FROM THE DIARY OF A NEW WOMAN
It seems almost sacrilegious that I start writing again. A new computer, a new life? After ruling out therapists and psychoanalysts, I've come to the decision, and believe you me, it's been a very trying decision, that telling yourself it's okay is much more appealing to your sanity.
For a self reminder, I'd like to recall that the only reason I do not bother typing my old journal entries from my crashed computer (Goddamn you Gates) even though I kept them on disks (Goddamn me) is that I am no longer that lost girl. I still remember them vividly. The moments that stung the most, the moments that made me stronger. I remember being kidnapped by a one armed brute that I was sure was the devil himself, I remember being shot by my traitorous ex, and of being expelled of my internship at the bureau. I remember being seduced into tests by a cigarette smoking man, of being impregnated with a hybrid child, and of losing it and my sanity. I remember the power. The power to move things. The power to scare. The power of loss.
I remember it all, but the most vivid memories were those that happened after I ran away. Ran from my adoptive parents and the lies, from the danger and deceit. When I ran away from Yelena Krycek and Cassidy Adamson and became someone new.
I remember.
I remember falling in love. What it felt like to know you could lose more than your sanity and your heart and mind. What it felt like to know that you could lose you soul.
My name is Cassidy. It is also Yelena. But I am much more things than just names.
I can tell you what a happy life I live now. Or maybe that it's all a lie. I could, but I won't. I just want to remember.
I want to remember the time where I woke up. The time where I died.
The time where I resurrected.
For now,
C. K.
It seems almost sacrilegious that I start writing again. A new computer, a new life? After ruling out therapists and psychoanalysts, I've come to the decision, and believe you me, it's been a very trying decision, that telling yourself it's okay is much more appealing to your sanity.
For a self reminder, I'd like to recall that the only reason I do not bother typing my old journal entries from my crashed computer (Goddamn you Gates) even though I kept them on disks (Goddamn me) is that I am no longer that lost girl. I still remember them vividly. The moments that stung the most, the moments that made me stronger. I remember being kidnapped by a one armed brute that I was sure was the devil himself, I remember being shot by my traitorous ex, and of being expelled of my internship at the bureau. I remember being seduced into tests by a cigarette smoking man, of being impregnated with a hybrid child, and of losing it and my sanity. I remember the power. The power to move things. The power to scare. The power of loss.
I remember it all, but the most vivid memories were those that happened after I ran away. Ran from my adoptive parents and the lies, from the danger and deceit. When I ran away from Yelena Krycek and Cassidy Adamson and became someone new.
I remember.
I remember falling in love. What it felt like to know you could lose more than your sanity and your heart and mind. What it felt like to know that you could lose you soul.
My name is Cassidy. It is also Yelena. But I am much more things than just names.
I can tell you what a happy life I live now. Or maybe that it's all a lie. I could, but I won't. I just want to remember.
I want to remember the time where I woke up. The time where I died.
The time where I resurrected.
For now,
C. K.