted to tell him but couldn't. As I read them now, its all so nostalgic and yet surprising how many times my emotions changed, from adoration to anger then on to desperation then to anger again and finally resignation.

Mama always told me Papa had a very tough childhood and he worked extra hard to make sure I got everything I needed and wanted but every time my birthday came round and all I saw was a big package and a delivery man, I was disappointed and by the time my 10th birthday rolled round, I knew that he was never ever going to come back and I purposely told Mama to send back the gifts but she protested.

In the heat of it all, I bundled up everything he had ever given me one night and asked Uncle Yasu to give everything to a charity. He was flabbergasted for a while but didn't protest as I saw him haul the trunk out the door. When I stepped into my room, it was still a void. In a way I had created a lot of space and for a while it felt painful but I realized that I had to fill it on my own…..somehow. And that's when I turned to what I already had, my family.

Papa still sent me gifts every year and I did the same thing, I gave them away. But after a while, the gifts stopped and the calls became less frequent and Ren didn't bother either. I could only assume that I had been shut out but Mama was always there….supporting me, making me a cup of tea every time I had to stay up and study for an exam, nursing me to health when I was ill, a shoulder to cry on, to give me a cuddle when I couldn't sleep….to me she is and always will be irreplaceable. When I told her what I wanted to be, she told me to follow my dream.

Some parents feel like they are obligated to say that but not Mama. I know that she means it, I can hear it in her tone and that's why…….that's why………I am my mother's daughter.

A/N:I've been on hiatus for a while...life and tragedy caught up with me. Will do my best to update regularly. Thx for all your support,LD.