Playing The Fool Another Time Around, a skins fanfic

Title: Playing The Fool Another Time Around

Rated: T [PG-13]

Warning: Mention of Alcohol usage, Foul language, and Hinted intercourse

Genre: Angst/Romance

Pairing: Pandora/Cook and Pandora/Thomas [and a small mention of Effy/Pandora]

Main Character: Pandora Moon.

Starting Quote:

"People can't always be perfect cause that's not real is it? Its not real cause things change" – Pandora Moon [Skins]

"As for my brother, and those others who were unjustly condemned, I would have willingly suffered a many deaths to deliver them. And seeing as it pleases the king, I will now accompany them in death. With this assurance, that I will lead an endless life with them" – Anne Boleyn [The Tudors]

A/N:

Okay, I wrote this as a Pandora centric one shot. The general point of this is to explain Pandora's emotions, and why Pandora made the moves she did. I believe that Pandora isn't daft, and knew exactly what she was doing with Cook. I tried to keep in Character here, and I hope this fan fiction makes it easier to understand Pandora Moon. After reading, I'd love some comments. Whether they are critiques or compliments, I'd just love for some sort of reply, so I can learn to improve.

It was a mistake. It had been a dreadful mistake that left her only feeling guilt. The satisfaction was what she had longed for it was what she wanted to feel. She wanted to feel it for only a brief fleeting moment. He had been there, he had given her the pleasure she so sought after. It was a fleeting feeling of contempt, and she had lost herself to the moment. She had lost herself to lust and desperation. Yet, in the pit of her stomach, guilt was clawing madly at her insides. She had a tiny feeling, something that warned her that bad things could only come from giving into such pleasure. A feeling, that these escapades she was currently taking part in would be her downfall. These secret meetings, the secret happenings would bring the end of Pandora. The falling out of wide-eyed Pandora Moon was coming. She could feel it in her bones, but she ignored the warnings. These actions, she knew were foolish. Yet, she pressed onward, making foolish daring steps forward. If her secret were to slip out, and reach public ears, she'd crumble completely. She would be at the mercy of those she called "friends" but could she trust them? She couldn't say for sure. And Effy Stonem couldn't always help Pandora wiggle her way out of trouble. Not this time. If this secret were to get out, the one thing she held close would no longer be hers. It would be the end of her and Thomas. She knows that much. Just the thought of Thomas turning his back and walking out on her without a second thought, without sparing her a single glance…was too painful of a thought for her to have. But, for the moments she allowed herself to be swept off by childish lust, not once had Thomas slipped into her thoughts. This she was ashamed to admit to anyone. She was afraid to even admit to herself.

Pandora found herself in the company of him once more. She should have been with Thomas. Yet, she found herself back in the company of another. She had scurried back to his arms. Like a lovesick puppy. Though, she convinced herself she wasn't in love. Not with him. Not with James Cook. If she had been in love with someone it would be with Thomas. Right?

She was a fool. She was a ignorant fool for being in his presence, in his humble abode, on top of his bed. She should have made an attempt to get up and dash away from him. But instead, she made the idiotic choice to remain put, to stay where she sat.

Her eyes were glued to Cook, who was busy being chit-chatty with his best mate, JJ Jones, through the tiny cell phone he held in his hand. To her, JJ seemed nice, even sweet. But then again, Pandora had always believed that the people she met were often times "totally blinkin' brill" to put it in her own well thought out words. Perhaps, her perspective of people was slightly off, or maybe, she just always had that positive outlook of people or things that she refused to shake off.

As she continued to eye Cook, she began to listen intently to his conversation. Pandora might have always been seen as the daft one, but she knew she wasn't. She could still read people well enough. And, the way Cook would drop his guard, his voice becoming softer the longer he talked, she could tell one thing was for sure. He cared. He must have. Pandora assumed, anyways, that he and JJ must have been right close. Still are. To see Cook in such a caring manner and mood brought a thin grin to her face. The relationship between Cook and his mate, Pandora contemplated, was quite like the one she had with Effs. Or she believed them to be similar.

"All right then, Panda." Cook turned on his heels to face the cheeky pigtailed girl before him. He closed the phone with a click, triggering Pandora back into reality once more.

"Let's really waggle yeah?" and then he'd flash her that charming cheeky grin he would give to any girl he would try to bed. The look was given to every female, even her.

She knew she shouldn't have agreed to it. This was going to bite her in the arse. No doubt. But she found herself nodding her head, giving him the go sign he was waiting for. And, there, in that moment, all inhibitions had flown out the window. Why would she have worried? Can't worry during great sex, that's what Effy had told her. And Effy always knew the rules. Sometimes, she would think that Effy had created or defined those rules. But, perhaps, Pandora shouldn't be following them, if it meant that she was cheating. The thought didn't occur as she urged Cook forward with his actions. The thought that she was cheating on the one male who had found Pandora beautiful and not useless had failed to whisper to her. And it was all going to hell for a moment of pleasure between friends.

She had held tightly onto the broad shoulders of the boy who was on top of her, kissing her neck. It felt, good. Good, yet, it was wrong. But, for once Pandora didn't want to be wrong or right. No, she just wanted to feel good. And he was allowing her to feel that way. A lull of the head, and a close of her eyes, she could feel that moment of pleasure she had been so addicted to, reach her. It started at her feet, causing her to curl her toes, and ended at the tip of her tongue, forcing a relaxed gasp slip past her parted lips.

She lay on his bed, alone, as he was getting dressed. Now, the thoughts of what had just occurred floated around and around in her skull. Blankly, she lay, just staring up at the ceiling fan, as if it could give her all the answers she sought for. But no answers, no comfort had come to her. And for a moment, all she could do was frown in disappointment. The feeling of pleasure, of want…it was gone. And now the feeling that replaced it was a feel of disgust, of dislike. Not for Cook, or for anything else, but for herself.

"Not now, Cookie, I gotta go" She would whisper out into the air between them. They were out in the hall now. She could be seen with him, seen without Thomas. A kiss was too daring, yet, she accepted it on the side of her cheek. She gently would pat his shoulder, smoothing out the wrinkles of his shirt, out of care, and out of bother. Wrinkles were always annoying, though they could also be a sign, and she was in no mood to be caught.

She'd leave him to watch her walking off swiftly. She had the urge; she wouldn't lie, to look back over her shoulder at him. But if she had, all she would she was him popping his collar, and a smug satisfied look spread across his cheeky face. She would see nothing that resembled feelings or love. And she had a feeling that had she looked back, all she would see is a friend's face, and nothing more. She scurried out, quickly not to be seen. Though, little did she know that she had been seen. Spotted by the very boy she had thought was sweet moments earlier. Yes, she had been caught by JJ Jones, who had been hiding in a gap between two walls, and he had gone unnoticed by her.

The following night, her secret had slipped out. Cook, she knew, had let it out. Cookie may not have anyone, but now, Pandora didn't either. She was sure. She wouldn't blame Thomas, no she couldn't. Had he done the same to her, she would have walked off. Even though Cook had been drugged up, Pandora was in no mood to be with him. Nor anywhere near him. He was temptation and she couldn't have any temptation around her, not now.

The look of disappointment that she was given by Thomas made her heart scrunch up, or that was how it felt. It was almost as if someone had stabbed a knife through her heart, and it was gushing out blood with little signs of slowing up. The pain was inevitable, as she knew that Thomas had little reason to talk to her. But god, she wanted him to forgive her, she had to apologize. This hole she had gotten herself into, she had to wiggle out, or at least make an attempt to.

"T-Thomas." Pandora pleaded grasping hold of the Congo's hand, squeezing tightly, desperately as if she would die if she ever let go. She was clinging to the sliver of hope that Thomas would not leave her completely, that he wouldn't abandon her for doing such foolish things. But, what was the chance that he would forgive her? The chance was slim. She had played him.

"Not now Panda," was all that the teen murmured in response. A tug of the hand, which allowed his hand to slowly slide from Pandora's tight hold. A turn of the shoulder, and he was gone. He was away from her, and away from her sight.

She could feel her knees go weak, and she found herself collapsed on the floor. Tears welled up in her eyes, and though she told herself not to cry, the flowing of liquid never ended but rather, became more intense. The pain was unbearable, and it felt as if her chest was collapsing in on her. The breathing patterns that were once so normal not became irregular and labored. Everything was spiraling around her, becoming blurred colors of blue, lime green, and pink. The spinning in her head making her vision blurred and impaired. God. She needed a drink. She needed Effy. This was her end, the break down of Pandora Moon.

"Pandora. Panda…come here Panda." Effy's voice chimed in her ears. She needed Effy, and just like she wished her best friend had arrived. She stumbled to get up off the dirty ground of the club, but with little success as she found herself tumbling downward, smacking hard against the floor.

"Oh fuck." Was the grumble that spurred from Effy's lips. Her best friend was a bloody mess. Pandora was nothing sort of a disaster, and that was putting it in polite terms. She could feel Effy's hands wrap themselves onto her left hand, grasping hold tightly to the blond. She allowed herself to be directed, tossing her arm around Effy's back. Gently, she felt her body rising upward, with Effy's guidance.

She had been out for some time, and had woken up on top of Effy's comfortable bed, next to a packed bag or two. She was confused, as most people would be at first. She sat up to find Effy staring blankly at the stuffed bags. But, this was little of her concern. What mattered was that her life had come to an abrupt hold. And she no longer felt whole. That and her bloody head hurt like fucking hell.

"Can I have a drink? Please Effs" Pandora pleaded, as she sat up and pointed at the bottle of clear liquid vodka that her friend held tightly in her right hand. "I need to get shit faced, Eff, I deserve it"

She had been hammered before, but never with a purpose. Now, she had a reason to drink. She needed to drink herself out of misery. That's what she needed at this point she was sure of it. A little something to take her mind off of the tears she had shed. A little distraction, that's what Pandora craved. Though, cravings were just what got her into this tightly wound spot in the first place. Her first smile in days, hours, finally crept its way to her face as the vodka bottle was lazily handed to her. The liquid burned down her throat, and never before had she ever thought the liquor would taste this good.

"How is the shagger?" Effy asked, breaking the silence that had lifted between them. She tilted her head to the side, spotting that Effy had situated herself next to her. When had that occurred?

"Cookie?" Pandora asked sniffling slightly, and raised up her hand to rub her nose which was on its way to leaking again.

"Yeah." Effy responded and turned to look towards her best mate.

"Good. I guess" Pandora continued to down the liquid, tilting back her head, enjoying the burning sensation.

"Right good fucker, wasn't he?" Effy knew this wouldn't usually be the thing to bring up, certainly not with had had happened little less than a day or two ago.

"Yeah." Pandora sighed heavily and handed off the bottle that seemed to only have a sip's amount left in it. "I was shit faced to be honest. I was totally whizzed" A giggle quickly slipped past her lips. Effy was always the one she loved to be around most of the time, and just being around the dark haired girl made Pandora's life so much more adventurous, more fun.

"I was too." Came Effy's cool voice, though it cracked a little. "Most of the time."

That had been the breaking point, and the two girls had found themselves in a giggling mess. Or perhaps, it had been giggling more on her part then Effy's. Since, Effy only chuckled, giggling was aloud. But, Pandora would accept the moment as it was. Enjoy the short joy that came with being alongside the one person who could comfort her.

"Effs?" She spoke up, though a giggle slipped its way into her words. "Can we get another bottle? I'm feelin' much better"

Effy arched a slender eyebrow upward. It might have been a bad idea really. In fact, it certainly was a bad idea to give liquor to the girl who was slumped halfway over the edge of Effy's bed. She was a light weight, at most. But, Effy knew. Yes, Effy knew that Pandora deserved a drink. She needed one.

"Sure Panda." Effy lent forward, kissing the top of the girl's forehead. The act caused another drunken giggle to slip past Pandora's lips.

For tonight, being drunk was okay. Just for tonight. Come tomorrow, she would have to face him again. She would have to swallow her pride, grow a pair of balls and pretend as if nothing had gone wrong. As if the temple of Pandora Moon was still standing strong, though it had shattered. For tomorrow, she knew she'd have to see Thomas's face, which she wasn't sure she could bare. But for tonight, she'd drink away that fear and just cuddle up next to Effy. After all, Effy must know what to do. The girl always did, and Pandora needed the knowledge, the help. For, Pandora Moon had been a fool.