I've been having nightmares since 2 weeks.

They are not the same, but I realized that they have the same meaning: death. I know it's really creepy, but I can't do something about it. Those nightmares didn't come suddenly of course. They appeared after a recent incident. My psychiatrist thought that maybe I should write my nightmares on this journal that my aunt gave me. I'm going to write more than that to prove that I'm right. I'm not a crazy person, but people still think I am. How can they know? Is there something that proves it? What's a crazy person for them? I mean, I can still write on this fucking journal! It's hard to remember those things that hurt me, but if the only thing to do is to write in this, then I will.

First, I'm a junior. Since the first day of high school, I didn't get bullied even if most people do. The reason why I've never been bullied is because my best friend is one of the hottest girls in my year. It's weird to say it like that, but it's kind of true. I mean, no one stares at her when she walks but popular guys say hi to her and they are senior. Her name is Mallory. We've met at the first day of school, when she wasn't popular yet. I feel bad for her because a lot of guys just want to fuck her. At least, I don't have a problem with that. I don't play whore. I won't show off how popular I am or how beautiful I am or how cool I am. Never. I'm usually casual. And no, I'm not this freak girl who hangs out with the popular girl like I was her slave. In fact, Mallory is so easy to manipulate. I'm into those things. I go psychic. Anyway, she is my best friend because when we're outside of school, she is the coolest girl I know. Plus, she has a freaking good taste of music. We usually listen to music that aren't really popular. We're not hipsters. But we love to listen to some rare music. We would listen You and I by Washed Out when we're high. That's a lovely song.

We had our own gang too. There was Fred, Shawn and Zooey. Fred and Shawn are kind of our drug-dealer. I don't really know how they get this stuff, but they are really good. They are best friends for like 6 years now! They have the same taste of everything. The only difference is that Fred has brown hair and Shawn has blond hair (and yes with blue eyes). They are the funniest guys ever. And there's Zooey, she's my best friend too but we're not best friend like I am with Mallory. Zooey is more like a punk-elegant girl. I don't know how to describe this style but I think that was the best definition I could say. Actually, she wears really neat clothing and the colors always have to match. She has a lot of piercing but they make who she is. She is the kind of girl who would help her friends no matter what. It's weird but she smokes more than me and she's such a nerd at the same time. She always has good grades. I'm not too bad at school neither but not excellent.

Dream #1:

I'm in the water. I can hear a song but it's too low to hear it clearly. I can't really move in the water but I'm trying to scream out loud. And then, something black appears under me. It's trying to grab my hands and my feet's. It's covering my mouth and I'm falling deep down with it.

September 30 was the first football game as I remember.

Shawn is playing in the team, but not Fred. He must be too skinny. Anyway, it's not his type because he is more into video games. Shawn is really good at football. I don't think I know a lot about football but it's nice to see everyone there and cheering for our school. Mallory and I were going to be at the football game especially because we're the cheerleaders. Well, okay we're the fake cheerleaders 'cause all we do is some pom-pom shit. But anyway, it's the only activity that could save your social life.

Dream #2:

I'm in the bathroom and everything seems blur to my eyes. I see my mom in the mirror. Her face is terribly sad. She cries and screams. I look at the door. And then there's blood everywhere on the floor. Then I look back at the mirror. I see my mom but this time she doesn't have a face anymore.

October something,

Mallory has a boyfriend. I didn't even see that coming. I guess she didn't want to tell me since the dude is younger than us but looks like a freaking 20 years old. He is a sophomore and is growing a beard. Oh wait, he isn't younger than us because he just got 16. Totally forgot that. Anyways, that today she brought her boyfriend to our table. Everybody looked at her and was confused.

And then Fred said:

"Who's that? Your victim?"

"Shut the fuck up Fred" she said.

Zooey looked at me. And I just shrug.

"Everybody, here's Robb. He is my boyfriend!"

"Oh hey nice to meet you Robb." I said.

"Nice to meet you" Robb replied.

"So Robb, here's Rosie, Zooey, Shawn… and asshole." as she points at Fred.

"I'm Fred. Sorry for calling you a… whatever."

"It's alright."

"So since when you guys know each other?" Zooey asked.

"Well, we met at the last football game." Robb said timidly.

"You're in the team?" Shawn asked.

"Yeah, I just got in this week because someone got kicked out"

"I guess it was Klaus. So you're really in the team! I'm in the team too! Welcome champion!" he stands up and give him a kind of a "football" hug.

"Yeah, Robb is a real athlete." Mallory said as she looks at him and smile.

"Why didn't you tell us anything about this mysterious guy, Mallory?" I asked.

"Oh, well I tried but everyone seemed busy at their things! You know, Zooey is always at the library and Shawn is busy for football and you weren't here when I needed you."

I'm still wondering where I was. School just started 3 weeks ago and… I don't know. Where the hell was I? Well, in school or at home I guess.

"And me?" Fred asked.

"Ah, you know I don't talk to those things with you."

"But why did you mention Shawn?"

"So what do you like Robb?" Shawn asked to Robb.

And the conversation continues.

At first, I kind of like Robb. At least, he is not like Mallory's ex-boyfriends. They were all jocks. Robb is pretty sweet. I hope Mallory is not going to use him as a toy or anything. I wish I could pick guys easily like her. I'm not in a relationship right now but I was 5 months ago. His name was Ben. We broke up because he always wanted to have sex and I didn't want to. Yes, I'm still a virgin. I guess I wasn't ready yet. And this time I am. Let's go boys come over here! No, I'm just kidding. But it wouldn't bother me to have a boyfriend right now.

I'm so tired.

Dream #3:

I was at school, in my biology class. Everything was okay. But then, everybody was looking at me with black eyes and their faces began to change. They all looked like me. They were all wearing the same thing. It was an old uniform of my middle school that they were wearing. I tried to escape but they were all running after me.

October 12,

Second football game. Our team won 34-31. Mallory and I did a good performance too at our "show" as I can remember. Everybody was there to support our friend Shawn and Mallory's boyfriend, Robb. Actually, it was his first game! He didn't play a lot but I know that he can run freaking fast! After the game, everybody went to George's party. But I didn't go because I had to get home. While I was walking home, Robb kind of appeared of nowhere. He didn't go to the party because he had to get back home too.

"Hey Rosie!"

"Oh! Hey Robb!"

"What are you doing here?" he asked as he took a cigarette out of his pocket and put it between his lips.

"Well, I'm walking on a sidewalk."

And then he lights up his cigarette. I don't like cigarettes.

"You're going home?"

"Yeah…"

"Ah, me too." he said.

Awkward moment. Then we walked together until I saw my house.

"You live there?" he asked.

"Yeah, and you?"

"That's funny."

"What's funny?"

"I live just right behind your house."

"No way!"

"Yeah! How come I've never seen you?"

"I don't know, I think I've seen you once but-" I said.

"What are you going to do now?"

"Maybe watching a movie, and you?"

"Nothing. I wish I could go to the party but my sister is gonna kill me."

"Oh that's too bad for you then."

"Yeah. Do you want to come over my house? Maybe we can watch a movie together and smoke some."

"Uhm… only if I pick the movie!"

"Alright!"

I didn't want to come at his house at all. Anyways, it was only 9 o'clock.

So we saw Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. It was a nice and cute story. It was also really mindfuck. I really enjoyed it. And we didn't watch the movie alone; there was his sister too. His sister kept commenting every time on the movie. Oh my god, she was so annoying. Robb is sweet though unlike his sister. After the movie, her sister went to bed. And he showed me his room. It was so empty.

"So how's with Mallory?" I asked.

"It's nice. She really cares about me."

"Good then!"

"Yeah" he said with a laugh.

"By the way, you played well tonight."

"Oh, thanks, but they just kicked me out."
"What? But that was your first game! How come?"

"Well, the dude that I replaced is back for the game."

"What the fuck? That's unfair!"
"Yeah I know."

"What's the dude's name? I'm seriously mad at him."

"Nah, don't be. He's a nice buddy. His name is Klaus."

"He's a what?"

"Well, he is a senior."

"Oh… I guess I can do nothing about it."

"Exactly. Anyways, I gotta take my shower."

"Alright I'm gonna leave now. But thanks for inviting me over, see you Monday!"

"Yeah, see you Monday!"

So I left the house and went to mine.

You know, at that time I was still thinking that Robb was a nice guy. I hoped Mallory treated him right. I was happy to see him play at the football game. He does look nice with his shoulder pad and his helmet on. I thought it was too bad that I won't see him play anymore. It was all because of this senior, Klaus. Anyways, I'm not saying that I was feeling something for him it's just that it's rare to meet nice people like him.

I didn't dream last night. Is it bad or good? I don't know, but I'm feeling great today. I'm intending to do some homework and sleeping. Good night. x

The next friday was another football game but this time Mallory and I weren't making a "show". And unfortunately, our team lost! I still can't believe it. I'm sure it's because they kicked out Robb. And again, it's all because of this guy, Klaus. I don't even know him but I hope he is a jerk so I don't feel stupid to hate someone I don't know. Anyways, I saw him playing and he didn't even touch the ball once! Zooey told me that he has three broken fingers. I don't know where she got that information but she seems to be interested in him. Mostly because she kept talking about how cool he is. I don't even know how he looks like. He was way too far from me. Mallory and Robb weren't there. I guess they had a date or something. Shawn was playing in the game and he made 6 scores. And Fred was… Wait a minute. Where was he? I don't even remember. I think he met a new girl. I don't know.

So when the match was over, there was no party because we've lost.

Dream #4:

I was driving on the highway at night. There was no one until I saw a boy standing in front of me. I tried to skip him but the hand wheel was stuck! Then I tried to brake and it worked. He was just standing here watching me like a zombie. And then I felt like there was someone sitting behind me and watching me.

My dreams are getting worse. I see blood everywhere. I have some kind of fucked up hallucinations. Once, I saw a dog barking at me and he has the devil's eye. I couldn't believe it and I just ran. I was scared to death. Could it be possible? I can't even focus in class, because all I do is staring at the clock...