Title: Warm Her Soul (1/1)
Author: Trivher
Fandom: American Dreams
Genre: Angst
Rating: PG
Challenge: Baker Baker & New couple (from challengewhores on livejournal)
Disclaimer: I do not own the rights someone else does lucky bastard
Archive: Only with permission
"I guess you heard
He's gone to LA
He says behind my eyes I'm hiding
And he tells me I pushed him away
That my heart's been hard to find."
-Tori Amos Baker Baker.
Roxanne looked at her reflection in the mirror trying to find the person she once was. The girl that died years ago by situations out of her control. The apartment was empty and alone, a feeling she was used to. Lies, broken promises, abandonment, the battles fought around her were un countable in her world. Where are the promises of a world of wonder and power to do whatever I want? She asks herself while sitting on the closed toilet. Where is the one to ease my pain and tell me it's ok? The boyfriends, flings including ones she never told anyone about not even Meg, were higher than she cared to think about. She disliked really being the slut people called behind her back; she didn't want to fit into that stereotypical model. Roxanne wanted to be loved as for she was and not what the world thought and wanted her to be.
There was one, there had been one that she felt could generate her soul to sing better than anyone else. It wasn't Lenny despite what she said to the few that cared to listen. He was just another guy no more no less, though her a short while she attempted to create more. She couldn't have the one she seized for. He left the town, left the state without so much of a warning in advance. Roxanne knew that he hadn't meant to hurt her; he barely knew she was real and not another face in the crowd. Nonetheless the pain was still there the day Michael told her that he was heading to LA to make more of his life. More than she could ever dream of and never achieve.
Roxanne had been in the bathroom most of night, hoping the world would forget that she was real. Thinking of oppturnities and lost and wouldn't of worked out anyway. Of changes she could make to be happier and the dreams she reached for as a child to be held in her hands. But what about the string of disfortune that hung off her tripping her with every step she took? What if that dream was better played out in sleep where nothing could do you harm? What if Michael didn't want her?
Standing up the reflection was still there, the stranger that moved when she did stared forward. Roxanne knew that was all that was impossible. As she left the room to find someone to warm her soul if only for a few hours.