A/N: I'm apologizing in advance for this story. Thanks for reading, though. Feedback welcome!


Castle Envy

By: DangerMouse

Lionel Luthor sat sprawled out on his favorite leather sofa in the sitting room of his Metropolis penthouse, flipping through the stations on his television, a dark expression on his face.

Alexander Luthor. Only eighteen years old and already more than Lionel thought he could handle. The boy had been arrested for two separate charges this week, one for drug possession, one for disorderly conduct. The PR department was having a difficult time - managing to cover up a couple of ounces of cocaine was one thing, but setting a car on fire while ingesting the rest of said cocaine was another. Lionel swirled his whisky around the tumbler clutched in his hand, resisting the urge to throw it down hard on the floor.

Instead, he growled angrily as the stations flipped by. "Over nine-hundred stations and still nothing good to watch," he muttered, then stopped and sat up straight, a news bulletin catching his eye as it flashed across the screen.

"This just in," said the news anchor, a smile on his face, a cheap suit draped across his shoulders. "Billionaire industrialist, David Xanatos and his wife, the former television star Fox, both of them ex-convicts, have announced the birth of their son, Alexander Fox Xanatos."

"That bastard!" Lionel yelled, jumping to his feet and giving into his urge, throwing the crystal tumbler to the floor and hearing it shatter into a million pieces at his feet. "How dare he steal my name!" A picture of a healthy, smiling, and annoyingly cute baby boy, already sporting a full head of red, curly hair, gurgled happily in the loving arms of Lionel's arch-nemesis.

"Get a good look, ladies," continued the cheerful announcer. "In about twenty years this may be the face of the world's most eligible bachelor." With another shout of fury, Lionel threw the closest heavy object (an antique, priceless metal urn he'd gotten from some Prince or the other) hard at the television set, smiling in grim satisfaction as the screen exploded in a shower of sparks and died.

"Scheming piece of shit!" Lionel hissed, pacing angrily back and forth on the floor. "Thinks he has everything! The beautiful wife, a giant empire, a son with MY name, a giant Scottish castle on the top of a skyscraper..." Lionel paused, eyes going wide. Without hesitation, he sprinted over to his desk, slamming his hand down on the intercom.

"Dominic!" he yelled, a little hysterical. He heard the sound of shuffling coming over the speaker, a sleepy-sounding Dominic finally answering.

"Yes, Sir, Mr. Luthor?" he asked.

"Dominic, I need you to contact my associates in Scotland!" Lionel practically shouted.

There was a pause. "Now, Sir?" Dominic asked.

"Yes, NOW!" This time, Lionel did shout.

Another pause. "Sir, it's three o'clock in the morning over there."

"Dominic, do you enjoy being employed?" Lionel asked, his voice dangerously low.

"Give me one moment, Sir, I'll have you connected to Scotland right away," came the young man's hurried reply.

"Excellent, Dominic." Lionel took his finger of the intercom, then clapped his hands together, rubbing his palms in a wicked fashion. He snickered, his eyes wide and wild.

It was perfect. Lionel had a son named Alexander, Xanatos had a son named Alexander! Xanatos had a Scottish castle perched on the top of a skyscraper, Lionel would have a Scottish castle somewhere unexpected! Oh, if that dirty son of a bitch thought he could one-up ol' Luthor here, he would soon find himself quite mistaken.

"Just you wait, Xanatos," Lionel said, his voice shaking with excitement. "My son, too, shall live in a castle, just as yours does. I just need to straighten him out a bit that's all, that's all. We'll put it in Smallville, that's perfect, the new plant in Smallville, a great place for him to find his feet, quite perfect."

He collapsed back on his sofa, tilting his head back, laughing a great laugh straight from his stomach. Oh, he'd show David Xanatos, the little upstart, he'd show that jerk. He kept laughing hysterically.

"Sir? Sir?" called Dominic from over the intercom. Lionel kept on laughing.

~The End~

A/N 2: Heh. Do you think one of the "Smallville" writers ever watched "Gargoyles?" I do. Thanks again for reading! Review if you wish!