Leaning her head against the cabinets that held the ship's meagre food supplies, Inara laughed. There, sitting right where she'd left it, was a small container of tea and the tools to brew it. She'd forgotten it when she'd left, had wondered what Mal had done with it when she remembered.
"Captain wouldn't let us have any of it after you left." With the comfortable swagger Inara had always envied, Zoe came over to stand beside her. She nodded her head at the tea. "Not that we knew what to do with it, but none of us really wanted to. It was like having a piece of you, after you were gone."
"That's sweet." Inara leaned forward to wrap her arms around her friend. The grief of Wash's death was still fresh on Zoe's face, and Inara ached for her. "I missed you all," she whispered, pulling back and planting a kiss on Zoe's cheek. "I'm so sorry about Wash."
She stepped back, reaching out for a second cup, and began the familiar ritual that she had performed so many times since her apprenticeship on Sihnon.
"What are you going to do now?" Zoe asked.
"I don't know. To be honest, I was so certain we weren't going to live this long that I hadn't given it much thought." Oh, and wasn't that a brazen, blatant lie, one she sincerely hoped Zoe didn't call her out on. As if she'd thought of anything else since coming back to Serenity. Inara's eyes flickered up, almost against her will, at the sound of Mal's voice coming from somewhere in the cavernous ship. Zoe followed her gaze, shaking her head.
"Life's too damn short to keep runnin', Nara."
"I'm sorry?" Flushing, Inara jerked her gaze back to her tea. "What are you talking about?"
"Talkin' about you and the Captain." Zoe took the cup Inara offered. "We all been watchin' the two of you dance around each other. No one said anything 'cuz we didn't think it was our business. But…" Zoe paused, a hand drifting lightly down to her abdomen. "Do you know how many times Wash and I talked about havin' babies?"
"No." Inara felt a slow smile slip across her face. "Zoe…are you…?"
"No. Least I don't think so," Zoe amended. "Thing is, every time I brought it up, Wash said it was the wrong time. He didn't want to raise a baby on Serenity. Always figured we'd have time. He was wrong. There's never enough time, Inara. Life's short. Shorter for us than most. And there's nothing worse than coming face to face with the realization that you lost your chance while you were too busy runnin' scared to take it.
"Thanks for the tea."
Inara watched Zoe walk out, tears of frustration pricking at the back of her eyelids. Zoe didn't know, couldn't know, how deep her words cut. Not because she was wrong, but because she was right. Life was short, and Wash's death had proven that none of them were indestructible.
She hadn't needed the reminder. She was pretty sure the sight of Mal, stumbling, beaten and bruised after his run in with the Alliance's assassin and only alive by the grace of a little nerve damage, was going to be burned onto her brain for the rest of eternity. She hadn't lost him then, but she knew she could have. Just like she could have in the temple, and a hundred times before.
No point in lying to herself. Not now. She was in love with Malcolm Reynolds. Had been for a long time. It was why she'd left the Serenity, and as much as she fought to deny it, it was why she hadn't taken a client since Nandi's death. Teaching had been safe. She could make her living without having to admit, even to herself, that she no longer wished to be a companion.
She just wanted him.