Sam crept into the back of the church quietly, making sure the emergency exit door she had managed to break into didn't squeal or groan as she closed it. Smirking devilishly at what was about to happen Sam scanned the room looking for Carly and Melanie. Luckily she saw Carly first, whose face lit up when she saw the blonde dressed in her black "ninja clothes". As quietly as she could in heels Carly scurried over to where Sam was and hugged her tightly.
"How's the wedding going? Are you sure Frednubs doesn't want to go through with it?" Sam asked in a hushed tone, keeping her eyes peeled for her twin while she talked to Carly.
"Yes for sure! He's been acting weird and depressed for days, but won't admit he's not really in love with Melanie!" Carly's voice rose a little with panic as she rambled and Sam shushed her before she started to wonder about what exactly she should do.
The love of her life, King of the Dorks, was about to marry her nasty twin sister Melanie. Carly had frantically called Sam after Melanie asked her to be a bridesmaid, and for Sam to be her maid of honor. Ever since then, Sam had been scheming so she could take back what was rightfully hers. Originally her and Freddie had been dating, but after on of their many fights, one particularly violent, Freddie said their relationship was so dysfunctional it would never work in the long run. So he went after the next best thing: her sister.
For months Sam hadn't spoken to either of them, but only a week before Freddie proposed to Melanie Carly convinced her to forgive them both and ever since then Sam had managed not to punch them both when they came in a room. After all, as Spencer had pointed out, it wasn't like Freddie and Melanie would last. Everyone knew Sam and Freddie were meant to be together and Freddie couldn't stay away for long.
But Spencer was wrong. Sam felt like her whole world came crashing down when Carly delivered the heart breaking news, and spent an entire week doing nothing but throwing things, breaking stuff and eating fat cakes. After stumbling upon a picture of her and Freddie from over a year ago Sam decided Spencer was right after all; Freddie did belong with her, she just needed to remind him.
On one night, just three weeks before this big day Sam had come over to Freddie's apartment to try to talk some sense into him and/or beat the living chiz out of him. Instead Melanie walked in on her Freddie seconds away from kissing and threw a huge hissy fit that ending with her throwing a chair at Sam's head. She also uninvited Sam to the wedding and make Freddie beg for her forgiveness for five straight hours. After forgiving him Melanie choose to make Carly her new maid of honor and asked Spencer to walk her down the aisle, where at the end she would marry Freddie. Despite the fact that Sam gave both Shays her blessing she still felt like her ideal wedding had been ripped from her fingers and taken hostage by an evil witch.
"Come on Sam you know Freddie loves you! And you're the only one he'll listen to, the only one who can stop this, and the only one who can remind him how much you mean to him! Plus your sister is in a dress shaped like a pastry, and she made Spencer cry today! This whole thing is so wrong and only you and your ninja powers can stop it!" Carly's near hysterical rant brought Sam out of her imaginings and back to the real world.
A determined look spread across Sam's face, "You're right Carls, I gotta do this."
"Yay!" Carly squealed and hugged her best friend tight for the second time that day. This time though, she couldn't help but notice how her friend was shaking like a leaf.
A piano version of the song "My Heart Will Go On" played softly while friends and family of Melanie Puckett and Freddie Benson drifted into the church. Everyone was in their finest, classiest clothes, even the usually disastrous Puckett clan. Shades of red, purple, green, pink and blue blurred together as the happy crowd mingled and found seats. If any of these guests were to look closely at the impressive columns lining the walls they would have noticed a blonde girl, identical to the bride, swiftly moving behind them until she reached the front of the church, near the doors. Fortunately none of them did, and soon enough everyone had taken their seats and was waiting for the bride to make her big appearance.
To bide their time until the ceremony started the group gossiped like old ladies, dishing about how a friend of the family was walking Melanie down the aisle because she had no dad, how her sister had been caught nearly kissing her fiancée Freddie, and how the bridesmaid Carly had been on edge and extremely nervous all day.
Then suddenly the organ started to play a song sounding faintly like a death march and everyone turned to see the first people entered. Two little flower girls, holding hands with the ring bearer made their appearance first, causing the entire crowd to awe and snap blinding pictures. Following them were the bridesmaids and groomsmen, then the maid of honor, Nervous Carly herself, linking arms with one of Freddie's friends from college. Closely behind them followed Freddie, who was pale as milk and shaking a little. Quiet whispers spread throughout the church about Freddie's appearance as the wedding party arranged themselves at the back of the church.
Abruptly the organ player began a song even slower and more depressing than the previous. In almost perfect sync the church rose and turned to see Melanie float down the aisle like a gorgeous pageant queen winning first prize. From the shadows her twin glared at her and imagined a million different ways to trip her sister as she walked by. She did none of them though, because she had bigger things planned.
The wedding droned on, as the seemingly endless talking continued, most people grew bored. The hidden Puckett girl noticed them and smiled wickedly, thinking about how soon enough they'd be entertained.
The minister's voice could barely be heard as he quietly said If anyone objects to the union of this man and woman please speak now or forever hold your peace.
This is when Sam stepped out of the shadows, dressed entirely in a black ninja costume. Every single person stared at her as she bravely walked halfway down the aisle, then stopped. Most of the Benson's watched in horror, but the Puckett's smiled knowingly and settled back in their seat for a good show.
"Don't say yes Freddnubs!"
This was supposed to be Freddie Benson's big day. The day where he marries the perfect girl, step 4 of his perfect plan for a perfect life.
Looking at Melanie as the pastor rambled on about the stuff no one actually listens to at weddings Freddie tried to fight down disappointment, and also tried to calm down a little. Melanie winked at him and mouthed I love you sweetie! Wasn't he supposed to feel something amazing? Shouldn't have butterflies, and feel like he was glowing?
Today was later going to be considered the best day of his life, but instead of actually getting married Freddie just felt like running out of the church to go find another blonde haired Puckett, one who made him feel butterflies, but also drove him absolutely insane. He knew their relationship would never work. It was a slap, kiss, fight, scream, sex, make up, argue, fall apart pattern. Together they were so dysfunctional.
No matter what he always felt alive with Sam, but they couldn't be eachother's forever if they couldn't go 24 hours without fighting. That's why he went for Melanie. She was Sam on the outside (sort of), but sugary sweet on the inside. Or at least he tried to believe that last one; truth was she could be a total bitch sometimes and it never came across as cute or amusing like with Sam.
His and Melanies' relationship consisted of a pattern too: talk, kiss, chat, cuddle, talk, kiss, chat, cuddle, talk, kiss…
But then as the pastor said the famous line "Speak now or forever hold your peace," and Freddie glanced around the room to see if anyone was going to protest, the last person he expected to see seemed to appear out of nowhere and started walking towards him. Once she reached the middle of the room she looked him dead in the eyes and let her strong voice echo through the building like church bells.
"Don't say yes Freddnubs!"
There was a collective gasp from his side of the family and some chuckles from her side. After only a brief glance at the crowd Freddie looked back at her, saw the fire in her eyes, and instantly remembered every good and bad moment between them.
I think Carly's spaghetti is greatThen why don't you put some down your pants?I think the loser should have some kind of penaltyHasn't life already penalized you enough?we'll just improvise and talk about something funnyLike Freddie's haircut?I heard that!You were supposed to!Sorry, lost my cool for a sec thereCan't lose what you never hadYou smell like garbagYour butt's shaped like a hamAlright, let me establish a crostic-plex transmission between my laptop and my camcorderWow, a tech-talkin' witch boy, look out ladiesYup, we've gone out every night this week.I'd say we're almost officially boyfriend and girlfriendSo, which one are you?Yeah, she's always putting me down, and calling me mean names, and everytime I get an ice cream cone, she takes it and she licks just licks it all over the place, just to bug me!Freddie, you're just as important to the show as we areWow Freddie, I like seeing you all fiestyThat's the Freddie Way"Carly and Sam roll Freddie in bread crumbs and bake him at 350 degrees"?Just until he's golden brown!I would've been here sooner, but, uh, I was helping my mom knit a comment?Aw, please let me insult you once for free!You know, they say when a girl constantly rips on a guy, it really just means she has a crush on himYeah, but I wasn't ripping on a guy...I was ripping on youGuess what else I have?Pimples on your butt?Do you really think Sam's gonna make me get a tattoo of her face?Kick his butt, Freddie!Yeah, but since she's been taking care of Lewbert, I can pretty much do whatever I night?Slept with my socks onSo?Just my socksOh my gosh, the bear ate bear!You handcuffed her to Gibby?She put a dead fish in my locker!Gibby's WAY worse then a dead fish!My mom thinks I'm awesome!Freddie's never kissed a .Not once.I heard him say so myself and Carly's a witnessSam! Sam! You just ruined Freddie's life!And for all you people out there who's been teasing Freddie about it, lay off!Say it!Ok.I was gonna say..That we should kiss?Just to get it over withWell,leanI hate youHate you tooSam, even though you CONSTANTLY cause me both PHYSICAL and EMOTIONAL pain...haha, not joking...I like to think of us as really close friendsWell, how can I pretend to have a crush on Freddie if i'm looking at his face?You know, I don't need this!No, I said, "Sam, don't lick the swing set," and you said, "Don't tell me what to do, Benson," and then you licked the swing setWhat did you do to my locker?MY locker!OUR locker!When did you turn into my wife?OOOKAAAYYY. You can pretend I'm going on a date with Melanie, but I know... I've got a date with SamDID YOU AND SAM KISS?Yes, it's true, Sam and I kissedWhat?Why?Dude, we gotta stop doing thatNo, Freddie, I mean we rub ourselves with sweet mustard and sing show tunesWhat are you doing?She's either cooling herself, or eating your frozen bothFreddie, come rub my neckYeah, that'll happenShow 'em the prank, Fred-weiner!Sure thing, Sam...jerkAnd that's why you're behind the cameraAnd Freddie, have you given up that someday Carly will fall in love with you?No!Well you shouldI made you some raisin bread toastOooh, this is patheticI have as much of a right to Freddie as you do!No you don't!Freddie loves me!You just can't stand the idea of Carly and me as a coupleVery true, it makes me wanna puke up bloodShe hit me with powdered nuts!You've been gnawing on that duck bone for 10 minutesSam,will you go with me to prom…please don't hit meWanna dance?Do I have a choice?Not reallyIf I kiss you right now will you viciously murder me?Dunno, guess you're gonna have to kiss me to find out for sureYou're such an idiot Freddie!I'm outta hereWhy'd you come back?I ran out of food ok?No, you love me Sam! Why is there whipped cream in my shoes Sam?If you don't start respecting me I'm leaving!I'm don't care if you leave, this whole relationship has been a giant waste of my time!You know I'm gonna marry your sister in three weeksThen why are you about to kiss me?
That's when Freddie realized his life would've been a horrible, boring drag without her, and it might end up being just that without her.
That's why he took a step away from his beautiful bride-to-be, and turned to face his crazy ex-girlfriend. As he took a couple of steps towards her he could still hear her word echoing in his head; Don't say yes
So when he was a mere 3 feet away from her he took a deep breath and asked
Why?
Freddie's voiced echoed off the church walls the same way Sam's had, and sounded just as strong and confiedent. He went from a trembling little boy to a bold grown up man in seconds. Sam's family noticed this especially, because you can't face a Puckett scared and unsure; they'll tear you to shreads.
"Melanie is just a replacement for me," Sam started, causing Melanie herself to start swearing and stomping towards her sister. Before she could even take three steps Spencer had grabbed her by the waist and wrapped his hand around her mouth. Smiling gratefully at him Sam stepped closer to Freddie and continued.
"Anyone who knows us, knows me, knows you, knows her, can see you're marrying her because you think you can't marry me." There was a slight murmer of agreement from the crowd at this point and Freddie became nervous again, ducking his head down a little so no one could see his shame. Sam was completely right and Freddie knew it had been wrong of him to go after Melanie because she looked like Sam.
Sam took a couple more steps towards Freddie, then continued. "I know you think it's never going to work for us, cuz you're pretty much impossible and I'm completely impossible. But you know I fight for whatever I love, and I'll fight to be with you."
Freddie's head snapped up, his eye shining with tears. Smiling at her he annouced, "I love you too Sam!"
Their was a collective awe from the crowd, the entire church now ignoing the bride who was struggling to get free,and now focused on the two people decarling their love for eachother.
Grinning back at Freddie Sam offered, "I'll meet you at the front of the church in five minutes, once you get out of that monkey suit."
Beaming at her Freddie yanked off his tux jacket and replied "I'll see you there Samantha Puckett."
At hearing her full name most of Sam's family gasped. No one called Sam by her first name. Not her mom, not her sister, not Carly and most definetly not Freddie. The only people who could were fan fiction writers, and that's just because she didn't have the energy to track down and kill them all.
"You're going to pay for that," Sam warned before charging at him and hopping onto his back in two seconds flat. Their audience laughed and a couple people let out encouraging cheers.
Without warning Melanie broke free from Spencer's grasp and started again on her fit of swearing and stomping, advancing towards the couple with alarming speed.
"Run Freddie run!" Sam comanded and Freddie quickly did, and pretty swiftly even with Sam on his back. Meanwhile Sam twisted to face her sister and with skills that could only be described as 'ninja like' she speedily pulled a small paintball shooter out of her boot and blew on it, hitting Melanie with a purple paintball directly on the middle of her white wedding dress.
As Freddie and Sam made it out of the church, with Melanie's screams fading behind them Freddie stopped, let Sam off his back, pulled as close as possible to him and whispered,
I don't care how much we fight, how crazy you drive me, how many names you call me names, how much you physically hurt me, I can't live without you Sam and I'll love you forever.
I love you too Freddork, but don't you forget you belong with Mama. Crashing weddings is tiring work.
I'm really happy you were there when they said
~Speak Now~