Rating: T; Genre: Angst
It was the same lazy day of winter, as cold as the other days that only a few people were roaming on the street. The quite yet boring day was soon turned lively as the shrieking sound of brake filled the air. Soon enough the siren sound followed. People moved from their lethargic activities just to witness what was happening. The crowd surrounded the certain spot of road which beside it was a large bus with broken lamp.
With difficulties, the police officer finally managed to broke through the curious group of people. Behind him were the medic prepared with stretchers and medical kit.
On the snowy road was a poor young-girl with void looking eyes. The snow around her was turning red as the blood couldn't help itself to stop pouring out from the girl's wound. The lifeless girl was soon carried out from the scene, stalked by prying eyes of the bystander. Fallen down in the process was what left of a blood-stained red muffler. It lay on the cold asphalt, left to be stampeded by road users while soaked with the wetness of rain and snow.
"Do you like snow?"
"Yes." because it resembles your name.
"How much?"
"So much." as much as the amount of my love for you.
She smiled at my answer, the smile that warmed my heart as soon as it appeared on her fair face.
We were on the rooftop, together. Our fingers were entwined to each other. Around our neck was a red muffler she gave me as my birthday present last year. It was cold, yet warm. As long as I'm with her, the coldest day is the warmest.
"Let's eat, before our bento turned stale."
"Mmm."
Right on cue, our hands were separated. A tinge of disappointment filled my lung but soon, I met with a sausage wiener presented before me.
"Aaa~" she said.
I felt the blood rushed into my face. Being fed like this was not so unusual, and despite the empty space around us, I can't help but felt embarrassed.
"C'mon." she shook her chopstick upon me. I didn't have other choice but to swallow it down. It's not that her care was not to my liking.
"Is it good?"
"Mmm." I nodded while trying to chow the sausage. It wasn't bad but it was kind of hard to bite, winter effect.
"Yokatta. I thought it gonna fail like the other time."
My mind flew away to the day when she presented me the same kind of sausage. It was… disaster. I tried to eat the whole things, and then ended up staying in the toilet for a full day. She kept apologizing for the next whole week.
"Don't worry. It's… err... edible."
"Mou! Can't you at least say it was tasty?"
She pouted at my answer. She was so cute that I wanted to pinch those cheeks of hers.
"It's… okay." I can't hold my laughter anymore. Teasing her was so enjoyable.
Her pout changed to a frown. She soon began hitting my upper arms, playfully. My laughter went even louder. Lovely days, I hope these days would go on forever.
"Mayu-chan!"
Those loud voice.
"Mayuyu!"
Those annoying tone.
"Mayu mayu mayu!"
Those grin I could see even though my eyes were glued.
"Watanabe Mayu!"
"Argh! Stop shouting my name in front of the school!"
It was irritating, a lot. I turned around to face the source of my irritation.
"Well, it was because you won't answer me." That same peculiar grin, oh how I wanted to slap her face, wiped away those grin off her cheek.
"I don't see any obligation to answer to your call"
She pouted, and then she put her ace weapon, the puppy eyes. Not that it could affect me.
"Stop pouting, it won't work."
She sighed, deserved her that way. I smiled in victory; even the popular Matsui Jurina won't be able to shake my heart.
"Nee nee, how was your date yesterday?"
The red tinge appeared on my pale cheek. The image of me and her running around the amusement park never fail to warm my heart.
"It was exciting then. And I'm sure you did uncountable lovey dovey acts." She was smirking, so wide that I thought her cheek was ripped.
"It's none of your business." I kept walking through the front gate, ignoring her, completely.
"Don't be ashamed. Just say that you were kissing in the gondola."
Wait. We were what?
"How…" the fact popped in my brain, "YOU WERE SPYING ON US?!"
My face turned bright red, mixed of embarrassment and anger.
"You know, it's not good to kiss for that long. Imagine how much germs were traded at those minutes." She made a disgusted expression on her face, can't I slap her already? "and, you know, it could be followed by other act, not to mention you were in public. I would like to watch you having… err… some experience with her though."
"MATSUI JURINA!"
Enough. She was so damn annoying. A good smack in the head might be able to fix her head. But she was too fast for me. She was the ace of athletic club, of course she was fast.
"COME BACK HERE!"
I chase her but I got tired after a few steps. Need-to-work-out, mental note.
She turned smaller and smaller and soon she disappeared from my eyesight. I bet she was laughing so hard that she won't be able to breath. And soon, the entire school will know. Sigh.
"Are you okay, Mayu?"
I gasped. The certain girlfriend the kid mentioned was standing behind me. I won't fail in recognizing her melodic voice.
"Yukirin…"
"What did Jurina say? She teased you like always, didn't she?" She looked at me with those sympathetic eyes. But then, her smile rose and she chuckled.
"Not you too, Yuki." I forgot she loved to tease me as well. Not that bad as those ignorant badass though.
"Sorry sorry. It was just too funny."
Okay, I'm leaving.
"Eh, wait! Mayu~"
After school was one of my favorite times of the day. The reason was simple. It was because I would have a practice season with Yuki after school. It was our routine since I enrolled in this school this spring. She would accompany me with her piano playing while I played the violin.
I found her upstairs, in front of the upperclassmen's class. I was about to call her when I saw her talking to her classmate. It looked intense. Too intense. I knew her. She's Jurina's love interest. She had had crush for her since the first time we stepped on this school's ground. For me, she's a weird girl who love singing in the rain. She's pretty, indeed, but still it's unnatural to dance around in the pouring rain, right?
"Well then, we'll talk later."
She seemed to notice me as she hastily finished her conversation with Yuki. I raised my brow. Was it something I must not know?
She excused herself from Yuki just in time before I reached Yuki's shoulder. She was taken slightly aback. It was not her usual over-reaction, but it seemed even more real. I wondered what they were talking about just now.
"Ah, Hi Mayu!" her cheerful tone of voice brought the tension within me down. She was just as perfect as always.
"Yo. What are you talking about with Rena?"
"N-nothing. Anyway, we should go to the music room." She averted her gaze. She always does that when she's nervous. It made me even more curious. However, she rushed to collect her things and within seconds she was ready to go practicing.
Soon enough we were already in a tense jam session in the small music room we always used to practice. The melodies of the instrument blend with the air. It took us away from the reality to the land of notes. I forget all the things that worried me. It was just me and her, and our own instrument.
"Mayu, it would be better if we you give a decrescendo before the end of part two. Along with a ritardando. Then, don't forget to you need not only fast but also soft. You need to pour your feelings into it."
"Hai. I understand, sensei. You had told me yesterday." I rolled my eyes. It wasn't that I didn't know what she meant but sometimes I didn't like to be lectured.
"I've told you, but you kept doing the same mistakes in the same part. Don't forget you need to do the last part playfully. Your staccato is too harsh. Playful, remember? I've told you to take down notes. Have you done it?"
That! That demanding tone!
"Don't sulk. The competition was just a week away and you haven't even mastered any part of the composition."
Yeah, I know the competition was nearing. That's why I can't play nicely. The nervousness was too much to be handled.
"Don't say you were just nervous and such! Mayu~ You should focus!"'
She read my mind.
"I AM FOCUS. Mou! Practicing with you didn't get me any better. You were too detailed, Yuki."
"You MUST be! You asked me to help you practice, so I did! At least, listen to my advice!"
She raised her tone, something she doesn't usually do. She only raised it when she was surprised, that kind of shrieking screams. I flinched at her statement. I knew she was right but I was too irritated to even reasoning calmly.
"Oh?! So you feel forced to help me? Why wasted your time to tutor me? You're not that good with your piano playing anyway!"
She winced at my statement. It was a sensitive topic. Lately, her piano playing wasn't that good. Despite it was her last year of high school and she had the competition a few days after mine. It was her last chance to get a scholarship in a certain music university. If she failed, she would focus to the national exam. She was actually more than kind to fulfill my selfish request.
She went silent for a few seconds before staring at my eyes intensely. I found a tiny bit of sadness in her eyes, but my ego shrug it off and, to my regret; I continued bombarded her with my dense comment.
"You don't have the right to tell me anything. Do that after you proof yourself!"
"Mayu!"
I sighed. We were going to have a fight. No, we were having a fight. The competition pressured us both. I went over board, which I shouldn't ever do.
"Sorry about that."
I apologized. I was not fair for her or me. We shouldn't fight just before the important competition.
"It's okay." She answered me after a moment of silence. She was hurt. Her eyes spoke it all.
"Sorry, Yukirin. The competition drove me nut. I shouldn't say something like that."
Finally, she smiled. A feeling of relieve washed over me.
"I understand."
I replied her with a small smile. At least I didn't feel forced when I did. The anger had subdued.
"I think we should train on our own. We need to focus." suggested her.
Somehow I disagreed, but I knew that was for the better of us both.
"Okay. We'll meet at the competition. You don't have to force yourself to watch mine, just focus for your own competition."
She shook her head, "no. I'll come. I will be there to root for you."
She said she will root for me, and so do I, "mmm. I'll root for you too."
I found a tinge of sadness when I tell her that but soon she was back with smile on her face so I brushed it off.
"Let's do our best."
The next few days were the worst. I was literally practicing 24/7. Yuki was right. I still haven't mastered the composition. I was worse than I thought I was.
Each hour seemed so heavy. I stopped coming to school, most of the student of music division did this in competition season anyway. Sometime encouragement messages were sent to my phone. Those were from Jurina or from Yuki or my other friends. I kept exchanged messages with Yuki but not much, just a few words. We both were too occupied with our own competition.
Sooner or later, the competition's day was head on.
I was wearing a simple white satin dress with a black ribbon attached on the waist, acted as belt. I was readied for the intense competition. At least, I thought I was. The other competitors broke my mental bit by bit. They were great, and I wasn't ready.
My turn came at last. I prayed for the best and walked to the stage. I looked around the audience. It was not my intention but my eyes met with Yuki's. She looked contained and tired but her smile reassured me. She mouthed 'do your best' from the middle of the crowds.
I took a long breath and began to play. The melodies of 'Spring Sonata' of Beethoven mesmerized the audience. It should be. I need them to.
In one sip of breath, the song ended. It was long yet I feel it finished so fast. I blinked several times as the audience gave their applause. It was over. I could see Yuki clapped her hands excitedly. Her over-reaction calmed me. I would laugh if only I wasn't standing on the stage.
I bowed down and left. The result wasn't a matter anymore. I got to see Yuki's excited face. It was more than a prize.
In the end, I didn't get any position. That what should had happened. But, that was least of my concern.
The day was finally come, the day of Yuki's competition. I hadn't seen her since my competition. She said she wanted to concentrate so I didn't bother her. I was excited to see her piano playing. I'd root for her, like how we promised.
I reached the venue one hour before the actual performance started. I want to give her a surprise before the actual performance. However, she wasn't there.
She wasn't in the list of participants.
Mixed feeling of confusion and worries filled my head. We didn't contact to each other since our last meeting. I definitely hadn't heard anything about this.
I need a confirmation. I reached for my phone and dialed her number. Bad luck. She didn't pick up the phone. Actually, the usual woman on the phone said that the number wasn't even listed. Panic rushed into my head. What happened?
I need to ask. Then a certain rain girl's face popped in my mind. But to not so bad luck, I didn't have her numbers. But, Jurina must have it.
"Jurina, do you have Matsui Rena's phone numbers?" I rushed my sentence as soon as she pick up my call.
"Rena-chan? I have it. I'll send it to you. But what business do you have with her?"
"Please send it to me ASAP."
"He—"
I hung the phone, cut her sentence before she even managed to finish one word.
The next second, a mail with Rena's contact reached my inbox.
I dialed the number as fast as I could, she must know.
"Matsui-senpai? It's Watanabe Mayu. Do you know where she is? I didn't find her in the list of participants. You know today is the competition, right?"
"…"
She went silent. It was strange. But I bet she knew.
"Do you know where Yuki is?"
"She's gone."
Blood rushed to my down part of body. Her words were ambiguous, yet my brain had processed for the worst possible answer.
"She's—"
"gone." She completed my choked words. "She left to Vienna two days ago. She tried to tell you but she can't. I have told her to do so but in the end her time is up before she managed to tell you"
"WHAT? She's in Vienna? But I thought…"
"Her mother took her there. It was sudden. She tried to tell you but she can't. I'm sorry Mayu, I should have told you myself."
My cellphone fell from my palm. She was aboard. I never knew. She never told me. I felt anger, then sadness. Why didn't she tell me? I didn't understand. She could tell me. I won't be mad. Was she afraid I would burst off like when we fight last week? We indeed promised that we would attend the same university but still it was hurt.
I hung the phone call and dialed her number. It was useless. In the center of the cold plaza, I tried to call her over and over again. But it was useless. She wasn't between my reach anymore. I sat there, crying. The mixed of anger, sadness, confusion, disappointment mixed with the tears. The falling snow was my company.
2 years later.
The coldness of this city never changes. The same street, the same crossroad, the same snow. I inhaled the chilly scent of winter. It had been 2 years. The 2 years of hard work, tears, and despair. The days way in Europe weren't bad at all. It was satisfying. Sure, it was hard. Harder than I thought it would be. But, my career won't do any good if I stayed in Japan. My mother didn't let me go back here so soon, moreover if she found out my main reason. But I need to. I escaped her while she was in her tour. I need to find Mayu.
I missed Mayu so damn much. I left her without any word. She must be angry. I couldn't tell her where I had gone. I can't. My mom cut all my connection to her. I tried to contact her via everything I could think of. The territories which my mom won't be able to touch. But still, no answer. I got worried but I can't do anything. My mom sent me away as soon as she found out about our relationship. She was opposed of it. It should have been perfect. I would tell her that I was going after my competition. But my mom found out and dragged me there. I couldn't even tell Rena what happened.
I sighed.
That was all in the past now.
Mom thought I had forgotten about Mayu. She recognized me bit by bit. I gained enough popularity and my career rose to fame. But yet I felt empty without her.
I must find her. In this city of rain (that was what Rena named the city). Talked about it, I couldn't contact Rena as well. I wondered what happened but it was the least to my importance.
I walked to her home. It wasn't that far from the station so I reached it within minutes. Strange enough it was empty.
"Hello? Anybody's home?"
Thought about it the street was unusually empty. Our city was never crowded but it was more emptied than usual.
"No one's there."
I heard a soft voice of woman behind me. I flinched when I saw her unusual outfit. A black kimono, the sign of mourning.
"And then where they would be?" my heart thumped faster, I had a really bad feeling about this.
"They went for the funeral, they were at the city cen—"
The woman didn't manage to finish her words. I saw the sign that I overlooked on the door, the sign that the family of the house was mourning. I dashed through her to the city center, a funeral usually held there, in our city.
It can't be. It can't be. I muttered all the way to the city center.
Images were flashing through my occupied mind. She won't die on me. No, before I explained what really happened.
I ran out of breath when I reached the door. People were leaving. All were wearing black suit or black kimono or school uniform for student. Some of the students were chuckling when they descend the stairs. I sent glares at them. How dare them!
With the last of my power, I ran through the stairs and I finally reached the room.
I saw the black wood coffin. It was sealed properly. Beside it was a muffler. A red one. It was stained with blood and dirt that mixed with the color of red but it can still be seen.
I fall down to my knees after seeing the muffler. The red muffler I gave her for her birthday present. I grabbed it and hugged it. Tears began to betray myself. It was pouring out like flood. I regretted all the things that had happened. I didn't have the chance. I should have done better. I should have forced my way to break free from my mom's cage. But it was too late. She had died. She can't listen to my explanation. She won't ever talk to me again. She won't ever call my name again.
"Yuki?"
Huh?
I felt my ears betrayed me as well. I began to hear the voice I want to hear the most. Hers.
"Yuki? Oh my God! It's you!"
Huh?
I must be hallucinating.
"When did you come here?"
Huh?
I turned around slowly. I was not readied to meet her… remains.
But she was there. I felt the blood left my face. I've never seen ghost and I hoped I didn't need to. But she was standing there with shocked expression on her face. I must be the one who shocked.
"Yuki? Are you alright? You look pale."
She approached me and shook my shoulder.
"D-Don't touch me."
I stood up in reflex. In result, she was thrown, hitting the wall. She looked hurt, both physically and mentally. Huh? No, not physically, ghost didn't have any physical body. Huh? But I definitely heard the loud thump when she hit the wall.
"Geez! What are you doing? You came back after 2 years and the first thing you said to me is don't touch me? I don't believe it!" she looked… angry. Her face reddened. In the end, she muttered something like 'and you left without announcement.' But it was too small that it was inaudible.
"I-I'm sorry. I was just afraid. I meant, I never see a ghost talking to me."
This time, her furious look turned into confusion.
"Ghost?" she muttered. Then, the next second she burst out laughing. So hard that I want to remind her that we were in a funeral.
"You thought that I am a ghost?" she said between her laugh, "you thought it is ME who is dead?"
She wiped her tears that form after so many laughs.
"But…" I showed her the muffler I had been holding.
"Oh my, Yukirin. You should look at the nameplate before the muffler. Moreover, there IS a BIG photograph in front of you but all you can see is that muffler?"
I looked down and I was taken aback. It was neither her name on the nameplate nor her face on the photograph.
Surged of relieve washed over me. However, a wave of sadness, and surprised followed.
"Jurina."
"I lent her that muffler since she was persisting on staying in the bus stop, waiting for Rena who would never come back. I never think she would do such foolish thing as throwing herself to the incoming bus."
I didn't notice Mayu's panda eyes until now. She must have crying all night. Jurina was her best-friend and cousin. For the joyous Jurina to do suicide never cross my mind, but she was there inside the coffin.
"I'm sorry."
I was sorry, for Jurina and for what I did. But for now, I should pray my respect for her.
"Where have you been?"
Mayu asked me after I finished my pray.
"Vienna."
Mayu rolled her eyes, "Yes, I know that much."
I brought my head down. I didn't know how to start.
"I'm sorry, Mayu. I couldn't tell you. I planned on telling you after my competition but my mom dragged me to Vienna after she found out about our relationship."
She looked surprised. She didn't know.
"I tried to contact you but I can't even tell you a good bye. My mom cut my connection to Japan. I tried to contact Rena instead but I can't either."
Mayu turned gloomier when I mention Rena.
"Of course you can't, no one's here managed to contact her." She mumbled some cursed words, "you can't contact me either. I was so angry at you that I changed all my contact address and block you from finding me."
She sent me her well-known death glare. It made me nausea yet homesick. She was still the same old Mayu.
"I'm sorry, Mayu. I escaped here while my mom on tour. This time, let's exchange contact, shall we?"
"You won't stay?" she pouted.
"I can't. I'll stay for 2 weeks at most. But I have to comeback."
She looked hurt but she not seemed surprised.
"I understand. You had your recital not so long for now."
We both went silence.
I used that moment to memorize all the things about her. She changed so much. She was taller. She didn't tie her shiny black hair in twin tail anymore. But she was as pretty as before. She was prettier to be exact. She emitted a matureness more than 2 years ago. I fell in love to her once again.
"Anyway, I get to see you again. That is what important. I'm in mourning period so we can't do too much exaggerated thing, but at least we get to be together once more."
She let out a gentle smile. She looked weak and fragile, yet she was shining.
She was my princess, my angel, and she would be once again mine.
"Of course. I won't leave you ever again. No matter how many kilometers turn us apart."
"Mmm! But before that, let me made sure of one fact. I am no ghost."
"Mayu~"