A/N And now I feel like a failure, abandoning writing for so long. But I'm here again with few almost finished projects. I haven't been up to date with stories in Code Geass category since June, so if any of my ideas were used since then... well, it just plain sucks. I started most of them a year ago, but never had the time to finish up. Hopefully it won't happen again.

The original note:

A collection of short stories with only one purpose - torturing our beloved vic-ehem-villain, Lelouch vi Britannia. Beware of sad attempt at crack.

Welcome to Nightmares of Lelouch vi Britannia. As mentioned in the summary, this is a collection of short, crackish stories - some of them are AU, some are EG-verse-wise - but mostly they are set in canon universe. A Crack Dump, as I call it. As for the pairing, one word, my dear readers. HAREM. And I mean it. (Ah, I always wanted to do a Lulu-harem story.)

Please leave me a review once you're done reading. Suggestions are nice too, although I already have over 50 prompts in my notepad... poor Lulu indeed *grins evilly*.

~First Memory~

~ It Happened On A Beautiful Summer Night ~

It was the surprise and curiosity in Nunnally's sweet voice that caught Lelouch's attention on one summer evening. They were the only ones in the shrine's annex at that very moment, and being children without anything better to do, they simply started looking through the items stored in their little living space. That, being Lelouch narrating everything he saw down to the smallest details to his beloved sister, who sat in her wheelchair not far from him, listening to his every word.

Or so he thought.

The exiled prince stopped in mid-sentence and turned his head towards Nunnally, noticing at once that her attention had indeed strayed, and she picked up something herself for a change. He could tell just by looking at her, that she was confused about the nature of her discovery.

"Big Brother? Can you tell me what is this?" she spoke softly, a little unsure "It seems to be made... of straw, but..."

Never the one to say no to her, the older of the vi Britannia siblings took the item and studied it carefully.

"It looks like a doll to me, Nunnally." he replied kindly upon returning said item.

"A straw doll? Here?" the girl repeated, still a little confused, tracing her fingertips over the harsh surface.

"It would seem so."

The room became silent for a while, both of them engrossed in their own thoughts (with Lelouch beating himself mentally for being an useless older brother yet again, and Nunnally trying to figure out the mystery of the straw doll), but it was broken soon enough by a brown haired child who entered (though 'barged into' would be much better description) their little 'home' with no forewarning what so ever.

"Ah, Suzaku should know, ask him, Nunnally." Lelouch advised (with no small amount of relief to his poor self), a small smile making its way on his lips unconsciously, as the brunet came towards them.

"Suzaku-san, maybe you could tell me what is this?" Nunnally spoke, eager and happy too, turning to face the newcomer.

But as soon as their friend's gaze made contact with the item in question, his eyes turned wide and an expression of shock overcame his previously carefree one.

"Don't touch that, Nunnally!" he shouted and ran up to snatch the doll from the small princess's hands.

This action of course only caused to further confuse the other two.

"Why? What is this?" Lelouch asked, looking at the other boy with rising suspicion in his eyes (not to mention the heated glare send towards the offending object, as if ready to tear it apart, was it proved to be a threat to his sister's wellbeing).

"You just shouldn't touch things like that! They're dangerous!"

"Dangerous? How come a little doll can be dangerous?"

"It's not just a doll! It's a straw doll!"

"A straw doll. Oh yes. Very scary."

"Ah! You don't understand..." the brunet sighed in agitation "It's used to curse people and the bad energy can cross over to you, that's why you shouldn't touch it."

"Curse? You mean like magic or something equally idiotic like that?" the prince's tone was full of doubt at the mention of anything remotely paranormal.

"Yeah, you just need to... aghrr, there is no way I'm going to tell you that!"

"Why not? It's not like it's possible to curse someone anyways. Or is it...?"

"Well... some people seem to believe so. But why is this thing in here anyways...?" a small frown appeared on Suzaku's face as he continued to look at the doll in obvious disgust.

"Don't ask me, it's your home." came Lelouch's irritated reply "So, how does this thing work?"

"Why are you so curious anyways? Do you want to curse someone?" this was the brunet's turn to be suspicious.

"And what if I did?"

"Aww." Suzaku shook his head in disbelief "Are you serious?"

"Of course I am, just spill it already!"

But much to the prince's agitation, the brunet remained silent, looking at him in a strange way, then eventually turned his gaze to Nunnally (who sat calmly in her wheelchair, listening to their conversation with rapid interest the whole time). Fed up with his idiotic friend, Lelouch scoffed and leaned forward, covering Nunnally's ears with his own hands (not forgetting to say "I'm sorry, Nunnally" to her beforehand and sending yet another death glare, this time aimed at his friend, who now looked just a tad too smug for his liking - probably because for once he knew more than the genius prince).

"B-big brother!" Nunnally protested weakly and pouted, but Lelouch ignored it for her own good. Protecting his sister's chaste and innocent mind came with top priority for him.

(Even if he had to face her pouting, sad expression, which always proved to be a great challenge to his resolve.

His. Sister. Was. Just. Too. Cute. For. Her. Own. Good.

Or his.)

"Su-za-ku." he spat through his teeth at the still grinning idiot in front of them.

"Hm? What was that, your highness?" he teased, making a 180 turn in his behavior, which wasn't that uncommon occurrence with him "You're no fun." he whined when Lelouch's glare didn't disappear or at least falter a little, though he himself didn't stop grinning even for a second "Well, first off, the doll isn't the only thing you need. There should be also set of nails somewhere..."

"Nails? What for?"

"Yeah, nails, you need to dig them into the doll - it's supposed to represent the person you want to curse - and when you do so..." Suzaku paused, making a dramatic gesture, pointing his hand at his heart.

(Looks like a case of bad influence, does it not?)

"Ah, I think I understand. Interesting. Very much so." the last word was almost inaudible as the gears in prince's mind started to work at 120 percent efficiency "Anything else I should know?"

"I think you shouldn't know even that much, but yes, there is one thing. Yo... the ritual is supposed to take place at the hour of ox, that's 2am for you, the doll needs to be nailed to the praying cedar."

"And what's that now?"

"Ugh, that's the tree where women pray for the happiness in their love life, I think? But it's supposed to be Jisshu Shrine, so you won't be able to find one here."

"You know, Suzaku, you seem to know awfully much about this whole thing. Did you try it yourself?" young prince couldn't help the teasing tone from his voice as he pondered upon his new learned knowledge "Would explain some things, like why is this thing in here for example~"

"Ha? ME? Of course not!" his friend protested vividly, narrowing his eyes "This is common knowledge!"

"Is it now?" Lelouch smirked, smug and proud of his new formed plan like never before.

"Yes it is! Stop being so- so-"

"Smart?"

"Aghrr! You're an asshole!"

"At least I'm not an imbecile!"

"You!"

"Big brother, Suzaku-san, please stop fighting!"

"I'm sorry, Nunnally!" Lelouch quickly removed his hands from his sister's ears, glaring at his friend who returned the sentiment.

"But I can't help it! Every time he opens his mouth I get this sudden urge to strangle him!"

"Exactly how I feel!"

"Haha, I want to see you try! Lulu~"

"Oi! Stop don't call me that, you-!" he stopped himself hearing his sister laugh softly "Nunnally?"

"Don't you remember, big brother? That's how big sister Euphie used to call you." she said with a bright smile "She would always come to play with us. She loved to dress you up!"

"Nunnally!" the raven head protested, but the damage was already made. Looking at his friend's face only confirmed his fear.

"Dress up, Nana-chan?" the brunette queried, smiling triumphantly at him, knowing that Lelouch wouldn't do anything to stop his sister from talking.

"Yes! Big Brother looked so lovely in a dress!"

Their shared laughter accompanied him as he fled, his face burning.

There was on way Suzaku was going to let him live after this...

...and thus upon one beautiful summer night, a strange and dark ritual took place...

A young boy of age ten, eyes narrowed in determination, gripping tightly a doll made of straw (which, suspiciously enough, had a very big head with even bigger white 'wig' made of some unknown substance placed on it) in hand, strode through the Kururugi land looking for a suitable tree to commit his evil deed...

...and upon the hour of ox, an echo of a mad laughter could be heard, even far, far away from the Shrine, chilling the ones hearing it to the bone...

...though the laugh itself wasn't very practiced, as the young lad didn't had enough time to do so, thus resulting in some respiratory problems...

...it would take a few more years for him to perfect it, but until then he would have to settle with a devil's smile while nailing the doll Emperor's guts to a tree.

~the end~