Summary: Jack creates an IMS service for the TARDIS so that they can have another way of contacting the Doctor when there's trouble... And also because he likes to chat!

Characters/Pairings: The Doctor, Jack... allusions to Jack/Ianto.

Rating: PG (?)

A/N: I had the idea for this right after reading a bunch of Torchwood IMS fics on LJ, and then watching "The Stolen Earth". It finally hit me that Jack, Sarah Jane and the other characters wouldn't have to go through all that trouble to contact the Doctor if the guy just had an e-mail! Or an IM service of some kind. After all, he does have a computer... or maybe it's just a computer screen... but he does have a keyboard pad in there, so it would be just a matter of creating an account for the guy. And that's pretty much how this story was born.

This is un-beta'd (which is not a very good idea, considering English is not my first language and I'm sure this must be full of grammar errors), un-finished and un-anything. I just wrote it for a friend and for the fun of it. But I do hope you'll enjoy it.

Spoilers Through: This is supposed to be set after "Journey's End", right before "The Other Doctor".

Also, this is post-season 2, pre-"Children of Earth" for Torchwood.

.

11:30 AM.

JACK is now online.

.

12:07 PM.

TARDIS is now online.

TARDIS has joined the conversation.

.

JACK: HAHA! Took you long enough.

TARDIS: What????

JACK: It is you, Doc, isn't it?

TARDIS: I... What... JACK?! Captain Jack Harkness, is that you?!

JACK: Of course it's me! Do you know any other Jacks?

TARDIS: Well, I'm 900 years old, I've travelled all over the Earth, the Universe and beyond, and do you have any idea how common that name is?

JACK: Good point. Hold on.

.

JACK has changed their display name.

.

'THE' JACK: Better now?

TARDIS: Modest as always.

'THE' JACK: It's one of my defining qualities. =)

TARDIS: Yeah. Sure.
TARDIS: So what is this, then? One moment I got this weird signal up on the console, next thing I know this messenger window pops up on the screen! What's this all about?

'THE' JACK: That was me.

TARDIS: Yeah, I figured as much. How are you doing this? Did you change something on the TARDIS systems?

'THE' JACK: Naaaaaaaaaaaw! I'd never do that.

TARDIS: Jack…

'THE' JACK: ALRIGHT, ALRIGHT, I DID! STOP LOOKING AT ME LIKE THAT! Geez… How do you do that? I can't see you and yet I can feel your eyes piercing right through me. Is it a Time Lord thing?

TARDIS: Jack!!! How many times have I told you, you can't mess about with the TARDIS computers! Do you have ANY idea what you could have done????

'THE' JACK: Installed a webcam?

TARDIS: JACK!!!

'THE' JACK: I'm just kidding! Of course I know it, I'm not an idiot!

TARDIS: Oh, really?

'THE' JACK: Oi!

TARDIS: The TARDIS holds the knowledge of centuries of history from planets, galaxies, universes, parallel universes… billions of different races and societies… The whole of time and space, all inside these computers.

'THE' JACK: Oh, please. It's not even a Mac.

TARDIS: Wha... WE'RE BEYOND THAT!

'THE' JACK: AGAIN, just kidding! But if you'll let me explain myself here, I think you might just appreciate what I've done for you.

TARDIS: Oh yes?

'THE' JACK: Yeah! You see, the only way I have of contacting you is using that phone Martha gave you, right? It's the only way any of us can talk to you, right?

TARDIS: I suppose so, yes.

'THE' JACK: Do you remember the last time I tried calling you? The last time any of us tried calling you? With Davros and the Daleks and the Earth being stolen... End of the universe, that sort of stuff?

TARDIS: How could I forget?

'THE' JACK: Right, so we couldn't get through to you because the Daleks were blocking the signal, BUT when we used the Hub to boost the signal using the power of the Rift, it went through, right?

TARDIS: Well… I remember Sarah Jane and Mr Smith helped you a bit there, didn't they?

'THE' JACK: Uh, not exactly. Turns out all cell phones on the planet calling the same number at the same time got us nothing more than a worldwide jammed line.

TARDIS: Oh.

'THE' JACK: But the Hub got through to you! And then you followed our signal.

TARDIS: I did, yes. And I still don't understand what that's got to do with anything.

'THE' JACK: My point is sometimes calling your cell phone might not work. We need another way of reaching you if that one option is discarted.

TARDIS: And how will an instant messenger service work any better than a telephone network?

'THE' JACK: It's not just any instant messenger service, it's THE HUB's instant messenger service. We have access to any satellite on Earth, all we have to do is... borrow them. Actually, we don't even use them more than a usual network does, we just need them to set up a location and we use the power of the Rift to send the signal to your TARDIS.

TARDIS: Very good...

'THE' JACK: However, our satellites can't set up a location through time no matter how much they try, but your TARDIS can, so last time we met, I took the liberty to use a tiny bit of your harddrive to create a permanent link with the Hub through time as well as space, so we can contact you no matter where or when you are.

TARDIS: Wow! Impressive.

'THE' JACK: Thanks, I get that a lot. =)

TARDIS: This is beyond anything you've ever done before.

'THE' JACK: Aw, stop it, I'm blushing.

TARDIS: No, honesly, you could never have thought of it on your own. Whose idea was it?

'THE' JACK: Oh, alright, spoilsport! It was Ianto, using a software Tosh created from a project she was working on.

TARDIS: Clever!

'THE' JACK: Yeah, she was.

TARDIS: Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't know.

'THE' JACK: It's alright.

TARDIS: So... what do you want me for?

'THE' JACK: Excuse me?!

TARDIS: You called me up on this Torchwood-Tardis network thing. Is there something wrong?

'THE' JACK: Oh, right. Sorry, my mind went somewhere else.

TARDIS: JACK!!!

'THE' JACK: WHAT? It's your fault! You know me, you should choose your words more carefully next time!

TARDIS: Just answer the question, will you?

'THE' JACK: Nothing! There's nothing wrong.

TARDIS: Why did you call me, then?

'THE' JACK: Oh... you know... After everything we went through... And you never ever call... I thought I'd just... check up on you. See how you're doing.

TARDIS: A chat? Is that it? You just wanted to chat?

'THE' JACK: Yeah, pretty much.

TARDIS: I see.
TARDIS: This is what this networking is all about, isn't it? It's got nothing to do with finding a way for you to reach me when there's trouble, is it?

'THE' JACK: Well... not completely...

TARDIS: So your friends went through all that trouble, they set up this brilliant and truly complex network on their own, just so that you could have a way of chatting with me?!

'THE' JACK: Well of course not! I didn't tell them what I was gonna do with it, that would have been stupid.

TARDIS: Do I even need to tell you anything, Jack?

'THE' JACK: Oh come on, Doc! It's not like I'm creating a time paradox, altering timelines, destroying parallel universes or anything, I just wanted to talk to a friend! Is that so wrong?

TARDIS: You're wasting my time, that's what you're doing! Time that I could be spending visiting different worlds, saving galaxies.

'THE' JACK: OH! Now who's the 'modest' one?

TARDIS: Alright, point taken.

'THE' JACK: Ok, so maybe there are things out there that are more important than me, maybe this is bellow all the heroics you get to do in your daily schedule, but you know what? I think you need this as much as I do.

TARDIS: I beg your pardon?!

'THE' JACK: Don't think I haven't seen you, Doc. I know how lonely you must feel now that Donna's gone. Well, now that everyone's gone! You're left traveling on your own. No one to talk to, no one to listen to.

TARDIS: And that's how it must be.

'THE' JACK: Oh, don't give me that "last of the Time Lords" crap! I know you're hurting. You miss having someone to talk to, you miss doing anything that isn't epic in any way, you miss just wasting your time.
'THE' JACK: I'll tell you what, Doc. I've been giving it some thought and I think you should just suck it up and face it: whether you like it or not, I'm the only one that will always be there for you. At the end of the world, when all civilizations are gone, I'll still be there. With you. And there's nothing you can do about it.

TARDIS: Well, you do have a point there. No matter what I do, I just can't seem to get rid of you.

'THE' JACK: Oh, please! Like you've been trying.

TARDIS: I have! Sattelite Five. The Daleks shot you, you died, Rose brought you back. We left you behind, on your own, in the future!

'THE' JACK: Ok, so maybe you tried once.

TARDIS: The end of the Universe! The TARDIS went all the way there just to shake you off!

'THE' JACK: OK, twice, then! But you haven't done anything since then.

TARDIS: We've only seen each other once since then!

'THE' JACK: And you didn't do anything to keep me away.

TARDIS: Well, I didn't let you stay with me either!

'THE' JACK: FINE! You win! If you want me to turn off the network, I'll do it.

TARDIS: No.

'THE' JACK: What?

TARDIS: No, you're right. I guess I could use someone to talk to.

'THE' JACK: Seriously?

TARDIS: Yeah. Why not?

'THE' JACK: Oh, ok. Great!

TARDIS: Besides, it's a good way for me to keep track of all the mess that you're doing with the Rift.

'THE' JACK: Hey! We're protecting people here! Not everyone can afford to spend their lives sightseeing across the universe, some of us have REAL work to do.

TARDIS: Of course, real work. Like the one you're doing right now?

'THE' JACK: Lunch break!

TARDIS: Right.

'THE' JACK: Fine, you're right, I should go back to work. Ianto is probably wondering how a report on weevils stuck in toilet seats is taking more than four hours to get finished anyway.

TARDIS: Sounds lovely.

'THE' JACK: But to be honest, two of those four hours were entirely his fault!

TARDIS: I... really don't want to know.

'THE' JACK: It's not my fault he looks so good with that UNIT cap Martha gave him!

TARDIS: Jack, I really, REALLY don't want to know!

'THE' JACK: He knows the effect that thing has on me and he still decided to wear it today!

TARDIS: I'M LEAVING NOW!!!

'THE' JACK: Hahahaha Relax, Doc! I was just kidding again.

TARDIS: No, you weren't!
TARDIS: Seriously, though, I really have to go now. I just picked up a signal. Earth, 1851, Christmas Eve, something's not right there. Oh, why is it always at Christmas?
TARDIS: Anyway, I should go and have a look.

'THE' JACK: Need any assistance?

TARDIS: Nah, got it covered. It's Christmas! What could possibly go wrong?
TARDIS: Don't answer that question!

'THE' JACK: Hahaha bye, Doctor.

TARDIS: Bye, Captain.
TARDIS: OH and Jack?

'THE' JACK: Yes?

TARDIS: Thanks. For the chat.

'THE' JACK: Any time. =)

.

TARDIS is now offline.

'THE' JACK is now offline.

.

Aaaand that's it!

What did you think? I hope it wasn't too bad and that I didn't go too OOC with the characters. Please, let me know if I did. =)

Please review!