Never Alone
Rifiuto: Non Miriena
Summary: "You're never alone when you have kids."
Gibbs flipped another page in his photo album.
Kelly and Shannon smiled back at him, forever frozen in time. It had been a long time since he'd heard the sound of laughter in this old house, since he'd watched growth and change. Time had stopped when he buried Shannon, buried Kelly, locked up the adjoining rooms and preceeded to live life as a widower. He flipped to the back of the photo album; Kelly and Shannon's stopped, and others began. Different photographs, of different people, each with big smiles, each desperately needing a father that none of them had.
As he flipped the page, another photograph stared up at him: a young woman, in a beautiful, simple white wedding dress, curled up in her husband's arms. They stood out in his backyard, beneath a trellis he himself had carved for the occasion. The wedding had been simple, with only their close friends and family there to witness their union. He'd offered the use of his spacious backyard when they'd first discussed plans for the ceremony, and after much consideration, they'd agreed. He'd spent weeks working on the trellis for the ceremony, lovingly carving it out of sturdy oak, creating a curved top overhead. On the left side ofthe latticework, he had carved a Celtic knot, on the right, a Star of David. And in the center of the roof, he'd carved both, interlinked together, signalling their union.
It was his wedding gift to the couple, who had given so much of themselves to him in the last six years.
As he stared at the photograph, he realized how much he'd watched them grow up, how he'd watched them fall in love, dance around each other, and finally, give into their feelings. They really were a striking couple; she was beautiful, in a simple white wedding dress that hugged her curves, with a sweetheart top and a fitted bodice, it was beautiful on her, making her already striking beauty even moreso. Her long hair was pulled up in a pile of curls, a single white come tucked within the dark tresses. He was dressed in a nice suit, his arms tight around his bride; both were smiling at the camera.
It had been a quiet, beautiful affair, those they considered their surrogate family, his little sister, and only a couple of their very close friends. After the ceremony, they had had a barbaque of steaks and fish, dancing, the cake, everything of a typical wedding, just on a smaller scale. The bride and groom hadn't left each others' side all day, and when the guests left, he found the bride and groom out on the porch, lost in each others eyes as they began their life together. They were happy, which is all he wanted for his kids.
On the next page, there was a photograph of the Maid of Honor and Best Man, dancing in each others' arms, lost in each others' eyes. If the last few months had been any indication, he had a feeling that another wedding would be taking place in his backyard, not that he minded.
He sighed, turning back to the portrait of Shannon and Kelly, taking in their smiling faces. They'd been ripped from him; he'd missed all the firsts with his daughter- her first crush, her first high school dance, first date, her engagement, wedding, the first grandchild... he'd lost out on all of those beautiful things a father went through with his child, all because of some drug runner. As he glanced at the photograph directly across from Shannon and Kelly's, he realized that, in some way, he'd been given a second chance.
The four young adults who gazed out at him from the photograph had all suffered at the hands of absent or abusive fathers- maybe not physically, but emotionally, mentally, psychologically. One had a father who'd been such a playboy, his son had raised himself; another had a father who's only concern was for his own career, not giving a damn about his family. One had spent most of her life in foster care or with a stepfather, who ignored her because she wasn't his by blood, and the last had a father who had turned violence and death into an art form, even throwing him own daughter into the mix, turning her into a cold-blooded killer.
When they'd first come to him, each had been broken in their own way, each had at first refused help, convinced they couldn't be fixed. But over the years, he'd managed to heal them, to fix what their own fathers hadn't bothered to, and give them all their lives back. And in the process of healing them, they had helped him heal. He had begun to accept that though Kelly and Shannon were gone, they had never truly left, and had, perhaps, guided these four broken individuals into his care. That they had seen how broken he was, and, finding the four young adults that truly needed his help, had forced them to cross paths, therefore, forcing their hearts to open up to healing.
A moment passed, before he gently brushed his fingers over his wife and daughter's features, forever frozen in time. "I miss you guys so much."
Laughter slowly brought him from his thoughts, and slowly, he set the album aside and got up, heading into down the stairs and into the kitchen, just off the living room. He came upon a scene that had become all too normal in the last few years.
Two couples sat at the kitchen table, cups of coffee in front of them, engaged in conversation. One of the men held his infant son in his arms, the baby only a few months old. He pressed a kiss to his son's head, glancing at the boy's mother. She reached out, taking his hand and squeezing gently. The other couple sat together, holding hands, discussing plans for their wedding; an engagement ring sparked on her finger.
"Saba!" He knelt down just in time to catch the three-year-old throwing herself into his arms. He scooped the child up, staring into her bright green eyes. Her parents and the other couple turned to see him enter the kitchen, the little girl holding tight to his neck.
"Gibbs! Come join us! Tony and Abby were just discussing themes for the wedding." Adjusting the child on his hip, he entered the kitchen, going to her mother and pressing a kiss to her cheek. As he took a seat between the two women, his gaze traveled to each of his kids in turn.
Anthony DiNozzo, resident prankster and the oldest of his kids. His Senior Field Agent and self-proclaimed movie buff, Tony had grown up with a father who'd gone from one woman to the next, and Tony, living through that, had picked up his father's trait, until a few short months ago, when he'd finally admitted his growing feelings for Abigail Sciuto- the team's resident foresenic- and proposed. It was their wedding preparations they were discussing through their laughter. Abigail had grown up bouncing around in foster care, until her mother had taken her back and married her stepfather- who'd resented her because she wasn't of his blood. Having grown up in New Orleans, she'd spent her childhood playing in the cemeteries, eventually adopting the culture, and becoming the 'happiest Goth you'll ever meet,' according to Tony.
His gaze slid to his two youngest, at the other end of the table: Timothy McGee and Ziva David.
It was their wedding portrait in the photo album, their trellis he'd carved for them. They, like Tony and Abby, had danced around each other for years, before one near-death experience had sent them hurtling into each others' arms, eventually leading to the quiet outdoor ceremony all those years ago. His two youngest had perhaps suffered the most; Tim had grown up around a father who cared more about making Admiral than raising his two children. After his wife died of cancer when Tim was in high school, Tim and his younger sister Sarah had basically raised themselves, orphans in all but name. And Ziva... as the oldest daughter of the Deputy Director of Mossad, she'd been pushed into her father's world of death and violence after her sister Tali died. And she had stayed with it, allowing him to shape her into a heartless assassin, and abandoning her when she needed him most.
He glanced down at the child in his lap. Kathleen, Tim and Ziva's oldest, had her mother's long dark curls and her father's bright green eyes. The dimples in her cheeks were her father's, but her smile... her smile was all Ziva. He pressed a kiss to her forehead. Yes, Kathleen was one of the many good things that had come out of so much pain and heartache. He glanced up, watching silently as Tim gently laid their son, Asher, into his wife's arms, pressing a kiss to his son's head as he got up and poured a cup of coffee. Ziva turned her attention to the baby in her arms, staring into his beautiful green eyes. She whispered something softly in Hebrew, smiling gently as the baby reached up and grabbed her finger.
He turned his attention back to the little girl, and after a moment, he suddenly realized what Shannon and Kelly had given him.
A family.
With his family's deaths, they'd left a space for these four damaged, broken individuals, all needing the fatherly, parental guidance they never got growing up. And it gave him a second chance at a family. Maybe not the family he and Shannon and Kelly had been, but a family nonetheless. He looked on these four young adults as his; they were his kids, all looking for guidance, understanding, love.
And they had found it, here, in Gibbs' home.
Over time, he had opened his heart, allowing the four young adults on his team to become more than just his teammates- they became his family. He left his door open, in case any of them needed to stop by for anything; Tim and Ziva had stopped by not long after announcing their engagement to ask for his blessing; Tony had stopped by to ask for advice on how to approach his growing relationship with Abby; Ziva had stopped by and asked if they could have the wedding in his spacious backyard; Abby had dropped by one night to ask if she should accept Tony's proposal; and Tim and Ziva had come by to tell him they were pregnant- first with Kathleen, and then with Asher.
He had watched, as Tim and Ziva started their own family, he'd built furniture for both nurseries, and had been at the hospital the night Ziva had given birth to Kathleen, watching as the doctor had cleaned the baby, as Ziva laid their daughter in Tim's arms. When they'd beckoned him over, he'd gone, allowing Tim to lay the baby in his arms, as they asked him to be her grandfather. Speechless, he hadn't known what to say, and Tim and Ziva had taken his silence as rejection. But when they'd seen the tears in his eyes, they understood. He'd been Saba to Kathleen ever since.
It had been the same when Asher was born months ago, except that Tim and Ziva had stopped by to ask if Kathleen could stay with him for a few days, when Ziva went into labor. He'd helped deliver the baby, and as he'd heard the shrill, first cries of Tim and Ziva's son, he realized that they had given him the greatest gift he could have asked for- a family. He was a grandfather, a father, when he never thought he would be again.
And with Tony and Abby's impending wedding, he knew that this house would soon be filled with the sounds of children laughing and playing, like it was meant to be all those years ago.
Ziva's words came back to him, from that long ago day at the office: Are you lonely, Gibbs?
He thought back on his response, and realized he'd been right: You're never alone when you have kids.
And as he looked around at the four seated with him at the table, he realized that it was true. As long as his kids remained a part of his life, he was never truly alone.