Hello, everyone!
This one-shot is based on the song Sweet Nothing, by Calvin Harris feat. Florence Welch. You will also find some lines of the lyrics in it.
I apologize in advance for grammar and spelling mistakes, because English is not my first English.
Anyway, I hope you enjoy it and reviews are welcome! :)
The characters belong to Cassandra Clare.
Magnus was standing next to the big window of his living room, preventing the bright light of the moon from illuminating part of the place: only the far corner got some of the grayish light. His cat-eyes were set somewhere on the horizon, but he wasn't particularly paying attention in anything. It was past midnight and even though he felt a bit tired, his mind was wide awake and the running thoughts would not allow him to sleep.
He didn't know how long he had been standing there in the dark, but he had no desire to move away. He had already got tired of sitting on the couch or walking around the living room; even Chairman got tired of whatever Magnus was up too and retired to wherever he was going to sleep that night. The warlock was so caught up in his thoughts that he didn't notice when the cat stopped rubbing itself around his owner legs to get his attention. He didn't notice the time passing by as well; still it felt like hours. Hours since everything was ready and he smiled proudly at his doing, but now it was all hidden in the darkness.
All the appointments of the day were canceled so the warlock could spend the afternoon preparing everything. He had shopped and cleaned and cooked and thought about his outfit and worried so much about the whole thing. It wasn't something that he would normally do, but he thought that the effort was worth it. He would be rewarded because of his hard-work, but things didn't go as well as he planned them to. Not because of himself. But maybe because of himself. He couldn't decide. He only sighed heavily and let out a frustrated groan.
Along frustration, anger and a bit of sadness were eating him up, but the last two had subsided a while ago. He also overcame the urge to cry and scream and swear at the word and right now he felt so stupid for let himself get so carried away. He was way too old and experienced to start feeling that way again, like a teenage girl and butterflies and heart beating fast and sweat hands and easy smile because of someone else. But he didn't see it coming. It hit him like a train and he stood still in place and well for a while, but now he collapsed on the floor and curled into a ball and hurt. He felt too much yet nothing.
He only woke up from his state of trance when the door was loudly opened and a content voice filled the room. He didn't need to turn around to see who was the speaker, because he knew that voice – the voice that could ignite his feelings and set his whole being on fire. But, much for his dismay, his feelings weren't the most happy and warm like it used to be.
"Magnus… Are you still awake?", the voice asked.
"Yes", Magnus answered and then silence.
"Are you okay?"
"Yes", he said, sounding emotionless, and it was all. He still didn't move, but knew very well that the tall figure – almost as tall as himself – of his beloved shadowhunter was approaching slowly, every hesitant step echoing in the dark room. Magnus wondered about how perceptive the other one could be at times, but at others, it was like he was blindfolded.
When the boy stood beside Magnus, the warlock had to fight the urge to touch his pale skin, kind of glowing because of the moonlight, and move his black hair from his bright blue eyes. The silence felt uncomfortable and the boy broke it. "I thought I would find you sleeping. What are you doing here in the dark?"
"I couldn't sleep", Magnus said and faced the blue-eyed boy, avoiding his question. "Where have you been, Alec?", he asked, sounding really curious.
"I was training with Jace", Alec said and tried to smile a little.
"I thought it was your night off", Magnus said.
"It was, but he wanted to try out a few moves and he asked me to help him", he replied. Alec was feeling uneasy around Magnus and he wasn't enjoying the feeling. Usually he was received with a warm greeting, mostly with a kiss, but this time nothing came. Not even a word. The warlock had his mouth closed in a firm line, not showing his usual smile, and his face was blank. "It took a few hours".
"I see", the older man nodded.
"And…", he started again in a try to fill up the silence that he knew that would come again. "And we went to Taki's after the training to meet up with Izzy, Clary and the mundane". Magnus nodded again and the shadowhunter went on. "Then I sneaked from the Institute to come here. I planned to do it all day, but not this late".
"I could have been asleep", Magnus said, monotone. His face didn't give anything away, nor the strong frustration did he feel inside.
"I know, but I wanted to see you", the boy smiled shyly and his cheeks turned into a light shade of red. Magnus wanted to kiss the redness away, but he stayed still.
"Did you?", he asked. "Really?"
"Of course", he said and bit his lower lip. "Magnus, are you really okay?", he asked and tried to reach the warlock's hand, but he man moved away. "Magnus…"
"No", he said and started walking to the other side of the room. "No, Alexander, I am not okay".
"What is going on?", the boy asked, worried. He started to walk toward the man, but he bumped into something on his way. "Ouch". He step back to contour whatever was that, but then the lights went on. He saw that he bumped into the coffee table. The coffee table was set up for dinner with nice porcelain and some candles and flowers. He looked around and noticed that the whole place was tied up and everything was beautiful and calm in a way that Alec would enjoy. When he faced the warlock, something clicked inside his head and he felt a pang on his chest. "Oh no… Magnus…".
The warlock smiled bitterly. "You forgot it. You forgot I invited you over for dinner tonight".
"I did. By the Angel, I can't believe I forgot this", Alec's face was twisted in sadness and frustration, but not as much as Magnus'. "You told me you would do everything, even cook… I am so sorry".
"I cooked. I cleaned… Especially for you", Magnus said. "I sent you a thousand messages, but yet you forgot".
"I didn't have my phone with me and…", he said. Alec wanted to approach Magnus and tell him how sorry he was, because it was meant to be a special night for them, and now it was ruined. "Let me make it up with you. Let's heat the food and eat…"
"No, Alec", Magnus closed his eyes for a moment. "You know, I am far too old to play games like this".
"What are you talking about?", Alec asked and desperation was taking him over. He felt that something was coming and it wouldn't be any good.
The warlock sighed before looking into Alec's eyes. It made his heart ache seeing sadness covering Alec's beautiful eyes, but he couldn't stand it anymore. He didn't want to hold it back anymore. "It is so hard to…", he started to say, but decided on changing his line a little bit. He also didn't feel like giving everything away. "… It's so hard to like you, Alec, and the Angel knows that I do, but…"
Alec moved a few steps toward the warlock, but he decided on approaching slowly to not make him move away. "I like you too".
"Do you?", Magnus asked and closed his eyes. He couldn't bear to look the other boy and not hug him and tell him about his feelings. "Really?"
"I do! Magnus, listen to me, I like you. I really do", the boy's voice was filled with fear and desperation. He gave up on his strategy and reached Magnus, holding tightly his arms.
The warlock opened his eyes and sighed again. "Oh, Alec, what are words? They are empty air"
"Magnus…", Alec pleaded. It felt like he was losing the man, even if he was right in front of him.
"I am tired of holping", Magnus said, allowing his frustration to take over him. "Holping that you will let your feelings for Jace go that you will stop to deny yourself and deny me… But I've got nothing to hold on to".
Blue eyes filled with tears met pained green-gold ones. "Magnus, please. I like you, believe me!"
"I did, Alec. I put my faith on something that I wasn't willing to feel again, but… But what have you given me?", the man asked.
"Magnus…", he tried to say, but Magnus didn't allow him to.
"You give me nothing! You don't care about me, about us…", Magnus said. He was forcing himself to get away from Alec, but it wasn't easy.
"I do care", the boy tried again.
"It's not enough", the man shook his head and freed himself from the boys grasp.
"Magnus, please…", the boy pleaded, his voice choking a little. He watched the warlock moving away toward the door, yet still facing him. He only now noticed how beautiful – more than even, if possible – Magnus was dressed up and it was everything for him. He had done a lot for him and, he had to admit, what had he done? What had he given back? The warlock was approaching the door and he would leave and Alec didn't want him to. Alec wanted to hug and kiss and show him how much he liked him.
"I'm living on sweet nothing", Magnus said. "Even though you are handsome and caring and strong and intelligent… It is really hard… It is really hard when you're giving me such sweet nothing". The warlock turned around, opened the door and left his own house, because he couldn't stand it anymore. He couldn't stand having Alec but not having at the same time. He couldn't stand loving the boy when he wasn't sure if the boy felt something for him too.
He climbed the stairs down, but then, when he was about to reach the streets, he heard steps behind him and took a moment to think about what do. He couldn't be sure about the blue-eyed boy's feelings, but he was sure of his own and, even if it caused him some pain, of what he really wanted: He didn't want sweet nothing. He wanted sweet Alec on his arms.
Let me know what you think! Thank you! :)