Sooo, first non-slash fanfic, yeii :D Also my very first multi-chaptered thing, so please be nice :) I actually kinda like this one, because come on, we all love Logan angst ;) It also was very easy to write so far, it's just been coming to me and I was like writing and writing and writing. Let's just hope that it stays that way... So now enjoy and tell me what you think afterwards! :) Greetz

When Worlds Crumble

Ch. 1 – There's only so much I can take

Logan was so fed up with it.

Everything he was and everything he would ever be, it just downright sucked. He wasn't like his friends, all shiny and brave and contagiously happy. He wasn't strong or tough or talented. No, he was just Logan. Scrawny, nerdy, insignificant little Logan. And he had been totally okay with that while he and his friends had lived in Minnesota. Back then he had at least the feeling that the boys cared about him though he was like this. They used to stand up for him when he was bullied (which happened more often than not) and spent their afternoons with him. But now in LA they had changed, although they all had made a promise that fame wouldn't affect their friendship in any way. They left him behind for unknown reasons or just turned him down when he spoke. All of the friendship they had built up over years was slowly falling apart under his hands and he just didn't understand why. There were times Logan wondered if his so called friends even noticed him or what he did anymore. For example when he made breakfast for everyone when they were late. Or when he did the dishes all by himself even though it was Kendall's turn. Or the countless times he did all of their school work. Back at home they would've patted him on his back or at least said a small „Thank you" for his kindness. Why not now? It just didn't make sense to him.

Whatever it was that made his friends act like they did, he loathed it. And consequently this meant he loathed himself. No, let's be honest, he hated himself. He hated that he was smart, because everyone teased him about it, hated that he was weak and hated that he was small. But what he hated the most was that he was literally addicted to his friends. Like no matter how hard he tried to get away and move on he would always end up sticking to them without a chance of changing that. And oh yes, he had tried more than a few times to do so. But it never worked. It wouldn't ever work. He was just too weak.

Logan was nothing without his friends and he knew it. This was one of the reasons why all of the ignoring-him-stuff affected him so much. He thought that maybe, just maybe, fate didn't hate him and let all of this happen for a reason. Maybe as a chance for him to man up and try to go on without them. After all he really couldn't blame them for not wanting to have him as a burden in their lives anymore. Who would, honestly? So Logan had decided to just let them keep their distance. He would deal with the pain as always, maybe that was his very own destiny. He must've been a really bad person in his previous life, because karma was a bitch.

The day he made that decision was the day when Wayne-Wayne had come to the Palm Woods and all of his friends said that he'd be the one kicked out of the band. The worst about this situation was that they didn't even realize how much they hurt him with this statement. It showed him clearly that he was the least important member of the band. Sure, he had known it before and it had even been said out loud, for example by Gustavo, but hearing it from his friends was twice as painful. Despite never hearing an apology he forgave his friends quickly though.

The second incident was the day he spent all night on doing their projects so they could sing at the Rocktober festival. When his friends had finally shown up they only looked once at their finished homework before heading to bed without a word to Logan, leaving him wondering what he had done wrong.

The third time was worst. He had been sick and lay in bed all day vomiting and coughing his guts out. He didn't dare saying a word about how he felt, because he didn't want to bother anyone. His friends were down at the pool and left him in his misery, not even noticing that he wasn't with them. When they were going to sleep that night Kendall complained about how loud Logan's heavy breathing was and said he couldn't sleep like this, so he moved to Carlos' and James' room for three nights. No one bothered asking him if he was alright or how he felt, so when his illness just seemed to increase and the pain in his lungs became unbearable he went to the hospital all by himself. The doctor diagnosed a pretty bad bronchitis and wrote a note about it to Mrs Knight so she could buy him the right medication. Logan tore the paper to pieces the minute he was out of the hospital. Nobody should ever feel forced to take care of him. He was the future doctor after all, he was the one to nurse the others, not the other way round. His recovery was tiring and lasted long. To Logan it was almost like a miracle that nobody noticed anything, he even remembered breaking into coughing fits in front of everyone. But after all he was glad it went like this, there really was no need to bother anyone with his little boo-boos. When he was finally able to come to rehearsal again all he got was a mumbled "About time" from Kendall and yelling from Gustavo at how dare he skip training when there was a concert in five days. Logan had cried himself to sleep that night.

And today was just another normal day at the Palm Woods. He was laying at the pool, book in hand and sunglasses on his nose so no one saw the purple shadows under his eyes. He hadn't gotten any sleep lately, not that anyone knew, and he was way too stubborn to go to a doctor and let somebody take care of it. He didn't want to put anybody out because of something so meaningless like insomnia. So he just sat there, tired but not able to actually sleep and tried to get through the day. Kendall was on the opposite side of the pool, having a date with Jo while James and Carlos splashed in the water. Logan smiled slightly. Beside them being complete jerks towards him he still loved to watch them this happy. He knew he shouldn't think like that, but it was better than just sulking around because they didn't like him. Right?

Logan sighed and buried his nose back in his book, closing his eyes behind the glasses. The sun was way too hot today for him to stay outside that long, so he decided to head back to 2J to cool off a bit. He rose from his seat and strolled along the side of the pool towards the main building, when something hit his leg. Hard. So hard that he lost balance and landed face first on the ground. His glasses broke and a shard sliced his right cheek, leaving a deep wound all over his face. The pain came so sudden that he couldn't help his sharp cry and the tears forming in his eyes. Behind him he could hear the laughter of his best friends, who weren't aware of him hurting himself. They grabbed his legs and despite all his struggling pulled him into the water. When James grabbed hold of his head and dunked him, Logan couldn't help but scream at the sharp pain as his open flesh made contact with the water. Nobody heard him sobbing under the water when he couldn't hold back his tears of pain anymore. Due to his crying the remaining air in his lungs left him way too soon. He tried to escape James' hold, but the other's grip was vice like and didn't move an inch. Weak, he thought bitterly. I'm always too weak.

Eventually his body went limp from the lack of oxygen and James seemed to notice it for he pulled him back up over the surface. Logan gasped for air, covering the cut on his cheek with one hand quickly so nobody would worry about him (not that anybody would anyway) and made his way out of the pool before Carlos or James could react. They tried to grab him again, but he crawled out of their reach before standing up, gathering the shards of his broken sunglasses and hurrying away.

"Aww, come on, don't be a little bitch, Logie", Carlos teased slyly, which earned him a chuckle of James.

"Yeah, come back in here. If you dare", he added in a mocking tone. "Or is little Logie scared of getting wet?"

Logan lowered his eyes. Nobody ever saw the look of pure hurt on his face. He felt sadness rise inside of him but simply kept walking, afraid of what he might say. After all, he didn't want to upset his friends. He didn't have anyone else and he couldn't mess up the only thing he had left in his life.

So he acted normal, just took all the teasing insults pointed at him and walked briskly into the lobby. He flinched slightly, but didn't stop when Bitters called him stupid for getting his floor all wet.

When he finally reached 2J he practically ran inside and slammed the door shut. He slid down the closest wall and for once allowed himself to let the tears fall, finally breaking down under the pressure of being left alone. Every little drop of water cascading down his cheeks felt like it weighed a ton. Every sob escaping his dry lips was like a knife stabbing his heart. He cried alone for what felt like hours until his throat was sore and he could only whimper.

Eventually everything fell silent. Logan felt empty, like all of his emotions had been washed away with his tears. Unfortunately the pain was still there, throbbing inside his heart and his head. He shivered and hugged his knees tightly to his chest. He didn't want to be alone anymore. He never was a loner, he needed comfort and friendship and... warmth. Why couldn't anyone see? Why wouldn't anyone love him?

Because you are disgusting, an evil voice in his head said. Just look at you. You're fucked up. Who would want a friend like you?

Logan clutched his head and shook it rapidly, but his mind didn't stop repeating the one word he hated the most because it was so true over and over again.

Worthless, worthless, worthless, worth-

"AAAAH!" A scream cut through the silence of the apartment, scaring Logan to death before he realized that it was his own voice making this blood-curdling sound. But it seemed to help. The whispering in his mind ebbed away and he could finally open his eyes again. Eventually his lungs gave out and the echo of his scream slowly faded away in his ears. He slumped down, no energy left in his sore body, listening to his own ragged breath and his thumping heart.

"Who?", he whispered to himself, looking around as if he wanted to find the guilty person. "Who made you this?"

Logan didn't want to believe it, but deep down inside he knew that it wasn't his own, but his friends' fault.

To Be Continued...