Author's Note:
Looks like it's time for another adventure with Garfield and his friends. Today, we are going to see this lovable fat cat in one of his greatest hobbies yet: harassing a mailman!
Our story opens up in the cul-de-sac, where we see the local mailman, Herman Post going on and about his usual route.
"Well, I think that's everything..." he said to himself. "All that's left is..."
He turned around and saw Garfield's house right in front of him, where he was stricken with fear.
"No! No! No! No! No!" Herman stammered. "Anything but that! Anything but that!"
After stuttering for a bit, Herman finally calmed down.
He sighed. "No rain or snow or cat will prevent me from delivering my mail!"
Herman stepped on one of the tiles on the sidewalk and all of a sudden, the tile sprung up into the air and caused him to fall down the chimney and into the fireplace (which was luckily, put out).
"Why me?" he sighed.
Garfield walked to the mailman and started laughing at his predicament.
"Another mailman trap by me, Garfield the Cat!" He said in his thoughts.
Jon then walked down the hall and saw Herman in the fireplace. "Well whaddya know? The mailman got tricked again."
He helped Herman get up from the fireplace.
"Thanks Mr. Arbuckle, that's the third time this week I've been tricked by that cat of yours." Herman said as he brushed the ashes off his uniform. "I can't take it anymore! I need to deliver this mail without that cat tricking me!"
"Maybe you just need a vacation, Herman." said Jon. "Have someone take your place while you're away, and then you have enough energy and confidence to return to delivering mail."
"You know, that's a great idea, Jon!" Herman exclaimed. "I'll take that vacation and have someone endure the pain I have put up with all those years!"
Garfield eavesdropped on the two. "Mailman substitute, huh? I think I can fix that!"
At the post office, the head mailman, Mr. Letterman called all the mailmen for a meeting.
"Ten hut!" He sternly told them.
The mailmen all lined up in a single-filed line. "Sir yes, sir!"
"Now as you know, we are mailmen!" Letterman barked.
"Right!" the mailmen said in unison.
"And our sole purpose in the world is to deliver mail to everyone right on time..." Letterman continued.
"Yes sir!" the mailmen saluted.
"No rain, snow, or whatever shall prevent us from doing our jobs..." Letterman continued.
"Sir yes sir!" the mailmen repeated.
"And when there are circumstances beyond our control, we must take the place of our fellow mailman while he is dead or gone temporarily!" Letterman finished.
"Sir yes sir!" the mailmen continued saluting.
"Good!" Letterman nodded. "Now, Herman Post is going on his vacation and needs someone to take over his route. Apparently, there's this cat named Garfield, who-"
Just then, the other mailmen zipped out of the room out of fear of our favorite feline. All except one young man.
"Well Stu, looks like you're the last candidate." said Letterman. "You've got guts kid. Are you sure you can handle this horrible demon?"
"Demon? P'shaw, at mailman school, they taught us there is no such thing as a bad route, or a bad citizen." said Stu. "I'm sure this is just some lousy rumor like there's a mountain with presidents' faces on it."
Letterman saluted. "It's your funeral, cadet..."
NOW FOLKS! IT'S TIME FOR GARFIELD'S STEPS ON HOW TO HANDLE A MAILMAN!
STEP ONE. PUT UP A FRONT!
On Stu's first day as acting mailman, he went up to the Arbuckle house, ready to debunk those so-called "rumors" about Garfield.
Inside the house, Garfield saw Stu ready to deliver the mail, which made him all the ready to pull off his little stunt.
He walked out of the pet door and started purring up to the young mailman.
"You know you're supposed to put up an act before your evil plan is set in motion..." Garfield looked at the viewer. "Even if it means to lose a bit of dignity."
"Awww..." Stu stroked Garfield's fur. "You must be Garfield. I can't believe people said those awful rumors about you. You're no demon, you're just a sweet little pussycat."
"We'll see about that." Garfield thought.
STEP TWO. START OFF WITH SOMETHING SIMPLE!
The very next day, Garfield saw Stu about to deliver the mail again. He was ready to pull off the next phase of his dastardly stunt.
Stu put the letters into the mail slot, but as soon as they got inside, Garfield put them back out. Stu noticed this and put the letters back into the slot, but Garfield threw them out again. Stu put them back in, but they just came back out. Stu put them back in again, but this time, used his hands to block the slot. However, the mail came out of the pet door instead, so Stu blocked it with his foot. When he put the mail back into the door, Garfield shot the mail out of the door window and into Stu's mouth.
"Phase two complete!" Garfield thought as he opened the door, took the mail from Stu's mouth, and slammed the door, which caused Stu to fall onto the concrete.
STEP THREE. START TO GET TRICKY!
The next day, Stu was more than determined to get past that pesky cat, so he put the mail in the slot really quick. He stopped to look at the slot to make sure nothing came out of it and to his relief, nothing did.
As soon as Stu went back to the truck, the letters started to walk right out of the pet door and right towards him.
He gasped in terror. "No! No! Get away from me! You can't do that! No! NOOOOOO!"
Stu ran back to the truck, stepped right on the gas pedal, and zoomed right down the street.
As soon as he was out of sight, Garfield came out of the house with some cheese for the mice who were controlling the letters.
"Here you go, guys." Garfield handed them some blocks of cheese. "Just as promised."
Squeak popped the cheese into his mouth. "Thanks Garfield, you know I wouldn't distrust a prize of cheese."
STEP FOUR. START TO PLAY DIRTY!
The next day, Stu started to try to give himself some weapons on trying to stop Garfield.
"This water gun should stop that frisky freak." He thought as he headed to the house.
As soon as Stu stepped on the doormat, Garfield pulled a lever he was hiding from behind the bushes and ejected Stu up into the air, and down the chimney.
Garfield went inside and saw Stu in the fireplace, all ashy and covered in soot.
"Awww, you look filthy, let me clean you up." Garfield grabbed Stu's water pistol and shot him with water.
STEP FIVE. CROSS THE LINE TWICE!
The very next day, Stu hid inside a bush to avoid any of Garfield's traps. Just as he was about to go onto the front doormat, Garfield was right there with some sort of red whistle.
"AAAHHH!" Stu jumped in shock. "No! NO! NO! NO!"
Garfield blew the whistle really hard, but nothing came out of it. In case you didn't guess, this was a special dog whistle, which was so loud that only dogs could hear it. Just then, some dogs surrounded Stu, looking all angry and snarling.
"AAAAHHHHH!" Stu shouted as the dogs pounced on him and started attacking him.
"Now this is something worth talking about." Garfield thought.
Stu ran back to the post office, his uniform all torn up and his eyes all crazy-looking. "Please! Get me off that route! Please! Send me to a toxic waste dump! Anywhere but that place!"
Letterman sighed. "This always happens..."
"Please..." Stu sobbed and pathetically begged.
Letterman picked up the phone to call Herman. "Hello Herman...yes I know but...please come back...$100 raise...okay $200...deal! Congrats, Stu you're off the route."
Stu started jumping for joy and dancing in the streets, relieved and joyous to be rid of Garfield forever. While he was doing that, Garfield observed him from afar.
"Well, looks like Herman is coming back." Garfield thought as he saw Stu dancing crazily. "Time to go home and have some food."
STEP SIX. REWARD YOURSELF HANDSOMELY!
Garfield went home, where he started eating his cat food happily. At that same time, Jon and Lyman were checking the mail.
"Gee, I wonder why the mail is all messed up?" Lyman wondered as he looked at his letters.
"That's what happens when you have to put up with Garfield." Jon deadpanned.
Author's Note:
Looks like no mailman can outsmart Garfield, especially a substitute mailman. However, Garfield will have to outsmart a much bigger fish later on. In the meantime though, let's get down to U.S Acres! I heard that Orson has some news for his friends. Stay tuned.