A/N: Okay, I know Gollum dies and all but for my fic, he's allive,
harharhar! Try to stop me, 'cause you can't!! This first chapter is kinda
gross, or so some of my friends think. Don't read if you can't find humor
in this sort of stuff...
Chapter 1: Prologue
One day Gollum was killing some fishes inside the Misty Mountains when he heard a loud squeal.
"OHMYGOOOOOD! IT'S HIM!! IT'S GOLLUM!!"
Gollum coverred his ears with his hands, who had the nerve to just burst in here, screaming his name? Maybe it was something eatable, he thought and so he went coming closer to where the loud screams came from.
"EEEK! HE'S COMING CLOSER!! IS MY HAIR OKAY?"
"MORE IMPORTANT, IS MY HAIR OKAY, AND WHAT ABOUT MY MAKE-UP?? OH.. MY.. GOD!!!"
As the two sounds weren't similliar, Gollum knew that it were two creatures.
"What are they, my precious?," He asked,"Not some darn hobbitssses, my precious? We don't know"
"Oh My GOD! Like, well, we used to be Elfs but now Legolas isn't popular anymore, we kinda are, like Hobbits, yeah. But all because you used to be one."
Gollum stared at the hot hobbit girl, who had blond hair, but her hair started brown. How odd, he thought.
"Whatss are they doing here, my precious? We don't like them, do we, my precious?"
"Isn't it obvious, Gollum? We are here because you're freakin' popular. Like, we were watching the Two Towers when all of a sudden there was this big flash thingie, and we, like, were in The Misty Mountains. Yay!"
Gollum eyed the other girl carefully. She was blond too, and her hair started out black, but went down all blond. These girls were strange!
"Go away! We don't want you here. Go away, before we eatsss you."
The two girls giggled.
"You can't eat us, silly, 'cause in a couple of minits you'll fall for one of us, and the other will find some other, Legolas or something,he's not that popular at all, but better then nothing. Then, the one you choose and you, will live happily ever after."
Gollum didn't knew what to say, instead he crawled around them in a circle, and started spitting at them. Then, all of a sudden Gollum felt a weird feeling inside of him, was it, love? He often heard his grandma talk about it when he was way younger. Did it happen to him, now? He felt attracted to the left girl, he didn't know a thing about her, all he knew, was that she was so beautiful, he wanted to put his lips against hers. The left girl looked at the girl on the right.(for Gollum that is)
"Sorry, Tiff, looks like he's mine."
The girl named Tiff mumbled something that looked like 'crap' and left. No, she wasn't harmed by any Orcs or evil creatures living there, instead, she just walked on out the Misty mountains even though it was as dark as hell. She planned to pay a visit to Mirkwood, and meet a certain Elf, named *drumroll* Legolas. Afcourse, he wasn't the most wanted anymore, but hey, if you can't get the man you want, go for someone lesser.
Meanwhile, inside the Misty mountains, the Gollum/blond babe scene continued.
"Oh Gollum," she said, and it sounded as music to Gollum's ears "I"m so cold, could you warm me up, sweety?"
Gollum didn't know what to do. He felt this sudden urge to protect her, and he wanted so badly to put his arms around her. But he never touched another being like that, and he was scarred he was new to this sort of feeling. He touched her skin with one finger first, and it felt like the softest silk.
"Oh baby that felt so good," the girl said.
Gollum turned to her so he could see her face. She looked at him, with a glint of hope in her eyes. If he could just kiss her, she had reached her goal. Gollum's face inched closer to hers, and the girl closed her eyes...
A/N: Ok, that's enough. This fic is rated PG-13 so imagine the rest if you want. The girls are bleached blond bimbo's, if you didn't understand. This is kinda parody-ish on the Mary Sue's now days, and more chapters are following. Hit that review button and tell me what you think.
Chapter 1: Prologue
One day Gollum was killing some fishes inside the Misty Mountains when he heard a loud squeal.
"OHMYGOOOOOD! IT'S HIM!! IT'S GOLLUM!!"
Gollum coverred his ears with his hands, who had the nerve to just burst in here, screaming his name? Maybe it was something eatable, he thought and so he went coming closer to where the loud screams came from.
"EEEK! HE'S COMING CLOSER!! IS MY HAIR OKAY?"
"MORE IMPORTANT, IS MY HAIR OKAY, AND WHAT ABOUT MY MAKE-UP?? OH.. MY.. GOD!!!"
As the two sounds weren't similliar, Gollum knew that it were two creatures.
"What are they, my precious?," He asked,"Not some darn hobbitssses, my precious? We don't know"
"Oh My GOD! Like, well, we used to be Elfs but now Legolas isn't popular anymore, we kinda are, like Hobbits, yeah. But all because you used to be one."
Gollum stared at the hot hobbit girl, who had blond hair, but her hair started brown. How odd, he thought.
"Whatss are they doing here, my precious? We don't like them, do we, my precious?"
"Isn't it obvious, Gollum? We are here because you're freakin' popular. Like, we were watching the Two Towers when all of a sudden there was this big flash thingie, and we, like, were in The Misty Mountains. Yay!"
Gollum eyed the other girl carefully. She was blond too, and her hair started out black, but went down all blond. These girls were strange!
"Go away! We don't want you here. Go away, before we eatsss you."
The two girls giggled.
"You can't eat us, silly, 'cause in a couple of minits you'll fall for one of us, and the other will find some other, Legolas or something,he's not that popular at all, but better then nothing. Then, the one you choose and you, will live happily ever after."
Gollum didn't knew what to say, instead he crawled around them in a circle, and started spitting at them. Then, all of a sudden Gollum felt a weird feeling inside of him, was it, love? He often heard his grandma talk about it when he was way younger. Did it happen to him, now? He felt attracted to the left girl, he didn't know a thing about her, all he knew, was that she was so beautiful, he wanted to put his lips against hers. The left girl looked at the girl on the right.(for Gollum that is)
"Sorry, Tiff, looks like he's mine."
The girl named Tiff mumbled something that looked like 'crap' and left. No, she wasn't harmed by any Orcs or evil creatures living there, instead, she just walked on out the Misty mountains even though it was as dark as hell. She planned to pay a visit to Mirkwood, and meet a certain Elf, named *drumroll* Legolas. Afcourse, he wasn't the most wanted anymore, but hey, if you can't get the man you want, go for someone lesser.
Meanwhile, inside the Misty mountains, the Gollum/blond babe scene continued.
"Oh Gollum," she said, and it sounded as music to Gollum's ears "I"m so cold, could you warm me up, sweety?"
Gollum didn't know what to do. He felt this sudden urge to protect her, and he wanted so badly to put his arms around her. But he never touched another being like that, and he was scarred he was new to this sort of feeling. He touched her skin with one finger first, and it felt like the softest silk.
"Oh baby that felt so good," the girl said.
Gollum turned to her so he could see her face. She looked at him, with a glint of hope in her eyes. If he could just kiss her, she had reached her goal. Gollum's face inched closer to hers, and the girl closed her eyes...
A/N: Ok, that's enough. This fic is rated PG-13 so imagine the rest if you want. The girls are bleached blond bimbo's, if you didn't understand. This is kinda parody-ish on the Mary Sue's now days, and more chapters are following. Hit that review button and tell me what you think.